"Remember the first time you saw my bike?" Freddie asks as we walk down from the parking lot toward the entrance of our campus building. "You wouldn't even touch it. You called it death machine."

"It still is. Now I'm just more immune to the fear of death. A little."

"It's just a goddamn motorbike."

"You can fly off it and smash yourself on the road with a splat."

He shrugs. "Yet you still get on it every morning."

"Okay. I mean, after a year I kinda got over the little freak-outs I have at the thought of being on that death machine. I can admit now that I find it fun. A little."

I only began accepting rides to campus from him a little less than month ago, when the school year just started. I almost vomited the first time he revved the engine while I was on the bike, but I guess everybody was right when they talked about enjoying the "thrill" of flying through the air at forty-five miles per hour.

He gives me a once winning smile that no longer works on me. "No, you only think it's fun because it gives you the chance to press your body all over my back. Just admit that you still have an unresolved, deeply repressed sexual tension for me, Hannah."

I give him a deadpan look. "Never, in our short-lived romance history, have I ever enjoyed a motorbike ride. So if I like it now, it definitely has nothing to do with any unresolved, deeply repressed sexual tension." My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it out to check the new message, and I begin to grin wide at it. "At least not for you."

He throws his hands up in the air. "I give up."

Jonah:
Ok. Just checked my e-mail and got the wedding invite.
I RSVP'd. I'm coming, obviously☺️
Oh, and please tell Tony I said hi
... But only if he no longer wants to kick my ass.

I laugh a little. During our lunch a couple days ago, Jonah and I didn't really talk about The Break-Up. We weren't really ready for that, and we only had so much time to catch up before I had to get to class. I didn't want to waste it by rehashing one of the worst nights of my life, and he didn't either. He's only home for the week, having just returned to the states after finishing a foreign exchange program over the summer. So, for now, we're kind of shelving the discussion for a later time.

We've been texting each other since that day. It's nothing intense—just checking in on each other once in a while. Sometimes he takes hours before replying. Sometimes it's me, putting my phone away after seeing it light up with a text notification. I don't want to seem too eager, don't want to go into this too fast.

I'm about to reply to Jonah's text when I feel Freddie's hands on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. I look up and see that I almost crashed into vending machine, and I give Freddie a sheepish smile. He rolls his eyes at me.

"I can't wait until I can meet the guy who's got you all... dazed and stupid like this."

I reach up to pinch his cheeks. "Oh, you wish that guy were you."

"I was once!" he exclaims while opening his arms wide in exasperation.

"Yeah, for like two weeks," I quip and then grab the sleeve of his shirt to pull him along the hallway. "Come on, we're late."

As soon as we arrive at the classroom, I take out my phone to reply to Jonah's text as I wait for our professor to arrive.

Hannah:
Well... he did agree to invite you to his wedding
I'd say he's not that pissed off at you anymore...

Jonah:
I'd understand if he's still angry at me.
I just hope the ass-kicking won't be at the wedding, though. That would be disastrous.

Hannah:
Oh, please! That would be good entertainment

Jonah:
😜
Anyway, when does your class end today?

Hannah:
The last one ends at 3
Hopefully I can catch  the 4 PM bus!

Jonah:
Where are you going?

Hannah:
Home
It'll only be for the weekend but I've just missed everyone already
I usually try to be home every other weekend if I can, anyway

When Jonah doesn't reply for a long time, I slip my phone back into my bag and try to pay attention to the professor who's already babbling away in front of the class as soon as he arrives. Then suddenly we're doing group discussion until the period ends.

I take out my phone as I walk out into the hallway. My eyebrows furrow as I try to understand the message he sent.

Jonah:

No need to take the bus.

Hannah:
Huh??

Jonah doesn't reply or even read the text, so I shake my head and slip my phone back into my bag as I part ways with Freddie to attend the next class. This time, it gets a little harder to focus. I keep pressing my palm into my bag, expecting it to vibrate with a new text from Jonah, but it never does.

I sigh. Why am I like this?

And then it does vibrate just as my professor reads out the conclusion of today's lesson.

Jonah:

Which building are you in right now?

Hannah:
The one across the library where I ran into you that day
Why??

I send the reply as I spring out of my seat, almost as soon as my professor dismisses the class. I don't really have to wait for another reply, because as soon as I walk out of the building, I see Jonah, his phone in hand, looking around for me.

I call out, "Jonah?"

He turns, and his lips lift in a half-smile, as if he's not sure how I'd respond to him being here. "Hi?"

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, after waving my curious friends goodbye. He crosses over the distance to give me a quick hug, and it's almost embarrassing the way my body responds to his touch. It's like I'm about to collapse into a puddle, I almost don't want him to end the hug.

He scratches the back of his head almost sheepishly. "Just thought I'd pick you up, when you said you were coming home. Do you need to pick up anything before you go?"

I tell him that I've already got everything in the bag I'm carrying, so he leads me straight to his car. We do stop by a café to pick up drinks to go, but we don't really talk much.

I was hoping that the car ride wouldn't be filled with awkward silence... but I fell asleep within the first half-hour of the drive home. Go figure.

By the time I woke up, we've almost arrived. We're at the gas station, and Jonah is just climbing into the car when I stretch out my limbs and let out a yawn, both actions done unattractively.

"Mornin', Sleeping Beauty," he says smoothly as he starts the car. He doesn't notice the blush on my face, and jerks his thumb toward the paper bag that sits on the tray in the middle of our seats. "I've got some donuts if you're hungry."

"Thanks, Jonah," I say, immediately feeling the rumble in my stomach. I take out one of the two donuts left and happily munch on it. "God, I can't believe I just fell asleep like that. I'm sorry, I'm a bad road trip companion."

He chuckles. "It's alright. You haven't been getting enough sleep?"

"What is sleep, anyway?" I take another bite of the donut. "My family called last night and kept me up until midnight. It was actually the first night since this semester started that I didn't have to stay up until dawn nearly broke for a deadline."

I look at him and the serene smile on his face, relieved to see he wasn't angry at me for sleeping during the whole ride home.

"Did you really just... drive all the way to pick me up?" I ask almost shyly, like I was talking to a high school crush. Which, to be fair, I am. He just also happens to be an ex.

His face has reddened, but he still steals a glance at me to give me a smile and a nod. And all I can say to that is, "Oh."

He's not looking at me anymore, just focused on the road. He seems to be steeling himself for something, before finally telling me, "For the longest time, I kept thinking about how it always used to be you, who'd make the long flights just to visit me. I only ever promised to visit your old place in Los Angeles, but I never did. I was always so busy, even though you kept making time for me."

I'm staring at him in silence, studying the self-deprecating smile on his face. My heart beats away painfully in my chest. I don't know what to say to respond to that. I haven't prepared myself for The Break-Up Talk. It feels like we're jumping straight into a river, and I'm scrambling for anything to hold on to as my lungs fill with water.

"I wasn't a good boyfriend to you, Hannah," he admits in a small voice, followed up with a sad laugh.

"Don't—" I start, my voice catching. I clear my throat. "We don't need to talk about this. Not right now." I look away from his face, and give a small laugh. My house is just at the end of the street. Then, I ask with a light voice, "You free tomorrow night? Wanna get drinks with me?"

He turns to me as we slow down in front of our house. He smiles at me, still a little bit sad. "I would love to, yes."

I grin at him as steady as I can. "Thanks for the ride, Jonah."

He watches me as I climb out of the car, and then rolls down the window. "Pick you up at seven? I'll choose the place."

I nod, still smiling at him, and wave goodbye. "See you tomorrow night."