Ilaw Sa Daan — IV OF SPADES

Kabanata 22

"Are you ready to leave?" tanong ni Iscalade habang nilalagay ang mga gamit namin sa likod ng kotse ni Kuya Cal.

Tumango ako at muling tiningnan kung kumpleto na ba ang gamit na dinala ko. I can hear some birds chirping, as the rays of sun touches our skin.

Muli kong nilanghap ang simoy ng hangin. I'll miss this kind of enviroment. Mas gusto ko ito kumpara sa usok at mga tunog ng kotse sa siyudad.

"Sabi ko sa'yo e, hindi na nga si Cait..."

Napalingon ako sa mga nagsasalita. It was a group of girls, also preparing to leave.

"Si Sarathiel din 'yata may iba na, kawawa naman si Czanne."

"Sila pa naman ang mga loveteam noong grade ten tayo," dagdag pa nito.

Tumigil lang sila nang mapansin na nakatingin ako sa dako nila. They immediately started packing things fast. Kaya naman bumalik na ako sa pagtingin ng gamit ko.

"I left my eyeglasses case," sabi ko kay Iscalade nang mapansin na wala ito sa bag ko.

"Gusto mo balikan ko sa kwarto mo?"

I shook my head. "Ako na po."

I went back to my room and hurriedly searched for my eyeglasses case. I found it on the side of the bed, agad naman akong bumalik pero natigilan nang mapansin si Caitlyn habang kausap ang mga kaibigan niya.

"He ignored you for the whole night?"

"Balita ko pumunta raw si Iscalade sa kwarto nung babae kagabi. At suot pa raw nung babae 'yung damit ni Lade..." panunulsol ng isa pa niyang kaibigan niya.

"Di ba tinapon mo kasi 'yung damit niya kagabi?" her other friend hissed at her.

"Doesn't give her the right to wear someone's shirt." Umirap ito.

"Pabayaan niyo na. We just didn't expect..." Caitlyn bit her lip in annoyance. "Nasa loob pala 'yung kulo."

I decided to ignore the three of them, nagpatuloy na lamang ako sa paglalakad pabalik. Kahit kilala ko naman kung sino ang tinutukoy nila. Albeit, I think it is petty and mean to do things like that — only people can change themselves and you cannot force them to change for you.

Pero ang pangit ng ugali nila. Parang hindi dumaan sa mga subjects na CE, ESP at Personal Development. Maybe, that's why we keep on having these kind of subjects; because people often forget how to act with kindness.

✿✿✿

I was grounded. Nagpupuyos sa galit si Mommy nang umuwi ako. She screamed at me and gave me a lecture that lasted for hours. Kesyo, rebelde na raw ako, may sarili na akong buhay, hindi ko na raw siya mahal at iba pa.

"Gusto mo na ba maging pariwara, ha?!" she fumed, patuloy na hinihilot ang sintido.

I stood still. I was prepared for her. Nakinig ako sa mga litanya niya pero hindi ko ito tinandaan. Her eyes were puffy, nanibago ako dahil alam ko na gumagamit pa siya ng mga eye roller para maiwasan ang eyebags. Pero ngayon ay namamaga ito at namumula.

"Ano?! Hindi ka ba sasagot?!"

Should I really answer her? O hindi? Ano ba talaga?

I kept my mum. Dahil baka lalo lamang ako nagbubuhos ng gasolina sa nagbabagang galit niya para sa akin sakaling may sabihin ako.

She did cry. Just like how Iscalade said. I feel bad for making her feel that way, pero sariwa pa ang ginawa niya sa akin. Umakyat na ako nang mapagod na siya sa pagbulyaw.

Grounded only means I can't go out, which I really find not necessary since I don't even go out a lot. They can't take my phone and laptop, I use it for school. Pero nilimitahan nila ako sa paggamit nito.

As I went back to my room, agad akong humiga sa kama ko. I need some rest. Nagkaroon naman ako ng tulog dahil pinaubaya ni Iscalade ang mga unan niya sa akin pero kulang pa rin talaga ang tulog ko.

My phone vibrated. It was a message from Iscalade.

Iscalade:

are you okay?

nag-usap na kayo ng mommy mo?

Philomena:

Yes.

Thank you po ulit! I wasn't able to give your gift. 🙁 Punta na lang po ako riyan sa weekends.

Iscalade:

i talked to your mom, you're grounded. maybe next time, Philo.

nyways, your existence in my life is already a gift for me. 😙

My eyebrows knitted. Paano kaya niya nakausap si Mommy? I know my Mom doesn't like him anymore but Iscalade has the charm of making anyone like him. He was just...likeable in general.

