Best friend — Jason Chen

ISCALADE

Kabanata 36

"Iscalade!"

"Wala! Tulog! Nananaginip! Ang gumising sa kan'ya hindi na raw magkaka-syota!" I hissed as I covered myself in my own blanket. Tinakpan ko pa ng mga unan ang tenga ko.

Tangina kasi nitong si Ade, isasama ako sa mga party tapos iiwan ako kapag mag kalandian na siya. Ang malala pa roon, akala ng ibang babae ay nandoon din ako para lumandi.

Mukha ba akong naglalakad na Tinder? Nakakaasar.

My door slammed against the wall. I groaned upon realizing that I almost never lock my door. Dinaganan ako ni Ade kaya naman agad akong bumalikwas para hampasin siya ng unan ko.

"Dali na, ang tagal mo na kayang single. You can't be in love with Caitlyn forever. Si Cait nga may bago na agad e, one week after." panga-alaska ni Ade sa akin, nagawa pa akong siku-sikuhin. Kumunot naman ang noo ko.

Kapag 'to siniko ko sa mukha, ito 'yung makakatulog e. Ayaw magpatulog! Nakakarindi!

Caitlyn and I broke up just after moving up. Sabi ko naman sa kan'ya, I was willing to compromise and move schools for her. Wala namang kaso sa akin at sa mga magulang ko 'yon.

She insisted that we should break up for our own growth. At naniwala naman ako, one week after, may bago na agad siya galing sa senior highschool department.

Wow, ganda naman ng growth natin diyan.

"Si Sarathiel na lang yayain mo," I went over to my own bathroom. Inayos ko ang magulo kong buhok at naghilamos. Alam ko naman kasi ang ending nito ay sasama pa rin ako.

"Alam mo naman na magmula nang mapunta si Sarathiel sa special science class, medyo naging aloof 'yon e."

"Kaklase ko na siya sa school year na ito," I boasted, smirking. "Safe na ako agad sa mahihirap na subjects! ABM ka pa, Ade?"

Matalino si Sarathiel, bukod doon ay hindi siya madamot magbigay ng sagot. Although, I can do well in physics. Hindi naman ako kasing galing ni Sarathiel pagdating sa ibang subjects. Minsan iniisip ko nakakatalino ba 'yung pagtulog?

"Si Andria 'yung nagyaya, sama ka raw kasi..."

"Sino 'yon?" my eyebrows drew together. Nagsuot na ako ng isang plain black shirt. I won't be staying that long anyway.

"'Yung may crush sa'yo?" Ade retorted.

"Ah, sorry. Marami kasi sila..." my tongue touched my inner cheek, trying to contain my laughter.

"Yabang!" binato ako ni Ade ng unan. I only laughed. Hinatid kami ng driver nila Ade sa bahay ni Andria.

Everyone looked our way when we entered the party. The house had the typical atmosphere of those from States. Red cups, bottles of liqour and the smell of rebellious youth welcomed us.

"Iscalade!" Andria hugged me upon seeing my presence. I awkwardly moved away and maintained my distance with her. Tinawa ko na lang ito.

"Andria!" bati ko kahit kanina ko lang siya nakilala; kunyari na lang kilala ko siya.

"I miss you!" dagdag ko pa para ganap na ganap. She smiled with a hint of flirting.

Nagusap lang kami nang sandali ni Andria, humarot na agad si Ade sa mga kaibigan nito. I frowned and clenched my jaw. Asar naman, dapat naglalaro na lang ako ngayong gabi e! Ginagawa talaga akong excuse nitong si Ade para makalandi!

I like parties but there are just some days that I would rather be in my room. Nanonood ng movies o kaya ay naglalaro.

"Uhm, can I get your number?" tumikhim si Andria, presenting her phone infront of me.

I smiled. "Ah yeah, sure."

I gave her my contact number; I have two phone numbers. Isa para sa mga kilala ko talaga at isa naman para sa mga nakahalubilo ko lang. I gave her the latter and she squealed as she showed it off to her friends. Andria toured me around, para siguro mas humaba ang usapan namin. She even told me about the hidden rooms in their house. Mabuti na lamang at kinailangan niyang kausapin ang ilan pang mga bisita kaya iniwan niya rin ako.

