The next few hours were a muddled blur of tears and agony for Gerard. He didn't know how much time had passed since he'd found Mikey's letter, or how long he had spent curled up in his bed as one of the last remaining pillars supporting his fragile grip on sanity fell to dust, but it didn't matter really, nothing did besides Frank, but even the thought of his mate brought him no comfort when he was banned from seeing him.

Eventually, Gerard lifted his head from Mikey's pillow, his bleary eyes meeting Ryan's sympathetic gaze briefly. He felt slightly guilty for keeping the other vampire here, especially when his worry for Pete had to be gnawing away at him, but Gerard couldn't bear to be left on his own right now, that would surely break him completely.

"Where's Brendon?" Gerard croaked out when he realized that the man was nowhere to be seen.

"He went out a little while ago to inform Bert of what's happened and to ask for his help in looking for Pete. The sun has set now, so maybe he'll come back with good news," Ryan smiled hopefully, but Gerard didn't share his positive attitude.

"Mikey wouldn't let anything change his mind, not after writing this," Gerard sighed, knowing somehow that Mikey was truly dead. Siblings might not share a bond like mates did, but Gerard was connected to him in a similar fashion, and he could feel his absence gaping in the center of his chest. "Mikey's stubborn, and without Ray, he was always going to end up doing this eventually, I was just stupid enough to convince myself that he wouldn't."

"Don't say that Gerard, you did the best that you could, and he lasted for much longer than most people that lose their mates," Ryan soothed him. "He loved you, and he tried so hard to stay for you. I know this probably doesn't help at all, but he's in a better place now, and he's happy, which he would never truly be while he was still alive."

Gerard mulled over what to say as a reply, but before he could gather his scattered thoughts, the sound of the front door opening interrupted their hushed conversation.

"Is that Brendon?" Gerard asked, an irritating bubble of hope unfurling inside of him even though Gerard was certain that Mikey was dead, but still - maybe something, or someone had managed to change his mind before the end.

"I think so," Ryan nodded, his face crumpling slightly when the sound of stifled sobs filled both of their ears.

"You can go to him, I'll be fine," Gerard promised when Ryan shifted uncomfortably, earning himself a grateful smile from the other vampire before he rushed into the main room.

Gerard didn't need to ask Brendon what he had found, his cries were answer enough. Gerard could almost picture the scene Brendon had discovered, not that it took much imagination to envision two dwindling piles of ash slightly hidden by the snow, if it was still falling that is, Gerard hadn't been outside in so long he couldn't even be sure of the season anymore.

Gerard sniffled softly to himself as his own eyes began stinging again, but no proper tears fell yet. Gerard was too empty to produce them, Mikey's death had completely gutted him, and Gerard had no idea how to repair this all encompassing wound.

In a desperate attempt to hold himself together while Brendon appeared to be falling apart in the next room, Gerard removed himself from Mikey's bed, the simple act using up a ridiculous amount of effort. Channeling all the energy he had left, Gerard made it back to his room, his numb fingers fumbling for his phone which he kept hidden away underneath his mattress.

Gerard inhaled heavily as he dialed one of the two numbers he had saved to his contacts, the other being Mikey's, his throat closing up as the now familiar ringing sound filled his ears while he waited for Frank to pick up.

Gerard wasn't sure if speaking with Frank was the best idea right now, especially given how tumultuous his emotions were at the moment, but he needed to hear his voice, he craved the reminder that there was still something in this world worth living for, so he wasn't going to stop himself even though a part of him was afraid that Frank wouldn't want to deal with him while he was like this.

"Gerard?" Frank answered almost immediately, his tone emitting shaky and slightly nervous as well, but Gerard could tell thanks to the bundle of emotions buried in the back of his skull that Frank was truly relieved and a bit overcome in all actuality.

"Yeah...it's me - hi," Gerard croaked out.

It had been almost a week since he had called Frank, they had been texting mostly instead, but lately it seemed like he didn't have much to say to him besides that he missed him and he wished he could see him again, to which Frank usually responded that he did too but he still wasn't willing to leave town to make that happen.

"Hey...what's wrong?" Frank cooed, his sympathetic tone arrowing into Gerard almost as if Frank was here with him, giving him the smallest amount of relief from the heaviness that was weighing down his limbs.

"I - it's...my brother killed himself," Gerard whimpered without any further preamble since he had no idea how to introduce the horror he was currently living through, "I'm sorry I phoned you, but fuck - it hurts Frank, and I don't know what to do now."

