Kabanata 9

"May tinatakbuhan ka?" Iscalade asked in a small voice, trying not to get any attention from the others.

"I'm n-not the representative p-po kasi talaga," my voice is shaking. I can't even move my eyes to meet his sight.

"Ah, don't worry. I think the organizer announced that it's impromptu. More or less, lahat naman ng nandito ay hindi rin handa..." he gently patted my head, offering solace. "Kaya ka ba kinakabahan, Philo?"

I shook my head.

It was more than that.

I was afraid of the eyes that will look at me as I deliver a speech that is unprepared. Ang mga mata na halos dumikit sa aking mga balat, the kind that stings until it numbs you. Pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako manhid sa mga matang mapanghusga. It only stings but it never numbs me. Hanggang ngayon ay ramdam ko pa rin at naaalala ko pa rin.

"I'm s-scared po," halos pahikbing sagot ko. I'm not gonna cry but I really feel my stomach lurching right now.

"Takot ka saan? Sa tao?" his eyes squinted. "Stage fright? But people say you're good with debates..."

I started to shake my head mutely.

This was a misunderstanding. Para sa iba ay porke't magaling ka sa isang bagay, you also excel in something related to it. Pero hindi ako gano'n, I could do debates knowing the topics prior to the presentation but impromptu speeches makes me want to run to the hills. I dread for this moment.

"Paano kung..." he drawled. "Isipin mo lahat ng tao sa harap mo ay nakahubad?"

My eyes widened a fraction.

"H-hubad?! I could never d-do that!"

Imagining everyone naked is horrifying! Iniisip ko pa lamang na wala silang saplot ay parang kasalanan na. I don't know where Iscalade gets his ideas. It was too explicit for me.

Iscalade chuckled softly. "No, not that. I mean, think of them in a way that they're also as vulnerable as you right now."

"A-ano po?"

"You're not afraid of them, I think you're more afraid of committing a mistake infront of them. Natatakot kang mapahiya." He points out.

I nodded my head profusely.

"Well, then think of them as naked infront of you. Hindi ba mas nakakahiya sila sa'yo?" He chuckled. My cheeks flushed in embarassment.

"I know you think you can't but you can just try," he gave a lopsided smile. "At kapag hindi ka nag-wagi, edi at least sinubukan mo 'di ba? Hindi mo na iisipin kung ano kayang mangyayari kung ginawa mo ito."

"T-thank you," I sincerely thanked him.

"Isipin mo na lang, Philo. May mga sariling buhay din 'yung manonood sa'yo, ang lungkot naman ng buhay nila kung ang maaalala lang nila ay ang pagkakamali ng isang tao." He once again ruffled my hair.

I blew out some air, releasing some steam off.

Hindi ko namalayan na malapit na pala ako. My grip tightened as I slowly reached the point of spotlight.

I remembered why I was afraid of it in the first place. Ang unang sabak ko sa isang patimpalak ay sariwa pa sa aking alaala. The way I fell on the floor because I didn't know how to walk in heels on a carpet. Ang mga tawanan, ang mga gulat na ekspresyon at ang mga mata ni Mommy na halos nanlisik nang madapa ako sa una kong pageant.

Mula noon, natakot na akong sumubok muli. Ayokong maulit ang maglakad nang may sugat sa mga binti at hindi man lang nagawang tulungan ng sarili niyang ina. I could only remember the faces of those who watched me fell as I crushed my mother's dream.

As the person who had the draw lots of topics strode towards me, I prepared myself in providing a speech with less preparations and no script.

Sabi ni Iscalade, isipin ko na kasing hina ko sila ngayon. I looked at the people in front and imagined them in my position. Fragile and scared, but trying to overcome those fears.

And for some reason, it worked.

✿✿✿

"Iscalade! I did it!" I happily hopped my way to him. I almost hugged him but I was too shy to create a physical contact with him.

"Congrats! Sabi ko naman sa'yo e, dami ngang nagalingan sa'yo. Tingnan mo," puri niya sa akin.

I can still hear the applause even if I was already at the backstage, my heart fluttered at the thought of it.

"But I think I stuttered at the end, h-halata ba?" I looked at him upward since he's taller than me. A lot taller than me, to be precise.

"Nope!" he slowly shook his head. "Hindi na nila napansin 'yon, ang ganda kaya nung speech mo. Perfect ba sila bakit kailangan perfect 'yung ipapakita mo?"

"S-salamat, ha! Ikaw na po 'yata," I told him when someone signalled for him to go forward.

I immediately realized something so I called him.

"I-Iscalade!"

He stopped from traipsing and turned his attention to me.

"Po?" he grinned.