Pero hindi ako kampante na walang binigay sa kanya. My gift was just a simple acoustic guitar. I was planning to surprise him with it, pero delayed 'yata 'yung delivery sa akin kaya naman hindi ko agad nabigay. So, I'll try to give it to him after my grounded phase is lifted.

✿✿✿

"May lagnat siya, Philo." Tita Istelle gave a small smile."But you can still come inside, hindi ko nga lang papayagan na lapitan mo muna si Iscalade dahil baka mahawa ka."

Nasa sala kami ngayon, Tita Istelle served me some lemonade before telling me that Iscalade had a fever.

Sumibol ang pagaalala ko sa kanya dahil inaapoy pala siya ng lagnat. Pero sinasagot niya ang mga text ko sa kanya noong mga nakaraang araw, ang alam ko bawal magbabad sa gadgets kapag may sakit; baka mabinat.

"Can I at least talk to him po? Hindi na lang po ako lalapit."

She sighed. "You can, but Iscalade doesn't like someone attending him when he's sick. He's really grumpy, ayaw niyang may madamay dahil lang sa may sakit siya."

Kahit na sinabihan na ako ni Tita Istelle, I tried my luck to approach Iscalade. Kumatok ako sa pintuan niya na ngayon ay nakasara — which was odd since this is almost always open whenever we passed by.

He opened the door, looking forlorn. May cool fever siya sa kanyang noo at nakasimangot. Namilog ang kanyang mga mata nang makita ako. He immediately shut the door close.

I received a text.

Iscalade:

i don't want any visitors 🙁

Philomena:

May ibibigay lang po ako. ☹️

Iscalade:

Maybe next time! :( usap na lang kayo ni mama.

I sighed and went downstairs immediately. Agad akong sinalubong ni Tita Istelle, she gave me a soft pat on the back.

"Pasensya ka na, ha? Bukod kasi sa nilagnat siya, hindi siya makakapunta sa isang gig ng isang band na pinagpaalam niya no'ng nakaraan." she said, remorseful.

"Banda po?"

"He was supposed to watch a rising band's gig. Isa 'yon sa mga hiningi niyang regalo sa amin. Pero bigla siyang nagkaroon ng lagnat. Hindi naman pwedeng pumunta siya nang may sakit..."

Napatingin ako sa dala kong gitara para kay Iscalade. Agad akong nakaisip nang isang ideya dahil sa sinabi ng mama niya. Although, it will be risky and I'm not sure if I can do it.

"Ano pong pangalan ng banda?"

I learned that it was called anagapesism; a band that only play covers but is extremely popular in the mainstream media because of how well they perform. When I went home, tiningnan ko kung saan ang sunod nilang gig. It was in a popular food park, malapit lang ito sa amin.

"Mommy, may pupuntahan po ako —"

"No," she cut me off. "At anong oras ka na naman uuwi? Nawalan na ako ng tiwala sa'yo. You're not going anywhere."

"Manonood lang po ako ng banda. Pwede mo naman po ako pasamahan —"

"Ang hassle no'n! You only think of yourself! Hindi mo na kami inisip, para lang talaga masunod ang gusto mo." she hissed.

"I'm s-still going," I casted my gaze down.

"Ano 'yon, Philomena? Did you say something?" tumaas ang isang kilay ni Mommy.

"Pupunta pa rin po ako."

"Sumusobra ka na talaga!" she cried out. "Fine! Marunong ka na 'di ba? Nagmamarunong ka na. Hindi mo na ako sinusunod. Go then! Go and have fun! Wala ka na talagang inisip kundi ang sarili mo lang!"

"Mommy, hindi naman po sa gano'n..." I sighed, trying to prevent the lump on my throat from growing.

"You're being unreasonable! Akala mo kaya mo na e, wala ka ngang alam sa totoong buhay! How can you travel alone, huh?! At sa gabi pa talaga! Paano kung may mangyari sa'yo?"

"Kaya nga po kung gusto niyo ay pasamahan niyo —"

"No! You'll travel alone if you really want to go there! Nagmamagaling ka na 'di ba? Feeling mo kaya mo na sarili mo? You think you already know how the world works?"

Humalukipkip siya at ang mukha niya'y puno ng pagkayamot.

"Yes..." I responded back, weakly. "Paano ko po malalaman kung kaya ko ba kung hindi mo po ako hinahayaan na subukan ito?"

They always make me feel like I'm caged and I have to admit that I'm too sheltered. Wala akong alam sa tunay na kulay ng buhay dahil pilit nila akong pinapapikit. Paano ako sasabay sa agos ng mundo kung pilit nila akong tinatago?