Umakyat ako sa second floor, trying to find some peace for a while. Ang ingay kasi sa ibaba at wala naman akong masyadong kakilala. Although it is easy for me to blend in, I wasn't really in the mood for socializing.

"Hi," may agad na humaltak sa akin sa isang kwarto. Agad akong napapitlag dahil hindi ako kaladkarin. Even if I protested, the girl yanked me over to a room. Agad naman akong natulala.

What the hell?

Hindi pa nakatulong na sobrang dilim ng kwartong 'yon. I immediately furrowed my eyebrows.

"Iscalade, I'm —" the girl was cut off by the sound of the door opening.

"Jance, may naghahanap sa'yo."

Sinipat ko ito at nakitang si Icarus pala base sa kasungitan nito. Bukod kay Sarathiel, isa rin ito sa mga pambato pagdating sa utak. I know him since he's mostly active when it comes to school activities, lalo na sa mga organizations at clubs.

My eyes wandered off to the girl next to Icarus who was sporting a braided hair. Nagtama ang paningin namin pero nanatiling naniningkit ang mata niya. Malabo siguro dahil naka-salamin siya.

"Jance, just stay! Kahit seven minutes lang..." the girl beside me kept on holding my arms.

"Like seven minutes in heaven? Gano'n ba?" I smirked, before peeling her off from me.

Someone coughed, napalingon ako sa babaing kasama ni Icarus. She looked...innocent? Like she was being polite by coughing in order to get our attention. Imbis na tawagin kami agad.

I opened the lights to see her clearly.

I grinned upon finally seeing her entire face. Her wide eyes makes her look delicate, lips as pink as peaches and the way she blinks makes her eyelashes flutter. Pakiramdam ko ginawa siya ni God for me. Feeling ko lang talaga.

"Sino?" I playfully asked and glanced at her. Icarus pointed towards her.

"May nagpapahanap lang po sa inyo," she softly confirmed even if she sounded unsure.

Lord, thank you po in advance. Sabi po ng iba walang nadudulat na maganda ang pagp-party. Pero tingnan mo nga naman, nakahanap na po ako ng instant aasawahin.

Napatagal 'yata ang titig ko dahil agad siyang namula sabay yumuko. She's shy? I tend to like girls who are confident though.

"Okay," I nonchalantly agreed.

Si Icarus ang naghatid pabalik doon sa babae. I trust him, that guy is crazy over his academics to do something immoral. Hindi man siya tulad ni Sarathiel na sobrang gifted kahit walang review ay highest, Icarus always has a high place whenever it comes to school related achievements.

Bumaba na kami nung babae. She didn't even initiate a conversation. Hindi ko alam kung mahiyain lang talaga siya o ayaw niya akong kausapin. And I respect that. Some people are just not that talkative.

"Hala, sino 'yan?" someone gaped and pointed his forefinger at me. Agad akong nagtaas ng kilay at umawang ang labi.

"Si Janz?" the girl was confused and she even turned to me with an innocent expression.

"Di 'yan si Janz! Ito na si Janz oh." Tumingin siya sa akin upang humingi ng paumanhin.

"Okay lang, dude. Kailangan niyo pa ba ng tulong?" I asked and even offered my hand but he declined.

"Goods na kami. Enjoy the party na lang!" he shook his head and helped his friend who's currently wasted. Sumipol ako, goodluck with that.

Napalingon ako sa kan'ya. She was biting her finger while looking at me. Mukhang akala niya ay may ginawa siyang kasalanan.

No love, ang tanging kasalanan mo lang ay bakit ngayon ka lang dumating sa buhay ko?

"Sorry po, di ko po alam na hindi ikaw si Janz." She spoke softly, gaze lowering down as she adjust her stance.

I gradually shook my head.

"Well technically I'm Jance, Iscalade Jance nga lang." Pwede rin future asawa mo na lang.

"Sorry kasi naudlot ka sa nilalandi mo," her face showed guilt.

Believe me, the only person I want to flirt with right now is you. Pero pakiramdam ko parang mali. Feeling ko magiging makasalanan ako. Kaka-recruit pa lang naman sa akin ni Gio sa samahan ng mga nagbabagong buhay.

"Seryoso ka ba?" my lips parted.

"Sorry po talaga. Makakahanap ka pa naman ng mas better. Gusto mo tulungan na lang kitang mag—"

"Ba't pa ako maghahanap? Nandiyan ka naman?"

