How You Get The Girl — Taylor Swift

Kabanata 19

"I wasn't angry," I confessed, timidly. "I'm also deeply sorry for avoiding you."

It was irrational for me to do it without telling him the reason. He didn't do anything wrong. Mali ako sa biglaang iwas ko sa kanya.

Pero madalas ay sinusunod ko talaga si mommy. No matter how questionable her demands were, all I can do is follow. Pero parang hindi ko kaya gawin ito ngayon.

"You don't have to say sorry. Aminin mo lang, may nagawa ba akong mali?" he asked, concern laced in his tone.

"Wala nga po..." I sighed. "It's just my mom thinks..."

"Hindi ka pa pwede mag-boyfriend? That's okay, I'm really willing to wait. Okay lang sa akin kung after college o kung kailan ka na pwede, hindi naman ako nagmamadali..." he shrugged, like it didn't matter to him.

My eyebrows furrowed.

"No po, bakit po tayo napunta sa usapan na ganiyan?"

He chuckles, chagrined. "Ewan ko? Your Mom is strict, so I thought having boy friends is bothering her..."

"Not really..." I replied, absentmindedly. "I never had any boyfriends or boy as friends. You're the first one."

I was never good at socializing, kaya naman doble ang hirap para sa akin na kumausap ng mga lalaki. Girls are not even talking to me if not needed, ang mga lalaki pa kaya? Pero lahat naman ay halos mababait sa akin. Maybe they just don't know how to approach me and I don't know how to approach them either, hindi kami magtagpo sa gitna.

"My mom thinks..." I swallowed hard before continuing. "You're using me to get another girl..."

"Huh?" napabalikwas siya. "Sino naman?"

"Caitlyn N-natividad?" I squirmed, feeling bad that I had to say her name. Ayoko naman talaga na madamay ang pangalan niya.

"Cait..." banayad niyang ulit sa pangalan na binanggit ko. His forehead creased, parang may malalim siyang iniisip.

"Wait, are you friends with Cait?" recognition was seen in his face.

"H-hindi po, her aunt is just my mother's friend..." sagot ko.

Bumuntong hininga si Iscalade

"I'm not using you to get close to Caitlyn, Philo." Iscalade glanced at me, malambot ngunit sa seryosong paraan dumapo ang tingin niya sa akin.

"Do you want me to talk to your Mom? Ayoko isipin niya na ginagamit kita."

"Is she really your ex?" tanong ko, fidgeting my fingers.

"She is," mahina niyang tugon. "We dated during junior highschool, for two years..."

"Ang aga niyo po palang lumandi..." I blurted out, binibilang sa utak ko kung ilan taon pa lang si Iscalade no'ng nagkaroon siya ng girlfriend.

I know that it is normal for others to date even in junior highschool. Pero no'ng mga panahon na 'yon, I was busy summarizing the chapters of Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo. Paano kaya sila nagkaroon ng oras para magmahal? At paano sila pinayagan na magkaroon ng syota?

Nanglaki naman ang mga mata niya at mahinang tumawa.

"You could say that..." his eyes casted downwards. "I was serious about her, though. Alam kong bata pa kami kaya siguro akala ko siya na rin talaga."

"What happened?" I asked, curiously.

"Life happened." Ngumisi siya sa akin. "We are still young, Philo. Love shouldn't be our priority, and she made me realized that. Okay naman kami, we're still friends..."

"Friends? Like us?" my eyes turned to slits, I tilted my head.

"No," he laughed. "Iba tayo, remember? I'm your what again? Ultra galactic mega best friend?"

"You are," I smiled, putting my head on his shoulder. "I don't wanna lose you, Iscalade. I don't want us to end like that. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I just didn't want you to feel bad about it..."

"Please don't do it again, just tell me if I did something or what. Nakakatakot kasi kayo magalit e," he chuckled, nervously.

"Kayo?"

"Kayo'ng mababait. Bigla na lang kayo nagiging tahimik tapos di namin alam na kinakatay niyo na pala kami sa isip niyo. Parang gano'n," he retorted.

"I'll tell you po, pero parang hindi naman po ako magagalit sa inyo..."

