Call me - Rainlord., keshi

Kabanata 38

"Noon pa man, sinabihan ko na 'yan si Priscilla. She doesn't need to get married or have children if she doesn't want to. In most cases, hindi naman kasi ang mga magulang ang nahihirapan kundi ang mga nagiging anak." wika ni Tita Juana at sumimsim sa kan'yang kape. We're currently having breakfast at her house.

"Wala na ba silang ginawang tama kundi si Philomena Gracia lang?" Katryna pointed her spoon at me, giving me a quick glance before returning her gaze back at Lavender.

Katryna was swinging her feet under the table, kitang-kita ang puti niyang sapatos. Lavender kept on looking at it, eyes turning to slits.

I decided to cut my pancakes as I listen to the both of them. Solstice told me to call her Lavender instead. Madalas kasi gumuguhit ang irita sa kan'yang mukha sa tuwing tinatawag ko siyang Solstice. Her name also makes her sound more cold too.

"Pwede mo sila kasuhan, Philo..." Lavender alluded, her tone turned out as icy as it can be.

"Hindi na po siguro..." I took a bite from my pancakes. "I still love them and I can't just..."

The weight on my heart only grows more heavy. Lalo lamang akong nagkakaroon ng guilt dahil sa biglaan kong pag-alis. I did it because of impulse, I didn't think it through. Pero pakiramdam ko kailangan ko muna ito. I have to stay away from them for a while; I do not want to plant hatred in my heart.

There's a universal truth, or at least in my universe, that I acknowledge - just because you got hurt, it doesn't give you the right to inflict pain to others too.

I'll always choose kindness; because it's freeing. After all, the foundation of morality is freedom. It is what makes us unique from other species. We are the ones who dictate who we should be and how we should treat others. We are the only ones capable of that.

"A-and besides, wala na po ako roon. I really just want peace po..." mahinang saad ko, patuloy ang pagpira-piraso sa aking pancake kahit maliliit na talaga ang mga parte nito.

"Mas peaceful siguro kung nakakulong sila," Katryna wiggled her eyebrows at me playfully. I tried to smile but my heart cannot see them inside a cell.

"Yna, busog ka na?" Lavender asked in the middle of the conversation, she frowned at Katryna who only shrugged her shoulders off and didn't finished her meal.

"Kakain pa ako mamaya..." Yna mumbled, pilit na iniiwas ang tingin. Lavender only smirked and finished her meal by cleaning her mouth with a piece of cloth.

"Hindi na ba masarap?" ani Lavender sa nangaalaskang tono. Yna only scoffed.

I was staying with Tita Juana for a month now. Siya rin ang gumagamot sa aking mga pisngi. Lavender would once in a while visit me, pero mas madalas kong kasama si Tita Juana at Katryna.

Nahihiya ako sa kanila. Pakiramdam ko kasi pabigat ako dahil hindi naman ako parte ng kanilang pamilya. Albeit, Tita Juana and Katryna treats me with hospitality.

"Uh, ako na po maghuhugas..." I meekly muttered to Katryna. Wala silang helpers dito sa kanilang bahay. Dalawa lang naman silang nakatira kaya naman naiintindihan ko.

"May dishwasher doon, Philo. Tulungan mo na lang ako maglagay. Ito naman parang others," Katryna uttered and gave a small smile, helping me with arranging the dishes. I nodded abruptly.

Lavender and Katryna seems to be intimidating at first. Pero kalaunan ay naging malambing din sila sa akin. They're just snarky whenever boys are involved in our discussions. Lavender is only cold at first but gradually she also warms up. Si Yna naman ay tahimik lang, although she always have satiric remarks for almost everything.

"Philo, gusto mo talaga na bumukod?" Tita Juana asked, sounding alarmed. Lavender lifted an eyebrow while Yna's hand stopped midair and she looked at my direction.

Humingi ako ng pahintulot na sana ay payagan na ako na maghanap ng isang room for rent o kaya'y borders' house para matuluyan. The three of them were surprised because of my request.

"Ayaw mo ba rito, Philo?"

