Gerard wasn't sure how long he stayed crying on the hard wood floor, his knees tucked up to his chest as if their weight would hold his shattering frame together, but eventually, his tears ebbed and he managed to drag himself to his feet, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he stumbled over to the nearest mirror in an attempt to fix his disheveled appearance.

Gerard carded his fingers through his hair, an aura of numbness permeating his motions as he tucked down the flyaway strands, wiping his thumbs under his eyes once that was done, although his efforts did little to improve his looks.

Gerard didn't care though, in fact - he didn't want to leave his house at all. Standing up had already taken most of his severely depleted store of energy, and Gerard honestly wasn't sure if he could make it through Mikey's ceremony without falling apart, but he didn't really have a choice.

Gerard couldn't miss this, it was important to Mikey, so no matter how heartbroken he was, he had to pull himself together for long enough to fake his way through the proceedings. Gerard would only make himself sick with worry if he stayed here anyway, and maybe seeing Mikey and Ray would be a soothing balm to the painful ache inside of him.

Or maybe it wouldn't - maybe it would only remind Gerard of everything he wished he could one day share with Frank, of his hopes and dreams that were now ripped to shreds, their tattered remains digging into Gerard's mind, the sharp points that had been created with Lindsey's harsh ultimatum making themselves known every time Gerard so much as breathed, the edges shoving deeper into the sensitive tissue now that Gerard was thinking about them again.

Frank...god, Gerard needed him right now, but of course he was the one person that Gerard was forbidden from seeing. Gerard ached to feel Frank pressed against his side, to be able to inhale his intoxicating scent, to bask in the peace and unadulterated joy that only infused through his body whenever Frank was with him.

A few stray tears slipped down Gerard's cheeks when he imagined never being able to experience that again, of living for the numerous years he had left without being graced with Frank's laugh, his smile, their bond - fuck, Gerard couldn't do it, he knew then and there that it would destroy him, but if Gerard broke his word, Lindsey would make sure that they paid the price.

Gerard needed advice, to talk to someone - Mikey most likely, or maybe Brendon, but everyone who knew of his relationship with Frank would be at the mating ceremony right now, and that wasn't an appropriate place to discuss his illegal dalliances, so Gerard would have to wait until later to get what had just occurred with Lindsey off of his chest.

Could Gerard even do that though, because as desperately as he needed help, the thought of ruining his brother's special day made him feel even worse than he already did. Mikey didn't need to be burdened with Gerard's problems, not yet anyway, he should be spending his day basking in his love for Ray, and if Gerard told him that he had gotten himself caught, it would worry Mikey, leaving him occupied with Gerard instead of with Ray like he ought to be.

Gerard wasn't that selfish he decided, and although he knew his brother would most likely be able to think of a way out of Gerard's hopeless situation, it wasn't his burden to bear. Gerard would keep this to himself for now, and maybe in a week or so he would reveal what had happened to Mikey if he wasn't able to come up with a solution on his own.

