i don't mean to be selfish,
but my heart breaks every time

"THERE'S ONLY ONE BED." Ah, yes. The favourite troupe. What more could you ask for? The forced proximity, the heavy tension, the potential cuddling? It's pure perfection. Well, not for Amethyst. She regarded the bedroom with a frown on her face. Not only did she just find out she's got two new soulmates, but now she has to sleep in the same bed as them? What a shithole.

"Cuddle party?"

"What are we? Five?" She rolled her eyes at Sting's puppy-like grin. "No. We're splitting it." She grabbed hold of one of the pillows, fluffing it up and chucking it in the middle.

Sting chuckled. "We can't exactly split a tiny bed between us, babe."

"Don't call me that."

"Babe," he teased.

Amethyst glared at him, her frown deepening. Sting delighted in the look of annoyance that passed her usually (from what they've seen) blank face. "I'll take this side," she informed, pointing to one section. She pointed at the other. "You two can take that side."

Sting hummed sheepishly. "Ah, Rogue and I don't do well sleeping together."

"Aren't you soulmates, though?"

"He kicks in his sleep," Rogue answered, drawing her attention to where he stood. He wore an expression so serious that Amethyst had to bite her lip to stop the laugh that threatened to slip out. She tightened her resolve and cleared her throat.

"Even more of a reason for you to sleep on that side," she stated pointedly.

"Boo." Sting pouted. "But cuddles!"

"No cuddles."

"So you say now," he mused, stroking his chin like an old man with his long beard. Amethyst resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It wasn't worth arguing with him. They had things to do, and if she indulged the blond, Amethyst had an inkling of a feeling something would stir in her heart— something she refused to acknowledge since meeting both of them.

"Ditch your stuff, and let's go." Amethyst straightened her back. "The sooner we finish this mission, the sooner we can go home." Though her words were directed at them, they were meant for herself. She glanced up at the bare ceiling, as if she was asking whatever metaphysical being watching for patience. All she received was silence. Wonderful.

Sting nodded. "Aye, aye, captain."

Amethyst hid a wince at the familiar phrase—

"Happy, we gotta go! Stop eating your fish and hurry up!"

"Aye, sir!"

—and exhaled deeply. She reassured herself mentally that nothing more would come out of this thing they had going on. They were just soulmates. Only soulmates. Nothing more.

Right?

Yeah. That's right...or so she told herself.

Exiting the inn they would be staying at for the next two days, longer if their mission took an unexpected turn, Amethyst and the two dragon slayers stepped out onto the empty streets. All of the townspeople seemed to have made themselves scarce upon the arrival of the three mages. Rogue had spoken to the Mayor, who had informed them that the news of the recent kidnapping caused all of his people to stay safe in their homes.

Good, Amethyst thought. There were fewer liabilities and distractions this way.

"So, how're we starting this?" Sting began, rolling his shoulders and staring at his partners— plural, because she was theirs.

"We should search for their base first," Rogue replied, looking around. The town was quiet and peaceful compared to the noisy city he and Sting had been living in. There was nothing out of the ordinary thus far, though Rogue still kept a keen eye out nonetheless. They had arrived at the town when the sun was beginning to set, and now the sky was a melancholic mould of amber and lilac. A chill fell over the air, which didn't faze them.

Rogue buried his face in the raised collar of his coat, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

"And how are meant to do that?" Sting wondered, pursing his lips.

"Leave it to me." Rogue and Sting snapped their gaze to the ground. They watched in awed bewilderment as dark, misty figures darted from Amethyst's feet, shooting outwards in all directions.

"Woah! What was that?!"

"My magic," Amethyst replied idly.

Rogue's eyes widened. "You can control shadows, too?"

"I don't control them," she corrected. "They are their own beings."

Sting furrowed his brows. "Then how do you get them to do what you want?"

"I ask nicely."

It was an almost snide comment, bordering on belittlement and actual truth. But Sting wouldn't know that, Amethyst rationalized, thinking over her words. He didn't know her, regardless of the way they were connected in some intangible, fate-determined way. She was a stranger to him and vice versa.

Amethyst's gaze fell on the horizon. With how the town was laid out, their target was most likely within walking distance. As she reached for her shadows' thoughts, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Rogue was drawn to her. His gaze followed the movement of her fingers, tracing the outline of her face. His instincts tingled.

They told him that she was his, irrevocably, undeniably, and completely.

His heart rate picked up.

Amethyst pulled on the connection between her and her shadows once more. This time, she felt their beckoning calls, and she knew exactly where to go. "Come on. They found them."

"Woah- you can communicate with them as well? That's so cool!" Amethyst caught the amazed grin on Sting's face. She tried not to think about how well that smile lit up his features or how his eyes sparkled with excitement. It made her chest ache. The last thing Amethyst wanted was for another person to affect her in any sort of way.

