Gerard worried his lower lip between his teeth as he forced himself to raise his hand in the air, intending to knock on Frank's front door since the Winchester's car was surprisingly absent from the street, which was at least one thing that had gone right so far, and Gerard hoped that the following sequence of events would also play out in such a pleasant manner.

Now if only Gerard could convince himself to move his arm and rap upon the wood barring his way from seeing Frank, but that was easier said than done. Gerard had to do it soon, he knew that, because it was late, already past curfew he was mostly certain, but he had texted Frank when he headed out, and he had been awake then, responding with a quick "I can't wait to see you" that had somehow radiated sincerity even through a simple message.

Gerard didn't want to do this though, he was so terrified of telling Frank about what he really was, of admitting everything that he had so far managed to hide successfully, because as wonderful as Frank was, he was still human, which meant that his instincts would most likely leave him disbelieving or afraid, and Gerard couldn't stand to see either of those reactions on the face of the person he loved.

Gerard began to doubt everything as he hovered in the entryway, because what if he was making a mistake, or what if Mikey became hysterical while he was gone and Brendon couldn't calm him down? He had been doing as well as could be expected when Gerard had left, but things could change in an instant, and with the memory of leaving Ray's body in the woods so fresh in his mind, his brother's emotions were most likely all over the place at the moment.

Gerard was being ridiculous though, and he knew that, because Mikey was probably fine, relatively speaking, and Brendon would be able to handle him even if he wasn't, and yes - Gerard wanted to be with his brother if he needed him, but Frank was important to him too, and he had to focus on him as well if he ever had any chance of being happy, but that didn't make leaving Mikey any easier, although Gerard was just making excuses to avoid confronting Frank for as long as possible.

Gerard tried to remind himself that William had been successful when he shared his true nature with Gabe, but that had been different as well. They had known each other for years before William had revealed the fact that he was a vampire, they had admitted they loved each other aloud, and William hadn't asked Gabe to leave everything he knew behind to be with him, not at first anyway.

Gerard's knees buckled slightly as his mind began to assault him with worst case scenarios, because this could be it for his and Frank's relationship, he could lose him tonight, and honestly, Gerard didn't think he could handle that so soon after the death of Ray, but it was a possibility, and Gerard couldn't pretend that everything was going to fall into place just because he wanted it to.

But Gerard couldn't do nothing either, not after coming this far, because he wasn't going to get another opportunity like this again in quite some time, so he had to tell Frank now, before Lindsey discovered that he had snuck out again, or Frank got frustrated with Gerard for not being able to visit, so although it felt like one of the most difficult tasks he had ever accomplished, Gerard rapped his knuckles against Frank's door, ignoring the way his lungs seized in his chest and his stomach churned angrily as if in protest of the risk he was taking.

It felt like years before Gerard heard any movement in the house, although it was probably a minute at most, still - it had been long enough for Gerard to contemplate bolting away and trying this again another night when he had time to gather more of his courage, but once he spied Frank's smiling face peering up at him through the window before he disappeared to let Gerard in, his fears evaporated for the moment and he lost himself in the excitement and adoration he could feel pulsing through his bond with Frank.

"Hey," Frank grinned widely, his teeth showing as he stepped back, ushering Gerard to come inside, which should have been a relatively simple feat, but Gerard felt as if weights had been tied to his shoes as he forced his stiff body to step over the threshold. "I missed you," Frank spoke up again before Gerard could, his hands wrapping around Gerard's neck as he dragged him down for a quick kiss that Gerard eagerly gave him, inhaling Frank's scent greedily as he did so, noticing how much more potent it seemed now that he had gone for so long without it.

"Missed you more," Gerard murmured against Frank's mouth, unwilling to break the connection of their lips even if Frank most likely couldn't understand him given the muffled quality of his words.

Gerard continued to kiss Frank for longer than he probably should have, distracting himself in the slick heat of his tongue and the way Frank all but melted into him as the minutes ticked by, but Gerard knew he was only putting off the inevitable conversation they needed to have, still - he wasn't going to deny himself this, especially since it might be the last time Frank was going to willingly kiss him.

Eventually, Frank did pull away, giggling softly under his breath as he tugged Gerard upstairs into the homely part of the building that resided above the clinic. Gerard clung tightly to Frank's hand the entire way, doing his best to memorize how his fingers felt slotted against his own just in case he never got to experience this simple act of affection again.

