Kabanata 3

I wonder why some people would do things to make someone stop pursuing their dreams. Ano bang nakukuha nila roon? Ano bang napapala nila sa pagpigil sa isang tao na ipagpatuloy ang kanyang pangarap? Does it satisfy them that another butterfly lost their wings and remained in their cocoon?

"Wala ka namang mapapala sa pagiging guro." Dad said, shaking his head in dismay while flipping the pages on his newspaper.

I continued eating, trying not to digest the words that he told me.

In my case, I have my parents — the exact ones who brought me in this world to stopped me from chasing my dreams. It's cruel, because the ones I should loathe the most are the people who should have been supportive for me from the start.

"Honey, that's true. Ang baba lang ng sahod nila. There are more jobs that is suitable for you! Don't settle for less, Philomena." Hinawakan pa ako ni Mom sa aking kamay, probably to offer comfort.

She was only acting this way because Dad is here. Pero pareho rin naman sila ng opinyon.

"Isn't that the problem, Mom? They are settling for less when the truth is they deserve more." I answered as polite as possible.

I know being in the teaching industry is hard, lalo na sa bansang Pilipinas. Sometimes teachers are just being driven by their passion not by their paychecks. Pero sa buhay, hindi sapat ang passion lang. Let's face it, passion cannot stand alone in this materialistic world.

But passion is like a fire that keeps on burning despite being overwhelmed by waves of criticisms. Kung tunay at puro ang umaalab sa iyong puso, ang tubig sa mga laway nila'y hindi maiibsan ang pagkalat ng apoy nito.

"Ah basta, tigil-tigilan mo 'yang pagi-isip sa education na course. Philomena, you are my daughter and I expect you to take over me. Ano na lang sasabihin ng mga kasamahan ko? Sayang naman ang pangalan natin kung hindi mo pagpapatuloy." Dad looked at his wristwatch and immediately stood up. "I have to go."

Hindi niya tinapos ang pagkain na niluto ni Mom. Mom only smiled even though Dad rudely skipped breakfast. She only continued eating and while talking to me, ignoring the fact that Dad couldn't even spare a few minutes to taste her cooking. Tanging dyaryo at kape lang ang ginalaw ni Dad.

Kumain na lamang din ako. I didn't want to pry with their issues, I know my Mom is trying her best for this family. Kaya naman ayoko na dumagdag pa.

"Mom, I have a party to go to." Paalam ko.

"Hm, kailan? Birthday nino?"

Her tone immediately dropped.

"Next week, birthday ng aso ng friend ko po." I answered.

Mom raised an eyebrow. "Hindi ba 'yan excuse lang? Are you sure?"

Tumango ako.

In the end, she agreed as long as I'll be home before 6pm.

As I thought about my parents, I always remind myself that if the relationship is already rocky from the start — I would not let any child experience this. Ayokong nakikita ng anak ko na hindi kami magka-sundo ng ama niya. No child should ever experience what I've gone through.

I hurriedly went to my class when the driver drove me off to school. I admit I was running late because I decided to finished the breakfast that Mom made. Ayoko kasi na sumama ang loob niya, my Dad already did that so the least that I could do was to eat his portion.

"Hi Philo," binati ako ni Jeremy Isabelo pagkapasok ko pa lamang ng classroom. "Okay ka lang?"

I smiled at him. "Yes po, hindi pa naman po ako late 'di ba po?"

Jeremy was the one who checks our attendance. Tumingin siya sa wristwatch niya at umiling. "Nope, maaga ka pa ng sampung minuto."

I heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank you po."

Agad akong umupo sa aking pwesto. Malapit ito sa glass windows ng aming classroom, which is currently covered in moist because of the aircon.

I was startled when Paulene knocked on the glass window. She was smiling from ear to ear, her nose was scrunched. Ngumiti naman ako at inanyayahan siyang pumasok. Sinundo ko siya sa may pintuan para hindi siya mahiya.

