Favorite T-Shirt — Jake Scott

Kabanata 21

"Philo naman..." bumuntong hininga siya.

"Nagpaalam po ako..." I started fidgeting my fingers and moved my lips inwardly. "Di ko nga lang po sinabi kung anong oras uuwi..."

"Akala ko..." napapikit siya, bakas ang inis sa kanyang mukha. Umawang ang labi niya. "Can you talk to your Mom?"

I shook my head. Bubugahan ako no'n ng apoy. I don't wanna hear any lectures while I'm still here. Bukas na lang, I'll face the consequences tomorrow.

"I'll talk to her for you..."

"B-baka mapagalitan ka..." my shoulders slumped because I felt guilty.

"I'll cross the bridge when I get there," he retorted, passively. Kinuha niya ang phone ko at lumabas para kausapin si Mommy.

I was waiting for him to return my phone as I pace back and forth because I know Mom probably scolded him. Bumalik siya habang kunot ang noo. Binigyan niya ako ng isang pagod na ngiti.

"Philo, tatawagan ko si Kuya Cal. Can you fix your stuff? Hahatid ka niya —"

"No!" I abruptly shook my head.

"Philo..." Iscalade called my name in a weak manner. "I told your Mom that I was the one who insisted for you to go, all you have do is go home now —"

"A-ayoko pa po..." my throat constricted. "I don't wanna go home yet..."

"Pero Philo, your Mom is worried sick..."

I almost scoff at what he said. I doubt that she cares for me. Maybe I was still upset and my feelings are taking over. Pinilit kong maging kalmado.

"Really? She wasn't even worried about me when I had no one during my recognition..." bitterness dripped from my tone. I bit my lip to supressed my anger.

Why is their concern misplaced? Bakit sa ibang bagay ay may pakialam sila pero pagdating sa mga mahalaga para sa akin ay wala?

"Philo naman..." Iscalade sighed, napasapo siya sa kanyang sintido. "Philo, as much as I want you here; I don't want your parents to be mad at you."

"Bakit po? Galit din po ba ang magulang niyo sa inyo?" nangliit ang mga mata ko. "Galit din ba ang magulang ng mga kaibigan mo? Kaklase mo po? Bakit sa akin lang? Don't they trust me? Am I not someone who can also have fun?"

It is so unfair. Pare-pareho lang naman kami halos dito, pero bakit gano'n sila sa akin? Don't they trust me? I don't wanna compare but it is just unfair!

"Philo..." he looked at me, melancholy blooming in his eyes.

"Can you go outside po? Please..." I pleaded. "I don't wanna get mad, Iscalade."

"They're just looking out for you. Of course, they'll be worried. Every parent would only want what's good for their child. Hindi ka maayos na nakapagpaalam —"

Napigtas ang natitira kong pasensya. Bumuntong hininga ako. What does he know? His parents even lets him have his own overnight party! Paano siya nakakapagsalita nang ganiyan?

"You think I have the privilege to do that? You think everyone is as free as you? You're lucky, Iscalade. You're actually spoiled enough by your parents. You cannot speak in behalf of everyone when in fact you haven't experience any oppression before." I spat out, and my eyes widened when I realized my words were too sharp.

Nakita ko na pati si Iscalade ay nagulat. Agad na lumamlam ang kanyang mga mata. He gave a small smile before nibbling his lower lip. The way he slightly bowed his lead showed how disappointed he was because of our situation.

"Sorry," his tongue touch the side of his cheek, supressing his words. "Maybe you're right, I have to go somewhere. Have a good night, Philo."

He left, looking hurt and agitated.

Natigalgal ako roon. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean what I've said. Agad na nanghina ang mga tuhod ko nang umalis si Iscalade.

I was immured in my room, watching as the waves clash with the shore in the windows. I sighed as I look towards the modernized huts where they are still partying.

Bumaba ako para hanapin si Iscalade. I didn't lock my door because I was in a hurry, and it's not like our hallway has any boys in it. Ang alam ko ay puro babae ang mga nasa kwarto na nasa gilid at tapat ko.