"Hindi po, Tita Juana. Masaya po ako rito. It is just, I want to live in a smaller place po sana..."

"We can share a condo!" Katryna offered, concern plastered on her face.

"Sagot ko na living expenses mo," dagdag ni Lavender sa tonong hindi nagpapatalo.

"Nahihiya po talaga ako," I shook my head, even offering a quick smile. "G-gusto ko rin po sanang marananasan na tumayo mag-isa..."

I appreciate the support but now that I have the freedom to do things, I'd want to learn more about myself. Gusto ko maranasan lahat ng hindi ko nagawa noon dahil sa hindi ako pinapayagan. I cannot always rely on others. For once, I wanna learn how to be independent.

"You don't even have the money," Lavender snickered, pinagkrus pa ang kan'yang mga braso. "Are you sure?"

"I'll work po," I answered. "Kaya ko naman po siguro mag-trabaho..."

"Sa 'yo na lang condo ko?" Yna offered once again. "Ayaw mo talaga?"

My cheeks flushed in crimson. I slowly shook my head while playing with the hem of my dress.

"Condo lang io-offer mo? Sabagay, saan ka nga pala matutulog no'n? Kina Z?" Lavender asked with a hint of teasing. Yna lifted an eyebrow and chuckled with the same amount of mockery from Lavender.

"Disi otso, huwag mo ako simulan." Yna snorted. "Obviously, dito? May bahay naman kasi ako?"

Lavender scoffed, bigla siyang tumahimik. Bumalik ang atensyon nila sa akin.

I could see Lavender and Yna having disapproving glances towards me. They're probably worried that I might be bluffing. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam kung kaya ko nga ba pero gusto ko subukan. Gusto ko tingnan kung tama ba ang tinatahak kong daan.

"Philomena?"

Nagitla ako dahil sa may biglang kumalabit sa akin. Nasa grocery ako ngayon, Tita Juana offered me a job for her. Since Yna is not always around, ako na lang daw muna ang bahala sa bahay. I could clean, do groceries, laundry and maintain the house while the both of them are gone. Para raw kahit papaano ay may ipon ako sakaling gusto ko na talagang umalis sa kanilang bahay.

Naiara was wearing a bucket hat, ang maikling niyang buhok noon ay umaabot na sa kan'yang balikat. She was wearing a rainbow long sleeves tee and shorts. Sa likod niya ay may lalaki na nakahilig sa pushcart. Agad na naalarma ang puso ko. It only went normal upon seeing that it was wearing a nurse's uniform that fitted his well toned body.

"Hi Naiara at Kuya North..." I greeted the both of them. Naka-face mask si Kuya North kaya naman mata lang ang kita ko sa kan'ya. I saw how his eyes formed making me think that he smiled at me.

"Oh my! Hinahanap ka ni Iscalade! Pero si Kile muna tatawagan ko!" Naiara blurted out, she fished out her phone but I immediately stopped her from texting anyone.

"N-nai, ano po kasi..."

"Should I call Iscalade first?" Naiara asked, my heart hurts whenever she says his name. Alam ko naman kasi na hindi na siya pwede para sa akin.

"Si K-kile na lang po..."

I should at least tell them where I am and I'm actually doing fine. I already informed Paulene after a week of running away. Pero sinabihan ko siya na huwag sanang makarating ito kay Mommy. Pakiramdam ko ang sama ko sa ginagawa ko pero kapag naaalala ko kung paanong hinayaan niyang lumipad ang palad ni Daddy sa pisngi ko; I think I deserve this much space from them.

"I miss you," Naiara kept on hugging me, making my body squeezed. Nasa sasakyan kami ngayon dahil pupunta kami sa studio nila. North laughed while maneuvering his car.

"Saan ka pumunta?"

"Diyan lang po..."

"Kumakain ka naman nang maayos?" she even clipped some falling strands of my hair on my ear.

"O-opo," I nodded. "Sana kayo rin po."

"Iscalade will be happy! Alam mo bang sobrang nagaalala 'yon sa 'yo. Muntik na nga 'yon umiyak-" Naiara terminated her next sentences when North already parked the car.