"Di ka naman 'yata talaga nagagalit e. Kaya nga natakot ako," lumingon siya kaya naman naramdaman ko ang labi niya sa aking ulo. His lips only brushed briskly.

Agad kong inalis ang ulo ko sa kanyang balikat. I looked at him worriedly.

"Nakain mo po ba 'yung buhok ko?" I asked. Umiling siya, may naglalarong ngiti sa labi.

"I really missed you," he cupped my face, containing my cheeks in his hands. "Thank you for this, Philo."

✿✿✿

We had an agreement, sa ngayon ay medyo lowkey muna kami ni Iscalade. We are still bestfriends but we'll limit our meetings so my mom won't know. Baka kasi i-sumbong ako ng mga makakita sa aming dalawa. I'll let my mom's annoyance subside first before telling her the truth. I feel bad for lying but I really can't stop my longing for Iscalade.

Hindi rin naman kami masyado nagkakaroon ng oras para manood o magkita. Malapit na matapos ang klase kaya binabaha kami ng mga requirements. But at least we can finally text each other again and he knows that I'm not mad at him.

"Ilalabas na raw 'yung listahan ng honors!" tili ni Nadya habang inaabangan ang guro namin sa pintuan. "Kahit sumabit lang ako, okay na talaga!"

"Congrats na agad, Philo." bati ni Jeremy sa akin, binigyan ako ng isang tipid na ngiti. "You're the highest, for sure."

I heaved a sigh, although my performance this semester was good — I don't think it can attain the highest honor. Alam ko naman na mahina ako sa recitations, kahit gaano kataas ang mga scores ko sa mga test kung hindi naman ako masyado napapansin sa recites ay wala rin.

I did try to participate more. Pero kinakain talaga ako ng kaba tuwing nagsasalita nang walang script o walang binabasa.

Dumating na si Mrs. Abad at may dinikit lang na papel sa aming harapan, it contains the list of the honor students. Dinumog ito ng mga kaklase ko, ang iba ay tumalon sa saya at meron namang mga sawi na bumalik sa kanilang mga upuan. The two reactions already told me their results.

"Oh my gosh!" may lumapit sa akin na kaklase ko. "Congrats, Philo! High honor!"

My mouth went agape, hindi ko alam kung ano ang tamang reaksyon. Feelings were surging inside me, hindi alam kung ano ang uunahin na maramdaman.

"Valderama, I want to congratulate you." Mrs. Abad gave me a proud smile. "You're the top two for the entire HUMSS strand."

"Ang mamaw talaga!" puna ng isa ko pang kaklase. "Ang galing!"

"Silent killer nga," another one praised.

I've been dubbed as the 'silent killer' in our class. Tahimik lang daw kasi ako pero nangunguna sa klase dahil sa mga scores ko sa mga written examinations. My outputs are also lauded by my professors, since my designs are always eye catching. Ang tanging hadlang daw sa akin ay ang pagiging mahiyain ko, my recitations are affected.

My classmates are happy for me and no one questioned the results. Ito ay dahil 'yata sa hindi ako madamot magbigay ng mga sagot. Although I don't like cheating, hindi naman ako marunong sumagot ng hindi sa mga nanghihingi ng sagot sa akin. Kaya naman tuwing major exam, nasa pinakadulo ako para mabantayan ni Ma'am ang mga mangangahas humingi ng sagot.

"Sino'ng top one, Ma'am?"

"Icarus ng HUMSS 2, matalino rin 'yung bata na 'yon at mukhang tatakbong SSG president next year." Mrs. Abad responded.

Si Icarus pala, hindi kami magkaklase kaya naman hindi ko siya masyadong nakakausap. Pero usap-usapan nga ang pagiging magaling niya dahil kinukwestiyon ng mga professors namin kung bakit wala siya sa HUMSS 1. Hindi naman siya late enrollee.

"Congrats ulit, Philo!"