No.

No way. Not ever again.

Amethyst looked away from him. "I guess."

"So, how does your magic work?"

She shrugged. "I dunno."

"What do you mean you dunno?" He was mocking her voice, and her brow twitched.

"They've always been with me," Amethyst explained reluctantly. "I can talk to them, they can talk to me, and we work together. That's about it. There's nothing else to add."

"I've never been able to talk to them," Rogue mumbled quietly, looking down. He toed the ground beside him, nudging the shadow his body cast. Amethyst watched as his brows furrowed in concentration, and she refused to let herself smile at his actions. As cute as it was, it meant nothing to the young girl.

Sting's face jumped into her view. "Wait, so they're like people?!"

Amethyst took in his features. His blond hair that shot up in spikes, his dark blue eyes that were shining like twinkling stars, the thin scar on his eyebrow, even his nose that wrinkled ever so slightly by the wide grin on his face. Her attention shifted to his mouth. It was parted in astonishment, showing off the way his fangs glinted under the setting sun.

"Not necessarily," she said slowly, finding it hard to concentrate with his face so close to hers. Her body felt warm, and it was weird. She hadn't felt like that in a long time. "They can be anything. Any shape, any form."

Sting cocked his head to the side. "Are they alive?"

"No."

"Then," he drawled, "are they dead?"

"No."

"Wha—"

"Shadows neither live nor die," Amethyst finally clarified. "They simply exist."

Sting stepped back, dragging his face with his fingers. "My brain cannot comprehend this shit," he whined. "I'm getting a headache."

Amethyst snorted. "First time using your head?"

"Hey!" he squawked.

She hid her smile by walking ahead of them. "Let's just go." Amethyst lead them through the town, following the calls of her shadows. They walked through different alleyways, under arches and even behind buildings. As they walked further away from the town centre, the scenery began to look darker and dimmer. Amethyst heard hushed voices, and she motioned for the two mages to crouch with her behind an old stone wall.

"There," she said, pointing to a building hiding between two other large ones. Although, you could hardly call it a building with how dilapidated it looked, with its broken windows and sagging roofline. Even so, a faint golden glow emanated from the cracks. "That's where they're hiding."

Sting sniffed the air, angling his head to the darkening sky. "There's ten people inside."

Amethyst blinked in surprise. "You can tell just by smelling the air?"

"Yeah." He tapped his nose. "Heightened senses. Perks of being a dragon slayer." He looked proud of that statement, buffing out his chest as he beamed. Amethyst bit the inside of her cheek. Unwanted feelings returned—the faces of four flashed before her eyes. Her hand unconsciously clenched, nails digging crescents into her palms.

She shook the feeling away.

Rogue spoke, "It'll be easier if we split up." He looked to his companions. "Sting, you go from the front door. I'll go from below and—"

"I can go from above."

"Can you fly?" Sting bewildered.

"No. But he can." A large shadow appeared behind them, morphing into a shape the two boys were very familiar with. It towered over them, light reflecting off two wings protruding from its back. Its long tail swished in a placid manner as it stared at them expectantly with glowing purple eyes. Sting and Rogue's eyes widened in shock.

"A dragon?" they breathed.

Amethyst climbed onto the shadow being's back, digging her heels into its dark, misty scales to keep balance. "Let's go."

With one strong flap of its wings, the shadow took off into the sky. Sting and Rogue glanced at each other, lips slowly spreading into excited grins. Rogue vanished in an instant, travelling through the shadows, and Sting sprinted to the front, kicking the door down in a fashionable manner. It took the three less than half an hour to deal with the dark mages.

Amethyst would occasionally glance at Sting and Rogue as her shadows appeared all around, aiding her by defeating her foes. Her mouth dried up as she watched them. Her heart clenched painfully as they fought. It was so similar to the people who were gone.

Her vision watered.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, something not quite tangible, yet something she was able to feel all the same.

Concern reverberated through a bond.

"I'm okay," Amethyst whispered.

Her heart hammered. She pushed it down. She couldn't afford to falter now.

"Check upstairs," Sting yelled over all the fighting. "We'll deal with things here."

"Got it," she yelled back. Amethyst scanned the room, spotting the staircase and making a break for it. As other mages rushed to stop her, her shadows popped up from seemingly nowhere, roaring and tackling them away from her. Amethyst thanked them through their bond. She boarded the next floor and kicked open the first door she found.

There were three people inside. Two were hovering over a kid that was tied together by his feet and arms. The state of the room and the cowering boy brought back haunted memories. Amethyst ground her teeth, hot, burning anger swelling in her chest.

"Who the fuck are you?!"

Amethyst nodded forward. "I'm here for the boy."

They got into defensive positions, mocking her with faux confidence. "Ha! As if we're giving him to you! He's ours now!"

She clicked her tongue. "I'm afraid that won't do."

