Kabanata 26

Senator Conjuanco is one of the eligible candidates for the Senate president of this country. Sa susunod na eleksyon ay halos siya na ang tinitingala bilang uupo sa pwestong 'yon. It makes me shiver whenever I realized that I made the son of the future Senate president list down research topics.

Hindi naman siguro ako babalikan ni Kile? It was just a harmless question and he actually volunteered to help me at some point.

Bilang HUMSS student, we're actually aware of the news and what's going on inside our country. Araw-araw bago magsimula ang klase, meron sa amin na nagbabahagi ng isang balita para sa araw na 'yon. There are future journalists, newscasters, and politicians in our strand. Mahalaga sa amin na may alam kami sa ginagalawan naming lipunan.

That's why, most students who vent about politics are associated with HUMSS. Pakiramdam din ng ibang mga strands, mas nakikialam ang mga Humanista pagdating sa mga usapang politiko. Sabi nga nila, masyado raw opinionated ang mga ka-strand ko.

"Close ka ba sa anak ni Senator Conjuanco?" Mommy asked when I returned to her side. Nakita niya kasi na sabay kaming naglakad palayo ni Kile.

"Hindi po, hindi nga po kami mag-kaibigan..." I answered. It was the half truth, tinatrato kong kaibigan si Kile pero ayaw niya raw ako maging kaibigan. I wonder why? Sana hindi dahil may nagawa akong mali...

I saw Arlene talking to her mom. Nawala ang galit sa kanyang mukha, pero ramdam ko ang kanyang inis sa paraan kung paano niya iniiwasan na makatabi ang kanyang ina. She was smiling but it seems to be forced.

And maybe, that's the truth too. We sometimes get angry at our parents but we don't want others to know that. We don't want our parents to know that. We keep that anger to ourselves; keeping the fire of hatred in a glass container inside our hearts — yet we often forget that glasses cannot stand heat for too long. It will only consume every fiber we have until our hearts shatter as the flames engulf our entire being.

Bumuntong hininga ako.

I hope, hindi lalampas sa pagtatampo ang nararamdaman ko kay Mommy at Daddy. I don't want to hate them. Palaging mananaig ang pagmamahal ko sa kanila. Even if sometimes, I feel like they don't love me as much as I love them...

✿✿✿

"Problemado si Iscalade sa grades niya po?" I glanced at Iscalade who looked distress.

"Hindi naman..." Cae answered in his behalf. "Medyo tumatagilid lang siya sa isang subject..."

Unti-unti akong tumango. Medyo mahihirap nga 'yata ang subjects nila. Tambak sila ng science at math, kaya naman hindi ko siya masisisi kung nahihirapan siya.

"Calculus po ba? Physics? Biology?" I enumerated some of the subjects they have that I know.

Umiling-iling si Cae, agad na umiwas ng tingin. Hindi rin makatingin sa akin ang mga kaibigan ni Iscaade.

"Lade, sasabihin ko ba?"

Agad na umiling si Iscalade.

"Huwag na..." Iscalade tousled his dark hair. Pumikit siya nang mariin bago ngumiti.

"Babagsak 'yata siya sa literature." Sarathiel blurted out, taking a bite in his blueberry cheesecake. Iscalade shot him a glare before looking at me, like a scolded puppy.

"Huwag mo ako itakwil, Philo. Sinubukan ko naman mahalin 'yung subject na 'yon..."

"Litt po?" I asked, medyo hindi makapaniwala. Iscalade read books, particularly the books that I've read.

"Medyo mabagal kasi ako magbasa at saka maka-gets ng kwento..." Iscalade pursed his lips. "Mas mabilis ako sa numbers..."

Madalas ay nahahati sa tatlong tipo ng tao pagdating sa usapan ng math at english na mga subjects. May mga mabibilis sa english pero mabagal sa math, meron namang mabilis sa math at mabagal sa english. It's rare for someone to be good at both.

"Kaya nga hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa tapos 'yung A Walk to Remember..."

"Last year pa po 'yon..."

"Pero binasa ko naman 'yung ibang pocket books mo, medyo natatagalan lang talaga ako kasi..." he bended his neck forward, he looked disappointed.

"I can help you po..." I smiled, faintly. "Please don't be sad anymore. Mababawi pa naman po natin 'yung grades niyo po."

Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin. His eyes were filled with inner glow, he held both of my hands as a wide smile appeared on his face.

I smiled back.

Pero agad 'yon napawi. After three hours of discussing a single literature piece from the Philippines, I realized he really didn't understand the depths of literature.

I didn't know he was this bad. Pero matataas naman siya sa specialized subjects niya na physics, calculus, biology at chemistry. Sa core subject na ito pa talaga siya nadedehado.

"Gets ko naman 'yung iba! Itong Dead Stars lang talaga..." sabi ni Iscalade, tinuro pa ang hawak niyang kopya ng maikling kwento ni Paz Marquez-Benitez.

"It's just a love story between three people, right?" he asked.

Agad akong umiling. "It's more than that po..."

He groaned, frustratedly. "Bakit kasi ginagawang malalim 'yung dapat mababaw lang..."

I giggled and put my fore finger in his dimples. Agad siyang napalingon sa akin.