She froze and she eyed me with rejection. I wanted to laugh. Honestly? Her reactions are cute.

"Kuya, huwag po." she pursed her lips.

My eyes widened and I chuckled.

"Grabe naman, di naman ako manyak. At saka, I'm not here to flirt. Mukha ba akong malandi?"

Pero, bakit parang gusto ko siyang landiin? Pakiramdam ko lang ay hindi pupwede.

She didn't answer and only look at me with judging eyes.

"Judgemental ka ha!" I accused her, containing my smile as I put my hand on my chest.

"Sorry po," she apologized.

"Nah, I'm kidding." I told her as I extended my hand. "Iscalade."

"Philomena," she smiled and accepted my hand. Her hands were soft and even her name sounded classic.

"Damn, wala pa akong alam sa philo. Grade eleven pa lang ako." I frowned, paano ako magpapasikat nito?

I learned that day that she was from HUMSS and she likes reading a lot. Hindi niya ako halos kinausap magdamag at pinanood ko lang siya magbasa pero parang nakilala ko na siya agad.

Whenever she reads, you can tell what's happening in the story. Her expression changes as she flips the pages. Mabilis din siya magbasa para sa akin. I was a slow reader because I don't really like reading a lot. Magbabasa siguro ako para lang sa school, but for past time? I'd rather go to the gym or any parties that I can attend to.

Bukod doon, she has strict parents. Kinailangan ko pang humingi ng pabor kay Andria para lang hindi mapagalitan si Philomena. I even immediately added her on Facebook, kahit parang mukhang lowkey lang siya sa mga social media accounts niya.

Para akong biniyayaan ng pagkakataon dahil school mates pala kami. Hindi man pareho ng strand, at least I can still see her roaming around the school.

"May crush ako," I nudged Sarathiel who looked drowsy. Palagi naman 'tong mukhang matutulog!

"Who?" maiksing sagot niya. Lumingon siya sa akin dahil katabi ko lang naman siya. Tambay kami ngayon sa Caf.

My eyes flew towards Philomena who was currently walking. Ang mukha niya ay nakababad sa isang libro habang kunot na kunot ang noo. She wasn't wearing her glasses making her look more
standoffish.

"Dadaan siya, wait. Tingnan niyo 'to," mayabang na tawag ko sa atensyon ng mga kaibigan ko. I'm sure she remembers me! I mean, most people does.

I was about to greet Philomena as she strides her way in our direction. Pero agad itong napawi nang hindi man lang niya ako tinapunan ng tingin. Dire-diretso ang bawat hakbang niya, hindi man lang umangat ang kan'yang tingin sa amin.

"Pft," Sarathiel covered his mouth, there was a hint of mockery in his tone. "Ano titingnan namin? Kung paano ka daanan lang ng crush mo?"

"Dadaan siya, wait. Tingnan niyo 'to — tingnan niyo kung paano niya ako hindi papansinin!" Ade guffawed while reenacting the scene. My face immediately formed a small scowl.

Tumawa pa si Cae at Sach. Mga di talaga mapagkakatiwalaan ito! Wala man lang support!

Pero hindi ako tumigil, I still wanted to get close to her. Madali lang sa akin ang kumuha ng loob ng tao; I was born to be sociable. My Mom and Dad always praised me because of this attitude of mine. Madalas ay ako ang paboritong kausap ng mga anak ng kaibigan nila o kung sino man na hinaharap nila sa akin.

I shrugged off upon realizing that Philomena Gracia wasn't the type to stick around with people. She was more reserved and she wanted silence more than anyone.

Pero nakikinig siya sa akin.

She always listens to me. Hindi tulad ng ibang tao na makikinig lang para makapag-kwento rin sila; she was the type of person who will listen intently to the person just because she wants to be there to listen to them.

Kahit 'yata walang kwenta na ang kinukwento ko sa kan'ya, she doesn't hesitate to listen to me or to show me her emotions about my random musings.

I love how she keeps old fragments of the past. Mahilig siya mangolekta ng mga antique. She prefers to put dried daisies whenever she designs anything. She smells like vanilla as if it was poured all over her. She does her own braids. Mahilig siya ngumuso kapag hindi napagbibigyan. The way her eyes lit whenever she found another book worth of having a five star rating on goodreads will always make me smile. She likes writing stories without endings; dahil para sa kan'ya, she wants the characters to have the freedom to choose their own fate.