"And what can a little girl like you do?"

"A lot." Her eyes flashed. "Arise."

Different shadow creatures rose out from the ground. They lunged forward, and Amethyst didn't even need to count to thirty before the two dark mages were out unconscious. She walked over to the young boy, tugging on his ropes and releasing his sore limbs.

"Thank you," he cried. "Thank you so much!"

"It's just my job."

Throwing his left arm over her shoulder, Amethyst helped him out of the room and down the stairs where Sting and Rogue were finishing detaining the defeated mages. Their gaze snapped up to her, and they knew something was wrong from the stony look on her face.

But Amethyst kept on her strong facade.

It didn't take long for them to haul all the dark mages to the town's jail, contact the Magic Council, and reunite the boy with his family. Amethyst watched from the sidelines as people came out of their homes to celebrate, singing praises of their job well done. She saw how Sting bantered with the townspeople, reassuring them and smiling widely. Amethyst found it hard to breathe.

His toothy grin was so familiar. Everything about him reminded her of—

Even Rogue reminded her of—

Amethyst had to leave. She had to get away.

She spun on her heel, walking to the inn they were staying at. Sting and Rogue noticed her departure and quickly said their goodbyes with a promise of attending a feast the townspeople were going to hold tomorrow.

They chased after their soulmate like lost puppies.

"Amethyst..." Sting called hesitantly as they entered their room. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just- I need a second."

Amethyst stumbled into the bathroom, shutting the door and stepping over to the bath with water in it already. She hunched over it, clenching the sides as gasps tore through her chest. It hurt. It hurt. Everything— Amethyst sobbed soundlessly as she leaned forward, desperately trying to control herself. Her lungs weren't working properly. The air felt too thick. Too stuffy. She couldn't— she didn't want to breathe. She thrust her head into the water, listening as the world faded out around her. There were muffled sounds accompanying the silence, but even then, everything was too loud. Amethyst pushed her head deeper, tears melding into the water.

Her chest was on fire. Her throat was clogging up. She couldn't— she— she—

The door was slammed open.

Arms circled her trembling body, pulling her out of her silenced reprieve.

Amethyst gasped, coughing up water.

She collapsed onto the body behind her, limbs weak with stress and exhaustion. She pulled her knees to her body, heaving as she begged for her mind to reason with her body. Thunderous shivers shook her body violently. She couldn't focus. She could barely hear anything. Her vision was all blurry.

Her fingers weren't working properly. Her mind wasn't working properly. Her heart wasn't working properly.

And suddenly, she was nine years old in a dark attic, wearing fear, an empty stare, and not much more.

"Breathe, Amethyst. Breathe."

"I can't!" She gasped. Her fingers reached for her neck, nails clawing at her skin.

Rogue took her hands in his own.

"Follow me. Match me." He pulled her close to him, plastering her back against his front, and Amethyst tried desperately to copy the rise and fall of his chest. Sting stared at them in worry, drawing his lips between his teeth.

Amethyst focused on her soulmate, letting her body follow Rogue's breaths.

"Again," Rogue murmured, his voice calm, soothing, and completely devoid of judgment. "You're breathing now. Do it again, and try to match my breathing. In... Two... One... Release." He let go of her hands slowly, watching Amethyst's movements carefully. "Good. Now breathe in... two... one... release."

Amethyst followed his instructions, taking deep breaths until her lungs were no longer burning.

She slumped against Rogue, who held her tightly.

"That's it," he whispered. "Just breathe. You're doing great."

Amethyst nodded, closing her eyes. She inhaled deeply and released it in a shaky sigh, allowing herself to be comforted by her soulmates. Sting gave her knee a tentative squeeze, and Rogue ran his hands up and down the sides of her body.

The moment passed slowly, eventually fading into a comfortable silence, broken only by small noises that were meant to be calming and relaxing. Her heartbeat slowed significantly. Her breaths became less ragged.

"I'm sorry," Amethyst mumbled once her reasoning returned to her.

Rogue shook his head. "You don't have to apologize. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Still, I—"

"Don't." Sting leaned forward, bringing his forehead closer and placing it against her own. The heat of his skin slowly melted into her own. "It's fine, Amethyst."

She shuddered. Her tears were slowly drying.

With Sting this close, Amethyst could feel more so than see his trembling form. He cupped one side of her face, letting her lean into his touch and offering as much comfort as he could give. Rogue's arms tightened from around her torso. They grounded her.

The three stayed like that for a while, simply breathing and leaning against each other. Sting pulled away slowly, his hand falling to her legs. He ran them up and down softly, soothing her as each minute passed.

Amethyst heard Rogue take in a deep breath.

"You've lost people, haven't you?" he wondered quietly from behind her. "Were they your soulmates?"

Amethyst's eyes widened. "How did you..."

