He mentions the r@pe throughout the chapter and it'll be like that probably for the rest of the fic. Be safeeee

***

He had walked out of class.

Not even fast, either.

It was just a quick decision he made after feeling so much anxiety and panic from everything and he'd never wanted to start crying so hard in class before.

He did as soon as the door closed behind him when he left.

Mic had just watched him leave.

Good thing Shinso isn't in this class today.

Fuck, he brought so much attention on himself, he should have just stayed in his room. He sobs as he hurries through the campus, heading back to the dorms.

His ass burns so much and he wants to yell. He wants to yell so bad to the point where he loses his voice and never has to talk in his life again. Maybe he can somehow rip his vocal cords so he starts bleeding and he just dies.

Embarrassment is all he feels. Well, it's all he's been feeling. For the past- his entire life.

He's been embarrassed his whole life.

About everything.

But especially this.

Being used by his dad to get off. Just something for his benefit.

It gets harder to breathe after each step.

Dammit they're probably going to call his mom and dad. He's supposed to go back home today.

His mom knows he was being weird yesterday, but she just calls that his 'attitude'.

He doesn't mean to get mad at everything. It's just that when he's at home in an uncomfortable environment that he knows he's stuck in, he gets annoyed and stressed. Sue him.

It's when he's in his dorm that he let's himself really cry. Again.

His butt hurts so much. He's never been in this much pain and he can't even sit down and think about everything cause it just hurts.

He's crying so loud, so he grabs a pillow to cry into it.

He knows no one is in the dorms right now, but there's always a possibility.

He's already embarrassed enough as it is, he doesn't need someone to hear his sobs through his room.

He misses cutting.

God he misses it so much.

Watching the blood drip from his wrist. God he missed that so much, but he shouldn't do that anymore.

Hell, he knows he shouldn't burn himself, but it's better than cutting.

He knows he'll go to far if he continues that.

Instead he goes into his restroom and grabs his plain old Band-Aids.

As his vision is blurred by tears, he opens the marker with a sob. He puts the cap on the back of the market and starts opening the Band-Aids.

As he does so, he struggles to find things he likes about himself.

Once he has ten Band-Aids open, he slides one over to himself, he tries to come up with something- anything that he likes about himself.

He falls short.

His teeth?

They're pretty and straight. Not super white, but that would be weird.

But his dad's cum has painted over his teeth before, making him swallow the disgusting substance.

Funny thought, when he was younger, he used to think it was pee.

Okay, maybe not so funny, but- okay it is. It's fucking funny, let him live.

Okay, there's his cool hair.

Yes, his hair.

He writes 'awesome hair' on a Band-Aid.