The achievement brought rays of warmth in my heart. Nagpatianod ako sa nararamdaman na saya. I wanted my parents to know it first! Although I wasn't the highest honor, I was the top two! Nang tumunog ang bell hudyat na tapos na ang aming klase ay agad akong nagpasundo sa aming driver. I was delighted to go home and tell my mother that my hardwork has payed off!

When our SUV parked, agad akong pumasok ng bahay kahit hindi ko ugali ang tumakbo ay ginawa ko dahil sa sobrang saya.

"Mommy!" I gasped upon seeing her on our living room. May hawak siyang magazine at agad na umangat ang tingin sa akin.

"What is it, Philomena?"

"I-I have something to say po..." kinakapos ako ng hininga dahil sa pagmamadaling pumunta sa loob ng bahay.

"And that is?" agad siyang nagtaas ng kilay sa akin.

"I'm the top two of HUMSS strand po, Mommy." I couldn't hide the joy in my voice, even if I'm almost out of breath. My smile was hurting my cheeks. Hinihintay ko ang puri niya.

This is what I've always wanted. Simula pa noon, all I ever wanted was their love. At nakukuha ko lang 'yon tuwing nagiging proud sila na anak nila ako. These are the only times they show me that I'm indeed a Valderama. I'm worthy of being their only daughter.

"Top two...." she drawled, tiningnan ako habang unti-unting nangliliit ang kanyang mga mata. "Lang?"

My joy evaporated as I realized that what I did was wrong. What I thought was wrong. And my results were wrong. Nawala ang aking ngiti, napalitan ng pangamba nang mapagtantuan na mali ang inisip ko. I started to panic.

"Sa b-buong HUMSS s-strand po 'yon, Mommy..." I gulped, my eyes casted downwards. Biglang tinubuan muli ng hiya.

"Ano bang pinagusapan natin? Highest honor 'di ba? At bakit binitin mo pa? Kung nagawa mo ngang maging top two, why didn't you aim higher, Philomena?" her disappointment spilled over in her tone.

It's because that's only my capabilities. Sinagad ko naman po. I did my best and everyone can attest to that. Nangingilid na ang mga luha ko. Ang sakit kasi magsalita ni Mommy. Alam niya naman kung gaano ako magpudpod sa pagaaral.

"Bakit ka umiiyak? Sinaktan ba kita? Hindi nga kita pinapalo, Philomena. Kaya bakit ka iiyak?" she asked, coldly and almost emotionless.

"S-sorry po.."

Marahas niyang tinapon sa gilid niya ang magazine na kanina'y nasa mga kamay niya. I was startled and I suddenly can't move anymore. She sighed exaggeratedly, matalim ang tingin sa akin.

"That's the only thing I'm expecting from you, Philomena. Hindi ka na nga pinipilit mag-pageant. Diyan ka na nga lang inaasahan, tapos hindi mo pa magawa nang tama?"

"G-ginawa ko n-naman 'yung best ko po..." nanginginig ang boses ko.

I can't face her wrath because I was expecting something else from her too. I was expecting her to be proud for me or even just be happy for me. Kahit kaunting puri lang ay masaya na ako. Kahit mahinang 'I'm proud of you' o kahit sandaling yakap lang...

"Kailan pa naging best 'yan? Second doesn't mean best, Philomena. The first one always gets all the recognition," she scoffed. "The following merits are just consolations."

"Paano kapag nalaman 'yan ng Daddy mo? Philo, for once can you do something right?"

I thought that the pain I was feeling was already catastrophic, pero hinalukay pa lalo ang nararamdaman kong sakit. I went mum as my heart started palpitating loudly.

"Think this through, I'm so disappointed, Philomena. You could have done better."

She shook her head, nilisan niya ang sala at pinahanda ang sasakyan. She'll probably go somewhere to release her frustration.

I told Iscalade and Paulene about the news through text, both of them were very proud of me.

Paulene:

QUEEN BEHAVIOR! 🙌 so proud of you, Philomena! let's go out to celebrate!

Iscalade:

Maganda? Mabait? Tapos matalino pa? 😩 hinang-hina na talaga ako parang kailangan ko ng Philomena.

Kidding aside, I'm so proud of you! Sobrang deserving! Sobrang worth it! Love na love ka talaga ng parents mo.