"So how are you doing?" Frank asked once they were snuggled up on the couch together. "I know we've been talking all week, but I've still been worried about you."

"I'm fine mostly, sad, but managing," Gerard sighed, digging his nails slightly into Frank's side to ground himself as another wave of pain assaulted him. "My brother is taking it a lot harder than I am, so he's who I'm more worried about right now."

"I can't image what it would be like to lose a parent, I mean, I'm lucky to have both of mine in good health. They don't live here anymore though, I should really make a point of visiting them soon."

"You should," Gerard agreed, his mouth drying up and his muscles going rigid as he tried to take the momentary silence as an opportunity to lead the conversation in the direction he needed it to go, but he wasn't ready for this, he never would be, so he simply pulled Frank closer to him instead, burying his face in his neck as he exhaled shakily.

"It's going to be okay," Frank whispered soothingly, mistaking Gerard's actions for a sign of sorrow when it was really more terror driven instead, but Gerard chose not to correct him just yet, simply enjoying the pressure of Frank's hand as it brushed through his hair and how good it felt to be held by him.

"But it's not," Gerard managed to choke out, "everything is fucked, and I - I'm scared."

Gerard shivered violently once his words hit the air, because although he hadn't admitted his secret just yet, he had taken the first step, and he knew he couldn't stop now, but he wasn't exactly sure what to say next.

Gerard had gone over this scenario probably a thousand times by now, working out how he should spring this on Frank, and what information to reveal as well as the details he should gloss over to make it all easier for Frank to bear; his dreams definitely fell into the latter category, but of course, Gerard's mind had gone blank as soon as he started speaking as if he had done no previous planning whatsoever.

"What are you scared of?" Frank asked quietly, his brow creasing as he pulled away slightly so he could look Gerard in the eye.

"It's just...a lot has happened to me lately, and I haven't really been entirely honest with you in regards to some things, not that I don't trust you, but because I'm terrified that you are going to leave me. I know I can't keep dancing around this forever, but I want to, because I really care about you, but it's not fair to you to be left in the dark either," Gerard spit out in a rush, his thoughts jumbling together and emerging in an incoherent mess that even he had problems deciphering, so he wasn't at all surprised to see a look of confusion passing over Frank's face.

"This isn't about your dad is it?" Frank questioned slowly, his posture stiffening up slightly when Gerard shook his head no. "Well you know you can tell me anything Gerard. I really care about you too, and whatever it is, we can work through it together...right?"

"But what if it's bad...well, more like crazy actually." Gerard stalled for time, wiping his palms on his shirt hastily when they began to grow damp and clammy. "You're going to think I've gone mental, and I don't want that, but I also can't hide this from you anymore either."

"Honestly you're acting pretty weird right now, and I'm not going anywhere," Frank smirked, his attempt at humor calming Gerard down by a small margin. "Just tell me what's on your mind, I promise I'll hear you out before I start panicking."

"Okay," Gerard inhaled deeply, licking at his dry lips as he tried to remember how he had decided would be the best way to go about this, because he had a feeling that simply announcing that he a vampire wasn't going to sit well with Frank at all, "so uh...what if I said that the first night we met wasn't that afternoon at the clinic, that I had seen you before, but you just couldn't remember it?"

"I'd be confused but also curious," Frank responded quickly, and his words were backed up by the sensations flowing through his bond with Gerard. There was no fear there, or the urge to flee, which allowed Gerard to continue on with his drawn out supposedly hypothetical explanation.

"So let's say that I'd seen you before, that we had an encounter that you can't recall, and I sort of fell for you then, but I didn't know how to bring up that I'd seen you without scaring you away, so I came back to the clinic hoping that I would run into you again, and then, against all odds, you liked me too, and I got so wrapped up in how you made me feel that I didn't think about the consequences of what I was doing, so I sort of fucked up, and now I don't know what to do."

"I'd say you need to come clean and tell me everything so we can try to fix whatever has happened," Frank suggested, but Gerard could hear the slight quaver in his voice, followed by a swift spike of insecurity that flared across his mind that he knew came from Frank.