Everyone is growing and learning from their experiences — but not me. I feel like a stagnant cloud among the sky; nakalatag lang ako rito at hindi sumasama sa iba pang mga ulap na unti-unting sumasabay sa lakad ng mga tao.

Her eyes squinted and she laughed sarcastically. "Go on, make me proud; something you were never capable of. Gawin mo ang gusto mo. Tutal naman, akala mo kaya mo na talaga."

Her cold tone and the way her eyes criticized me made me weak and almost trembling. Nabunutan lamang ako ng tinik sa dibdib nang makaalis na siya.

I went to grab my stuff. I think I have enough money to book a cab and for my expenses. Ayoko rin talagang umasa kay Mommy, I have to prove to her that I can travel alone and do things without asking for their help.

I feel guilty, pakiramdam ko ay nagiging rebelde ako sa kanila. Pero pinagtataka ko pagdating sa ibang magulang; hindi naman sila ganito ka-strikto sa mga anak nila. They let them discover new things and be independent. A complex feeling was hitting my chest, pilit ko itong binaon sa limot.

This is for Iscalade, for once I want him to know that I also care for him as much as he appreciates me.

"Ma'am Philo, ayaw niyo po ba talagang magpahatid?" nagaalalang tanong ni Ate Flora.

I quickly shook my head.

"Delikado kasi, Ma'am Philo."

"Kaya ko naman po!" I assured her while smiling. "I promise, I'll be safe. I won't do anything that could harm me."

Medyo gabi nga gaganapin ang gig nila pero hindi naman siguro ako aabutin nang madaling araw. Besides, I have my phone with me. I can always call...

I bit my lower lip. May sakit nga pala si Iscalade at hindi rin naman papayagan si Paulene sakaling tawagan ko siya para puntahan ako o ano...

"Ate Flora, can I have your number po?"

She gave me her number, paulit-ulit din ang paalala niya na huwag sasama sa mga di ko kilala. At dumiretso raw ako umuwi pagkatapos ng gig. She even offered to be with me, pero alam ko naman na pagod siya sa trabaho kaya tumanggi ako.

It's a convenience to have grab nowadays. Medyo ligtas naman ang pakiramdam ko dahil nandito mismo sa app ang details sa driver at mukha namang matino ang napunta sa akin para i-hatid ako patungo roon.

Binaba ako sa isang sikat na food park. I was amazed with how many hanging lights and neon signs were scattered in the place. May mga food kiosk din sa bawat kanto, tables and chairs were in the center of the entire place.

Nakita ko sa bandang dulo na may nakatayong stage. My lips moved in admiration upon noticing a swarm of people in high energy. I decided to go there, nasa likod ko ang gitara para kay Iscalade.

I can't wait for Iscalade to have his guitar signed!

Habang papalapit ako sa stage ay rinig na rinig ko ang hatak ng musika na pinapatugtog. Halos lahat ay nagsisitilian at kitang-kita ko ang bawat indayog nila.

Mga ilaw sa daan, nakikisabay sa liwanag ng buwan
Habang ako'y nakatingin sa kawalan nang hindi mo pansin
Mga taong nalampasan ng apat na gulong na akin ngang sinasakyan
Sa inipong usok ay bitin na nakaipit sa gitna at pang-bituin

Oh wow. The melody of the instruments along with the soulful voices made my heart vibrated in excitement.

Agad kong nilingon ang mga nasa stage. Apat nga sila tulad nang inaasahan ko. I searched for them and was amazed that all of them were actually good looking, pero hindi ko nagawa na i-stalk ang bawat miyembro nito.

Tuloy-tuloy sa pagtakbo
Biglaang hihinto sa dulo

The lead guitarist had a mask on, hindi kita ang kanyang mukha. Pero kitang-kita naman ang talento niya sa bawat kalabit sa kanyang gitara.

"N! Paranas naman maging gitara mo!"

I decided to open my phone to take a video of them. I'll show this to Iscalade! Just like how he helped me have a picture of my favorite author.

I was watching them as I focused the video on their performance. The lead vocalist made the audience beguiled to his voice; it was making them sing at the top of their lungs and head banging at each note he was delivering to them.

"North! Mahal na mahal ko na ang timog para sa'yo!"

"Hilaga ang north..." the lead vocalist chuckled in the short instrumental break before the pre-chorus part. Napuno na naman ng tilian dahil sa sinabi niya.

The song was really good! Totoo nga na kaya nilang gawing maganda ang simpleng cover lang ng kanta.