"Oh baby," Frank gasped, his use of the pet name causing Gerard to wrap his arms around his waist, his longing for Frank's presence intensifying so much it was physically painful, "is this your brother whose mate died recently?" Frank asked hesitantly.

Gerard mumbled something that he hoped Frank took as an affirmative, the sobs that he hadn't been able to produce earlier welling up now that he was speaking with his mate.

"He - it's normal...sort of, when vampires lose their mates, we give up on living. I can't remember one that has survived for long, but Mikey made it a few weeks...and I thought - I mean..." Gerard trailed off as a few tears slipped down his cheeks, his lungs constricting and his eyes burning as he hunched in on himself as if that would somehow lessen his emotional distress.

"Gerard, you can cry, it's okay to let it out, I'm here for you."

With those words, Gerard lost the last shreds of his composure. A tortured wail ripped its way out of his throat as he released everything he had attempted to bury inside himself. He was unable to hold his pathetic sounds of misery back as Frank whispered calming words to him, and although Gerard could barely catch their meaning over his own harsh gasps for air and pitiful cries, he didn't need to, because it was Frank saying them, and their nature didn't matter as long as they came from his mate.

Gerard had no idea how many minutes had slipped away from him before his sobs quieted and he was reduced to quiet sniffles, but it felt like years since he had first decided to call Frank. Frank was still on the line though, in fact, he seemed to be humming an unfamiliar tune, and the soft cadence of the nameless piece managed to soothe Gerard's internal agony more than anything else probably would have except for Frank's arms around him.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a mess," Gerard sighed, his hand shifting the phone closer to his ear so he could hear Frank better now that he was slightly more composed.

"You don't have to apologize Gerard, honestly," Frank answered sincerely. "I'm so sorry for your loss, and I wish I could help you in some way. I can't pretend to empathize with you, but I love you, and I'll do whatever I can to ease you through this even if I'm trapped on the end of a phone line."

"You - you love me?" Gerard gasped shakily, his head reeling as he tried to replay Frank's statement, making sure he had heard him correctly and that he wasn't just projecting his desires onto this situation.

"I do...I really fucking do," Frank reiterated, "and I know I shouldn't be saying this, especially now that we can't see each other and with everything else you're going through, but fuck Gerard - it's been two weeks since I've seen you last and I can't get you out of my head. I don't know what else to call this, but it has to be love."

"I love you too, I've loved you since day one, and I'll love you until I die," Gerard whispered, every word ringing true, and he could tell that Frank believed him by his hitched intake of breath.

"I want to see you again, I need to," Frank admitted. "Can we try and meet up somewhere far away from your coven? I still can't leave my practice, but I'm going insane without you Gerard."

"Fuck Frank, I am too. I'll try to work something out, I'll beg Lindsey to make an exception, but I can't put you in danger. Maybe after everything that's happened to me, she'll be lenient...she has to."

"I want to kiss you again," Frank murmured, his voice fading away as if he was picturing it as he spoke, "and hold you, and be near you. I don't care if you are a vampire, or how much danger this will put me in, but I can't keep pretending everything is fine when my heart breaks a little more each day without you."

"Oh sugar," Gerard whispered so quietly he wasn't sure if Frank could hear him. "I'll find a way to make this work, but not until I can promise that you'll be safe. Just trust me alright, I swore I would protect you, and I will, no matter what."

"I do, I shouldn't, but I do," Frank giggled airily, the sound lightening their heavy conversation, leaving Gerard smiling even after the horrific evening he'd had.

And as Frank continued to chat with him in an attempt to distract Gerard from the tragedies that seemed to be constantly tripping him up, he felt himself becoming imbued with a new sense of direction in his chaotic life.

