(Pricilla and Harveston Lake by Johnny Rain)

| 6. | libraries and broken homes

It was the following Friday after that party at Pine Lake. Of course, I felt the same but the rush I got from partying that summer after Oliver's graduation was resurfacing and Parker had made sure to tell me this wouldn't be an everyday thing.

Maybe I felt a little lame for having a giddiness wash over me, something about it made my stomach hurt as well.

I had a chip on my shoulder and it put me on edge, you see, purchasing for my own use was one thing, selling adderall to put groceries in the house was another but selling weed... that was completely different.

The night before wasn't as scary as expected but it was certainly something heavy, being on edge the whole 45-minute drive and as I'd pulled the package from under my seat, the same way Parker had, and -paranoid- I made sure the smell wasn't traceable even if it was tightly secured. My mother would have a fucking heart attack if she even so much as caught a whiff of anything.

Numerous times that night, I had to reassure myself that it was just weed, I wasn't dealing crack nor was I working with hallucinogens. It was just weed and I had a medical marijuana card that let me slide on recreational use. The party was much smaller than the first, this one was of mostly white kids and the one that had met me at the car looked more sober than I'd expected so when he smiled at me and greeted me with a nod, I understood why exactly Parker had me come to this one. I looked less suspicious, especially in my mom's 2010 impala and Oliver's old football hoodie.

Anyways, the kid had handed me enough in cash, Parker had given me tips on what exactly to do: ask for a name and if its not exactly the name I was given, leave... always get the money before pulling the stash out, always wait for them to weigh in my car it even if I had the money in my hands and count twice in front to make sure. Keep a hand in my pocket at all times to look as if I'm armed, don't pussy out. I had an ounce, I'd be picking up three hundred, and two-fifty would go to Parker once he counted it out.

Whatever happened after that, he said it wasn't any of my business. I had exactly three-hundred in twenties and I'd counted it three times before he asked me if I had a scale, at that I nodded. Don't speak, that was one of Parker's rules, it makes you look more intimidating.

The scale Parker had given me was sitting on the center console and the guy had sat in the passenger as he weighed the ounce I'd given him, the smell nearly took over the entire car as he opened the package and pulled out a tightly-wrapped ball of saran, placing the bud on the scale with his eyes focused. I'd wanted to complain about the smell, the fact that it was probably spreading but he was done as quick as he started, smiling once he'd successfully repackaged and threw a thanks my way before getting out the car and stuffing his pocket. When that was done, he'd left as if we didn't know each other at all.

I'd met Parker that night in the park across the street from my house and handed the money off, showering profusely once I'd gotten home and gave myself my insulin before heading off to bed and setting my alarm to wake my mom.

And that was it, he said he'd text if he had another job for me and here I was in the library a week later, skipping health class with Anderson.

I'd thrown on my clothes carelessly that morning, no real intention on staying after lunch anyways but when my mother had called up there halfway through first, I knew Oliver had told her of my skipping. She said we'd have a talk when she got home but talks were never promised since she had so little energy to do much when she was home anyways. Things were different, they'd gotten worse the past few months and I was sure her mental health was suffering in expense.

That's why I found myself still at school and asking to be excused from my filler classes, I'd get the attendance and not be bothered, finding my favorite place in the entire school and my favorite seat occupied once I'd gotten there.

Pricilla wasn't kidding when she said we had first and third together, I'd seen her during math and later on during forensics, even if those meetings were short-lived as the only available seat in math was three in front of me and she'd sat off to the side doing a few studies she'd missed in third due to her transfer.

We didn't have fourth together, it being my health and she was sitting in my seat.

There was a table by the only window in the library, two one-seater chairs across from each other and normally, I'd find myself there when I didn't have anywhere else to be, when it was too early to go to Inked and now, since Logan was on my ass, I hadn't been there in two weeks now and I honesty wasn't sure when I'd go back.

But Pricilla was in my seat.

Her hair was down, it was middle parted and straighter than usual, it extending down her back but the way she was sitting, a side tucked behind her ear and the other falling down her shoulder in the front. She was in a Tupac t-shirt, camo shorts, and her long-lean legs were folded up in the chair with her. The tip of her finger was in-between her teeth as her big eyes skimmed across the page of the book she was reading. The sunlight was shining in through the window, her inky hair looking glossy and her skin looked as if it were glowing.