My eyes went towards the other two members. I can't see the one in the drums, only his curly hair was visible to me. He was also busy with drumming.

"Enoch! Pwede mo rin ako hampasin!"

"Kile! Gitarahin mo ako!"

Ang isa ay may mahabang buhok na umaabot sa kanyang leeg; he was sporting a black denim jacket. He looked androgynous because his manly stance was matched with an ethereal face. He was probably the bassist, dahil sumasabay siya sa vocals.

Nahagip sa video ang saglit niyang pagtingin sa pwesto ko. He only smirked before drifting his eyes somewhere else.

Kung makikita mo naman...
Tumatalon sumisigaw...
Hindi mo na mapipigilan...
Sulitin mo ang buong gabi...

"Thank you! This is anagapesism, have a great night!" bati ng bokalista nila.

"Hilaga! I love you!"

"N! Face reveal naman diyan!"

"Kile! Ako na magpapaligaya sa'yo!"

"Enoch! Baby boy!"

The audience went wild as they departed from the stage. Unti-unti naman akong natauhan. Oh my, wala silang signing? Isn't gigs supposed to have meet and greets?

"Uhm, hi..." I went towards a girl who was still awestruck with the performance.

"Yes?"

"W-wala po ba silang meet and greet?"

"Ang anagapesism? Wala e. Sila lang ang headliner para sa gig na ito pero ang alam ko iniiwasan pa nila ang meet and greet dahil hindi pa handa si N..." she explained.

Oh.

Sayang lang pala ang pinunta ko rito. I looked at my phone, at least I have the footage. Pero nalulungkot ako na walang pirma 'yung gitara na regalo ko sana kay Iscalade.

Pumunta sa backstage para silipin kung wala ba talaga, nakumpirma ko nga na mukhang mga banda lang talaga na tutugtog ang ganap ngayong gabi. I sighed to myself.

I was about to book a taxi home when someone whistled at me.

"Ganda!" sitsit nito sa akin. Napalingon naman ako. A man was grinning at me with malice.

"Bakit mag-isa ka lang?" lumapit siya sa akin. "Sayang naman at wala kang kasama. Sa ganda mo na 'yan..."

"A-ano po?" nangliit ang aking boses. This guy doesn't look sober to me. Parang lasing ito at mukhang may binabalak.

Tiningnan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa.

"Sama ka sa akin, ganda. Ako na lang makikinig sa mga kanta mo. Siguro ang ganda ng boses mo, ano? Lalo na siguro kung pangalan ko ang lumalabas sa bibig mo..." he laughed, evilly.

You're making me feel uncomfortable po. Please stay back. I wanted to utter those words but my fear was eating me. Paano kung may gawin siya bigla at mag-amok?

He was about to touch me when we heard a loud and deep grunt coming from the side of the stage. Pareho kaming napalingon rito.

"Tangina mo naman e."

It was that long haired guy. He was glaring at the man, an annoyed expression plastered on his face.

"Bata, huwag kang ano, sa akin na ito. maghanap ka na lang ng sa'yo," the drunk man scowled.

"Tangina mo, kaya kahit nakatambay lang ako rito nasasabihan tayo ng basura dahil sa mga tulad mong dapat hindi nauna sa karera ng mga sperm cells e." The androgynous guy sneered. Lumipad ang tingin niya sa akin, he rose both of his eyebrows.

"Sa tingin mo ba hindi niya ito gusto? Pupunta siya rito ng gabi na tapos ganiyan pa itsura niya," the drunk man argued.

I looked at myself. I was wearing a long sleeves shirt underneath a knee length jumper dress.

"Gago ka ba?" the long haired guy tilted his head in disbelief. "Mukha na nga siyang papasok sa kumbento sa sobrang haba ng damit niya. At ano naman kung pumunta siya rito nang gabi?"

Hindi umimik 'yung lasing na lalaki. The long haired guy rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"That's right, the only point you have is disappointment." the long haired guy fetched his phone and dialled a number.

Agad naman na kumaripas ng takbo 'yung lasing na lalaki sa takot. Baka nalaman na tumawag ng pulis o tulong. I breath out a sigh of relief. I looked at him with gratitude.

He looked more beautiful now that he's just right infront of me. His facial features were indeed androgynous.

"Tumawag ka po ba ng pulis?" I asked, still trembling in fear.

His eyebrows furrowed.

"No," he shrugged. Pinakita niya sa akin 'yung number na tinawagan niya.

8-7000.

Kumunot naman ang noo ko. It was a familiar number, I'm just not sure.

"Are you also going to play? Doon 'yung stage," tinuro niya 'yung maliit na pintuan para sa pagakyat sa stage.