"I'm trying, I really am," Gerard groaned, dropping his head into his hands as if avoiding Frank's gaze would somehow make all of this easier for him. "Do you believe in myths?" Gerard tried for a different approach, although he was aware that he was only delaying his inevitable reveal of what he was.

"Not really..." Frank answered hesitantly, "I mean, if you're referring to old wives tales and things like that, then no, but honestly, I don't really understand where you are going with this."

"I - I know I'm not making any sense, and I really should just say it, but I'm scared you'll hate me, and I can't live with that, but it's not like I can change what I am either."

"Are you trying to say that...you were following me beforehand," Frank guessed, "like stalking me?"

"No - god no," Gerard exclaimed, realizing that he was just going to have to say it before Frank jumped to any more incorrect conclusions. "I'm a vampire."

"Excuse me?" Frank scoffed, arching one eyebrow upward as Gerard made himself look at Frank so he would understand that he was being serious, but all Gerard felt was amusement bubbling through their bond. "Don't tell me you're that crazy person that's been killing everyone and leaving bite marks on their neck," Frank joked, but Gerard didn't miss the slightly serious nature to his tone.

"No, that's not me, it might be an actual vampire though, but I'm not sure who is doing it."

Gerard had almost forgotten about the killer that was the reason for this city's curfew in the first place, but now that he thought about it, it was quite possible that someone from the coven was committing murder, either that or a rogue was loose in town, but Gerard had a feeling that Bert would have made sure to eliminate them quickly if that was the case.

"Seriously, you can laugh and tell me that you're fucking with me at any time, because honestly, this joke isn't funny at all."

"I'm not kidding Frank, I really am a vampire. That's why you never see me during the day, and why I haven't invited you to my home, because I live in a coven with others like me, and I know this sounds insane, but it's the truth."

"Have you been drinking?" Frank giggled, the sound taking on a slightly hysterical edge when Gerard curled his lips upward, revealing his fangs which he had allowed to poke through his gums so Frank could see physical proof of his claims, causing Frank to jolt backward on the couch, putting some distance between their bodies that stung Gerard more than it should.

"I wish I was, but I'm not. This is real Frank, we exist, we just hide ourselves away from humanity to avoid being killed by the hunters. Speaking of that, those two FBI agents that keep parking outside of your house are actually vampire hunters. They probably noticed me coming in here one night, or maybe saw the bite mark on your neck from our first encounter. I've run into them before, they're dangerous -"

"Wait...fucking hell, you mean you were the one that left that hickey? Oh my god - did you fuck me that night?" Frank gasped harshly, his eyes widening as the missing pieces of his memory clicked into place. "Do you know how much that scared me? I thought fucking aliens had probed me or some shit and erased my mind, but it was you...holy shit. Why can't I remember it?" Frank demanded, his hands trembling and his chest rising and falling rapidly as he visibly struggled to process the new information his brain was receiving.

"It was me, and I am so sorry Frank. I didn't mean for that to happen, but I can explain if you let me." Gerard waited for Frank's shaky nod of affirmation before taking a deep breath, swallowing back the fear that was still clawing at his throat before he spoke. "I was hurt, shot actually by the very same men that are posing as FBI agents. I managed to escape them, and I ended up on your doorstep. I don't know how much you can recall, but you stitched me up and helped me heal enough to regain consciousness, but I was still too weak to travel, so I drank some of your blood. My bite carries venom that makes humans forget everything for a few hours, and it also is a strong aphrodisiac as well. I shouldn't have slept with you though, it was wrong of me, but you were so desperate, and pretty, and then when I found out that you were my mate -"

"I'm your what?" Frank choked out, interrupting Gerard with his question, but Gerard had been expecting Frank to bombard him with those, so he wasn't at all perturbed.

"Vampires don't fall in love with just anyone, we all have preordained mates, and you are mine, which is odd since you are a human, but apparently I am not the only vampire this has happened to it, but basically I've bonded with you. I can feel your emotions since I've tasted your blood, and I'm instinctually drawn to you, I think that is why I came here when I was wounded, even though I didn't realize it at the time."

"This...this is so fucked up, like fuck, I'm going fucking crazy, this has to be a dream or something."

"I know it seems that way, but you have to believe me Frank," Gerard pleaded, trying to decipher Frank's emotions as he waited for a verbal response, but they were so muddled and confusing that Gerard wasn't sure how Frank was taking the reveal of his true nature.