Yes, he writes that every single time he tries to come up with this stuff. Whatever.

~~~~~

This goes on for way longer than it should have. He's left with three Band-Aids and he can't find anything else, but seven things is enough.

He looks at himself in the mirror.

He looks like a mess.

Nose running, eyes puffier than a large marshmallow.

He laughs sharply, and it sends a wave of pain from his bottom, so he stops abruptly, humor: gone.

It's okay, he still looks ridiculous, so he smiles dumbly.

He takes a deep breath, trying to get rid of the last bits of the hateful energy he carries for himself. He looks in the mirror, only having three Band-Aids on his face while the other four are on his neck and arms.

He really does like how strong his arms look.

He really can see why he likes his hair so much.

There are really not a lot of things that he can think that other people like about him. His laugh is kind of annoying and he's been doing a lot of that around Shinso lately, so he's probably already fed up with him.

But that kind of doesn't make sense since Shinso keeps going to him. Kaminari even conducted a little experiment where he didn't put any effort into talking to Shinso and the taller just kept going to him. It was a week-long experiment, and it turned out to really make the blond happy.

His eyes are kind of pretty. If you get passed the part where he has yellow hair and eyes, kind of like piss, then it's actually fine. Not really that bad.

He's not the ugliest person alive, he knows that, but he just finds himself so repulsive.

How could anyone approach him, even as a friend when he can't even like himself. And yes, he knows that not everyone is as hard on himself as he is, but there are so many things that are annoying about him.

He feels like a downer most of the time recently. He's supposed to be the funny friend.

The friend that people go to in order to feel better because they're having a hard time. How can he be that when he's the one in need of a break.

Don't get him wrong, he's been needing a break for at least a decade, but now that need for a break is making itself so apparent, so he can't really ignore it and push it aside anymore. He just doesn't know how to ask for it.

It's embarrassing.

The reason he needs a break.

He feels ashamed.

He blinks in the mirror, having blanked out for a while.

There's knocking. Is that why he snapped out of his daze?

Slowly making note not to open the door because of the Band-Aids, he walks over to his room door.

"Yeah?"

"Kaminari? Are you okay?"

God, Mr. Aizawa, he is really not okay and that question is just not appropriate unless you want him to burst out into tears right now.

"Sorry I ran out today, just not feeling well, but yeah, teach, I'm all good," he says through the door.

He really doesn't feel like taking off all the Band-Aids. He hasn't looked at them enough to feel better yet and he really needs them. If he just opens the door, his teacher will see and god he really doesn't feel like answering to anyone right now.

The overwhelming shame makes him want to cry and only cry.

He's been feeling like that a lot lately, but last night his dad was too harsh. Kisho had never gone that far and definitely not that fast. Sure it was always painful, but Kisho completely entered him, and the way his breath was knocked out of him, making him let out a sick noise in pain. The sounds he made ring in his head, and how his dad enjoyed it.

The sounds of the bed sheets moving along with his dad's harsh thrusts.

Kisho gripped him so tight.

He has bruises.

"-nari? Kaminari? Are you okay?"

Said blond gasps before clasping his hand over his mouth.

Fuck.

He really needs some air.

"Yeah?"

God, what was he doing?

"Can I come i-"

"NO."

Oops.

He coughs awkwardly. "No, sorry. I- uh, I am," he pauses looking for a reason, "naked?"

What?

"What?"

He face palms.

"Sorry, that was a lie. I just don't want to see anyone. Can you tell Mic that I'm sorry."

"That's alright, kid. I'll let him know that you are. Just take a break. If you need tomorrow off just let me know before you go forcing yourself and freaking out in class. You know my number. Get better soon," Aizawa says before his footsteps get farther.

The blond can't help but laugh lightly at himself.

Naked?

That was so dumb.

He continues his light laughter as he walks over to the restroom again.

Just to look at the Band-Aids for a bit longer. Just a little.

The blond spends the next few hours deciding whether or not to go get some food before everyone gets back or just not eating at all.

Today was so embarrassing.

And, fuck, he forgot to ask Mr. Aizawa if he could go home again.

What if the school called his parents? Fuck shit ass bitch shit fuck. Fuck his life.

He takes a careful, deep breath, not wanting pain to shoot up his spine because of his bottom.

It sucks that he even has to worry about that, and the tears almost start back up again at that. He shouldn't complain about it or cry about it if he isn't going to do anything about it. He already had that chance when he was younger, and like a dumbass, he didn't take it.

He lied to the cops.

Told them Kisho had never done that and that their relationship was great. That they only spent time playing games and watching crappy movies with each other.

He was so young when he lied about it, so it was believable.

Kaminari was around nine, so he wasn't that young, but he guesses he was young enough to be able to lie and get away with it since it was something so serious.

He hated being put in that position, though. His dad at the time was the main source of income for their family. His mom was in love with his dad. Is in love with his dad. This is the love of her life he's talking about. Her only love.

If she lost her husband, she'd have nothing except the boy who took her love away from her.

He can't do that to her, so that's why he can't let her find out. Even still.

It would break her, and even worse, she'd blame herself.

That would not work with Kaminari. It would crush him if she blamed herself. She had no idea, so she couldn't have stopped it. There was no way for her to find out because he kept hiding it from her. It's just a lot, and if he has to deal with this any longer, he might actually do something dumb. It had never been this hard.

Sure, it was always hard, but never like this. Not to the point where he thought about suicide. And okay, he doesn't think that he ever will do it, but the fact that he is even thinking about it is bad.

At this point, he doesn't know what to do.

Not by a long shot, but he'll just keep pretending, he guesses.

What else is there to do? Tell someone? He almost laughs at that. No. He really can't. He just falls apart at the thought of telling someone. How will it be if it actually gets out?

He just imagines Yukako breaking.

Nope. Never letting anyone find out.

As he lies down on his bed, still in his school uniform, he sees his phone.

He remembers that his friends existed, so they were probably blowing up his phone last night when he didn't show when he said he would.

Dread fills his chest when he remembers Mineta. God knows he's a gossip. Anything to be an asshole while also trying to get in with the girls which is also being an asshole.

He swallows up the sob that threatens to escape his mouth.

All he feels is pressure on him so he lets the tears fall. They dampen his pillow as he smothers his face in it, letting out sobs and light screams. They hurt his ass, so he just lets the screams turn into incredibly loud sobs.

Even muffled by the pillow they're loud.

He decides not to eat.