Akala ko sa philosophy lang ako gagaling, mukhang kung subject lang si Philomena Gracia Valderama; top 1 na siguro ako sa klase na 'yon.

"Sasali rin sa buwan ng wika si Philo," I puffed my cheeks. Hindi kasi ako pwedeng tumakas sa groupings at hindi rin ako ang representative.

"Sarathiel, bantayan mo si Philo, please? Libre kita mamaya o kaya hihingi ako ng pirma ni Zafirah kay Gio! Basta, i-cheer mo si Philo para sa akin..." I almost pleaded to Sarathiel who only furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"I think Philomena can manage well..." he drawled.

"I know! Pero pakibantayan, if she needs anything or anyone." pakisuyo ko kay Sarathiel. I know Philomena can do well but what if something happens to her? Mahiyain pa naman 'yon! She doesn't want to trouble others, that's why she keeps everything to herself.

"Sige lang," Sarathiel bobbed his head and his gaze went down. "Pero...legit ba 'yung pirma ni Zafirah?"

Tumawa naman ako. Dude, sobrang whipped mo naman. Nakakahiya maging tropa mo, dapat lowkey lang tayo.

I didn't know that it will backfired towards me. Mukhang dahil pa 'yata sa akin ay nagkagusto si Philomena kay Sarathiel! I dismissed the thought, maybe I was just putting thoughts to her actions. Hindi naman sila naguusap e, sa sobrang whipped ni Sarathiel kay Zafirah; I doubt that he will notice Philomena.

Binansagan pa nga akong ultragalactic mega bestfriend. Hindi ko alam kung nakakatuwa pa na sobra niya akong pinapahalagahan o maiinis dahil mas binaon 'yata ako sa friendzone.

I didn't want to pressure her. Okay na rin naman sa akin ang friendship muna. Her parents are also strict. Pakiramdam ko hindi rin siya papayagan kung sakali na magkaroon ng boyfriend. I have no problem with that. Pero minsan ako na ang nasasakal sa trato sa kan'ya, imagine not being able to go to events just because they don't trust that you can go there on your own; I can't relate ever.

"Hi! Is this lane for..." I asked a girl who's currently holding a lot of books. Halos yakapin na niya ito, lumingon siya sa akin at umawang ang labi.

"Y-yes?" her lips quivered, blinking a lot. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin. I only grinned.

"I'm asking if this is for the signing of..." I told her the name of the author. Medyo kinabahan pa ako dahil mamaya tanungin niya ako tungkol sa libro. I haven't read any of it yet.

Philo wasn't allowed to attend to this event. She looked crestfallen while sharing it to me, making me feel sad for her. Wala naman akong gagawin at saka alam ko naman na papayagan ako kaya ako na lang mismo ang magpapapirma ng libro niya.

I wished we could go here together. I'd love to see her eyes twinkling because she loves books so much. Sa bawat sulok ng bookfair na ito ay puro libro. I can even imagine her having long conversations with the people here and being extremely enthusiastic about it.

The girl nodded abruptly.

Nakipagkuwentuhan pa siya sa akin habang nasa pila kami. The event organizer gave us numbers and I was glad I wasn't part of the cut off. Sayang naman kasi kung aabutan ako ng cut off.

"Tinaguan ng anak?" my brows furrowed while I kept my smile to myself. That's a plot?

I guess, Raffy Tulfo found jobless; if this kind of plot really happens in real life. Sa tunay na buhay, mas maraming lalaki ang tinatakbuhan ang responsibilidad nila. Even if I wanted to be apart from the demographic, if I do not acknowledge it; I'm part of the problem. That's how my Mom raised the both of us. Kuya Cal is more serious about it though.

Napagod din ako sa event na 'yon. Hindi rin pala biro ang magpapirma ng libro. Pero agad na napawi ang pagod ko dahil lang sa init ng yakap ni Philomena Gracia. She has that certain touch; her approval means everything to me. Her mere presence ceases every bad energy in the vicinity.

Gio:

TOL TOTOO BA?

HUMSS CRUSH MO?