Medyo natulala lang ako dahil sa isang high-end building pala ang studio nila. The modern architecture made my mouth curved into amusement.

"Papalit lang ako ng damit sa unit ko," paalam ni Kuya North nang makapasok kami sa first floor pa lamang. Nilibot ko ang paningin ko, I immediately feel so small. This whole place looked like gold was nothing but a mere material. Sa mga vases pa lamang ay natatakot na ako kumilos dahil baka mabasag ko.

Kuya North went towards Naiara, may inabot siyang keycard. "Sunod na lang ako, ha. Ingat kayo kay Kile."

Both of them chuckled and Naiara playfully punched North on his arm. Naghiwalay na kami ng landas para pumunta sa isang studio. We rode an elevator made in glass, it made me extremely scared because of the heights. Napakapit ako kay Naiara dahil dito. The marbled floors and the high ceilings confirmed that this whole building is for the rich.

When we arrived in their studio unit, sumalubong sa akin ang isang glass partition. It separated the control room and the side where the instruments were placed.

Napalingon sa amin si Enoch na nakapamulsa. His curly hair made him look lazy and his comfortable stance gave me a hint that he's probably the most laidback member. Malimit lang din niya ako kausapin kumpara kay Kuya North at Naiara.

Kile, on the other hand, had his back facing us. He was wearing his usual oversized black shirt. May hawak siyang gitara at may nakasalpak na na headsets sa kan'yang mga tenga niya. He was busy with his guitar when the both of us entered.

I wanna see her again
Maybe I'll just be a friend
Or a lover to lean on
I'm
Catchin' the pieces again
Of a heart that would like to pretend
That it isn't bleedin'

Umaalpas ang bawat ritmo ng kan'yang boses sa aking damdamin. Kile has the voice you want to keep for time immemorial. It contrasts the bubbly and honeyed tone of Iscalade, it was probably more soulful and soothing. Palaging parang nanghaharana at nangaakit ang boses ni Iscalade; Kile's more on comforting and sounded like his entire tone was made for lullabies.

Say you'll call me, baby
Tell me you'll be okay
If I leave you alone today

"Philo, tanggalin mo 'yung headset..." Enoch mouthed, even pointing towards Kile. Tinuro ko ang sarili ko habang nanglalaki ang mga mata. He nodded to confirm.

I went towards him and gently removed the headset, it made Kile stopped from strumming his guitar and he tilted his head. Ang mga namumungay niyang singkit ay nanglaki at agad siyang napabalikwas sa kan'yang upuan.

"Philo?" his cat liked eyes broadened.

"Hello po!" I beamed at him which made him smile a bit.

We talked over coffee. Hindi masyadong nagtanong si Kile, he only asked me if my living conditions were okay and if I needed any help. Talking to Kile made me realized that I didn't lose my friends in the process of me finding myself. I'm glad that he comforted me.

"Gumawa ako ng bucket list, t-tapos gagawin ko siya!" I excitedly shared with Kile. "I'll do some of it with Lavender, Paulene, Katryna, Kile tapos..."

I looked at the list that I did. I gulped upon realizing that most activities were inspired with Iscalade. Pinalitan ko lang ang mga pangalan pero halos lahat ay si Iscalade ang nakita kong kasama.

"Hm? Why did you stop? Tell me more...." malamyos na saad ni Kile. "I'd like to hear more about you doing what you like..."

My eyes went towards Naiara and Enoch. Naguusap silang dalawa na para bang pinagkakaisahan nila si Kile. Para bang kausap ni Kile ngayon ang crush niya. Namula naman ako. Don't get us wrong! Sabi ni Kile ay friends na lang daw kami!

"Ahem, libre naman diyan." Naiara faked her cough. "Dito ko 'yan unang dinala kahit 'yung isa roon ay halos hindi na matulog kakahanap diyan."

"Naiara, are you referring to Iscalade po ba?" I asked, sadness forming in my heart.

"Yup! Hinahanap ka rin niya e. Pero di ko pa sinasabi na nahanap na kita. Pabayaan mo na siya, malaki na 'yon!"

