(Not My Art) Just a Pretty Laf.

Chapter Five. Alexander's POV.

"Alex, open the door!" Laf demands from outside my door. I groan from my bed and rub at my eyes. As if I could wipe the sleep from them. I wasn't out long. But, I'm just so tired. I push myself out of bed and step closer to the door, opening it.

'What now Laf?' I sign with some sass. Rolling my eyes. I know they are only checking on me because they care. But I don't need to be babied. Without another word, Laf engulfs me in a tight hug. I huff and lean into the embrace. But soon their gentle embrace, begins to tighten. Causing me to hiss in pain and shove them off of me. I hold my hip where John bit me and bite back a whimper.

I look back up and see that Laf and Herc are staring at me with weird expressions.

"Mon petit lion, are you alright?" Laf asks. I nod and put on a fake smile. But they both seemed skeptical of my answer.

"Alex-" Herc starts, but I wave my hand in dismissal and shake my head at them.

'Laf, Herc. I'm fine! Really! Just sore...from sleeping...' I sign and begin to walk back into my room.

"Um, okay..." Herc says. They both follow me into my room and sit on my bed. I collapse next to them, earning a chuckle from Herc.

"So, how's Jefferson so far?" He asks, positioning Laf on his lap. I roll my eyes at him and his question.

These two were always the cutest couple. The perfect couple. They have been dating since the beginning our third year of high school. The year when John-

I shake those thoughts from my head and answer Herc's question.

'Okay. Besides him calling me a slut the first time he saw me...' I sign slowly. Laf growls in anger.

"What is his deal?!" Laf hisses. They've always been the mom friend. They and Herc sort of adopted me as their own child basically. Which is fine with me honestly. But sometimes it gets really annoying.

'It's okay...' I lie. It really hurts whenever he insults me. Because I really like him. I want to talk to him. Be friends with him. Feel his lips on mine - what?

"It's not okay. You shouldn't let people mean to you mon ami!" Laf says. Herc nods. If only they knew.

"Yeah, don't let that rich snob get to you though. He doesn't matter!" Herc says trying to cheer me up. But it's not working.

I shrugged and tried to change topic to our classes that start in only two days. We talked - well I signed - about that for a while till Laf interrupted me.

"Alex when was the last time you ate?" They asked. Herc looked at Laf, then at me very closely. I cringed at their question.

'Laf-' I try to sign but they took my small hands in theirs.

"No, tell me Alexander!" Laf said in their - all too serious - tone. They let go of my hands so I could sign. I sighed and thought for a second.

'Three - four days?' I sign, not being able to look at my friends. Playing with my fingers on my lap.

I only looked up when I heard Laf gasp dramatically.

"Mon ami! You can't starve yourself like this it's not healthy! C'mon. You need a sandwich!" Laf grabbed my wrist. Freezing when realizing their whole hand could wrap around it, then dragging me out of my room and to the kitchen.

Herc was behind us. I looked over to the living room to see Jefferson sitting on the couch on his phone. He looks up at us and scowls. Then gets up and goes to his room. Slamming the door behind him. I frown and look back at Laf when they jerked me forward and sat me down on one of the stools around the counter.

"Okay, you need to eat. And your doing in front of me and Herc. Non more of that, how you say? Bullshit, when you throw it out after we leave." Laf said pulling a random amount of condiments from the fridge.

"Don't pull that move you french fuck, you know damn well how to say bullshit." Herc said going behind Laf and pinching their ass. Causing Laf to squawk and turn around to punch Herc in the shoulder.
I simply rolled my eyes at them and watched Laf make me a sandwich and listened to Herc go on some rant that he knew would calm me down. Because right now, I'm shaking. Really, really bad.

I know. It's sad. I, Alexander Hamilton, can not eat food. But food makes me fat. And I've gotten so used to not eating, I don't really require it as a daily thing anymore. More of a, once every couple of days thing. I know it's unhealthy, but it's who I am. And I'm bulimic.

I was pulled from my thoughts when a plate was shoved in my face. I hesitantly took the plate with the turkey sandwich on it and set it in front of me. I stared at it for a second before looking back up at my two friends who were staring at me intently.

"Come on mon ami! You have to eat! So eat!" Laf screeches.

I sigh and pick up the sandwich and take a couple bites.

"Much better Alex!" Laf claps.

"Already making progress!" Herc says patting me on the back.

'Guys I don't need you to take care of me...I'm fine. I honestly have no idea why you are even here...' I sign. Laf frowned and turned to Hercules.

"Al, we're here. Because we care about you. And we were worried because you left in a rush after John's comment. Alex, your past-"

'Is in the past!' I cut in, signing fast. Taking another bite of the damn sandwich.

"Alexander Hamilton! We take care of you because you can't! Like - I don't understand what's wrong? Please help me understand?!" Laf begs. I sit there and say nothing. Nothing is needed to be said or signed.

I can't tell my friends that one of our 'best friends' has been raping me since high school. And beats me on a daily basis. As well as insulting me on all of my insecurities and makes me wear girl clothes whenever he wants.

I can't tell them that I've been cutting myself before I even knew them. Stopped. Then continued on because of John.

I can't tell anyone the truth about how I'm a slut. How I'm a girl and that's all I'll ever be. I can't tell them. I can't tell anyone. And I can't tell myself the truth. That I'm being raped and abused and it's not my fault.

Because it is. If I just loved John and acted like the proper girl I should be, I wouldn't have to be punished.