I'd been looking at her too long, I was sure, especially when her amused voice had piped out a taunting, "Is that a staring problem you have, Pyro?"

That had caught me off-guard, we rarely talked, even knowing each other this long. I'd figured she'd heard enough about me from Mack's loud mouth, she'd successfully spread it to Ian and Colin now and I was sure with all the time Colin was spending with Pricilla, he'd told her as well.

And now I was staring at her, it must've made her uncomfortable because she'd looked up after a moment of silence, tilting her head with a smirk. "I'm kidding."

"Funny." Looking over her, she'd removed her hand from her mouth, the book nearly closed as her fingers now toyed with the bent edges. Pricilla was simply raising a brow now and that challenged me more than her voice would. "You're in my seat."

And that made her lips quirk, opening her book again and sitting more languidly, allowing her body to sink into the cushion, she lifted Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe up to her nose as if I hadn't said anything. It was when I assumed she would ignore me that she spoke, her voice humorous and I realized that I hadn't made her angry. "I don't see your name on it."

For a girl obsessed with books, she sure did talk like a cliché, still, I was intrigued sitting down in the unoccupied chair, it cold to the touch.

She spoke again, her voice warm and for some reason, it felt like such a contrast from the last time I'd talked to her, more like the first. She had this way about her that everything she said to me seemed comforting, maybe it was because she hadn't known me or how much I fucked up. She hadn't heard about me yet, either that or she was too uncomfortable around me to be herself, she acted different when we were alone. "How are you?"

Maybe I shouldn't have cared but knowing that her calmness might've been disingenuous didn't sit well with me.

Still, I didn't mention it. "Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one spending free period in the library."

She shrugged then, pushing her hair off her shoulder and her large t-shirt slid down a bit to reveal a silver chain, "You're here too."

"Yeah, yeah."

And that must've sparked curiosity, that or the shaking of my leg because when I'd looked up at her, her eyes were flickering to my face and she looked confused if anything. How could she read me already? "You okay?"

"Not really."

"Wanna talk about it?"

I had no intention on letting her in on my situation, if I had it my way, no one here would ever find out. No one could pity me and my mom because pity wasn't something she liked, ever. I wasn't sure if it were when word got out that my father was in jail or years later when Oliver had been sent away, that she developed a disdain for pity looks but I didn't intend on starting it back up. People finding out about my dealing would no doubt fuck everything up, my mom would hate me.

The same shit that got his ass busted and sentenced to ten years and I was doing it too, the same fucking shit. I'd never live that down.

So that's why I shook my head, no one could know, "not really."

It went quiet, Cilla getting back into her book and we sat there for the next ten minutes. Every so often, I could feel her looking at me and every so often, I'd ignore it, keeping my eyes on my phone. I hadn't intended to read that day, all the worrying about my mom had gotten in the way and I was thinking up quick ways to get cash that didn't involve dealing.

There wasn't any other option, I'd tried to get a job, I wasn't qualified for food service due to everyone in this town knowing who the fuck I was. I'd tried to work at the local library but the guy who interviewed me recognized me from a late-night escapade with his daughter. I wasn't old enough for the good paying jobs and honestly, a quick pay was better than waiting weeks for pay, I was in a rush because who knew what time they'd come to evict us.

I'd left fifty dollars in my mom's wallet, said it was probably Oliver when she'd noticed and due to the fact that he hated when she thanked him for doing shit he was already supposed to do... it was never mentioned again. She'd given it to the landlord along with whatever she had scrounged up I could tell from the fact that there were no more notices but her rainy day fund + fifty dollars wasn't gonna keep us off the hook.

I needed a job.

"Alright." I wasn't sure why Pricilla felt the need to interrupt me but a glare didn't stop her from talking. She had placed her book on the table and was now leaning across to take mine from my hands. I wasn't even reading it, really, "Let's play a game."

A game? The fuck?

"Why?"

And she'd shrugged again, I was getting kind of sick of her nonchalance, even if it was slightly cute. "Why not?"

Wearily, I nodded, "ok." What was the harm in one game? "What game?"

She looked at me incredulously and threw her long limbs in the air. "I gotta come up with everything?" And that was definitely cute as was the smile on her face. Still, I kept my face straight, there was no way I was gonna start a friendship with this girl, girls always wanted more after that and more led to opening up.

And opening up led to another Mack.

But "What's your favorite song?" was an innocent question, it was harmless, she was already embedding herself into my small friend-group, might was well have been civil with her. She was also kind of interesting already, maybe a question game wasn't too little to keep her satisfied.