Philomena:

Sana nga po :)

I typed those words as my tears cascaded through my pillow. My hands were shaking as I try my best to reply to them. My heart was shattering against my chest, hirap na hirap akong kumuha ng hangin para huminga.

"Basang-basa k-ka na p-pala," I whispered to my pillow and exchanged it with another dry pillow. "K-kaya siguro m-marami akong unan p-para rito..."

I have a lot of pillows, I started to arranged them. Hinihiwalay ang tuyo sa mga may bakas na ng luha. Pagagalitan pa ako ni Daddy mamaya, siguro dapat itabi ko na ang ilang unan ko para sa mga luhang lalabas sa aking mga mata.

✿✿✿

"Philo..." Mrs. Abad smiled at me, full of pity. "Late ba ang parents mo?"

Recognition day.

Wala sila.

My chest tightened, lumingon ako kay Mrs. Abad at ngumiti nang malungkot.

I wrote them notes. I texted them. I even begged Ate Flora to remind my parents that today is my recognition day.

Pero wala pa rin sila.

"B-baka po..." my shoulders slumped. "Pasensya na po..."

"Ako na lang magsasabit sa'yo, Philo kapag na-late sila ha?" Mrs. Abad said.

"Thank you po, Ma'am..." I swallowed hard. The lump in my throat is growing, making me teared up.

I was expecting them to at least attend. Wala namang trabaho ngayon si Daddy at palagi namang nasa bahay si Mommy. Walang mawawala sa kanila. Hindi naman ito sobrang tagal. Kahit sana humabol na lang. Kahit ilang segundo lang. Kahit isabit lang nila ang medalyang pinaghirapan ko para sa kanila.

Yet they didn't.

And they won't.

Umakyat ako sa stage nang tawagin ang pangalan ko, I was dazed as my knees were wobbling because of my emotions. Para akong binuhusan ng semento dahil hindi ako makagalaw nang nasa harap na ako. Pinatong ni Mrs. Abad ang medalya sa akin pero wala akong maramdaman kundi awa.

Awa para sa aking sarili. I had to bow down to everyone. I had to face them. To see everyone with their parents beside them. Ang iba sa kanila ay sumabit lang sa honors pero ang galak sa mga mukha ng kanilang magulang ay walang katulad.

Biglang lumandas ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.

"Congrats..." natigalgal ang principal nang makitang umiiyak ako. He was offering his hand, I decided to briefly shake it before going down to my position.

Nang tawagin si Icarus ay kasama niya ang magulang niya. His parents were hugging him, kumpleto silang pamilya. Tinaas ni Icarus ang medal na sinabit sa kanyang leeg, he was grinning proudly.

"Anak ko 'to!" his father shouted proudly.

It gained laughter from the audience. Nahihiya naman na pinigilan ni Icarus ang sumisigaw niyang ama.

I wonder, if I was in his position — would my parents be there for me too? Ganiyan din ba ang reaksyon nila? Would my Dad shout how proud he is that I'm his daughter?

Dapat ba muna talagang maging top one para lang maramdaman ko ang pagmamahal nila? 'Yun ba talaga ang sukatan ng pagmamahal? Is my grade, my achievement and what I can offer — the only thing that should matter for them to regard me as their child?

Should love always be that conditional?

Tapos na ang recognition, nakita ko kung paano maglakad ang mga kapwa kong estudyante kasama ang kanilang mga magulang.

"Saan tayo kakain? Sa Jollibee o sa McDo? Saan mo gusto?"

"Oo na, magkano ba 'yung concert na 'yon? Ginalingan mo naman kasi e."

"Ipagluluto kita ng sinigang! Paborito mo 'yon 'di ba? Manang-mana ka talaga sa akin, anak!"

Bumibigat ang dibdib ko habang naririnig ang mga pahapyaw na usapan sa aking paligid.

Ang mga haplos nila sa kanilang mga anak, ang masamyong na salitang hindi ko kailan man narinig sa aking mga magulang at kung paano'ng kuntento na sila sa kung ano ang kaya ibigay sa kanila.