"You let it slip at the station," Sting answered. "And we heard how most of Fairy Tail's members disappeared six years back and never returned." He smiled softly, reassuring her. He reached forward, brushing the hair away from her wet forehead. "It wasn't hard to put two and two together."

Amethyst stared at him.

"We know what it's like to regret and grieve," Rogue continued. "And to push away those feelings, so let it out. Let it all out."

Her lips quivered. Amethyst blinked back tears, remembering the past she wished hopelessly would disappear. Her soulmates. The ones who had left. Natsu, Lucy, Erza, Grey, Juvia, Wendy, Levy, Gajeel, Mira, Laxus. All of them. Just thinking about them brought back tsunamis of pain, and Amethyst couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks. That strong facade she had spent years building cracked and tumbled to the floor, leaving everything she hid bare.

"I miss them," she cried. Her voice cracked. "I miss them so much." Sting and Rogue held her tenderly. Amethyst shut her eyes, leaning back and sobbing. "It's been six years. Why does it still hurt to remember them? I don't want it. I want all this pain to vanish. I just- I just want to be able to breathe without feeling so much pressure. So much grief." Her throat hurt from her words, but more so did her heart. She felt fingers brush away her tears, and that just made her sob even more.

"What pressure?" Sting asked softly.

"Pressure from the guild. Pressure from my family." She bit her lip painfully, but Sting caught the action with his fingers, gently loosening her up. "I tried so hard to be happy. I really did. I didn't want people to worry, but how am I meant to live without them?" More tears poured out. "They were my everything. I loved them. I loved them so much. I tried to make deals with fate to ask them back, but it didn't work. They're still not here."

She whimpered heavily.

"No matter what I did, no matter how I tried to cope, they somehow always reappear in my head. It's like there's no exit from this torment. I can feel it reach into my chest, and it won't stop burning. My heart feels like it's on fire, and it hurts so much," she cried hoarsely, her words stricken with grief.

"You're mourning, Amethyst," Rogue said. "It's a natural state of being."

"I know that I'm mourning," she sniffled. "That I'm still mourning, but no one told me it would be this painful. They told me they loved me, but then they left. How am I meant to cope? How am I meant to heal from that? And I know that it's not their fault. Of course, it isn't. I know that. But- but it still hurts."

Vertigo taught people that falling comes easier than climbing. No one ever told Amethyst that the collapse could stretch into a shape so solid she would have to spend her whole life on her knees through fire for only a drink of water. She knew that every river had an end, but her soulmates told her they loved her and that they were going to always be there for her. Yet, where were they now?

Gone. Dead. No longer alive.

Amethyst knew a lot about being abandoned. Her parents had abandoned her, leaving her in the hands of experimenters and abusers. She just never expected her soulmates—her saviours—to abandon her, too.

Her sniffles echoed in the room, her heart hammering in her chest with pain.

Sting's feather-like touch grabbed her attention. He lifted her chin, grazing his thumb over her jawline.

"We may not have been there in your past, but we're here now," he said. "And we can give you a home now. We're your soulmates." He smiled. "Fate must've known something, right? Why else pair us together, right?"

Amethyst swallowed hard, trying to keep her composure and failing miserably. "Right."

Rogue pressed a soft kiss to her head. "Let's get some sleep."

As night trickled across town, Sting and Rogue helped Amethyst into bed. She curled up beneath the blanket, hugging one pillow close to her chest. Every once in a while, she glanced around the room, expecting her soulmates to appear randomly. Their smiles. Their laughter. Their presence. She could almost see them there, smiling, joking, talking. They'd tell her about something funny Gray had done that day or something stupid Natsu had done. They'd argue with each other, but they'd gaze at each other with familial love. They'd tease her about how childish she was, even though she was still a child. They'd laugh at her whining about being left out on their mission. Mira would promise to make her a milkshake. Gajeel would promise to sing her a song, though Levy would be the first to oppose that suggestion. Laxus would feign indifference, but Amethyst could always see that small smile he had on his face. They'd hold her hand. They'd kiss her goodnight. They'd...

But they weren't here.

Instead, as she looked over her shoulder, Sting and Rogue were there, sleeping peacefully. Sting had his mouth open, quiet snores rolling out his throat. Rogue was on his stomach, his face planted into the pillow.

Amethyst's pained expression eased.

She turned back around, closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep. Even though her soulmates weren't here, she still had three more. Sting, Rogue, and Romeo.

He was waiting for her back home.

I still need to get him some gifts, was her last thought as she drifted into Solemn's castle with welcomed arms.

Rogue peeked to the side. He heard how Amethyst's breaths slowly evened out, and he sighed in relief. Something else caught his attention, and he looked beyond his soulmates. Rogue could feel the shadows in the room. They stood, protecting her.

They were always watching over her.

And as he returned to his sleeping position with a smile on his face, they knew. Their beloved friend had new protectors.