"He'll make you happy po..." my heart ached again upon realizing that Iscalade loves this girl. "Kahit gano'n po 'yon kakulit, gagawin ka naman p-po niyang masaya..."

"Huh?" Naiara looked confuse. Agad siyang napaatras na para bang may hindi siya maintindihan.

"C-crush mo po siya 'di ba po?"

"Dati lang 'yon. Crush ka niya e." Naiara said, without blinking an eye. "Di ko ugaling maghabol. At saka duh? Taho ba si Iscalade? Taho na lang hinahabol ngayon 'no!"

"S-sabi niya po nililigawan ka po niya..." nangingilid na naman ang luha sa aking mga mata. Kile offered a box of tissue which made me smile.

"Ako? Nililigawan? Huh?" Naiara chuckled nervously. "Huling kausap ko sa kan'ya ay nags-sorry siya sa akin -"

Naiara halted her voice. Parang bigla siyang natauhan. Her fists clenched as she realized something.

"Oy hala!" Naiara shook her head abruptly. "Hindi 'yon gano'n!"

"Sana p-po kung ikakasal kayo sana po invited po ako..." the lump on my throat grows. Sana dahil gusto ko nandoon ako sa araw na sobrang saya ni Iscalade. I know he will be happy because finally his love will be reciprocated.

"T-teka, Philomena. Hindi naman kasi gano'n 'yon. Bakit naman may kasal agad?" Naiara sighed. "Crush ko lang siya, okay? Marami pa akong crush! At saka, friends na lang kami ngayon..." Naiara slowly went towards me. Hinawakan niya ako sa aking mga kamay.

"Walang ligawan na naganap," she added. "The guy still deeply cares for you. Trust me..."

"You don't have to pretend to spare my feelings po..." I hiccuped. I hate that I'm crying right now. "Kaya ko naman po maging masaya basta masaya si Iscalade."

"Pero sa 'yo siya sasaya," Naiara caressed my cheeks. "I only wanted you to be here first because Iscalade is currently with your parents. And for most runaway teens, ang mga magulang talaga ang tinatakbuhan. He never stopped looking for you. So I hope you'll give him another chance..."

"Be a little more braver, Philomena." Kile spoke softly, his eyes showed his admiration. "This is another chance for you. And I hope you'll finally get the boy."

Sa mga salita nila, nanaig ang kagustuhan ko na makalabas sa sarili kong hawla. I really wanted to do what I've always wanted - to be free. I decided to leave every fear I had. Kinuha ko ang phone ko, all the unsent emails that I used to create were sent to their recipients. My heart was anticipating with it.

"Kile, anong email mo po?" I asked, timidly. Agad siyang lumingon sa akin.

"Uh, business email?"

"Personal po sana."

He bit his lower lip and played with the piercings on his ear.

"Ano kasi, pwede ko i-bulong na lang?"

"Bakit po?" I asked in curiosity.

"Full name ko kasi, saka nahihiya ako..." he pouted like a child. Pero nagmukha lang siyang kuting.

"Huh? Pero sige po..."

Lumapit siya sa akin upang bumulong. My lips parted as I realized how beautiful his name was. Bakit kaya siya nahihiya?

"Maganda naman po, ah..." I praised.

"Biblical kasi..." Ngumiwi siya. "Parang hindi bagay. I don't really like sharing it with others, nagmumukha kasi akong mabait. What the fuck 'di ba."

Ngumiti lang ako sa kan'ya, I composed my email for him and sent the letter to his personal email.

To Leviticus Kile,

✿✿✿

When I went home, hindi ko inakala na sasagot ang mga sinendan ko ng mga email. Medyo hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na ginawa ko ito. I also sent ones for Mommy and Daddy but I'm not sure if they'll be able to see it.

I checked my inbox and my heart immediately swelled in happiness.

From: Sarathiel Zyler Aracosa

From: Leviticus Kile

I was almost out of breath upon seeing his name. Pakiramdam ko tumigil ang mundo ko nang makita na isa siya sa mga nag-reply sa mga emails ko. I know he knows my email but I never thought he would be the first one to reply among the people I sent my emails to.

From: Iscalade Jance Altreano

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