Umber: OK, Turtle, now that you come to terms with your sexuality. I'm here to teach you the ways of gay.

Turtle: Sounds good...and terrifying.

Umber: Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.

Turtle: So, what do I do first? Have brunch?

Umber: What the fuck is brunch?

Turtle: You know, breakfast and lunch. I thought gays liked something like that.

Umber: Turtle, you can't assume that a minority is all the same.

Turtle: Really?

Umber: Really. That's called stereotyping, and it sucks.

Turtle: Oh, sorry.

Umber: It's alright...though I do wanna try brunch.

Turtle: But you said--

Umber: I know what I said!

Umber: Anyway, since you just realized you're bi, you probably didn't go through the stages.

Turtle: What stages?

Umber: You ever heard of the 5 Stages of Grief? Well, this is the 5 Stages of Gay.

Umber: I'll give you an example.

*he holds up video tape*

Umber: I got Shrapnel to ask Hailstorm for a video Winter when he was first coming to terms with his sexuality.

*turns to TV and puts tape in, the video started playing, and it showed Winter*

Umber: First, there is Denial.

Winter: OK, clearly the universe is fucking with me, I mean, I can find a guy attractive and still not be gay!

Hailstorm: Winter! Stop talking to yourself!

Winter: Stop eavesdropping through the walls!

Hailstorm: What wall? We're sharing a room right now!

Winter: Oh right...

Umber: Then, there is Anger.

*fast forwards tape, to see Winter curled on the floor with a sour expression*

Hailstorm: *comes in*

Hailstorm: Hey, Winter--

Winter: *HISS!*

Hailstorm: AH!

Umber: Then, there is Bargaining.

Winter: Guess I have to date a girl to get these weird thoughts out of my head.

Winter: Hey, Lynx!

Lynx: :D

Winter: Is your cousin still single?

Lynx: I don't have a cousin.

Winter: Well then, you're no help.

Umber: Next, is Depression.

*video now shows Winter laying facedown on the floor, playing Despacito on full blast*

Icicle: *walks in*

Icicle: ...

Icicle: Hell no *walks out*

Umber: Finally, there is Acceptance.

*shows Winter in his room*

Winter: You know what, it doesn't matter what gender I'm attracted to. Because in the end, I'm still me, and that's more important.

Winter: *notices something*

Winter: IS THERE A FUCKING CAMERA IN MY ROOM--

*Umber turns off video*

Umber: And there you go, Turtle.

Turtle: Wow, seeing how hard it is for other people kinda makes me think I was worrying too much.

Umber: Good, because I just set you up on a date!

Turtle: Wait, wha--

Later, in a fancy restaurant:

Turtle: I definitely wasn't expecting this...

*Mandrake sat across from him*

Mandrake: Maybe Umber set us up because we have similar personalities?

Turtle: I guess so. Also, what brings you on this date?

Mandrake: Well, since my fiance left me for her girlfriend, and my other failed attempts at romance, I realized...I keep attracting lesbians for some reason.

Turtle: I feel your pain.

Mandrake: In the end, I decided to try out guys for a change.

Turtle: You seem nice, but I don't know if I'm ready to date yet. But, for the time being, let's keep in touch.

Mandrake: Sounds good to me.

Turtle: Now, let's order food.

Turtle: *looks around* Now where is the waiter--

*Sees Umber across the room, who was eating brunch*

Turtle: Uh--

Umber: You. Saw. Nothing.