Now all he had to do was hide his misery from his brother, which would be easier said than done since Gerard had it all but painted across his face, but he was going to do his best to change that, so with a last glance in the mirror, Gerard plastered on a smile, hoping it didn't look as awful as it felt, clearing his mind of all thoughts of Frank and Lindsey as he made his way down to the pavilion to watch his brother and his best friend receive the happy ending that Gerard had been foolish enough to hope that he would one day also be able to have for himself.

~~~

"Ryan, have you seen Pete today?" Brendon asked, attempting to straighten his tie which seemed to have a mind of its own, the knot lying crooked no matter how many times he redid it.

"No, he wasn't at home when I stopped by earlier, but he might be with his mother," Ryan suggested, his eyes sparkling when he noticed Brendon's distress, his long legs crossing the distance separating them before his fingers fixed the stubborn fabric that had been frustrating Brendon for the past ten minutes.

"Maybe I should go look for him...he probably shouldn't be alone right now," Brendon sighed, his heart twisting slightly as he imagined how miserable Pete most likely was at the moment. "Do you think we have time to search for him?"

"We could check the square and most likely still make it before the proceedings start," Ryan nodded slowly as he continued to fuss with Brendon's clothing although it no longer needed any adjustments, "but I think we should leave him be. If he's hiding, it's probably because he doesn't want to attend the ceremony, and seeing us all dressed up could potentially upset him when he realizes where we are headed."

"I just don't want him to think that we don't care about him. He's been so down lately, not that I blame him."

"It's up to you love," Ryan hummed, his arms wrapping around Brendon's waist lightly as he spoke, "if you want, we can walk around and see if we spot him and we can judge his mood from there, but if he desired company, I'm sure he would be over here already if that was the case."

"I wish I could help him," Brendon murmured, slipping on his shoes quickly before straightening back up with a frown, "I can't imagine how awful it would feel if I was in his place."

"I know baby, I can't either honestly, but as much as I hate to say this, you're already doing everything you can by just being there for him. This is something that Pete has to come to terms with on his own, and he knows he has our love and support if he needs anything."

"You're right," Brendon sighed dejectedly, threading his fingers through Ryan's as they made their way to the front door, "maybe we should give him some space for now. I don't want to be late anyway, and if he's not there, we can always go find him afterward."

"Sounds like a plan," Ryan grinned, pulling Brendon in for a quick kiss before they headed outside. "Now don't look so down, this is a celebration, not a funeral, and Pete will be okay in the end, I just know it. He's tough, so he'll pull through this, it will just take some time."

"I hope so."

Brendon wanted to believe Ryan's positive words, but he wasn't so sure that Pete would be able to recover from this. He kept picturing his and Pete's roles being reversed, and he knew that if Ryan hadn't mated with him, his heart would never heal completely.

Brendon didn't want to bring Ryan down though, especially since he was in such a good mood today, so he kept his mouth shut. There was really nothing else he could do for Pete after all, and although he was assaulted by small tendrils of guilt every time Ryan's thumb would brush across the back of his hand, he made the conscious decision to enjoy the rest of his day with his mate and his friends without worrying overly much about Pete.

~~~

After spending fuck knows how long in an internal debate which resulted in him changing his mind every few minutes, Pete eventually made his way into the decorated pavilion just as Mikey's mating ceremony was about to beginning, keeping his head down and his hood pulled up so no one would notice his arrival, making sure to skirt widely around Ryan and Brendon who he could see near the front, because as good as their intentions were, Pete wouldn't be able to bear their pitying gazes in his current state.

Seating himself as far in the back as he could, Pete dared to glance around, keeping his eyes away from the couple standing off to the side of the crowd for as long as possible. As much as Pete wanted to look upon Mikey's gorgeous features, he knew it would only bring him pain instead of joy today, so he focused on his surroundings instead, although it was only a matter of time before he gave in and allowed his gaze to make its way to his mate.

The large area which was often used for coven meetings and other gatherings had been heavily decked out for the mating ceremony. Small strings of lights hung off of the pillars supporting the roof, brightening up the usually dim atmosphere in an imitation of the glow of day that none of them would ever be able to experience firsthand.

A small platform rested at the front with a few steps leading up to a raised stand that Bert and Lindsey were hovering near. Pete could faintly see Ray and Mikey as well, but he was still attempting to ignore their presence, so he took his time examining the rest of the festive adornments instead.

Pete noticed that they had brought out the carved wooden arch that he had last seen when Brendon and Ryan had been officially mated; it was a relic of the coven that had been made long ago and preserved for sacred moments such as these, at least that was what Ryan had told him.

It really was a beautiful structure, and although it was worn down by age, the flowers and leaves cut into it were still visible, and the surface carried a dull gleam as though it had been polished recently. It had been draped in an excessive amount of lights as well, which Pete couldn't recall seeing at the previous mating ceremony. They most likely were a recent acquisition that someone had stumbled across and decided to bring back to the coven during one of their trips to the surface, which Pete thought was a bit silly, but that might have just been his foul mood talking.

Pete swore the twinkling strands were mocking him the longer he looked at them, the bulbs seemed to have transformed into beady eyes from one second to the next, and they knew how miserable Pete was, how lonely, but they didn't care, in fact, they sparkled brightly at him as if his despondent nature was fueling them.

Pete closed his eyes as a sudden rush of pain jolted through his head, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. Pete groaned when he could finally open his lids again only to see that he had accidentally shattered the string of lights closest to him, but the destruction was small and contained at least, and no one else seemed to have heard the smashing of glass or noticed the burnt out section just yet.

