Chapter Twenty
nazia x kabir up above! made by anveshi-! also this chapter looks better in the black background and white text mode of wattpad, than white background and black text.
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UPON ENTERING THE EMPTY APARTMENT, Kabir rushes to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. Sahibha awkwardly sits on the couch. Her mind drifts to a slightly teared poster folded neatly within her black bag. It sits besides her, upon the floor. She took it to analyse at home and to ponder on what is happening to Kabir.
But she's hit jackpot. All over Harnaam's white walls are collections of photos; of Kabir, some of Nazia and plenty of Harnaam herself. There's a few pictures of Kabir with with a girl who looks similar to him. She guesses it's his sister.
One of them especially pops out, where Kabir isn't staring at the camera. He's laughing, with all of teeth shown and his eyes shining with brightness. A lazy arm was slung behind Nazia, who watched Kabir instead of the camera. Although Harnaam and Kabir's sister both broadly smile at the camera, the couple at the back somehow are the main attention of this photo.
She's never seen Kabir so happy. Never has she ever seen the way his eyes melt into a soft brown, the crinkles in his eyes and the way his small dimple pop out within the photo. It feels so strange watching Kabir laugh in his blue shirt when the Kabir she knows wears dull colors and dark eye bags. The Kabir she knows never has had a smile that reaches his eyes, and he'll never reach for someone's waist with the amount of love he did for Nazia with anyone else.
Obviously, this break up took a bigger toll on Kabir than she would've ever assumed so. But what if it's other things too? Who was Bella? And why was Kabir so panicked at the sight of her name? Did he meet this Bella before he wrapped his arms around Nazia in that photograph or after?
Before she can think any further, the door opens and Kabir looks up at her with surpirse. He rubs his red eyes, water still dripping from his hair. There's droplets of water on his unchanged shirt and Sahibha guesses he washed his face frantically to get rid of the tear stains.
"Why are you still here?" he questions, his voice traceless of any emotions. If it was anyone else, she would've immediately left but this was Kabir. Kabir never speaks in a monotone, he never speaks so abruptly and rudely.
"You're not okay," Sahibha worridly says, her hands moving as she speaks. Kabir eyes fall upon her hands and back towards the photo Sahibha was staring at before she saw him. Sahibha follows his gaze towards it. "You were so happy and in love. What even happened?"
Bella happened. Abeer happened.
Remainders of the past that they so desperately tried to bury came back. Insecurities grew back. Threats came back, fear came back. Sleepless nights came back, days of prodding food came back. Everything fell back into reverse, to where they used to be before they met each other.
He moves out of the hallway, walking closer to Sahibha. With interest, he watches the pink denim jacket clad woman stare at the photographs. There's small dimples upon her pale face, and she occasionally looks at Kabir through the corners of her eyes as she compares them.
"We fell out of love," Kabir finally says, lying as his eyes falling to the floor. He wonders if anyone ever falls out of love or if it was a lie to distract people. He wonders if there will be day when the mere mention of Nazia doesn't send his heart into a frenzy, or when he isn't scanning crowded rooms for her. It sounded surreal. How could someone fall out of love when they spent hours thinking of that person and laughing with them?
How does anyone even forget their first love? Everything reminds him of Nazia. The photos on the wall. The tan line on his finger. The flower store where he used to buy roses for her. A mysterious perfume that smells like hers, the blue of a book cover that looks oddly like her favorite shirt's, the dairy where Nazia once brought ice cream with him . . . Everything somehow trails back to his first love and his second heartbreak, and he wonders if they'll be a day where he doesn't think about what he possibly could have done better.
Sahibha raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything to Kabir. She highly doubts his statement -- however, she won't mention it. He'll tell her when he's ready. "You should go," Kabir says, his tone softer now. "I'm going to go and take a nap. I'll come to work tomorrow, so you don't have to worry."
She nods, smiling a tight lipped smile. "If you say so," she says, her eyes glancing at Kabir. Everything -- from the way his clothes are wrinkled to the way he fidgets with his shirt bottom -- screams for her to stay but even if she did, she wouldn't have a clue on how to save Kabir from himself. What could she possibly even do?
How do you save someone from themselves?
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IT'S MIDNIGHT, and Sahibha has no idea she ended up in the middle of a club. All she knows is that Kabir is drunkenly sitting besides a random blonde, and she's laughing at something he's saying. From the looks of it, the night either ends with their pants off or Sahibha dragging a drunk Kabir home.
She charges towards the bar. A quick glare at the blonde sends her running and Kabir sighing. He takes another sip of his beer, his eyebrow raised at Sahibha. "You accidentally called me precisely five minutes ago, and I could overhear your words slurring around and you talking about how beer is the best intoxicant," Sahibha explains, giving him a death stare.