And she seemed to think, taking her finger between her teeth again and leaning back. After a second, she'd leant forward, nearly to where I thought she'd jump out of her seat.

"Oh! Harveston Lake by Johnny Rain." And I had never heard that song but she must've expected that as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, headphones dangling and offered one over, her wrist jingling with a charm bracelet and I nodded, grabbing it from her hesitantly. Almost instantly, she'd scrolled through her playlist, a soft song starting up.

It wasn't anything I'd listen to, no and I didn't really expect her to like this kind of music either but she wasn't lying when she said it was one of her favorite songs.

Her voice was low, barely there as she sang along, "Oh, how did you... save me? " she sang quietly, her voice kind of angelic and I nearly swore under my breath, "when no one else thought I was worth saaaaaaaving."

Pulling the headphone out of my ear almost as if I got burned just by that line, I fell back into my seat, trying not to overthink it. She looked alarmed but slightly amused.

"My singing can't be that bad." And it wasn't but in fear of making it awkward, I settled on going along with what she had said, nodding and clenching my jaw as I tried not to say anything too rude. Naturally, I'd say something to get her to stop looking at me, it was the asshole in me but as I looked over Cil sitting back in her seat and wrapping her headphones back around her phone, I just couldn't find anything.

She was too new.

And I changed the subject, hoping she wouldn't ask a question about me, "Why'd you move here?" That was easy enough, get the top off of me, not rethink those lines and what they sounded like. She didn't know anything about me, she was just showing me her favorite song, it wasn't anything deeper than that.

"I hate free healthcare."

Furrowing my brows, I watched as her straight face cracked and she laughed a little. She laughed at her own jokes, biting her tongue as little chuckles emitted from her mouth. "Shut up."

Settling for a smile, she hadn't let go of her tongue yet and I found myself watching as she tucked a strand of hair that had gotten loose behind her ear, she was wearing diamond studs and her hand had rested on her neck as she spoke. "I don't know, my... parents just said it was time for a change, I think my dad got transferred."

"Where does he work?"

She looked down at that, I wasn't sure if I was being too intrusive now but she didn't seem to mind answering. "He's a surgeon."

"And your mom?" That must've been what she was dreading, avoiding even because as soon as I'd said it, her face fell. She'd pulled her knee up to her face, leaning her chin on it and her eyes had failed to meet mine. Instantly, I wanted to take it back but she was already answering me.

"She's... not with us." I thought maybe divorce but possibly that was just me hoping I hadn't brought up her dead fucking mom... just my luck. "Cancer." And I felt awful, her fingers curling around the necklace she'd been wearing.

I didn't normally apologize, not for the insensitive shit I said, normally I would distance myself because when I was wronged, I didn't want apologizes. But for some reason "I'm sorry..." had fell from my lips and I meant it.

That was when her doe-like eyes had met mine and she smiled small, "It's fine, she died when I was young." And I didn't know what to say, I couldn't imagine not having my mother and here was someone who seemingly never had that. "Sometimes, I think it's better that way, barely knew her."

She didn't want to talk about that anymore so she smiled big, wiping her eyes as if the conversation never happened and Cilla was good at acting like nothing was wrong. I wanted to ask her if she was okay but she definitely wasn't and I wasn't in the mood to watch her lie. "Anyways, what do your parents do?" Her voice was light then, eyes on mine and I hoped she couldn't tell how hard that was for me to answer.

"My mom works at a bank," and a call center, "dad's in jail."

And when I expected pity, she laughed.

Boy did she fucking laugh, stifling it behind a flickering frown and she'd bit her tongue again, her lips stretching into the widest smile I'd ever seen. This girl was fucking crazy. "Is this the cliche part in the movies where we bond over our broken homes?" I didn't know why that didn't offend me, maybe it was the fact that I expected something so angsty and she just laughed in my face like my dad's incarceration was something off Comedy Central.

But it was a refreshing change and I wasn't against it. "Or we can read?"

Cilla had nodded, letting her foot down and leaning across the table once again to grab my book, "What're you reading?" And in between trying out Will Grayson, Will Grayson, I'd  been in the midst of Sanctum one I'd borrowed from Ian sometime ago and never got around to reading. This book series was different from other things I read but there was something so interesting about reading about shit like eternal friendship and risking your life for someone.