~~~~~

He isn't woken up by knocks throughout the rest of the day, and when he actually wakes up, which is on his own, it's dark out.

He doesn't know if anyone did knock, but if they did, he obviously didn't hear them.

Oh fuck.

He scrambles to get his phone, pulling up his dad's contact as he glimpses at the time.

Dammit. He's such a fuck-up.

His lip trembles in disappointment at himself for not waking up earlier and he almost starts crying again, but then, Kisho picks up.

"Denki? Are you okay? I called earlier, but you didn't answer. I didn't want to overreact or anything, so your mom doesn't know."

"Damn, sorry, Pa, I fell asleep and just woke up. I completely forgot about helping you out again today. Did you get anything done?"

"Oh, okay. That's fine. I didn't do anything at all. I just decided to play some games. Your school called your mom. Told her you skipped classes," he mentions.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just-" in pain because of you both physically and mentally, "- really tired. I'll talk to mom later. I might miss tomorrow, too. If that's okay."

"I'll talk to your mom about missing, try to convince her that it's okay. She was just a bit upset because you didn't let her know about today."

"Agh, sorry. I'm still really tired, so can you tell her I'll call tomorrow? I won't forget about going home tomorrow. I promise," the younger says.

"Don't worry about it. I'll talk to her about today and tomorrow. Just make sure to come tomorrow. Your mom wants it done by the end of the week," Kisho says.

"Okay, Pa. Thank you, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Bye."

He finally decides to open up his friends' messages, though, and sees over a hundred notifications.

It's a little annoying, but he knows they care. He just can't stand the thought of interacting with anyone now. He does anyway, finally replying to them all.

Mina was just mad that he didn't let them know he wasn't going to show.

Bakugo thought he had gotten lost on his way back last night.

Sero was upset that he didn't have a partner in Smash Bros anymore.

And Kirishima worried that he'd died.

Oh, and there were a few from Shinso asking if they were going to hang out last night and then also tonight.

He feels guilty. Sure, he couldn't control that his dad was fucking him for fun, but he could have let them know he wasn't showing.

It was the least he could do for being such a bad friend recently. Even if his life is really sucky right now, he shouldn't take it out on his friends and ignore them.

He apologizes to each one of them and tells them all that he won't be joining any of them again today before going to text Aizawa.

He'd never texted him before so it was weird.

---

Kaminari: hey mister teach dude
8:41 pm

Kaminari: is it cool if i miss tomorrow
8:41 pm

Kaminari: totally chill if not, though
8:41 pm

Mr. Teach Sir: That's fine, Kaminari.
8:43 pm

---

It was simple, but God did he hate it.

Aizawa never makes it harder than it has to be, and he's so grateful for that. Doesn't think he'd be able to ask anything of him without that fact.

He needs tomorrow. He'll be fine after.

Man, he's been saying that way too often recently.

***
Word Count: 2,608
yall i was supposed to get my wisdom teeth out but it didn't fucking happen😐. anyway, good stuff coming in this fic soon. by good i mean chaotic ☝😋  i hope yall like that. thank you all for reading:)) i really appreciate you guys. yall are so nice and your messages really make me happy. the mentions of r@pe will be constant throughought the rest of the fic cause for me, personally, i think about my experiences all the time even if it's small jokes or small memories. It's an every day thing so pls make sure to know yalls limits:)). the next update will be next sunday at 8pm central time. i love you all<3