Kabir's lips break out into a broad smile as a small laugh tumbles through it. "Well, it is. I think I butt dialed you," he shrugs, batting his long eyelashes at Sahibha. "Why are you here, anyways?"
"I'm your friend. I don't want you to be taken advantage of, or to be lying at some ditch on Wednesday morning . . . And also because no one drinks during a weekday," Sahibha explains, pulling Kabir's arm off the counter. "Now, can we go?"
Kabir shakes his head no, pouting. "I just need one more drink," he pleads, his fingers gripping the glass tighter. Sahibha immeaditely shakes her head no, her earings catching the bar's lighting for a moment. She picks up the drink, causing a gasp to escape Kabir's lips.
"What's the check?" she questions at a young bartender. He quickly mutters a '$200' and causes Sahibha's eyebrows to narrow, while Kabir bites his lip in shame. He plays with the edges of his black coat. "What the hell, Kabir?"
Again, he shrugs. "I was thirsty," he complains, folding his arms on the glass table. "And I don't want to be aware of anything . . . I like being senseless. I like being buzzed, having somewhat of an energy of happiness around me."
This gets Sahibha raising an eyebrow. With a sigh, she ruffles through the pockets of her red jacket as she searches for some cash. Finally, her fingers grasp the right sum and she slaps some cash onto the counter.
With her left arm, she grabs his and tugs him closer to her in the blurred lights of the bar. Everything gets her nauseous, reminding her about the night she kissed a drunken Kabir. Does Kabir just have a pattern of getting sad, drunk and kissing the nearest person?
"Whenever I drink, I feel like a happy bubble of energy just floating . . . I don't have a body. I'm formless, I don't have a memory. I am happy," Kabir slurs, speaking nonsense as he leans in closer to Sahibha. He can smell the hints of an expensive perfume, and he rests his head on her shoulder to get a stronger whiff. "I'm not Kabir anymore when I'm drunk."
"Except for the next morning when you have an awful liver, a hangover and a growing addiction to something you don't really need," Sahibha replies, her tone a dull monotone. Kabir leans off her shoulder and stares at her strangely as he nods. She sighs, grabbing his hand as she forces him through the door.
Outside of the bar led to peace. Everything is suddenly quieter, and Sahibha's head pounds less. The freshness of the air is an open change for her -- but that same change gave Kabir the chills. "Can we go back?" Kabir gulps. "I like the bright colors, it makes everything less real."
The floor is covered within the white blanket, and Sahibha's feet sink into the snow. Sahibha remains quiet, trying her best to silence Kabir's mumbles. Everything goes quiet after that, with nothing besides their heels hitting the floor and the odd ruffle of leaves. His hand stays firmly in hers and it's oddly warm for a cold day. She suspects it's due to the alcohol ruining in his veins.
Suddenly, Kabir stops. They're in the middle of the road, with a few cars staring at them as they cross. His eyes are firmly on a woman walking towards them. "Kabir?" Sahibha says, snapping him back to reality. With every step the woman takes, Kabir's heart beats faster until he breaks their hands apart.
He starts to walk backwards, and a car honks loudly at him. This causes him to jump and stare at the car with widen eyes. It lasted for a second before he looks back at the woman. He turns completely around and walks at an unfathomable speed.
Behind him, Sahibha's eyes widen and she stars to run after him. "Kabir!" she calls out, running past the strange woman who triggered all of this from Kabir. She give one last look towards the car, waving a hand to it before she catches up to him.
Kabir shoves his hands in his pockets, his eyes still on the floor. "Kabir, are you alright?" Sahibha quizzes, frowning. She's in the middle of praying it's one of his drunken misfits, and not something more serious such a drug dealer. Perhaps a drug dealer is the root of his aloofness - it'll make more sense.
Kabir looks up from the floor. As soon as he makes eye contact with her blue eyes, he takes another step away from her. "You - You can't be here. I can't be seen with you, she'll get angry. Go -- just go before thing get worse," Kabir blurts, waving his hands frantically while Sahibha tries to walk closer. It's almost like he doesn't recognize her anymore, making Sahibha's throat dry in a mixture of sadness and confusion.
"Nazia won't get angry -- she knows we're only friends," Sahibha says, speaking slowly compared to Kabir's rapid pace. He keeps on looking over her shoulder, his eyes tracing each corner of the street as if a certain woman would pop up.
"Nazia?" Kabir repeats, acting like the word is foreign to him. "No, it's Bella -- she's going to kill me. I know it. She'll rather slash my throat than see me with someone else."
He tugs his jacket closer to his body, huddling in its warmth. His eyes scan the area carefully, and tufts of snow fall into his hair. Without the light of the moon, and the stars that have hidden behind pollution, only streetlight illuminates his terrified eyes.