And all I ever wanted was them to attend the recognition...

I went to a corner and started crying. Bakit gano'n? Gusto ko rin naman ng magulang. Pareho naman kaming may mga nakamit na medalya, pero bakit ako walang magulang?

Did I really deserve this?

"Philo!"

The lump on my throat went back, kaya naman sinisinok ako ngayon.

I saw Iscalade holding a placard and a lighstick. It had my name on it and the lightstick shaped into the first letter of my name. It was my favorite color too, which is yellow.

Tumigil ako sa pag-iyak at nanglalaki ang mga mata sa kanya.

"Hala, sorry late na ako." He trudged towards me. "Ang tagal kasi ng picture taking nila, akala mo naman artista ako."

"Iscalade..." I called for him, softly. "A-ano 'yan?"

"To show how proud I am for you! Top two ka, Philo. Ang galing mo..." he showed me his smug grin. "I'm your best friend, right? Kaya ginawan kita ng placard at mahilig ka ba sa kpop? May nakita kasi akong may hawak kang lightstick sa post ng isang kaibigan mo..."

I tilted my head in confusion. At bigla akong may naalala na picture. That was probably Paulene's Candy Bong. We had a picture together, I was holding a Candy Bong while Paulene had her Bl-ping-bong waved in the air. I liked Twice better than her favorite group, though.

"So, I had this custom made..." he scratched his nape and laughed. "Kasi di ko maintindihan 'yung korean, so ikaw na lang 'yung is-stan ko."

Tumigil ang mga luha ko. I laughed at what he did. He was always putting efforts in silly things. Agad akong umiling sa kanya.

"I'm not as crazy as Gio," he shrugged. "And you're not really that much of a fan, right?"

I nodded, a smile finally appearing on my lips. Pinahid ko ang aking mga luha.

"Iscalade, is that Philo?" Tita Istelle spotted us, agad siyang lumapit sa direksyon namin. She gave a small smile upon seeing me.

She was wearing a simple long sleeves dress with ruffled details on it's collar. At tulad noon, she always looked calm.

"Congrats, anak. Where's your parents?" tanong ni Tita Istelle nang mapansin na mag-isa lang ako.

"W-wala po..."

"Hala? Bakit naman?" her eyes immediately softened, showing concern.

"T-top two lang po k-kasi ako..." my voice croaked, feelings started to rise again.

"That's..." Tita Istelle bit her lip. "Philo, you did great. Top two is a huge achievement, anak. I'm sure your parents wouldn't ditch you, they shouldn't be that petty."

Hindi na lang ako sumagot. Masama ang loob ko ngayon, if I say anything while I'm mad I know I'll just regret it later.

"Have lunch with us? Let's celebrate or maybe—"

"Sige po..." sangayon ko. "Wala naman pong naghihintay sa akin sa bahay."

I saw the hurt in Tita Istelle's eyes. Bumuntong hininga siya at lalong naging malambot ang pagtingin sa akin.

"Iscalade talaga, ang bilis mo sa babae." Iscalade's Dad went towards us and gave me a quick nod. "Philo! Congrats!"

May sumunod na lalaki sa kanya, I examined him and realized he looked like Iscalade. He was just taller and had a serious look on his face, his eyes had a more darker shade than Isca's. His features was a mixture of Tita Istelle's and Iscalade's Dad. Hindi tulad ni Iscalade na halos parang nakuha talaga ang lahat sa Dad niya.

"Cal," tawag ni Tito sa kanya.

"Hi," he extended his hand formally. Mas malalim din ang boses niya kay Iscalade. "Iscaleon, but Kuya Cal will do."

"H-hello po, nice to meet you..." I greeted back as I accept his hand.

"Did you miss your alma mater?" Tito teased Kuya Cal.

"Not really," Kuya Cal chuckled. He reminds me of Tita Istelle, just the boy version. Sobrang kalmado.

Niyaya nila ako mag-lunch sa isang chinese restaurant. Iscalade was craving for dim sum, kaya naman pinagbigyan nila Tita Istelle.

"Kuya Cal, matagal pa ba 'yan?" iritadong tanong ni Iscalade.