"H-hindi po," I nibbled on my lip. "I was supposed to have my friend's guitar signed..."

"Anong banda?" he asked, nonchalantly. His eyes were void of any emotion; bukod sa malamig ito at parang malalim ay wala na akong makitang iba pang emosyon.

"Uh, anagapesism..." I cleared my throat and looked at him.

He was examining my face, making some of the strands of his hair fall since he was tilting his head.

"Alam ko naman na makasalanan ako pero bakit naman ako pinapasundo kay Mama Mary..." he groaned, his head looked up in the sky.

"M-mama Mary?"

"Kamukha mo si Mama Mary." He declared, his lips jutted out.

Namilog naman ang mga mata ko. Excuse me?! I can't help but be offended.

"That's not a right thing to say. Blessed Virgin Mary is the one who—"

"Shit, totoo ka ba?" umawang ang labi niya. "I'll let my friends judge you. Tingnan mo, ayaw mo pa maniwala."

My forehead created a small crease. Sumama ako sa kaniya papasok sa isang kwarto, I looked around and saw that there was a lot of people — I have to be vigilant. Nakakatakot ang muntik na mangyari sa akin.

Kumatok siya at bumukas ito, revealing the members of anagapesism. My jaw fell upon seeing them more closer. They looked more beautiful upfront. Lalo na itong si long haired guy pero naiinis pa rin ako. Tawagin ba naman akong kamukha ni St. Mary?

"Sino 'yan?" the vocalist's lips parted.

"Kamukha niya si Mama Mary 'di ba?"

The vocalist's squinted his eyes. Agad itong umiling. I remember his name since he answered back during their performance. It was North, if I heard it right.

"Hindi naman..." he shrugged, at tumawa. "Mukha ka lang talagang demonyo kaya mukha siyang santa."

"H-hello po..." I stuttered. Lumingon sa akin 'yung isa pang miyembro. She was a girl. Kumunot ang noo ko, the one who was wearing a mask was a girl?

"Hala, okay lang ba siya? She's shaking..." the girl sounds worried as she examined me.

"She got harassed."

"What the!" agad na umalo sa akin 'yung babae at hinawakan ako sa aking mga pisngi. "Sinipa mo ba? Sinapak? Dapat tinadtad mo! Tell me, nasaan na 'yung ga—"

"Your girl, Kile?" tanong nung lalaki na may kulot na buhok.

So, his name was Kile, almost pronounced the same way as 'Kyle'.

"Hindi, ah." Agad na umiling si Kile. He slouched down on a chair. Ang tingin ay napunta sa akin.

"Magpapapirma lang siya ng gitara. Makasalanan na nga ako tapos gagawin ko pang girlfriend 'yung may mukha ng isang santa, edi ano na lang ako no'n? Anak ng lagim?"

"Badboy lang with good habits." North chuckled. Kile raised his middle finger at him.

Pumayag naman sila. They were really nice. Lalo na 'yung babae. North was friendly and Enoch, the drummer, was silent but he did acknowledge my presence.

"My name's Naiara, by the way. Pero tawag nila sa akin ay N."

Akala ko ay lalaki siya kanina. Her hair was bob cut, kaya naman hindi pansin na babae siya dahil maikli ito kumpara sa ibang hairstyles ng mga babae. She had a girl crush vibes with her.

"Thank you for granting my request po." My heart was really touched. Ang babait nila, Iscalade have a good taste in picking a band.

"Anong pangalan ng friend mo?" Naiara asked, as she removed the lid of the marker.

Pumirma na si Enoch, North at Kile. She was the last one.

"Iscalade po..."

Natigilan siya. Her cheeks flushed and immediately looked to me with disbelief.

"Altreano?" namilog ang kanyang mga mata.

"Opo," I nodded my head. "Kilala mo po ba?"

"Kile! Biyaya ka talaga!" she immediately hugged me. I was shocked at how happy she was.

"Thanks," Kile shrugged.

"Bakit po ba?" I asked in confusion.

"Crush ko 'yon e! First ever boy crush." Halakhak niya. "Isang beses ko lang 'yon nakausap pero pakiramdam ko siya na talaga. Sobrang gaan kausap!"

"Akala ko ba bawal ka muna mag-boyfriend?" tanong ni Enoch, nakakunot ang noo.

"Oo nga! Noon 'yon no'ng hindi pa ako legal. At saka, di nga ako nag-boyfriend noon. Girlfriends lang." Naiara laughed.

She signed a quick 'N' and added a heart on it. For some reason, parang kinurot ang puso ko.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