Sahibha takes a step forward, and Kabir takes another back. "There's no one here," Sahibha softly says, her voice calm and sweet. Her annoyance is outweighing her curiosity. It's late, snow is falling and it's freezing yet Kabir is forcing her to stay in this horrendous weather.
"No. I think she's back. Permanently -- she's been released from jail and she's angry at me," Kabir replies, licking his lips. He wipes his sweaty hands on his black jeans. "I won't ever be safe again. I think she's following me --"
"-- Kabir, just get in the car. It's late, alright? I need to sleep," Sahibha snaps, grabbing his arm. He jumps back as if her touch electrocuted her. She runs a hand through her hair, wondering if she should call Harnaam or someone else to deal with Kabir or help him. However the idea of leaving Kabir burdens her with a heavy guilt.
With a sigh, she grabs for his wrist once again and ignores his pleas. Her car is nearby anyways, it doesn't matter. It'll only take a few minutes of getting there. "Sahibha, let go of me," Kabir asks, choking out the words slowly. There's an edivant slur on his words, so Sahibha rules it off as drunken muttering.
She carries on walking, with Kabir half heartedly follows behind her. He walks with a stumble, his eyes alit by his worrying. However, he remains quiet until they reach her small blue car. It's tiny, cute and practical but Kabir still watches it with a side eye.
Sahibha opens the passenger side of the car and she turns around to face Kabir with expecting eyes. "Kabir, aren't you going to go in?"
He shakes his head no, and the snow on his black hair fall to his shoulders. Pools of tears are in his eyes, accompanied by his head breathing. "I can't -- I swear she'll kill me, you don't understand!" he exclaims. Sahibha pinches the bridge of her nose with an estranged sigh.
After watching Kabir for a minute, she gives up and walks behind him. Gently, she pushes him closer towards the car. He doesn't try to resist. It's only when Sahibha clicks the seatbelt over his chest, his eyes widen in panick -- as if he only woke up now.
By then, Sahibha had already slammed the door shut. Kabir frantically taps on the driver's window, trying to get Sahibha's attention. She ignores him, walking towards her side of the car. When Sahibha sits down the driver's seat, his eye fall upon her once again. He watches her with enlarged eyes, darting from the smudged lipstick she tried to wipe off a few hours ago to her eyes. "She saw me with you, you don't understand, she'll be angry --"
"-- Kabir, you're safe. I'll protect you," Sahibha interrupts, frowning at Kabir's concern. She takes Kabir's hand in his, and he immediately yanks it back to his chest with a worried look in his eyes. "I swear, you just need to sleep. It's only a bad nightmare."
"If it's a bad nightmare, why did I see her? She kissed me -" he quickly takes off his shirt to show his scars "- look, if she's a bad nightmare why do I still have the beer bottle scars from two years ago? Why are her nailmarks still fresh on my skin? You need to leave me alone, please. She'll get angry and hurt you too."
Sahibha's eyes widen, staring at Kabir's half naked body. There's several scars, and the most red are the ones on his chest that are obviously from long human nails. She could imagine manicured nails scrapping his skin, leaving nothing but red gashes and Kabir's tears behind. It causes her to shudder, and to have creases of worry etched on her face.
Her mouth is hanging slightly agape, a certain confusion wiping over her as she attempts to put the broken pieces of clues together. Who is Bella and why is Kabir afraid of her? Was she truly here today? And, how did he get those marks?
"Look, I'll just drop you off home, alright? And I swear, I will never hurt you. I'm your friend -- I'll protect you. You're safe, okay? Bella can't hurt you," Sahibha reassures him, watching him put his shirt on slowly. His face melts from fear, softening as Sahibha speaks in a warm tone. He starts to nod, agreeing with her words.
His eyes begin to shut, fluttering open for a few seconds before they start to close again. With a raised eyebrow, Sahibha watches Kabir's head tlit towards the cold window as he falls asleep. Kabir a few seconds ago was on the verge of an emotional break down and now he's perfectly fine. Strange how that works.
She starts to drive home. Her eyes constantly trail back to him, wondering how someone so heartbroken and tormented can look so peaceful while sleeping. His long eyelashes glue themselves to his skin, and his dark hair is all ruffled. There's no emotion upon his face, except for a small smile on his lips which make Sahibha happy.
At least he finds some peace within his dreams.
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this was such a boring chapter yikes. I hope you guys enjoyed it though! how was the chapter? what did you guys think of Sahibha?
the next few chapters are mainly sahibha centric. it's actually extremely interesting!
QOTD: what songs do you guys associate with this book?
vote?
- Maya
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