Pete let himself stare at Mikey then, not wanting to take out his anger on the innocent light fixtures one again, doing his best to block out the image of Ray at his side, as well as their intertwined hands, and fuck - Mikey looked gorgeous. He was beaming, his teeth showing through his lips as he scanned the crowd curiously, his slender frame rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he tried to contain his excitement with terrible results.

Pete found an answering grin tugging at his lips as he observed Mikey, even though the expression felt pained and uncomfortable on his stiff face. It hurt to smile, because Pete wasn't happy, but at least Mikey was, and he was trying to pretend that he could learn to live with that.

A hush fell over the gathered vampires when Bert stepped forward suddenly, silencing the surprisingly large crowd that had chosen to attend the mating ceremony. There hadn't been a proper mating ceremony in quite some time though, and most people were still curious about the new arrivals which explained the high attendance rate.

Pete was distracted from what was happening on the podium when a figure darted in front of him, seating themselves on the chair in the adjacent row next to him, which Pete found a bit odd since he was one of the few people who had chosen to sit so far in the back, but it was made even stranger when Pete recognized the man as Mikey's brother Gerard.

Pete hadn't spoken with Gerard much, not that he'd really tried, but he knew from his observations that he and Mikey were very close, leaving Pete confused as to why Gerard had positioned himself at such a wide distance away from his little brother on his special day.

Curious and also wanting to tune out the sorrow that churned in his gut when Bert cleared his throat roughly, signaling the start of the proceedings, Pete scooted forward as much as he could without making his movements too obvious, twisting in his seat until he could get a good glimpse of Gerard's face, and he was shocked by what he saw.

Gerard looked awful for lack of a better word, in fact, Pete wondered if their expressions carried similar casts. Gerard's eyes were dark and clouded, his cheeks red and puffy from recent tears, and if Pete had to guess, he would say that someone had just torn out Gerard's heart and ripped it into pieces while he watched, which was exactly how Pete felt whenever he spied Mikey out of the corner of his eye.

Pete leaned back with a sigh, debating on if he should ask Gerard what was bothering him, but in the end, he decided to stay silent, not feeling up to holding a conversation with another person, especially not someone who would most likely need comforting.

Maybe Gerard was suffering through what Pete was currently experiencing though, it was possible after all. He could have mated with someone in the coven who was already taken, that would explain why Gerard looked so utterly destroyed, and although Pete shouldn't have been happy about that fact, it did make him feel a little less alone.

He might even approach Gerard later, and if his hypothesis was correct, they could mope about together and discuss things that only the two of them could truly understand, that is if Pete didn't follow through with his earlier plan and vacate the coven entirely, which was still a very appealing option. He would miss Brendon and Ryan of course, but they didn't need him here, they had each other, and they would understand his reasons for leaving. This wasn't really his home anyway, that had been New York, and he'd never begin to heal as long as Mikey was in close proximity to him.

Pete was distracted from his thoughts by Bert's voice, which had risen in volume by this point. The ceremony had officially begun now, and as much as it pained Pete to watch, he trained his eyes forward. He had decided to attend this ceremony, so he was going to make it through it, hopefully without crying.

"Welcome my children to this wonderful occasion." Bert smiled down at everyone from his elevated position, pausing for a moment before continuing. "I thank you for bearing witness to the union of two of our newest members Michael and Raymond, and they are both very grateful to share this moment in time with you."

Pete tried his best to concentrate on Bert's words as he continued to drone on, but his tone had turned to white noise in his ears. His mind was churning hotly again at just the mention of Ray's name, his thoughts moving so quickly that Pete didn't have time to process them, leaving him buzzing and on edge as the minutes ticked by rapidly.

Pete wanted to leave now, he regretted ever coming here, it had been a stupid idea in the first place, but he felt as if he was glued to his seat, keeping him trapped in place as Mikey and Ray ascended the podium when Bert motioned for them to do so.

Mikey straightened out his white shirt with shaking hands once he had stopped next to Bert, the small action meaning much more to Pete than it should, because it was so Mikey-like, so endearing, and fuck - Pete wanted to be the one clasping his fingers to still his movements instead of Ray, he wanted to learn every one of Mikey's quirks and find the right way to react to each one, but that wasn't his place, it never had been, and Pete was finally starting to accept the fact that it never would be.

