Dare #147
*Morrowseer was in the kitchen*
Morrowseer: Making some food for my roommates, because they're a bunch lazy motherfuckers 🎶 Doo-dee-doo, where is the rat poison? 🎶
Kinkajou: MORROWSEER!
Morrowseer: AH! What is wrong with you!?
Kinkajou: Sorry, but I'm here for something important.
Morrowseer: And that is?
Kinkajou: Setting you on a date with a guy!
Morrowseer: Fuck no! I'm not gay, what kind of dragon do you take me for?
Kinkajou: The kind that wears a Kiss The Chef apron.
Morrowseer: Touche...
Morrowseer: Besides, even if I was into males, I'm still in a committed relationship with Blister.
Kinkajou: Hmm...
Kinkajou: BLISTER, IS IT OKAY IF I SET MORRY ON A DATE WITH A GUY?
Blister: Holy shit, can I be there to get some blackmail material?
Morrowseer: I feel so loved...
Later:
Kinkajou: Hey, Turtle~
Turtle: Yeah, Kinkajou?
Kinkajou: Have you ever been on a date before?
Turtle: No, why are you asking?
Turtle, thinking: Oh my gosh, is Kinkajou going to ask me on a date? Yes! Yes!
Kinkajou: I was wondering...
Kinkajou: If you wanna go on a date with Umber?
Turtle, thinking: .......what the f--
Turtle: Sure.
Kinkajou: Great! You're gonna have so much fun!
Turtle, thinking: I am dead inside.
Later:
*in a fancy restaurant*
Morrowseer: This was not what I was expecting...
Mastermind: I know! I thought they served live lobsters here, what a disappointment!
Morrowseer: How the fuck are you my date?
Mastermind: I should ask you the same, you're nothing like your picture.
Morrowseer: What picture?
*Mastermind showed him his phone, where there was a poorly photoshopped picture with Morrowseer's face pasted over a shirtless muscular body*
Morrowseer: How did that fool you?
Mastermind: I am technically insane, don't judge me.
*meanwhile, Turtle was having a date with Umber*
Turtle: *cries*
Umber: It's okay, Turtle, I'm sure Kinkajou needs time to realize her feelings for you.
Turtle: If that was true *sniff* Why does she think I'm gay?
Umber: Uh...
Turtle: Wait! Do I act gay?
Umber: All gays don't really act the same, actually. You can act like the straightest guy alive, and still like guys.
Turtle: So, there's a chance I can be gay!?
Umber: No, that's not what I meant! I meant, it doesn't matter how you act, it matters what you're attracted to.
Turtle: I'm attracted to girls...
Umber: There you go, you're straight then.
Turtle: But occasionally, I imagine what kissing Chris Pratt would feel like.
Umber: ...
Turtle: What does that mean??
Umber: You may be bisexual... Or you really just like Chris Pratt, and I mean, who doesn't?
Turtle: Bisexual? So, I'm half gay?
Umber: ....Yes, you're half gay.
Turtle: Oh, so are we dating now?
Umber: Hell no.
Turtle: Why not?
Umber: Just because we're both attracted to boys, doesn't mean we have to automatically get together. LGBTQ+ relationships take as much time and effort as straight ones.
Turtle: Oh, I understand now.
Umber: Good.
Turtle: Hmm, is it okay that I'm also attracted to anthropomorphic robots in fancy suits?
Umber: OK, now I don't know what the fuck you are.
*meanwhile, Kinkajou and Blister were watching from a nearby table*
Blister: Your boyfriend needs therapy.
Kinkajou: Yeah...
Kinkajou: Let's see how Mastermind and Morrowseer are doing.
Blister: I dunno, let me see--OH, WHAT THE FUCK?
*Morrowseer and Mastermind were making out, before stopping and starring at them*
Morrowseer: This...this is awkward.
Mastermind: If it's not too late, I do fancy a three-way relationship.
Blister: Hmm...
Blister: Fuck no.
Mastermind: Aw, man.
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