Everything was not fine.

Still, fuck the empty feeling, but he was definitely not okay.

Alright.

Kaminari was okay with touch. He could go and force himself to wrap his arm around someone. They're his friends, that's okay. They won't do anything like that. They're training to be heroes. Eh, well, so is Mineta, but that's Mineta.

Touch is okay. Sometimes.

Other times he has to hide in his room until the feeling of disgust passes. It's really not that bad. He either usually curls up into a ball of blankets and stuffed animals, or spreads his limbs out on the bed so that he can't feel his own skin touching.

It doesn't really get like that a lot, but when it does, he gets over it quickly. He's just being dramatic, really.

In those times, he doesn't leave his room for hours. Maybe even the whole day. It didn't really phase any of his friends when he disappeared. They probably think thought that he was with one of the others. He's known to be a little more social, so it wouldn't raise any suspicion. Usually.

Since he's also all over the place, he can make up excuses for missing, but with how his friends are worrying about him right now, it might not work.

He doesn't really worry about that during his small freak outs though. The only thing going through his mind is trying not to freak out and freaking out about people touching him. He makes it a point to check his door every five minutes to make sure it's locked. He'd hate to have to deal with anyone during these moments.

He does feel bad though. Knowing that he's scared of his friends touching him. They never would. Not like his dad does, but the thought of skin on his makes him so nervous.

It's irrational. Not everyone is like his dad. He knows that. Aizawa would never put his hands on him like Kisho, but he could. And it would be so easy for him, too. He could do anything because Kaminari would just freeze up and let him. That's what makes him hate himself the most. No matter how scared he is about it happening again, he wouldn't be able to stop the person.

Times that people got too close and scary prove that. They were honestly just messing around, but Kaminari was freaking out internally and just turned his head sideways, only lightly pushing the person away, not even enough to move them.

It was only a joke, not even a bad joke, just what friends do. Pretending you're about to square up. The fear that coursed through his body was dumb. It really was. How could he be a functioning human being like that? Let alone a hero!?

But he doesn't focus on that when all he thinks about when he's lying on his bed, is how much he wants to scratch at his skin. He won't do that anymore. He focuses on trying to stay calm and not resorting to that. But it's so hard when he can't make his brain focus on one thing.

Heavy breathing on his neck.

A weight on his body, practically trapping him in place.

The nervousness crawling through him as Kisho asks him if he likes it.

He can't say no. Never even thought about saying no, actually. Just did whatever he said, never fighting back.

He sits up in his bed, breathing heavily as fear shoots up his spine and he reacts violently.

Scrambling out of the blankets is hard, he accidentally scratches his shoulder in panic. Pathetic whines leave his lips.

"It's fine. Stop thinking about it."

He presses his hands over his eyes. He's not even crying. Just freaking out.

It tires him out and the panic attack fades in seconds. They never last long. Really, they only ever last a few seconds.

He laughs at his stupidity, throwing himself back on the bed and curling back up.

He hopes that the feeling passes quickly. He knows his friends had plans to watch a movie tonight and he doesn't know how to tell them he can't make it. He feels guilty. Shinso said he'd be there too and Kaminari knows he doesn't really like being in those situations without him. He doesn't really know the bakusquad all that much yet.

He has to suck it up. Maybe he can go already wrapped in blankets. That would be fine.

But touch.

He can maybe maneuver around his friends. He can probably steal the lazy boy and sit there. Shinso would want to sit closer to him though, so he'd probably sit at his feet or something. He can't do that to him. What if Shinso thinks that he's sitting there because he doesn't want him to keep hanging around him?

He'd feel so bad.

If he sits criss cross on the chair, sets up some blankets and pillows in front of the chair, and tells Shinso to sit there excitedly, it could work. That way no touch and no one feels bad. He just has to get dibs on the lazy boy.

If he sleeps, maybe the bad feeling will go away and he could feel better sooner instead of suffering awake for hours and maybe not feeling better at all.

He'll set his alarm for an hour before they're supposed to meet and then go set everything up.

He can do that.

He sets an alarm and focuses on trying to sleep. Thankfully he got a bit tired from the panic attack, if you can even call it that because it was so quick, so he might be able to fall asleep faster.

He lies down, and immediately feels the exhaustion roll over him.