"It's sort of hard not to, I mean, look at your fucking teeth, and that explains so much about that night, but fuck - I'm dating a vampire," Frank chortled halfheartedly, leaning over so he could peer at Gerard's mouth as if he was making sure that he hadn't imagined the fangs that resided there.

"If it helps, I haven't drank from you since that first night, and I never will again unless you give me permission," Gerard added on, but judging by the glazed quality to Frank's irises, Gerard wasn't entirely sure that he had processed what he was saying.

"Why are you telling me this now?" Frank finally spoke up again, his tone much calmer this time which Gerard hoped meant that some of this was beginning to sink in. "I mean, I wasn't suspicious or anything, and yes - I'm glad you didn't want to lie to me anymore, but I can't pretend I'm not slightly freaked out by all of this."

"I - I had to let you know what's going on because I fucked up, and it is going to affect us, if there is even still an us?" Gerard queried, his eyes watering slightly when Frank didn't immediately provide him with a yes or a no answer.

"I...I still care about you, a lot," Frank whispered so softly that Gerard had to strain his ears to hear him, "and I shouldn't, because I'm fucking shaking over here, and I don't know how to process this, but I do. Maybe it's this whole mates thing, or maybe not, but no one has ever made me feel like you do, and I'm not ready to lose that, no matter how afraid I am."

"Thank you," Gerard exhaled loudly, some of the tension that had been threating to crush his chest evaporating as Frank scooted slightly closer to him again, even going so far as to place one of his hands on Gerard's knee which he only just now noticed was bouncing up and down erratically.

"But wait...you said you fucked up, what did you mean by that?" Frank reminded Gerard just when he was beginning to relax, causing Gerard to inwardly curse himself for thinking that he was in the clear, because he wasn't, the worst was still yet to come.

"Yeah...I did. One of the coven leaders saw me leaving your house the last time I was here, that's partially why I haven't been coming by. I wasn't actually out of town, my dad didn't die either, my brother's mate did though, but that's a different story. Basically, most vampires hate humans, especially the older ones, and now I am forbidden from seeing you because of that, and if I'm caught again, I'll be punished as well as you. I only got away tonight because everyone is in mourning, so they won't leave their homes until the sun comes up. I didn't know when I would get another chance to see you, which is why I decided to tell you all of this now while I could still do it in person, I wasn't sure I'd be able to convince you over the phone," Gerard laughed lightly, trying to downplay the seriousness of their situation with a paltry attempt at humor.

"So we're screwed is what you're saying?" Frank summed things up perfectly, a surge of terror flowing through Gerard's head that had him aching to pull Frank into his arms, but he wasn't sure if he would welcome that gesture at the moment. "So what are we supposed to do? I don't want to stop seeing you, even if this is probably the weirdest relationship I've ever been in, but I don't want to piss off another vampire either."

"I've been asking myself that same question all week," Gerard confessed, his spine going rigid as Frank gazed up at him like he held all the answers in the world, but Gerard had a feeling he wouldn't like his solution at all, "and the only way I can see us being able to stay together is if we leave Belleville entirely, anything else is too risky, and I don't want to put you in any more danger."

Gerard wasn't prepared for the intense wave of shock and anger that roiled off of Frank at his statement, in fact, he'd truly thought that Frank would react more to the fact that he was a vampire than his suggestion to relocate, but Gerard found himself proven wrong when Frank pushed himself off of the couch roughly, his hands clenching into fists before he shook them out so he could begin tugging them through his hair haphazardly.

"You're kidding me," Frank scoffed, his words tinged with spite that had Gerard flinching back against the cushions warily. "I can't just take off, that's ridiculous. I've lived here my whole life, my friends are here, my job is here, and as much as I like you, I wouldn't even do that for my parents - fuck, I can't believe you would ask that of me." Frank's tirade ended on a bit of a wail, leaving Gerard wracked with guilt and desperate to fix what had been broken because of his foolishness.

"You don't have to of course," Gerard reminded him, even though the thought of Frank refusing to consider his proposal had his heart aching and tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and maybe something will change, and Lindsey will loosen up, but unless you have another idea, this might be the last time I see you for quite a while."

