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Dare #147

*Morrowseer was in the kitchen*

Morrowseer: Making some food for my roommates, because they're a bunch lazy motherfuckers 🎶 Doo-dee-doo, where is the rat poison? 🎶

Kinkajou: MORROWSEER!

Morrowseer: AH! What is wrong with you!?

Kinkajou: Sorry, but I'm here for something important.

Morrowseer: And that is?

Kinkajou: Setting you on a date with a guy!

Morrowseer: Fuck no! I'm not gay, what kind of dragon do you take me for?

Kinkajou: The kind that wears a Kiss The Chef apron.

Morrowseer: Touche...

Morrowseer: Besides, even if I was into males, I'm still in a committed relationship with Blister.

Kinkajou: Hmm...

Kinkajou: BLISTER, IS IT OKAY IF I SET MORRY ON A DATE WITH A GUY?

Blister: Holy shit, can I be there to get some blackmail material?

Morrowseer: I feel so loved...

Later:

Kinkajou: Hey, Turtle~

Turtle: Yeah, Kinkajou?

Kinkajou: Have you ever been on a date before?

Turtle: No, why are you asking?

Turtle, thinking: Oh my gosh, is Kinkajou going to ask me on a date? Yes! Yes!

Kinkajou: I was wondering...

Kinkajou: If you wanna go on a date with Umber?

Turtle, thinking: .......what the f--

Turtle: Sure.

Kinkajou: Great! You're gonna have so much fun!

Turtle, thinking: I am dead inside.

Later:

*in a fancy restaurant*

Morrowseer: This was not what I was expecting...

Mastermind: I know! I thought they served live lobsters here, what a disappointment!

Morrowseer: How the fuck are you my date?

Mastermind: I should ask you the same, you're nothing like your picture.

Morrowseer: What picture?

*Mastermind showed him his phone, where there was a poorly photoshopped picture with Morrowseer's face pasted over a shirtless muscular body*

Morrowseer: How did that fool you?

Mastermind: I am technically insane, don't judge me.

*meanwhile, Turtle was having a date with Umber*

Turtle: *cries*

Umber: It's okay, Turtle, I'm sure Kinkajou needs time to realize her feelings for you.

Turtle: If that was true *sniff* Why does she think I'm gay?

Umber: Uh...

Turtle: Wait! Do I act gay?

Umber: All gays don't really act the same, actually. You can act like the straightest guy alive, and still like guys.

Turtle: So, there's a chance I can be gay!?

Umber: No, that's not what I meant! I meant, it doesn't matter how you act, it matters what you're attracted to.

Turtle: I'm attracted to girls...

Umber: There you go, you're straight then.

Turtle: But occasionally, I imagine what kissing Chris Pratt would feel like.

Umber: ...

Turtle: What does that mean??

Umber: You may be bisexual... Or you really just like Chris Pratt, and I mean, who doesn't?

Turtle: Bisexual? So, I'm half gay?

Umber: ....Yes, you're half gay.

Turtle: Oh, so are we dating now?

Umber: Hell no.

Turtle: Why not?

Umber: Just because we're both attracted to boys, doesn't mean we have to automatically get together. LGBTQ+ relationships take as much time and effort as straight ones.

Turtle: Oh, I understand now.

Umber: Good.

Turtle: Hmm, is it okay that I'm also attracted to anthropomorphic robots in fancy suits?

Umber: OK, now I don't know what the fuck you are.

*meanwhile, Kinkajou and Blister were watching from a nearby table*

Blister: Your boyfriend needs therapy.

Kinkajou: Yeah...

Kinkajou: Let's see how Mastermind and Morrowseer are doing.

Blister: I dunno, let me see--OH, WHAT THE FUCK?

*Morrowseer and Mastermind were making out, before stopping and starring at them*

Morrowseer: This...this is awkward.

Mastermind: If it's not too late, I do fancy a three-way relationship.

Blister: Hmm...

Blister: Fuck no.

Mastermind: Aw, man.


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