Akala ko ako lang. 😭🥺 sabi mo ako 'yung mahal mo. Bakit may iba ka na, Iscalade?

Iscalade:

BRO, SORRY.

Di talaga tayo para sa isa't isa. I found a love for me. Oh darling, just dive right in and follow my lead. 😔

Gio:

Sobrang sakit, tol. Grabe ka na, Iscalade. 😞😢😭

Kaya rin naman kita gawan ng tula! Tulad ng mga HUMSS na 'yan!

Iscalade:

Gawa, 'wag puro salita. 😙

Gio:

Noong unang panahon,
Wala pang tao.
Ang meron palang
Ay mukhang aso.
Ang pangalan niya ay
Iscalade Altreano. :D

Iscalade:

Hahahaha pautangina mo

Gio:

HOY 😡😡😡 FOUL.

Iscalade:

Dami ko na nabasang tinaguan ng anak, ako pa tinaguan mo ng syota ulooool 😙

My friends would often teased me that I'm a lovesick puppy, palaging nakasunod kay Philomena Gracia. Hindi rin nila ako tinantanan sa 'picture me naked' na palaging nagpapatigil sa sistema ko sa tuwing naaalala ko. I always shook my head to remove that thought. Hindi naman ako malibog e! Ewan ko ba sa mga ito!

"Kapag kayo pinagtripan ko," I squinted my eyes to my peers. Tumahimik naman sila dahil alam nilang mas malakas ako pagdating sa mga kalokohan.

When I'm not partying with Ade and my friends, Gio and I would go to church together. Hindi man halata pero naging church mates kami noon. At naging routine na namin na kada isang buwan ay sabay kami magsisimba.

"Hello Lord, it's me..." panimula ko habang nakaluhod. "Lord, I believe in You and Your will. Kung bibigyan niyo po sana ako ng mapapangasawa, sana po Philomena Gracia Valderama pangalan tapos nakatira sa Rosea Village, Block 7 —"

Gio nudged me so hard that I immediately glared at him. Nakataas ang kan'yang kilay sa akin at nakaawang ang labi.

"What?" I hissed, trying to lower my voice because we're inside the church.

"Bakit gan'yan ka mag-dasal?" Gio scolded, brows knitted together.

"Sabi mo, prayer works!" I scoffed. "Mahirap na 'no. Baka sa ibang Philo pa ako mapunta."

In reality, I do pray for Philomena Gracia's well being. I'm not even that religious but she made me want to believe that prayers are more powerful that hoping and wishing.

Dumating ang recognition day, I wanted to show my support towards her. Ramdam ko kasi na malungkot siya kahit na top 2 naman siya sa buong strand. I created my own lightstick and placard for her. I'm truly proud of her. Hindi rin naman madali ang mga pinagaaralan nila.

Her eyes, brimming with tears, will always make my heart constricted in a painful way. May mga tao talagang hindi mo kayang makitang umiyak.

That day, I realized that she puts her entire validation on her parents' approval. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng ginagawa niya ay para sa mga magulang niya.

She values them very much. Which makes me upset because they don't reciprocate it.

Hindi ko magawang magalit kay Philomena Gracia. She tends to apologize even if she have done nothing wrong. Pakiramdam ko siya pa ang mags-sorry sa lamok kapag kinagat siya nito kasi hindi niya mabigay lahat ng dugo niya.

I shook my head while smiling.

Love, you don't have to be so kind to others that you forget to be kind to yourself.

Everything was smooth for the both of us. As much as I was putting efforts for her, she reciprocates it. Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, I feel the tranquility my Mom brings to my Dad. The calmness of being contented.

Iscalade Altreano
galing talaga ni kile! ganda ng boses, ang solid!!! 🤩🤩🤩

Sarathiel Aracosa
up

Amadeus Montejo
#NeverForget

Iscalade Altreano
hahahaha. oo na maganda boses niya, sana naging boses na lang siya. 😀

Busangot ako habang nagt-throwback 'yung mga tropa ko sa mga post ko noon. Ano bang malay ko magiging karibal ko pa 'yon? Kahit magsama-sama pa silang lahat, si Philomena Gracia pa rin naman ang masusunod. Di hamak naman na mas cute ako sa Kile na 'yon!