"The meaning of dead stars is actually quite beautiful..." I muttered, wistful. It's beautiful even if it means ending the longing for someone you loved.

"Isa pa 'yan, bakit ganiyan 'yung title? Wala naman akong nabasa na astronomy? Puro pa highfalutin..." he grunted out.

"Do you want me to summarized it for you?" sabi ko habang pinagmamasdan siya na namumungay ang mga mata. He's probably already tired.

Iscalade certainly had this boyish charm. His dark hair, brooding eyes and whenever he smirks, mukha talaga siyang may gagawing kalokohan.

But, no one knows how kind this boy is — as much as I do. He's the sun after the days of storm, the rain after the years of drought, the sugar to the bitterness of this world.

He's just too good. At pakiramdam ko —

"Philo, alam ko na 'yung storya," putol niya sa mga iniisip ko. "I just don't get it."

"Ano po ba 'yung hindi niyo maintindihan sa Dead Stars?"

"Bakit hindi niya hinabol si Julia? If he really loved her?" his eyes softened, medyo napanguso siya.

"Alfredo, that time had a fiancée, whose name is Esperanza..."

"He cheated?" nanglaki ang mga mata ni Iscalade. I chortled softly, agad ko itong tinakpan. I don't want him to be offended. Pero binasa ba talaga ni Iscalade? Kahit kailan talaga ay mapagbiro siya.

"Sort of. In the end, he didn't pursue Julia and took responsibility for his engagement with Esperanza."

"See? It's just a typical love triangle. Nasaan ang dead stars doon?" aniya, iritado dahil hindi pa rin makuha ang punto.

"He compared his love for Julia like the dead stars scattered in our skies."

"Bakit? Because she twinkles?" Iscalade curiously asked, grimacing in the process.

"You see the stars during the night? Some of them are already dead, but we can still see how they appear to shine..." I cooed.

"Hindi naman namatay si Julia?" Iscalade frowned. I pouted, I think I should make him read books often.

"Alfredo married Esperanza, but during the years of their marriage; he have always wondered about Julia. He believes he still loves her and he longed for her..."

My heart ached for Esperanza. Ikaw nga ang pinili pero hindi ikaw ang mahal. At nasaktan din ako para kay Julia, ikaw nga ang mahal pero hindi ikaw ang pinili. If only love wasn't that complicated. Maybe what he felt was really just a mere infatuation; but the what-ifs of Julia haunted him affecting his current relationship with Esperanza.

Alfredo didn't deserve any of them. They were both good women.

"Tapos?"

Unti-unti akong lumingon kay Iscalade. He was listening to me, intently. Para bang ako ang paborito niyang guro. The way he stared at me made my heart melt.

"He realized upon seeing Julia again that he no longer loves her. He only loved the idea of her because they didn't happen and the what-ifs kept on lingering into him. Sabi nga sa storya, he was just seeing the light of the dead stars; they were already long extinguished yet they're still in their appointed places..." I mumbled, remembering the story.

"That's deep..." Iscalade licked his lower lip and looked at me. "So all this time, this could have been summatized by the distracted boyfriend meme?"

I only shook my head and laughed a little.

What-ifs. Ang pinakamahirap na kalaban ng mga duwag dahil palagi nilang iisipin kung ano sana ang nangyari kung naging matapang lang sila. If only they took risks and gambled. If only.

Julia Salas could have been the galaxy but in the end, she only became one of the dead stars; a love that seems to still exist but it's already been gone.

✿✿✿

Iscalade:
sakit sa ulo ng p6 😫

Philomena:
P6 po?

Iscalade:
physics. haha

Philomena:
Ang galing niyo po, pinagsasama niyo po 'yung letters at numbers para makagawa ng word. Hehe

Iscalade:

aw, cutie. 😚

may isa pa. haha

Fang8 ni kile 🥰

"Philomena, stop using your phone." saway ni Mommy, nasa may sala kami. I look at her and she had a crease on her forehead.

"Po?"

"Ang aga aga mo mag-cellphone, ingatan mo naman mga mata mo." Mommy scoffed. Sumimsim siya sa kanyang lemon water. My lips moved inwardly.

"Sorry po..." agad kong tinago ang phone ko. At nakinig na lang sa classical music na pinapakinggan niya. I sighed and look at my phone vibrating, Iscalade is probably still texting me.

Sumilip ako rito. My forehead created a small crease because he sent me an equation.

Iscalade:

x² – 1, if the value of x is 12

pasagot po, philo. 😔

I'm not that good at math, pero simple lang naman 'yung sinend niya. I was able to solve it in my mind. I sent him my answer.

Philomena:

(12)² –1
144 – 1
= 143 po?

Iscalade:

halaaaa

nakakakilig ka naman 🤭

143 too ☺

Philomena:

Po?

Iscalade:

pahanap nito sa periodic table.

53 71 23 92

I searched for the atomic numbers he sent me. Mabuti na lang dahil no'ng junior highschool ay nagkaroon na kami ng ganitong subject.

Philomena:

Iodine
Lutetium
Vanadium
Uranium

Iscalade:

😚 thanks. Iodine, Lutetium, Vanadium, Uranium.

"Philomena!" naiinis na saway ni Mommy nang makitang ginagamit ko ang cellphone ko. I immediately put my phone down and pouted.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