Kabanata 13

My entire being wanted to vanished and float along with the small particles in the air. I was being engulfed by the intense feeling of humiliation, I was completely and utterly unable to explain where I got it from.

"T-that's...." I trailed off. Walang salitang kayang bigkasin. He turned the book around and he was reading the synopsis. It was torture to see him seriously eyeing each word written at the back of the book.

"Hindi ko pa 'to nababasa. Maganda ba?" tanong ni Iscalade.

"I..." I was flustered. How should I answer him? In the end, I decided to coughed a little.

"It's not for kids..." my voice sounded so small, it was almost inaudible.

I honestly don't recommend reading erotica while you are still not part of it's demographic. There are just scenes that you wouldn't understand and it was a mistake of mine to read it while I'm still not aware of those things. However, I cannot take away the liberty of readers to choose what they want to read. All I can do is respect that we should let people enjoy what they enjoy, let them read what they want to read.

"Oh? Right, erotica nga pala. Pero maganda naman 'yung plot?" Iscalade asked, eyebrows knitted. Seryoso pa rin ang tingin sa librong itim.

"A-are you really c-curious or are you just teasing m-me?" my cheeks were burning in heat.

He looked at me with a ridiculous grin plastered on his face.

"Inaasar?" Iscalade chuckled and shook his head. "No, I'm really curious! I heard a lot about this book but I never really read a lot so I'm asking for your perspective. Maganda ba?"

"It's okay..."

"You don't recommend it?"

"I don't..." my gaze fell downwards on my skirt, I started twirling the loose thread I found in it's hem. "I honestly feel bad for reading it since I'm still underage and..."

I closed my eyes shut and sighed. People like projecting me as an innocent and naivé girl, even if I beg to differ from how they see me. You really con't control how people shape you in their minds.

I don't know why I feel so shameful for reading it. Sure, it got recommended by others. Pero desisyon ko naman kung babasahin ko ito, at binasa ko naman nang walang pumipilit sa akin. Maybe I'm not that innocent as how people portray me to be.

"But I'm n-not that innocent!" My voice shuddered in my attempt to save face. "Kaya o-okay lang na magbasa a-ako ng ganyan po."

I never show that book to anyone ever. Lalo na sa mga magulang ko. I don't want them to lecture me and tell me that my books might corrupt my mind.

"Okay lang naman talaga?" Iscalade's eyebrows rose in amusement and his lips slightly parted. "Oh wait, were you shy that I caught you reading books like this?"

My face crumpled because of his statement. Agad namang tinakpan ni Iscalade ang bibig niya gamit ang kanyang kamay, he was containing his laughter.

"Well, I didn't thought that you read this kind of genre." He admits, half grinning. "But you know what? Read what you wanna read. It's not like you don't know what's real and fiction, as long as you read responsibly, right?"

He started to stack the books, I was eyeing him curiously. He didn't bombard me with questions. Akala ko ay tuluyan akong mapapahiya dahil sa nakita niyang libro na meron sa kwarto ko. Yet, he never made me feel uncomfortable.

"You have nothing against those who read erotica?" I asked him, my eyes squinting.

Madalas ay nagi-iba ang tingin ng mga tao sa mga nagbabasa ng ganitong genre. It's almost taboo to speak about this with regular people. Lalo na sa mga matatanda, they think books like these are the reason why teens nowadays are wild and pregnant.

"Nah, but I'm curious..." he moves his lips inwardly.

"I've always wonder why people shame girls for reading erotica but doesn't give shit when boys watch porn..." he shrugged his shoulders as he started to get the books from the top shelf.

Habang nakatalikod siya sa akin at inaasikaso ang book shelf ko, I can attest how broad his shoulders were and he had muscular arms. He wasn't lean or too bulky, yet his body was built for an athlete. Partnered with his pretty boyish face, I understand why girls flock over him.

"Girls are not expected to be open about those stuff, unlike how boys were taught that talking about it is normal..." I mumbled.

Totoo naman, mas bukas ang mga lalaki sa ganitong usapan dahil hindi sila nahihiya at hindi sila pinalaking isipin na nakakahiya 'yon. Girls on the other hand, were told to be reserve when it comes to it.

"Do you watch it, Iscalade?" I asked, out of my curious mind.

Agad siyang umiling.

"That's not my kink, watching others doing the deed." He grimaced, showing disgust. "But I have nothing against those who watch it, it's just not my thing."

We were tackling about how erotica books are seen by many. Hindi ko alam bakit ito ang naging usapan naming dalawa. Pero natutuwa ako dahil hindi makitid mag-isip si Iscalade, kahit madalas ay mapaglaro siya.

"Sabi po kasi nila, it's the cause of girls doing procreation." I explained, blowing out my cheeks.

"Di raw inosente pero procreation tawag sa..." he murmured softly.

He turned to my direction. Umiling-iling si Iscalade, may ngiti sa labi.

"I doubt that's the case? Kailan pa nakabuntis ang isang libro?" He chuckled.

"Itatanong ko nga 'yan sa Gen Bio Prof namin. Sir, may kakayahan po bang makabuntis ang isang libro?"

I laughed and shook my head. He had a point. Bakit nga naman sa libro ilalagay ang sisi? Pero hindi ko rin naman mapagkakaila na baka may impluwensiya rin ito, but you cannot solely put the blame on the books.

I was sitting on my bed, trying to arrange my books base on the author's name. Lumingon ako sa katabi ko, Si Iscalade na tinutulungan ako sa pag-aayos nito.

"Did your view of me changed because of this?" I raised the book, while asking Iscalade.

Agad namang umangat ang tingin niya sa akin, there's a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

"Nope, you're so pure...." he said, almost breathless. "Mas pure pa sa purefoods tender juicy hotdog."

I stiffened until I couldn't contain my laughter anymore. I laughed hard that my stomach started aching.

I feel like I'm being mean but that's one of the worst metaphors I've ever heard! Sa susunod pa naman ay meron na kaming 21st century Literature. I should probably teach him how to use metaphors. Ayokong mapahiya siya.

Mabilis na ang mga sumunod na ginawa namin. We decided to find a library to donate the books I decided to get rid of. I need space for my new books. Pansin ko ang tingin ni Iscalade sa kama ko kaya naman agad ko siyang tinanong kung bakit.

"Ang dami mong unan," he pointed out. Nasa anim kasi ang unan na nakalatag sa kama ko.

"I can't sleep with just one," I said. Ngumisi lang siya.

"Noted." He nodded his head.

He went home even if Mommy almost begged him to have dinner. Para raw may picture kaming tatlo na kumakain. Ako na tuloy ang nahiya para kay Iscalade. I don't want him to think I'm friends with him because of his surname.

I'm genuine when it comes to my friendship with him. He makes everything colorful for me. I use to see everything in pastel colors, ayoko masyado sa matitingkad na kulay. Pero pagdating kay Iscalade, parang walang masama sa pagiging matingkad. He made me realized that colors are made to stand out. It is made to give more meaning to certain lines and symbols.

Iscalade is there to give more meaning to my everyday life.

I sighed to myself. It's scary that I can't imagine a day without his presence. Ang hirap masanay sa isang tao. Hindi mo kasi alam kung mananatili ba sila o kailan sila aalis.

All I know is I want to treasure every moment I have with him. My heart fluttered. Nanglaki ang mga mata ko.

No...

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