Because if I told them, that would be crazy! They don't need that pain of thinking they could have done something. When they truly couldn't.

Laf sighs and pinches the bridge of their nose.

"Mon ami-" I put up my hand stopping them from continuing. They nod and we sit there in silence as I eat the rest of the sandwich. When I finished I put the plate in the sink and turn back to them.

'Okay I ate. Can you guys leave now?!' I sign quickly. Demanding for them to leave me alone instead of asking. Laf went to protest, but Herc took their hand and nodded to me.

"We'll see you around Alex. Just remember we care-"

"Stop. S-stop saying p-people c-care, when n-no one d-does. It's n-not t-true, so s-stop!" I said slowly. My speech very broken up and quiet. Herc frowned and furrowed his brow at me.

"Hey, we're only trying to help you Alex!"

"Well I-I d-don't n-need anyone's God d-damn h-help! I'm f-fine!" I shouted back. I haven't spoken this much in a while, so my voice is very hoarse.

"Will you stop lying to yourself! Your not fine Alex! You look like your dead! Or at the very least, dying! And it's scary!" Herc says sternly.

'Well at least if I was dead, you guys would finally be happy!' I sign. My statement made everyone go quiet. Tears were falling from mine and Laf's eyes. I could tell Herc was trying to stay strong, but was slowly losing that battle.

"Alex-" I shake my head and point to the door. Herc sighs and takes Laf hand.

I watch as they leave. I feel bile start to rise in the throat. I could never hold down a meal. I cover my mouth and rush towards the bathroom. As I walk past Jefferson's door, it opens and the next thing I know. I'm slammed against the wall.

I look up and see Jefferson towering over me. His hands digging into my wrists which are pinned above my head. The feeling is all too familiar and I don't like it. I struggle and look up at him with desperate eyes.

"Wow, little bitch Hamilton can't even take care of himself! Needs his freak friends to do it for him! Pathetic. Grow up Hamilton. Your friends shouldn't have to suffer and take care of you. Do the world a favor and just disappear!" Jefferson spat as he let go of me. I stood, shaking slightly as he slammed his door. Making me flinch.

I nod slowly to myself and take off towards the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and barely make it to the toilet before I throw up.

I vomit all the food I've had in the past week. Which isn't a lot. I continue to gag and vomit up nothing for what seems like hours. But I'm sure is just minutes.

I sit on the floor, tears streaming down my eyes and gag. Which soon turns into a coughing fit.

I cry and dig my nails into my wrist.

I just yelled at my friends for caring about me. I'm such a bother.

My crying turns into full out sobbing as I search the bathroom cabinets with shaking hands for something sharp. Something that helps me.

I found my small box of bloody razors soon enough and accidentally drop it on the floor in front of me when I couldn't open it with my shaky hands. I swear under my breath and fall to my knees and open the box. I pick up the first razor I can get my hands on and roll up my sleeve.

I look down at the white lines that cover my arm. Soon turning into red deep lashes from only days ago. I aline my razor up to my wrist. I don't think. I just cut.

Fat.

One cut.

Whore.

Two cuts.

Unloved.

Three cuts.

Fucktoy.

Four cuts.

Used.

Five cuts.

Hated.

Six cuts.

Girl.

Seven, and Eight cuts.

Disappointment.

Nine cuts.

At this point I stopped counting and just focused on adding more scars. Making more blood. More pain.

Somewhere after about five more cuts later, I finally get a grip on myself and stop. I look down at my new scars and see I've made thirteen deep lashes into my already scarred wrist. I sigh and lean my head back against the wall and let the blood flow for a couple more minutes.

Once my breathing has gotten back to normal. I stand slowly as to not fall over from blood loss and stumble over to the sink. I turn on the foset and hiss as I put my wrist under the warm water.

I watch as the blood pools off and out of my skin and down into the sink. And down the drain. My skin is red and irritated from me scrubbing it so much. As is the sink from the blood. I quicky wash the sink and any other spots of blood in the bathroom.

I wrap my wrist in white bandages - very carefully - and pull my sleeves over them.

I wipe down my razor and place it back into my lock box. Placing it back under the sink. I flush the toilet and wipe my eyes with my sweater sleeves.

I walk - slowly - to the bathroom door and take one step out before being face to face with Jefferson.

He's standing in front of me, his arms crossed over his chest. Looking very, very scary.

"Hamilton, did you just throw up? Even though your friends just made you eat?" He asks slowly. I stay silent and glare at him.

He just scoffs and walks past me. Shoving me slightly.

"I was trying to be nice. But clearly you don't deserve my help. And I don't think I would want to help you anyway, judging by the way you treat your friends for that." He says as he saunters back to his room.

I feel tears prick in the corner of my eyes, but just turn to walk back to my room. Locking the door behind me as I did. I have one more day till classes. I just have to make it till then.

A/N

Guess who passed out right before their first ride at Hershey Park and couldn't go on any rides due to really bad heat stroke and had a terrible time?!

Meeeee

Ugh. I hate family vacations. School starts the 22nd. I still gotta read two books. Starting today. Everything's been really stressful, sorry for not updating much. I've been working on making this story longer. Writing more filler chapters for it. Make it as great as it can. 

I should have the first chapter of Fuck Boys and Me out soon. Still need to write it.

And for the Neko one shot, that's turning into a mini series. Soo yeah. It's gotten pretty long actually, I might make it a small book???

Idk. I'll think about it. Maybe. But yeah. I'm hella busy but I just needed to get this out. So, here ya go! Hope it was good.