Mikey was right when he said to focus on Frank, and although Gerard was going to be mourning his brother for a long time to come, he was certain he could heal from his loss eventually if he found a way to be reunited with his mate again.

~~~

The next opportunity Gerard had to speak with Lindsey was at Pete and Mikey's memorial ceremony. Since they had both chosen to be burned by the sun, there were no bodies left on which to perform the traditional vampire death rites, but the coven still held a small service for them during which they honored the two vampires who were hopefully in a better place as Ryan had said.

Gerard spent most of the evening in a bit of a haze, the well wishes and condolences from strangers following him everywhere as he tried to let the fact sink in that he would never see his brother again.

Gerard knew he was gone, the gaping hole in his chest wouldn't let him forget that fact, but still - Gerard found himself waking up and instantly going to Mikey's room as if he would somehow be occupying it and the last few days would have been nothing more than a terrible nightmare.

He managed to keep his emotions in check though, mostly since he was pushing away his sadness with the hope that Lindsey would take pity on him and grant him his request to see Frank. It was a longshot of course, and Gerard was aware that placing all of his faith in this endeavor was foolish at best, but Gerard had nothing left to cling onto but Frank.

Gerard waited until Lindsey was alone before approaching her, his hands shaking nervously as he made his way over to her side. He stuffed them in his pockets as he approached, clenching them into tight fists as Lindsey turned to him with a sorrowful smile pulling at her red painted lips.

"Gerard," Lindsey nodded cordially before she paused, obviously waiting for him to say something, but he had seemed to misplaced his voice, so she continued speaking to fill the silence. "I wish I had something else to bestow on you besides pointless apologies. I know it won't help, but just remember that the entire coven is grieving along with you. This shouldn't have happened, but at least we can take comfort in the knowledge that Pete can't hurt anyone ever again, and hopefully your brother has been reunited with his mate."

"Thank you," Gerard croaked out, the gratitude stinging at his throat, his resentment for the woman that was keeping him from his mate bubbling up inside him, but he buried it back down. It wouldn't help him in this situation, and he had to keep his temper if he had any chance of seeing Frank again. "I don't blame Pete though," Gerard added on, not really thinking of his words before they were falling past his lips. "It wasn't his fault, none of this is."

"Well then," Lindsey shrugged, the cool gesture infuriating Gerard for some reason, or maybe it was simply everything about Lindsey that did that, "you have a kinder heart than I do. He was a sweet child, and I did care for him, but I would never be able to forgive the person who took someone I loved from me."

Gerard couldn't think of a response to that which wasn't 'I know', or 'well you're doing the same to me by refusing to let me see Frank' so he simply swallowed heavily instead, bracing himself as he prepared to voice his next question, the answer to which he was sure he already knew, but he had promised Frank that he'd try.

"I - I have a favor to ask you," Gerard spoke up as Lindsey started to walk away, his heart beating so rapidly in his chest that each thump had him fighting back a wince. "Please...let me see my mate, just one more time. I have nothing left but him, and I understand your feelings about humans, but he means everything to me, and I can't stand being separated from him right now."

"Absolutely not," Lindsey scoffed instantly, her cold indifference to Gerard's desperate plea cutting him to the core, leaving his eyes watery and his chest aching as she fixed him with an icy stare. "You have been through a lot lately, so I won't report this second indiscretion, but if you ever ask this of me again, I will have no choice but to suggest that Bert banish you, and I would hate to do that after you've lost so much already."

"I swear I won't seek him out again after this," Gerard lied, his voice rising in pitch as he followed after Lindsey when she began to stalk away. "I just need to see him once more, I can't keep existing this way. I'll do anything you ask of me afterward, I'll even leave on my own," Gerard rambled, the thought not hurting him nearly as much as it would have two weeks ago.

Gerard had nothing tying him to this coven anymore, and although having a home had been all he had ever wanted, and he would hate to leave his newfound friends behind, if that was the only way he could see Frank, he would do it.

Gerard could live in the surrounding forest, he would have left already if he could be assured that Lindsey wouldn't touch Frank when he was gone, but he knew that as long as Frank was in Belleville, he was in danger of being hurt unless Gerard found a way to placate Lindsey.

"No - now stop begging, it's making you look pathetic. No vampire should feel such emotions toward a human, and if I ever hear any mention of him again, I'll make sure to remove him from your thoughts as well as this world," Lindsey snapped, her heels clicking loudly against the swept path as she retreated away, and this time, Gerard let her go, because he was at a loss for what to say, and it was obvious that Lindsey wasn't going to change her mind.

And fuck - that left Gerard back at square one, with no brother, no best friend, no mate, and no will to live.

Gerard slunk away from the gathering with tears pouring down his face, returning to his home which was blessedly empty for once since Brendon and Ryan were most likely still at the ceremony if they hadn't already returned to their own place for the evening.

Gerard stripped out of his clothes hastily, tossing them into the corner before collapsing onto his bed with a quiet whimper. He debated calling Frank, because although he had no good news to share with him, at least hearing his voice would cheer him up. Gerard didn't though, because it was late for humans, and Frank was most likely asleep, so Gerard wasn't going to wake him up just to tell him that he was still banned from seeing him.

Left with no other escape from his tumultuous emotions besides oblivion, Gerard forced himself to close his eyes, more tears gathering at the corners of his lids as he curled around himself.

The emotionally exhausting evening crashed down around Gerard with the weight of the world, and although Gerard knew he needed to try and find a way around this, to discover a solution that would keep Frank safe and allow them to see each other, Gerard drifted off instead, his mind churning rapidly until the last possible moment when he was granted a respite in the form of slumber.