"Wouldn't have pegged you the type."

And I couldn't help the smirk that danced on my lips at that. "What type am I?"

She didn't try and make it seem like she knew me already, she didn't make me seem one-dimensional either. All she did was sit back at that and open her book again, balancing it on her knee.

"I'm not quite sure yet."

And we read for the rest of the period.

• • •

I was mid-checking my phone when the bell had rang, Parker hadn't texted me all day, I hadn't seen him since he picked up his cut and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I mean, yeah, selling did put me on edge and I wouldn't say I wanted to do it again. My wants didn't matter in this though, I'm sure my mom didn't want to work two jobs and be way too exhausted to do anything else.

I needed to suck it up and deal whenever I could, if only Parker felt the same about my working alongside him.

It was lunch when Cilla had declined an offer of a date from one of the kids presumably in her history class, she had said she was too far behind in her classes to go on any dates, her parents wouldn't allow it. With a small smile, she'd declined a baseball player and I was a little impressed seeing as I went to school with this guy my entire life and he'd never struck out.

He'd looked a bit dumbfounded but afterwards, perked up, telling her the offer was on the table whenever she wasn't busy and no matter the gentleness of how he approached the situation, it still left wariness in me.

Cilla seemed fine, her flipping her hair over her shoulder when he'd left and I watched as his eyes never left her, even as he was turning to leave. Only when he was all the way around and heading off to his table did he stop looking at her and it was then I realized that it wasn't the first time this had happened.

She'd only entered the school a week or two ago and she was already attracting enough male attention for her to have an instant answer as to why she couldn't go on any dates, she'd been talk in a few classes I had. I hadn't spent much time actually caring before but, thinking back, a few guys had mentioned her being the hottest girl on campus.

And I wouldn't have necessarily called her hot. She was hot, don't get me wrong, but she was more on the cute spectrum and her voice was soft with a hint of intellectualism but not so much that it became arrogant. As stupid as it sounded, Pricilla wasn't like the girls around here, maybe Canadians were a bit more posh, a bit more intelligent, a bit more everything.

But I simply sat there and chewed on the PB and J from the welfare kids lunch options and minded my fucking business because I didn't care enough to do otherwise.

I wasn't sure what the conversation was about but the girl beside me had a smile on her face as she had talked to Ian about something words like 'debate' and 'skatepark' being thrown around, her voice animated. And I wasn't paying much attention to the words she was saying, mores how she was saying it, at some point my eyes had narrowed in on her face and I simultaneously felt like I had to look away as well as catch my breath.

Maybe it was that point when I'd caught eyes with Colin, him staring at me with a look that said he was confused and I couldn't blame him, I was too.

I'd finally tuned into the conversation when Pricilla had groaned, throwing her head back before resting it in her hands and my blood ran cold at the idea that maybe she'd seen me staring. She hadn't. "I have a narrative due tomorrow and absolutely no inspiration."

I hadn't expected that but Ian was laughing, "I'd help you but debate team practice and my brother's starting tonight." And that was a big thing, Ian wasn't very athletic but his older brother, Ricky, was and he'd consistently been a substitution wide receiver for his entire high school career, it was his senior year and there was no way he'd be scouted without starting sometime soon.

Maybe that was why Ian and I had so much in common, we both had older brothers who set impossible standards and a precedent that we had to follow. The only difference was the severity and the way it was handled, Ian and his brother had a great relationship, a relationship I envied sometimes.

Still, I kept that to myself, didn't say much to better my relationship with Oliver, there was too much hurt already there and I figured anything more would ruin us further.

Cilla had wished him luck and told him they needed to hang out at some point before twisting her fork in her salad, the leave crunching underneath the harshness.

That was when Colin had offered, "You know, Elliot is great at that type of shit."

What the fuck was he doing?

"You write?" She'd asked, big brown eyes on mine and the same easy smile she'd given me before graced her face, "Why didn't I expect that?"

And I wasn't the best writer but I knew good literature and I knew how to read and judge a narrative so I simply shrugged.

She'd raised her brows, making plans that I didn't have any reason to back out of, "we could jam." And when my brows furrowed, she'd rolled her eyes, "hang out."

Parker didn't text me yet and he was normally early with jobs so he probably wouldn't the rest of the night so I nodded, "Sure."

A/N:

A filler but I was just in the mood to write, not sure why.

Updated: Wed, August 22nd

What's your favorite song?