I was never good with literature, kaya naman nang turuan ako ni Philomena pagdating sa analysis. Bwisit kasing kwento 'to, ginagawang malalim 'yung dapat mababaw lang.

She told me the deeper meaning of dead stars and I can't help but compare it to her. I smiled upon seeing her explaining the story with her eyes gleaming with happiness.

Philomena Gracia, you will never be the dead stars to me. My love for you will never cease to exist. You are the entire cosmos, love. Without you, I'm the one who's not existing.

When she kissed me that night, akala ko sinagot na lahat ng panata ko. I thought it was finally the day that all of my prayers were answered.

As our lips parted, I gained the confidence to tell her what I really feel.

"Was that your first kiss too?" she asked, gasping for air.

"That wasn't my first, but it was the best kiss I've ever had."

"I love you, Philo." I confessed, feeling vulnerable as I searched for her answer. I saw the hesitation in her eyes, it made my heart halt from throbbing.

"Pero! I'm not pressuring you or anything. I just love you more than a friend, and I cannot contain what I feel about you anymore..."

She smiled at me sadly. My entire system cracked. All of the sudden, I didn't want her to answer me anymore.

"I'm sorry, lets remain as friends."

I didn't know what to feel. I was sure that we weren't just friends. Siguro, I just went beyond our line. I just thought that maybe we had a chance.

I didn't want Philomena to act ungainly towards me. Pero hindi ko rin siya kayang makita dahil parang pinapaalala lang sa akin na hindi siya kailan man magkakagusto sa akin. That we are just friends.

"You think this guitar is nice?" Naiara asked me. I nodded. She's a family friend. Hindi naman ako makatanggi kina Dad.

"Yup, piliin mo na. Dali." I cooed, since I'd rather be in my room right now. Gusto ko lang muna mapag-isa at maranasan naman maging tunay heartbroken. Pero mabait din kasi si Naiara at hindi ko matanggihan.

Kanina pa siya hindi makapili. I puffed my cheeks and went towards an expensive guitar. Si Dad pagbabayarin ko nito, alam naman niyang wala ako sa mood ngayon e.

I laughed when Naiara threatened me with the guitar. Okay lang naman talaga sa akin kasi si Dad ang mababawasan ng pera. Ginusto niya akong guluhin e. Gusto ko magpaka-senti pero kung tatay mo si Cayden Altreano, wala ka talagang kawala sa mga kalokohan niya.

I still hang out with Philomena Gracia, palaging parang may gusto siyang sabihin pero hindi naman niya masabi.

And I wonder what it is.

And I wished I just didn't ponder on it too much.

I tried to call her during her trip with her mother on Cebu. She texted me telling me she wants us to meet after her trip. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko at tinawagan siya.

"Uh, hello? Philo?" my heart raced. Fuck, kaibigan ka lang, Iscalade!

"Yes?" her mom answered instead. "Iscalade, ikaw ba 'to?"

"Tita!" I chuckled. "Yes po. Pwede po kay Philo?"

"About that..." her mom drawled. "Can you stop seeing her?"

Natigilan ako.

Why?

"Bakit po? Galit po ba si Philo sa akin?" I asked, extremely concerned.

"You see, balak kasi ng Daddy niya tumakbo rin sa susunod na eleksyon. You know? He wants to enter politics. And I heard she's getting close with the son of Senator Conjuanco..."

My shoulders slumped, parang may bumara sa aking lalamunan. Hindi pa nga ako nakawawala sa sakit ng hindi pagtanggap sa akin ni Philo, may kasunod na naman.

"I think you probably know what I meant. Ayoko lang kasi na may maging sagabal sa kanilang dalawa. You can still be her friend, well after they're already together, at syempre kung papayag si Kile..." pinutol na niya 'yung linya. She didn't even needed my approval. She knows Philo will only listen to her.

My heart felt like it was pricked by thousands of needles.

Wow, Gusto ko patugtugin bigla ang Sana Pinatay Mo Na Lang Ako ni Kimpoy Feliciano. Gago, bakit naman ganito?

Tumawa na lang ako. Gusto ko yayayain uminom si Gio. Pero baka dalhin lang ako no'n sa kumpisalan. Gagio 'yon e. Nasasaktan ka na, tatawanan ka pa.

"Crush kita, Iscalade." Naiara confessed while we were helping the upcoming band. Since Naiara is from a family of musicians, tumutulong sila mag-manage ng mga indie bands.