"Picture me naked too!" I told him since it was only the two of us in the backstage, he was the last contestant.

His jaw clenched as his lips slightly parted, his eyelashes blink a few times. There was a look of disbelief in his face.

"Ano?"

"You can picture me n-naked or the people infront of you if you feel n-nervous," I smiled timidly. "We are as vulnerable as you, just like what you've said."

He looked dazed when he was called once again. Kumaway lang ako sa kanya bago tuluyan pumunta sa mga upuan ng mga nanonood. I spotted Sarathiel with his friends, nanonood 'yata sila para kay Iscalade.

"Hello po," I greeted them and Sarathiel immediately notice me. Agad siyang umurong para bigyan ako ng upuan.

"Hi Philo!" binati ako ni Ade at nagawa niya pa akong bigyan ng ngiti. Cae also smiled while Sach only nodded his head.

"Thank you po sa upuan, Sarathiel." I told Sarathiel who was watching Iscalade, he didn't even spare me glance. Medyo masungit talaga siya.

"Dude, kinakabahan ba si Iscalade?" tanong ni Ade, out of the blue.

"I thought I was the only one who noticed," Sarathiel's forehead creased while having his arms across his chest. He was seriously watching Iscalade who was delivering his speech.

Bumaling tuloy ako sa direksyon ni Iscalade. He was doing fine but he was blushing and laughing, parang hindi niya sineseryoso. He kept looking at different directions, he can't look at our side.

I wonder why? Ganito ba si Iscalade pagdating sa mga events? Maybe that's why he was good with advices...

"Oh my, my family, my mama and papa," he chuckled, making the whole auditorium erupted in laughter. "I'm sorry, I told you guys that I'm confident but this is my first time po kasi, since I'm only seventeen years old and hashtag pressure but yes family is love."

"Gago, anong sinasabi no'n?" Halakhak ni Ade na halos mapatayo para lang silipin si Iscalade. "Matino pa 'yon no'ng huling kausap natin, ah?"

"I'm also curious," Sarathiel shrugged. "Hindi naman siya ganyan. He's good with bluffing speeches, but he's way too playful today."

"B-baka po k-kasi kinakabahan siya," I jolted from my seat and defended Iscalade. "P-pero sinabi ko naman p-po na h-he can picture us naked, para mawala ang kaba niya."

Nalaglag ang panga ni Ade. Sarathiel widened his eyes, ang madalas niyang antukin na mga mata ay nagising sa sinabi ko. Cae and Sach also took a peek at me.

"Anong sabi mo?" Ade urged me to repeat what I've said.

"I told h-him to picture m-me or us naked so he'll feel less tense," I admitted.

"Ah, kaya pala," Ade slowly nodded his head and burst in laughter.

Ngumisi naman si Sarathiel at pilit na tinatago ang mukha gamit ng kanyang hoodie. He was laughing too but he didn't want others to see.

I pouted to myself. I really have to end this infatuation with him. He's really just cute, lalo na ngayon na tumatawa siya.

"Iscalade, don't be shy! Tingin ka naman sa direksyon namin," Ade yelled. Halos hindi na rin kasi seryoso ang mga tao na nanonood, even the judges were laughing at Iscalade.

Napalingon si Iscalade sa direksyon namin. In a split moment, I waved my hand at him and gave him my brightest smile. Go on, Iscalade! That's okay!

Napapikit nang mariin si Iscalade, he even turned his back at us. Tawang-tawa si Ade at ang mga kaibigan niya. Sarathiel was doing his best to contain his laughter.

I don't get it? Wala naman nang sinasabi si Iscalade? Bakit pa rin sila tumatawa?

After his performance, Iscalade went to us. His face was flushed in crimson, agad ko naman siyang inabutan ng bottled water. Ngumiti lang siya sa akin at umiling bilang pagtanggi.

"Dude, kamusta naman ang pag-literal sa 'picture me naked'? Gago ka," Ade was chuckling as he rested his arms around Iscalade's neck.

"Dude, I swear! Halos kabisaduhin ko na 'yung periodic table sa utak ko para lang mawala 'yung sinabi ni Philo," Iscalade huffed.

"Philomena," Sarathiel called me. Agad naman akong lumingon, my heart fluttered a bit.

"Ngayon pa lang, humihingi na kami ng sorry para kay Iscalade." He laughed, shaking his head.

"Wala naman pong ginawang masama si Iscalade sa akin," I told them. Lumingon ako kay Iscalade pero nakapikit lang siya.

"Bye Philo, bukas na lang ulit tayo mag-usap." He bid his goodbye as his friends helped him walk while having his eyes close.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