I bit my lip. I know I was stubborn to not follow him even if he was right. I made my parents worried and he even offered to take the blame for me.

I know that I'm being unreasonable. Pero bakit ba bawal ko ito maranasan? Bakit kailangan ito ipagkait sa akin? I just want to experience this too, kahit isang beses lang sa buhay ko.

I roamed around my sight, trying to look for Iscalade. Namataan ko siya sa isang bar stool at may kausap na babae. He look annoyed, at nakakunot ang kanyang noo.

"Iscalade," I called for him. Papunta na dapat ako sa kanya nang may nakabanggaan ako.

Her drink went towards my shirt, making it look soaked. I gawked at her as she widened her eyes.

"Sorry! Di kita napansin," she apologized, laughing. "Sorry talaga."

"It's o-okay..." I looked at his position, wala na siya rito. Umalis 'yata sila ng kausap niya.

Bumalik na ako sa kwarto para magpalit. Pero hindi ko makita 'yung mga damit ko. I remember putting it on the closet but there was none, I looked around and found it on a near trashcan. I blenched upon seeing that it is already covered in trash. This is...

That's not possible. That's a really mean thing to do. Wala naman akong ginawa sa kanila. I even gave them the foam and the pillows. They wouldn't do that.

Ang huli ko namang damit ay nilagay ko na sa marumihan. I sighed, this was honestly frustrating me.

Nalalagkitan na ako at amoy alak pa ang damit ko. Maybe I can borrow some clothes? Pero sino ba ang kakilala ko rito?

Maybe this was my karma? I did say mean things to Iscalade. Pero dala lamang 'yon ng emosyon ko. That's why I don't like talking when I'm mad, I regret every word I say.

I tried looking for him, baka may kakilala siya na may extra'ng damit. Gumagapang ang kaba sa aking dibdib. I'm expecting him to be upset. My words were out of the line.

Namataan ko muli siya, this time he was alone with a can of beer on his hand. He was still wearing his round neck white shirt, Hindi ito nakabukas at pinaglalaruan niya lang sa kamay niya.

Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin, the way his head tilted to the side made my heart jumped. His half lidded eyes met mine as he rose an eyebrow.

"Di ka iinom, Lade? Pakabait naman porke't si Cait nandiyan. Wala kang naloloko rito," tumawa 'yung nasa tabi niya.

"Pinagiisipan ko pa..." walang ganang sagot ni Iscalade, his eyes still glued on me. "Bakit di ka pa tulog?"

Serious Iscalade will be the death of me. Nanginginig ako sa titig pa lang niya. He's usually playful, iba pala siya kapag seryoso. Although, he looks hotter this way. Namula agad ako. I'll always prefer the playful Iscalade.

"Iscalade..." my heart was throbbing against my chest. Hindi ako sanay sa kalmanteng boses ni Iscalade. I'd rather hear him loud and obnoxious.

"What?" matabang na tanong niya.

It reminds me of Tita Istelle somehow. Sobrang kalmado pero parang nakakatakot kapag si Iscalade na 'yung gumagamit nang gano'ng tono. He isn't the type to have short responses.

"Pahiram..." humihina ang boses ko habang nakatitig sa kanya. The way his eyes squinted made me nervous.

Nakakaba pala ang isang seryoso na Iscalade.

"Pahiram po ng T-shirt mo." I squeaked as the words left my mouth. Nanglaki ang mga mata ko nang mapagtantuan na iba ang ibig nitong sabihin.

Sa sobrang pagmamadali ko banggitin ang mga salita ay iba ang nasabi ko. I looked at him, his eyes went wide in bewilderment.

His sight landed on my shirt, making his lips slightly parted. He blink a few times before finally moving towards me.

"Hiraman ba kita kay Czanne? Bakit nabasa shirt mo?" his tone was still lukewarm. Kaya naman kinakabahan pa rin ako. Baka kasi galit siya sa akin at napipilitan lang na kausapin ako.