"Alam ko," matabang kong sagot. "Crush ko si Philomena Gracia. Di ka nagiisa. Di rin ako crush ng crush ko."

She laughed, honestly she's one of the reasons why I'm coping with the pain right now. Sobrang gaan kasi kausap at kasama.

"Gago, balak ko lang sana maging close sa'yo. Tapos kapag close na tayo, si Philomena Gracia talaga 'yung sasabihan ko ng 'I love you' talaga," she kidded. "Plot twist!"

"Dami ko naman kaagaw." I snorted.

Naiara wrinkled her nose. "Try kaya natin 'yung twenty four hours jowa challenge?"

"Bored ka ba?" sinipat ko siya habang nakaupo siya sa lamesa. Ngumisi lang siya sa akin.

"Bakit? Meron ngang mga magb-best friend lang pero 'yung tinginan parang mag-jowa." She clicked her tongue out.

"Kung nandito ka lang para mamersonal, wala ka na talagang pag-asa sa akin."

"Gwapong-gwapo ka rin talaga sa sarili mo, ano? Mas gwapo pa nga mga kabanda ko sa'yo e. Si Kile pa nga lang, iniiyakan mo na." She jived, laughing.

"Kabanda?" I frowned and she immediately coughed. Agad siyang umiling.

"W-wala."

Philomena Gracia texted me again. She's finally going to tell me about Kile, huh? Handa na ako. Tanggap ko naman na. I cannot force my feelings to her and her parents approved of them.

Kaya bakit mo ako bibigyan ng sulat ngayon, Philomena Gracia?

Why are you telling me this right now?

Napatda ako habang binabasa ang sinulat niya. She was looking at me, hope gleaming in her eyes.

God, You answered my prayer.

Pero bakit sa maling panahon pa? I know that eventually she will have to give me up. She will have to follow her parents. I didn't want her to be feel torned. Ayoko na ako pa ang maging dahilan bakit lalo siyang mapapalayo sa mga magulang niya. All she ever wanted was their affection; by telling her I love her too, I might take that away from her.

Philo, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"Hindi na kasi pwede..." I told her, feeling jaded. "Philo, I didn't know. God, I didn't know..."

I thought you also liked Kile. And I wasn't prepared for this. I don't know what to tell you about your parents. I don't want you to hate them. Kahit parang tayong dalawa ang naiipit dahil sa mga desisyon nila.

I feel like crying. I never cry infront of anyone. But to her, I don't mind being vulnerable.

"B-bakit po ba? A-ayaw mo p-po ba sa akin?" her voice was trembling, kitang-kita ko kung paano siya magimbal. My eyes softened.

No, Philo. Who wouldn't love you?

I don't know what to tell her. Should I tell her the truth? Even if it means she will hate her parents? She will disobey them?

I decided to let myself carry the hatred instead.

"Nililigawan ko na si Naiara, Philo." Ngayon pa lang nararamdaman ko na ang pagbatok sa akin ni Naiara dahil dinamay ko siya. May kasama pang malulutong na mura.

"K-kailan lang po?" she sounded so hurt and I wanted to console her immediately. Pero bawal. Hindi pwede.

"Kahapon lang..." I lied, gago nakipag-rank game lang ako kahapon kay Gio. "Philo, I'm so sorry..."

I witness how devastated she was and so I forced myself to be as calm as possible. It was one of the things I'm good at; trying to stay calm whenever I feel like I'm slowly crashing against the tragedy of us falling apart.

Akala ko, tuluyan ko na siyang naligtas sa paglayo sa kan'yang mga magulang.

But one day, her mom called me. She was crying and she sounded so betrayed.

"Tita?" I decided to masked down the panic on my voice. She doesn't call me if it doesn't concern Philo.

"Iscalade, nasa inyo b-ba si Philomena?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Wala po, Tita..." lalong lumalakas ang kabog ng puso ko. Fuck. Tita naman bakit ba hindi niyo kayang maging magulang kahit ngayon lang?

"Iscalade, p-patulong naman..."

"Bakit po?"

L-lumayas kasi si P-philo...I can't f-find her..." she cried.

And I dropped my phone. My whole body froze. Lost in the oceans of what ifs and where the hell did Philomena Gracia went.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