Pete had only been fooling himself by imagining that there was something he could do or say to make Mikey care for him - hell, he'd be lucky if Mikey even considered him a friend, but that wasn't enough for him, no matter how badly he wished it was, and the realization that Pete should have come to ages ago left him short of breath, the tears he swore not to shed here gathering in the corner of his eyes as he trembled softly under the strain of losing the only person he would ever love.

"With the members of this coven bearing witness to your union, I grant you my blessings and that of the entire vampire race." Bert's voice sliced through Pete's mind, and although Pete hadn't attended many of these ceremonies in his short lifetime, he knew that the proceedings were coming to a close. "Let your love strengthen each other and be a beacon of hope for those of us yet still unmated. Never take for granted the gift you have found in each other, and I wish you both endless years in which to share in your bond."

Pete lost all control of himself when Mikey began tearing up, burying his face in his arm to muffle his harsh sobs. He wasn't strong enough to watch what would happen next anyway, because he knew that Mikey and Ray would now drink for each other's wrists in a public display of their mated status that would prove they were officially joined by blood.

Pete wished he could disappear, or that he had never come here, but he couldn't do either of those things. He needed to regain his composure so he could sneak out before someone took note of his sorrow, but stopping his cries seemed to be an impossible task, and it didn't help that his muscles were weak and unresponsive, leaving him trapped here for the time being.

But alongside his despair, Pete sensed a tendril of white hot fury that pulsed inside of him in time with his heartbeat. That was the vein that Pete tapped into whenever he thought of Ray, or when his mother pushed him too far, and although Pete was well aware that it seemed to be the conduit to his powers, it also contained the strength he so desperately needed right now.

Pete tried to ignore it, he really did, but it was as if the stream of anger had a mind of its own, and before Pete knew what was happening, it had swelled and shifted, the heat of it drying his eyes before it shot down its spine, imbuing Pete with energy, and vitality, but also hatred.

Pete was no longer in charge of his own body, that was made apparent when he suddenly jolted to his feet, because no matter how hard Pete tried to make himself leave while he still had the chance, to run as far and as fast as he could until Mikey was a distant memory, nothing happened. Pete stayed fixed in his current position, his gaze trained on Mikey who was now holding his wrist out to Ray while the other man bent his head, his teeth emerging from his gums as he moved toward Mikey's outstretched arm slowly.

Everything went black then as if someone had dropped a heavy curtain over Pete's head, or maybe he had simply closed his eyes, but this darkness felt different, it was suffocating him, its all encompassing nature leaving Pete afraid and lost even though he knew exactly where he was.

A desperate scream filled the air seconds later, followed by a splintering sound that was almost entirely drowned out by the pained shriek. More cries followed the first until Pete's head was a cacophony of raised voices and panicked shouts, but the original exclamation remained the loudest, and although Pete could be mistaken, it sounded like he was the one making it.

Pete attempted to close his mouth so the noise would cease, but he couldn't feel his jaw, he couldn't feel anything in fact, just his head which seemed to be splitting open and an odd dizzying sensation that left him weak and sick whenever he tried to fight against the persona that had taken over him.

After what seemed like hours, the terrifying side of Pete relinquished its hold on him, all of the unruly emotions draining away from him so quickly that Pete didn't have time to regain his equilibrium. His body tumbled to the ground with a harsh thump, his shoulder aching where he had landed on it, but the pain was secondary to the agony in his head and his heart, and Pete was too exhausted to even so much as roll over to take some of his weight off of his damaged limb.

Pete thought he felt someone's hands on him then, but his mind was too frazzled to process if it was real or not. It didn't matter anyway, because Pete was slipping away, and he let himself fall into unconsciousness without a fight, or maybe death.

Pete was fine with either, in fact, he glorified in the numbness that followed when he completely surrendered to the mist that was rapidly obscuring his thoughts, allowing it to drag him down into a world free of Mikey and the pain his presence brought with him.

This was a sort of timely update I am so proud of myself especially since my work schedule is fucked and I have hardly been writing at all lately.

So yeah...that happened.

Sorry if it was a bit choppy. I literally typed it out in small chunks at work, but I tried my best to fix the flow of it, and I'll probably go back and edit it later when I'm not so tired.

I've got the next chapter all planned out, so I'll try not to leave you guys on this cliffhanger for too long.

Votes and comments are my favorite things.

Chapter dedicated to OliviaLikesManga

I'm a pain in women's clothes

xo starr