We were having a picture together. Pero kanina pa si Kuya Cal sa pagkuha ng litrato namin. Napapagod na 'yata si Iscalade ngumiti at nangangalay na siya sa pagakbay sa akin.

"Sandali na lang..."

"Gutom na ako," reklamo ni Iscalade. "Picture ba talaga 'yan? Baka video 'yan, ah?"

Tumingin sa direksyon namin si Kuya Cal habang hawak ang camera.

"Mas matagal kapag video..." Kuya Cal muttered, vaguely.

Umawang ang labi ni Iscalade. Kanina pa siya nakaakbay sa akin para sa picture. He looked at me and widened his eyes.

"Mas matalino nga talaga sa akin si Kuya..." he chuckled, lalong lumawak ang ngiti.

We went to a chinese resto and had lunch. Pilit akong sinasali ni Tito at Tita sa usapan. They also ordered simple meals instead of those I am not familiar with. Sobrang considerate lang talaga nila.

"Architecture po ang kinuha niyo?" I asked Kuya Cal who languidly nodded his head, he was busy eating his xiao long bao.

"He's studying in another place, kaya may sarili siyang condo." sagot ni Iscalade. "Baka naman 'di ba? Lapit na ako mag-eighteen, Dad."

"May naririnig ka ba, Mommy? Parang may lamok?" Tito teased Iscalade who only puffed his cheeks.

"Speaking of being eighteen, we already reserved a resort for you. Kilala mo na ba ang mga iimbitahan mo?" Tita Istelle
asked Iscalade.

"Ah, about that..." tumingin sa akin si Iscalade. "Pwede bang maaga?"

"Akala ko ba balak mong mag-over night?" Tita Istelle's forehead created a small crease.

"Ano kasi, mas gusto ko sana na maaga na lang..." Iscalade cleared his throat. "Baka kasi may curfew 'yung iba..."

My lips slightly parted. Agad akong tumikhim, which gathered their attention on me.

"Invited p-po ba ako?"

"Oo naman," sagot ni Iscalade pero mukhang kabado. "Pero kung hindi ka papayagan, I'll have another party for my birthday..."

"I'll go, and I think overnight is actually a great idea." I smiled.

"Are you sure?" Iscalade's eyes widened, his tongue touched the side of his cheek. Pinipigilan ang ngiti. "Baka pagalitan ka..."

"Nope, this is the least that they can do..."

Iscalade shouldn't be the only one who do things for me.

In the end, hinatid nila ako pabalik sa bahay namin. Sa kotse ay magkatabi kami ni Iscalade. He lent me one of his earphones, pareho naming pinapakinggan ang kantang pinili ko. It was How You Get The Girl, we were on my playlist and this was shuffled. He was peacefully asleep, napagod siguro kanina. Marami raw kasi ang nagpa-picture sa kanya.

I looked at him sleeping, his boyish looks being emphasized because he was facing my side. Ang mahahabang pilikmata niya, ang matangos na ilong...

Remind me how it used to be
Pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks
And say you want me, yeah-yeah
And then you say

I smiled. I want to keep him, like how people keep pictures. I will frame him forever in my memory.

'Cause I want you for worse or for better
(Worse or for better)
I would wait forever and ever (Ever and ever)

I kept on admiring him. Inalis ko ang ilang hibla ng buhok na sumasagabal sa kanyang noo. His hair was down today, he looked more soft this way. Hindi tulad noon na mukha siyang fuckboy. I giggled to myself, I wonder how Iscalade described me in his mind. I hope he never finds out that I found him way too out of my league.

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together
I would wait forever and ever (I want you forever and ever)

I was supposed to have my heart shattered today. My pillows were ready. Ilang beses na ba itong nangyari sa akin? Pero lahat ng luha ko ay umurong at lahat ng sakit ay napalitan ng tuwa.

And everyone knows what can replace pain in the fastest way — it's love.

That's how it works
That's how you got the girl

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜
note will be deleted later:
will start dedicating, after pof gains a few more chapters! tysm for reading hya, cot and of course pof!
Li .*ೃ