"No, mas g-gusto ko po shirt n-niyo." I looked down. Sobra na akong nakakahiya. I feel like I'm not functioning well.

"Ah..." he cleared his throat.

Pinasunod niya ako sa kanya. He wasn't talking to me, hindi tulad noon na halos walang minuto na wala siyang sinasabi sa akin.

Hindi bagay ang tahimik kay Iscalade. Kuya Cal doesn't look this scary even if he is quiet. This is probably the reason why I can't see Tita Istelle on Iscalade that much, hindi kasi talaga siya pwedeng maging tahimik.

Pumunta kami sa kwarto niya. Roommates niya pala ang mga kaibigan niya, kitang-kita ko na may kausap si Sarathiel sa cellphone niya habang nakahiga. He was oddly smiling.

"Patulugin mo naman si Zafirah, pinupuyat mo porke't may tulog ka." Ade scolded Sarathiel. Kumakain ito ng Lay's sa gilid ng kama niya.

"Hanap ka kausap mo," sumimangot si Sarathiel at tinalikuran si Ade. Patuloy pa rin sa pag-text kay Zafirah.

"Philomena," Iscalade called me. I winced because he addressed me in my full name. Mas sanay ako sa 'Philo' lang.

"Sure ka ba? Pwede namang sa ibang babae na lang, I don't think wearing my shirt will be appropriate." Iscalade stated, still maintaining a bored face.

"I feel more comfortable with over size ones..." I gulped, my gaze fell down.

He sighed and went to his closet. May kinuha siyang statement shirt na may print ng 'sorry if i looked interested. i'm not'.

"Thank you po," I grabbed it from his hand and immediately went to my room. Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa sobrang kabog nito. My cheeks heated because of what I did.

I look at the shirt in my hand. Ngayong gabi ko lang naman ito susuotin.

✿✿✿

I hugged my knees as I watch the moon slowly moving for the sun to rise.

Ang hirap talaga makatulog. I think it's already two in the morning. I bit my lower lip, paano kaya ako makakatulog nito?

I heard a knock on my door. Pumunta ako para silipin kung sino ito at nakitang si Iscalade na may hawak na dalawang unan. He looked nervous.

"Iscalade," I softly called his name as I opened the door for him. "You can't sleep too?"

"I don't use my pillows." He says, avoiding to look at my direction. "I can sleep without them. Sa'yo na lang."

"A-are you sure po?"

"Oo." He answered, curtly.

"Bakit di ka po tumitingin sa akin?" my lips jutted out. "Galit ka po ba?"

"Hindi," he looked at me and immediately blow out his cheeks upon seeing me. "Hindi na."

"Sorry po," my heart felt warm upon seeing him returning to his normal self. "I know my words were a little too harsh. I was just..."

Jealous of the fact you can enjoy events like this, you don't have any curfew and how your parents shower you with love. Sana ako rin. Kahit maranasan ko lang sa kanila 'yung ganitong klaseng pagmamahal. This kind of freedom.

He leaned his forehead on the wall. Mukha siyang tulala kaya nag-alala ako.

"A-are you okay?"

"Wait, nagpipigil lang ako ng kilig." He says, almost inaudible. I'm not sure if I heard him right.

Bumalik siya sa pwesto niya at tumikhim. He rubbed his palms together, still not directly looking at me.

"Hindi ako galit, medyo nagtampo lang..." he explained. "I don't want you to disobey your parents for me. Alam ko na big deal para sa'yo 'yung mga magulang mo."

"I really wanted to go to this party. This wasn't your fault."

"I told you, pwede naman tayong mag-celebrate nang sa atin lang. We can watch movies, bake a cake or whatever. Did you really enjoy this night, though?"

Honestly?

Umiling ako.

I didn't feel comfortable with others. Parang nakikibagay lang ako. I didn't even interact with most of them. It isn't because they were not good people, it is just I don't have the energy to mingle with them.

"You don't have to force yourself to fit in, Philo..." he sighed but a small smile appeared on his lips. "But I'm glad you're trying to get out of your comfort zone."