At least he'll be able to sleep.

~~~~~

He wakes up to his annoying alarm a couple of hours later, noticing that he still feels like absolute shit and wants to die. He has a headache now, still cringing at the thought of touch.

It'll be okay though, he'll just wrap himself in his blankets.

He freezes up and the thought of anyone touching him and gets choked up.

IT'S FINE.

He laughs. Yeah, he'll be fine. It's nothing serious. Even if he had a panic attack, the long ones are silent and seem like nothing is happening and the shorter ones are so short that he can blame it on something else. He can say he freaked out about seeing a bug.

He scratches at his neck a little to roughly and pulls away when he feels a, harsh burn. Oops. He goes to touch the area a gasps when he feels his own light touch on his neck.

Yeah, nope. Not doing that.

Laughing as a few tears fall, he stands up and grabs his favorite blanket. And then six more blankets.

After standing on front of his door, waiting for his face to cool off, he heads downstairs to the common room to set things up. He doesn't really hear any noise coming from below, so hopefully no one is there yet.

Talking to Shinso is one of the biggest reasons he's excited to even show up. Even if his quirk is kind of scary for Kaminari, said blond can't help but feel actually safe around him.

The same goes for his other friends, obviously. He's formed a true bond with them over the year and they've been through so much together.

The common area is surprisingly empty. No one is in the kitchen either which is kind of weird because there are so many snacks, and teenagers plus snacks equals someone always being in the kitchen. It's usually the Bakusquad, Momo, or Sato.

Either way, that means the lazy boy is free. He sighs in relief and goes to set up some blankets on the couch seat? Chair?

Yes, a chair.

He puts the thicker blankets on the floor for Shinso so he's more comfortable.

What if he's over thinking it? Maybe Shinso doesn't even want top sit with him. They're not that close. Maybe Shinso doesn't want to always be stuck with Kaminari.

Kaminari can stick him with someone else that way Shinso can finally stop feeling like Kaminari is the only one who wants to hang with him. That way Shinso has options and can detatch himself from the blond.

A ding from his phone interrupts his train of thought and he pulls it out of his pocket.

---

Purple Guy: save me a spot next to you
6:14 pm

Kaminari: ew
6:15 pm

Purple Guy: fuck you
6:15 pm

---

He smiles lightly and continues to fix Shinso's spot.

It's like he knew or something.

He goes back upstairs for pillows, which he has lots of, and regrets not taking the elevator.

His legs and arms are sore from finishing the shed this week. Thankfully, Kisho hadn't tried anything besides resting his hand on Kaminari's thigh to and from school.

His butt still hurt, but he was getting used to it.

The bruises had not healed. They were dark and hurt a lot.

He took the elevator back down and positioned everything perfectly and starting snuggling into his blankets and pillows.

The thought of touch still made him nervous and shaky, but his mood had slightly increased after his and Shinso's small interaction.

The mood quickly faded when Mineta walked into the dorms and walked straight over to Kaminari.

Fuck.

"So, Kaminari," Mineta started with his annoying lisp.

Lisps were fine, but Mineta's?

Mineta's was gross.

"Saw that blood on your pants the other night," he smirks.

Kaminari's entire body freezes and he feels himself start to panic.

"Did you lose your virginity or something? Did someone touch you in the no-no region?" He laughs.

Kaminari opens his mouth to protest, obviously nervous about Mineta's words. This grape is half his size. He can punt him to the U.S. if he wanted.

"I didn't know you were a homo," he snickers.

"You don't know what you're talking about. It was nothing," he finally voices. His tone is shaky, though.

"Where'd you even come from? Aizawa never lets us leave on weekdays unless it's home," Mineta observes.

Mineta isn't stupid. His class rank shows that.

"Leave me alone, Mineta, it's none of your business," Kaminari finally says, getting kind of mad.

"Aww, touchy subject?" He laughs, feeling smug.

"I'm not kidding. Leave me alone."

Mineta rolls his eyes and relents, walking away.

"Alright, I guess the bad-touch man really gets to you then. I'm not dumb, Kaminari. And right now you're being really obvious. You're weak. You can't be a hero if you let someone fuck you," he says loudly as he waits for the elevator.

Kaminari is left in shock, staring at the now closed elevator doors with tears welling in his eyes.

Mineta knows.

He knows, and knowing him, he'd definitely tell.

When the elevator doors open again, Bakugo and Sero step out. Kaminari turns quickly, wiping his tears away as fast as he can.

Fuck.

"Yo, I thought we'd be the first ones here. Damn," Sero sighs.

Bakugo walks silently over to Kaminari, standing right next to the blankets that the other blond had set up on the floor, not wanting to step on them.

Kaminari looks up at him, hoping that his face isn't red, or that it just doesn't look like he was just crying. Stupid Mineta. The angry blond just stares at him, practically staring into his soul. Kaminari feels as if though Bakugo could read everything about him and what's running through his mind.

"Yes?" Kaminari finally asks.

The other just huffs. "I always sit there. Don't make me deal with these other touchy extras," Bakugo says.

Kaminari just smiles and sticks his tongue out. "Too bad. I got here first. Shinso is sitting there," he says, pointing at his construction of blankets of pillows.

The other doesn't look happy about the situation.

"I'll give you my fluffiest blanket as payment," he tries, "oh, and I'll throw in my fluffiest pillow."

The other sticks his hand out, and Kaminari smiles.

"Well, I'm giving you the ones I have for me. The ones for Shinso stay for Shinso since he's sitting on the floor."

Bakugo smirks knowingly.

"Shut up."

After Kaminari's payment, the other goes to situate himself on the other couch as Kaminari happily tucks himself deep into his blankets.

They're all pretty early, so he can text Shinso to come now, too. They just need Mina and Kirishima besides that.

---

Kaminari: hurry up, you take long
6:26 pm

Shinso: whatever
6:27 pm

Shinso: be there in two
6:27 pm

---

He looks up from his phone and to his right where Bakugo and Sero are looking at him with knowing smirks.

"Oh, shut up. You guys gonna tell Mina and Kirishima to get here already? Shinso's on his way," Kaminari sighs.

"Yeah, Lover Boy."

"I am not a Lover Boy. If anyone, it's Bakugo," Kaminari accuses.

Said blond looks up, shocked. "No."

"Oh yeah? Need me to get Todo-"

An explosion interrupts him, and Bakugo's face is red.

Sero and Kaminari burst out laughing.

"Shut the fuck up," he grumbles.

Kaminari relents, putting his hands up in surrender.

"What's up, losers," Shinso says, making Kaminari turn as he feels joy at just the sound of his voice.

"You're sitting on the floor cause you belong there," Kaminari states, wrapping himself tighter in his blankets.

He's sitting criss cross on the chair, looking at Shinso with a smile.

"Whatever. You're literally such a loser," he says, walking over to Kaminari and putting his fist out for a fist bump.

Kaminari goes in for it, and right before their fists connect, they both pull back with a fake 'swish' and pretend their hands are a phone with a laugh.