"Philo!" She hugged me tightly. I returned the hug. Matagal din kaming hindi nagkita, I understand her excitement.

"The bell will ring soon, dumayo ka pa rito. I miss you po, pero baka po ma-late ka sa homeroom niyo." I told her, out of concern.

She chortled, "Sus, okay lang! Late rin naman 'yata ang magc-check ng attendance namin. Baka nga kakagising lang ni Gio."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Gio?"

"Class president ng ABM 1. At saka, mabait naman 'yon! Hindi strict masyado. Si Jeremy, kamusta bilang presidente? Willing maging 1st lady here!" She giggled, stealing glances at Jeremy who was currently noting the attendance.

I pouted. "I'm doubting you came here because of me."

Her lips parted and formed a small shape of o."Hala, huwag ka na magtampo! Promise, ikaw pinunta ko rito!"

She embraced me tightly and it made my heart melt. Paulene was the sister I never had. Sa katunayan nga, hindi naman kami palaging magkaklase o nagkikita palagi pero nandoon pa rin 'yung pagkakaibigan namin. She was the proof that friendship can last no matter how little interaction you have with them.

She bid her farewell when the bell rung. Sumilip pa siya nang isa pang beses kay Jeremy bago umalis pabalik sa kanilang classroom. She was hopping her way out of our building, satisfied that she was able to see her crush.

Minsan, nakakatuwa na ang babaw lang ng kasiyahan ng isang tao. It was just a simple encounter but I know it made Paulene's day. A simple glimpse from Jeremy can make her feel a ton of emotions.

I wanna know how it feels to like someone to that extent. Simula noon pa man, I never really had a crush on real human beings. Fictional characters are the only ones who can caught my attention.

Is this hormones? Is this because I'm nearly at the age of adulthood? That's why I'm curious about love?

I don't know.

Siguro nga.

As I go back to my seat, the thought still lingers in the back of my mind. How does it feel to love a real person? And to be love by someone?

✿✿✿

"Talumpati po para sa Buwan ng Wika? Sinali po ako?" Bumilog ang mga mata ko sa anunsyo ni Jeremy.

Jeremy smiled, apologetically. "Alam mo namang pambato ka e. Easy lang sa'yo 'yon."

"Oo nga, ikaw lang naman ang magaling sa talumpati rito."

"Philo lang, magaling!"

I only smiled at them. The truth couldn't escape my mouth. Pinupuri naman nila ako pero bakit hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko?

I feel pressured. What if I couldn't do it well? Will their praises turn into scorn for me?

I wasn't also ready for it. Pero wala naman akong magagawa. Sana lang ay sa extemporaneous ako mapunta dahil lugi naman ako kung sinaulong talumpati ang labanan.

In the main library, we were briefly given instructions on what will happen for the entire program.

This was still the elimination round, kaya naman binigyan kami ng mga maaaring maging topic para sa talumpati namin. I was relieved to see that it was impromtu. I tried taking down notes for each topic. Alam ko naman na kasama ang tinig, kilos ng kamay at iba pa pero mas mahalaga mabigyan katarungan ang paksang naibigay sa'yo.

Nilagay ko ang papel sa bulsa ko. I was talking with my fellow HUMSS students, most call us Humanistas or Humanidades. Honestly, there was even a debate over the right term to call a HUMSS student. Pero para naman sa akin ay pare-pareho naman kaming pinaglalaban ang aming napiling strand, a fight is not necessary between your strand mates. Although a healthy discussion is always welcome.

"Magsisimula na po tayo pagkatapos ng isang oras!" Anunsyo ni Ma'am Fe, guro namin sa Komunikasyon at pananaliksik sa wika at kulturang Filipino.

Bumuntong hininga ako. I'm trying to calm myself down. I have my notes and I think I'll do good if I just —

Kinapa ko ang bulsa ko. My notes were gone. Hindi ko ito mahagilap! I tried looking for it, baka kanina nung nilabas ko ang panyo ko ay nalaglag!