Namula naman ako dahil sa sinabi niya. This guy, really...

We talked about what happened, kahit siya ay nagtataka kung bakit napunta sa basurahan ang mga damit ko.

"Sasamahan kita bukas sa bahay niyo," he offered.

Agad akong umiling.

"I don't want you to carry the burden, I should be the one explaining why I did that. Baka mapagalitan ka rin po."

There's this weird satisfaction of proving my parents wrong for the first time. Palagi nila akong pinagbabawalan dahil delikado raw. Kapag umuwi ako bukas nang buo, this will refute their claims.

I also didn't want Iscalade to get into trouble. I'll be fine, sanay na ako sa mga masasakit na salita galing sa mga magulang ko. I don't want him to experience the same thing.

"Your Mom was crying, Philo..." Iscalade turned serious once again. "She really cares for you."

That tugged my heartstrings. Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya.

"I know I'm not in the position to say this," he tousled his hair. "Sabi mo nga, my parents are laidback when it comes to me. A little too laidback that I used to think I didn't matter to them..."

I looked at his face and saw how his expression shifted into loneliness.

"I used to think I was the blacksheep, Philo. Kaya siguro pinapayagan nila ako sa mga ganito dahil hindi naman ako mahalaga tulad ni Kuya Cal." He admits, trying to smile but ultimately failing.

"I did have honors and I'm not really that troublesome, pero kung ikukumpara kay Kuya Cal na President's lister at halos tinitingala na agad sa field na papasukan niya — I was nothing."

"That's not true..."

"I know but that's how I felt..." he chuckled. "I tried being a rebel, just to piss them off. Pero no'ng umiyak na si Mama..."

He swallowed hard. He looked at me with unfaltering sadness in his eyes.

"I can't believe I made her cry, Philo. Ang sakit pala kapag tayo'ng mga anak 'yung dahilan ng pag-iyak ng magulang natin."

My heart immediately went against my words. Akala ko makakapagtanim ako ng galit sa magulang ko; but I'll always choose not to. I can't see them sad because of me. I can't imagine them crying because of me. It will indeed break my heart.

"It's obviously because they love you, it shows in the way they care for you..." malungkot na saad ko.

"But some parents show their love in their own way. Mahal ka rin ng magulang mo, Philo. Because who wouldn't love you?"

My lips pressed in a thin line.

"Our parents are humans too; naturally, they'll commit mistakes. At bilang anak, we should be the ones telling them that they're imperfect just like us."

"What if they won't listen to you? Dahil mas matanda sila? Mas may alam sila?"

"Then..." he lifted my chin for me to look at him. "Ditch them, tayo na lang gagawa ng pamilya."

He chuckled and covered his face in embarassment. Agad siyang umiling, muttering 'Joke lang'.

I laughed. Akala ko pa naman seryoso na ang usapan namin.

"Kapag gano'n, mahirap talaga makipagusap sa sarado ang utak. But try to understand them more, and always try to open up to them."

"Thank you for always trying to understand me, Iscalade." I smiled at him, sincerely.

"Gano'n naman kapag mahal mo..." bulong niya.

"Hmm?"

"You'll understand them. You'll always try to understand them." He answered, vaguely.

He finally turned to me. Agad siyang bumuntong hininga.

"Ayaw talaga kita tingnan kanina," he confessed to me.

"Dahil galit ka po?"

"Oo, alam ko kasing mawawala 'yung inis ko. That's how unfairly cute you are. Bad ka, Philo." He wrinkled his nose.

"Sorry..." I hugged the pillows that he gave to me. "Are you sure you won't use your pillows?"

"Uh huh, mas mahalaga na makatulog ka. I can sleep without those."

Dumapo ang tingin niya sa T-shirt na suot ko. Agad siyang tumikhim at tumingin sa ibang direksyon.

"The shirt looks good on you." Tulad kanina, namumula na naman siya. I laughed once again.

You look good on me, Iscalade.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