"Gerard...I - I meant what I said earlier, and I want to be with you, but I can't commit to this, not right now." Frank stopped his relentless pacing and collapsed next to Gerard, his body deflating as if all of the fight had been drained out of him. "I need time to think, to process this all properly. You're incredible, but maybe a part of me knew that this was too good to be true, and as much as I'd love to see where this goes, my practice is the most important thing to me right now, and I can't abandon all of that, not even for a chance at finding love."

"I understand," Gerard whimpered quietly, turning his head so Frank wouldn't see how affected he was by his words, "I didn't think you would, I just had to try you know?" Gerard sniffed weakly, his shoulders shaking as he did his best to swallow back the sobs that were threating to break out of him despite his best efforts at containing them.

"I'm not saying this can never work," Frank continued when Gerard became to overcome to speak, "and I'm not breaking up with you, not unless you want me to, but I think we should discuss this more, maybe see if we can figure something else out. I don't have a good grasp on everything yet, but we can still talk and stuff right?"

"Yeah - of course," Gerard smiled weakly. "They don't know about my phone, and maybe Brendon and Ryan can help me find a safe way to spend time with you."

"Oh my god, they're vampires too aren't they?" Frank chuckled gleefully. "I knew something was off about them, fuck - everything really does make sense now."

"Yeah they are, they've been really wonderful toward me, and they obviously don't hate humans like everyone else."

"God this is all so fucking crazy."

"It is, and I'm so sorry. I wish I was normal, or that things were different and I could be with you in the way that you deserve," Gerard apologized, making sure to imbue each of his words with sincerity so Frank would know he really meant it, because he did. Frank was it for him, his one, his only, and there would be no one after him, although the same sentiment probably didn't hold true for Frank.

"My mom always used to say that if it's meant to be, it'll work out in the end, so maybe we just need to place some faith in that," Frank suggested, his own voice taking on a choked quality that had Gerard seconds away from shattering when he noticed the muted hurt pulsing across his mind that originated from Frank.

"Well apparently somebody wanted us to be together since they made you my mate, so I really hope your mom is right," Gerard sighed, allowing his arm to curl around Frank's shoulders when he leaned into his side heavily. "I should probably go though, I have to be back before anyone notices I'm gone."

"Oh," Frank slumped downward a fraction, his hand clutching to Gerard's thigh briefly before he pulled it away just as quickly. "That's fine, I need to sleep on this anyway."

"So I can still call you right?" Gerard double checked as he regained his feet, slowly making his way out of the room and down the stairs as Frank followed close behind him.

"Yes, please do," Frank nodded vehemently, "I'm not angry with you or anything, just overwhelmed, and I know it must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell me all that, so thank you for being honest and looking out for me."

"I'll always do my best to protect you, even when I can't be by your side," Gerard promised, his feet dragging as Frank's front door loomed in his peripheral vision. "Can I kiss you?" Gerard asked when Frank failed to speak again, his stomach flipping over slightly when Frank instantly moved nearer to him, linking their hands together as he tilted his head upward, allowing Gerard to lean down until their lips brushed against each other's gently.

It took all the strength Gerard possessed not to cry as he kissed Frank for what could very well be the final time, because even though it felt amazing as always, it was tinged with a bitterness that none of their past encounters had shared.

Things were different now, everything was out in the open much earlier than it was supposed to be, and Gerard honestly didn't know if they would be able to overcome the flurry of events that were threatening to tear them apart, but he could hope. Frank was still willing to try to maintain a relationship with him after all, he hadn't left Gerard even after he knew the truth about him, and that had to mean something.

But as much as Gerard didn't want to admit it, the pressure of Frank's lips on his own felt like a goodbye, and no matter how much passion and longing Gerard poured into his actions, he couldn't erase the threatening air of finality that was hanging over the two of them like an invisible cloud.

I've managed to drag myself away from writing about Harry Styles wanking to actually finish a chapter of this I'm so awful I'm sorry.

Honestly this was very difficult for me to get down though because I didn't want Frank to completely freak out but also he had to be slightly shaken so hopefully that worked and if it didn't I tried my best.

Votes and comments always make me smile if you enjoyed this update.

Love you all.

Chapter dedicated to GuiltTrippingKilljoy

I want to be free as I'll ever be

xo starr