~~~

Gerard jolted awake with a tortured cry, his lungs heaving and his face wet as he twisted into an upright position, the sheets which were tangled around his knees leaving him feeling trapped and suffocated as he tried to ascertain what was real and what had only happened inside of his head.

It was the dream again - of course it was, nothing else woke Gerard this way, but it had been different this time.

Everything had felt real, even more so than it usually did. The fear, and protective instincts, and sheer terror that had surged through Gerard's veins on a thousand different nights had multiplied a hundred fold. Even the pain had been more intense, the stinging blisters caused by the flames still seemed to be seared into his skin, and it had been a good few minutes since the images had stopped assaulting him.

Still, that wasn't the most jarring thing, although Gerard wasn't sure why he was so shaken when he should be used to this by now, but something had changed, and that didn't sit right with him.

The dream had started out the same, with him hurrying through the smoke filled corridor lined with animal cages, to him pushing open the fire damaged door, to his discovery of Frank who was bleeding and near death, to Frank pleading for Gerard to get them out of there, and then - it had stopped.

That never happened, not once that Gerard could remember. They always died together when the roof collapsed, but that hadn't occurred this time. Gerard had returned to himself just as he had been fighting the pull of Frank's blood, which Gerard hoped meant something for their future, that they could both survive this event, if it was even going to happen that is.

Gerard also didn't feel as ill as he usually did, he was only vaguely nauseous and dizzy instead of wracked with sharp pains and fighting the urge to vomit, which was simply another shift in routine which had him uneasy no matter how pleasant it was to not feel like he was about to puke up everything he'd eaten in the last week.

And as Gerard padded into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water to erase the taste of soot and traces of bile from his mouth, he couldn't shake the feeling of importance, of relevance, of urgency, like he was supposed to be doing something other than wallowing at home, not that he really had many options at hand.

Finally, Gerard decided to go see if Quinn was awake. He wasn't sure what the other vampire could possibly have to say to him that he hadn't already, but Gerard needed to tell someone about this oddity in the sequence created by his mind, because maybe then they could help him make sense of it.

But as Gerard was tugging open his door, he saw something that should have been insignificant all things considered, but for whatever reason, the sight of Lindsey striding away purposefully with a long, black coat wrapped tightly around her figure had Gerard freezing in place.

Gerard watched her as she made her way toward the entrance of the coven, something persistent and jagged unfurling in his chest as he slowly stepped back inside once Lindsey was out of his line of vision.

Gerard hurried back into his room, digging out his phone which had fallen into the crack between the bed and the wall, his fingers shaking as the display screen on the front lit up, showing him the time which read 8:59 pm.

And that was much too close to 9:55 for Gerard to be comfortable. That was what the clock in his dream always showed, that was the hour mere minutes before he typically died, and fuck - Gerard hoped he was wrong, but everything in his body was screaming at him that his nightmare was starting to unfold before his very eyes.

Gerard dialed Frank's number frantically, needing to make sure that he was unharmed, that he wasn't trapped in a burning building with a broken leg waiting for Gerard to save him. Frank didn't feel panicked or in pain, but it was hard to read anything other than vague emotions from their bond with the distance separating them.

Gerard used the fact that Frank's thoughts were muted to calm himself as the phone rang continuously since if he was truly in danger, they would come through much clearer, but when he didn't answer, Gerard's terror returned full force, leaving Gerard exhaling heavily as he tried to decide what to do.

It didn't take him long to come to a conclusion though, because even if Gerard was reading too deeply into things, he wasn't going to leave Frank's safety to chance. Lindsey was heading above ground, and she could hurt Frank without the need for fire, so Gerard had to go to him, no matter the consequences.

If Lindsey wasn't headed to Frank's clinic, she wouldn't know that Gerard had gone there, and if she was, at least Gerard could fight for his mate, he could do everything in his power to protect him, because Frank was all he had left, and he refused to lose him as well.

This once again took me way too long to write, but an update is finally here and the end of this story is just around the corner.

I am so excited to tie all of this up, so stick around and things are going to get very interesting soon.

Votes and comments are always lovely to see if you feel like leaving one.

Chapter dedicated to vampirexchild

I want to be free as I'll ever be

xo starr