~~~~~

When the movie is done, Kaminari is more than tired. He was falling asleep since the beginning credits, but never let himself fall asleep. He was too anxious that he'd wake up screaming or crying.

It would be embarrassing to do either.

Also, what if his friends wrote on his face? Not happening.

He yawns as he stretches, making sure his legs don't hit Shinso, who resorted to resting his head on the chair with a pillow on his back.

The blond still doesn't want anyone to touch him, and now that his friends have decided to go to Sero's room to hang out some more, he feels only dread as he agrees excitedly. He has Shinso to help him take all his blankets and pillows back, so the trip won't be lonely.

"Can you grab my blanket and pillow from Bakugo and help me with the other stuff?" Kaminari asks the taller one.

"Yeah."

He grabs as many blankets and pillows as he can, leaving less for Shinso before heading to the elevator before the other.

"I gotta go put most of this stuff back in my room. We'll be right back," Kaminari tells Sero who was the closest to him. He just nods and pushes a pillow that was falling back onto Kaminari's pile.

"Thanks," the blond says as he presses the elevator button and waits for Shinso who says something to Bakugo quickly before rushing over to where Kaminari was in the elevator, holding the doors.

"I heard you walked out of class the other day."

Kaminari sighs, not wanting to remember that.

"Yeah. Kind of didn't mean to. It's whatever, I guess," he laughs.

The other just looks at him and nods, obviously not believing him.

"You were falling asleep during the movie, no?"

"Man, did Bakugo tell you?" Kaminari frowns as they step off on his floor, heading to his room.

"Yeah. Did you wanna just hang out in your room instead?" He asks.

The blond looks over at him with a smile. "You don't wanna hang with the squad?"

The other shrugs. "Kind of not up for a lot of social interaction right now," he explains.

Kaminari just nods. "If you want, we can just text the others right now that we won't be joining. They've been weird about me lately, so they won't find it weird if I'm hanging with someone else."

Shinso looks at him as he opens his room door. "Really? Why?"

"I've just been acting weird I guess. I was trying not to let it affect them, but I did a shit job at that. Just need a bit of time to chill out and figure myself out."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Sorry, but definitely not. Not being an asshole, but I just can't."

They get comfortable in the room, laying on Kaminari's bed facing opposite sides of the bed. Shinso head near Kaminari's feet, on his stomach and Kaminari on his back wrapped tightly in his blankets.

They both stay there comfortably in silence, and after texting their friends, Shinso talks about this alley he passed with a lot of cats.

***
Word Count: 2,698
yall so im watching one piece and im past episode 900 literally WOOOWOWOOOW im so fucking excited. i wanna finish it before november but like who knows if i will LMAOOO. had to say that lol. uhhh yeah anyway i hope yall liked this chapter:)) the next update will be next sunday at 8pm central time. i love you all and tysm for reading <3