Panic was consuming my entire being. I don't know what to do! Pero siguro naman ay kaya ko ulitin ang mga sinulat ko? Dapat ay nagbabasa na lang ako ngayon e. Sayang ang ilang oras na nilaan ko sa pagsusulat no'n!

I bit my lower lip as I continued pacing back and forth. It didn't help that other students were just reading their notes. Wala na halos nagsusulat. Fear crept inside my heart, what if I fail my class? Would they hate me? Will they not be proud of me anymore? Itatakwil kaya nila ako?

Focus, Philo! Try remembering and write it down as quick as possible. Pero hindi sapat ang isang oras! I was even excuse for the entire class for this program. Sa huli ay panlulumo lamang pala ang iuuwi ko sa mga kaklase ko.

I don't wanna cry over this but I feel so sad. Sana hindi sila magalit sa akin. Pero traydor ang mga mata ko, it started to produce tears. No, I can't cry! People would think I'm trying to get their attention. I wiped it off.

Someone tapped me from behind. Nilingon ko naman ito. It was a guy wearing a hoodie.

"Po?" I tried to entertain him despite of how I feel.

"Here," inabot niya saakin ang tatlong pahinang mga papel. "Notes mo."

My heart started racing, probably because of adrenaline. Agad ko itong tinignan pero kumunot ang noo ko. The hand writing isn't mine. Sobrang linis ng nagsulat nito.

"This isn't mine po." I shook my head and handed it back at him. Pero nakatago lang ang kanyang mga kamay sa bulsa ng kanyang hoodie.

"Sa'yo na lang." He said, nonchalantly.

This might be his notes then. I felt guilty as I try to hand it back to him.

"Okay lang po. Kasalanan ko naman po kung bakit nawala notes ko. Sayang po effort niyo."

I knew it was hard to think on the spot from the following topics. I don't wanna take credits from his hardwork. That's wrong.

"Sa'yo na nga lang, gagawin mo ba akong sirang plaka?" he said, sarcastically.

For some reason, it made me speechless.

"Paano ka p-po?"

What a good samaritan!

"Pabayaan mo na," he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Huwag ka na umiyak."

He almost moved me to tears. Pero pinilit kong huwag maiyak. He's too good to be true.

It made me smile, so much that the side of my lips started hurting. I could feel my cheeks heating up. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na ngumiti.

Why would I feel like this all of the sudden?

"What's your—" bigla na siyang nawala sa paningin ko.

I didn't get his name.

It made me feel gloomy once again. Pero naalala ko na binigay niya sa akin ang notes niya. I should make him proud!

Binasa ko ang notes niya, it was neat and concise. It made me think that he was really smart to make everything straight to the point. He also left questions that could possibly leave the judges wanting for more.

Natapos ang isang oras at nagsimula na ang programa. Nawala lahat ng nerbyos ko, tanging ang lalaking naka-hoodie lang ngayon ang naiisip ko.

It was weird but also good.

I performed my talumpati effortlessly. Sa dulo ay nakatanggap pa ako ng palakpakan hindi lamang sa mga hurado, pati na rin sa mga manonood.

I wanted to give credits to him but I don't know his name!

Matapos ay agad akong tinawag upang sabihin na nakapasok ako sa finals. I also had the highest score among all the students from different strands.

"Parang inspired!" Tukso sa akin nung isang ka-blockmate ko.

Inspired.

All I think about was him.

Kumakabog ang dibdib ko habang iniisip siya.

It was just a glimpse but in that moment, I was able to see him again. May kausap siyang babae. It looks like they're blockmates.

"Sarathiel! Sayang! You weren't the highest one. Magaling din kasi 'yung sa HUMSS 1."

Sarathiel...

I bit the insides of my cheeks. His name is Sarathiel. It sounds heavenly.

"Oo nga e, magaling nga si Philomena." Sarathiel smirked at the girl.

I gasped.

He knows my name!

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