Some how, Milly and I ended up having a round of pool in the rec room. I'm not sure how we ended up here. There's a vague recollection of tip toeing through the front door and now we're doing a terrible job of sinking the pool balls. 

"Do you remember," Milly said, snorting and laughing through her words. "Do you remember last year. When we were having a game of pool and Shane threw his arms up so hard—" she demonstrated an enthusiastic fist pump. "And he stuck the pool cue through the ceiling?"

The image of dumb fuck Shane, standing in middle of the rec room with debris on his head and shoulders and a pool cue dangling from the ceiling was so unexpected but fucking hilarious and I lost it.

"Dad threatened to stab him with it."

Milly nodded with tears welling in her sockets. It was a good thing the rec room was sound proof with the door shut. We couldn't be quiet if we tried.

I stumbled over to the cooler I'd filled with ice and beer and snatched one out before flicking its cap off.

Mills was still giggling as she leaned over the table and lined up her shot.

Her dark blue playsuit pulled against her legs and ass. If she took that shot, she was going to miss. She wasn't even lined up with the white ball. So drunk.

Not that I could talk.

Khalid sounded from the stereo in the corner of the room and I put the bottle of beer down on the kitchenette sink, walking over to Mills.

"You're so off," I said. "Does your cue curve at the end or something? What are you even aiming at?"

She let her head drop onto the green felt table top and giggled. "Sod off." She lifted her head and shook the curls from her face. "It's not my fault the ball wont stop moving."

"You're fucked lady."

"Can we give up?" She straightened up but I stood behind her and wrapped around her frame so I could hold the cue with her.

She didn't argue or resist as my fingers covered hers and she let me guide her into position.

Her entire back was flush against my front but I tried not to think about it.

We lined it up and I felt her red hair tickling my cheek as I whispered, "go."

We pushed the cue and it skimmed the ball so it moved about an inch to the right. Fail.

Milly burst into an uncontrollable laughter which caused her to reverberate against my front. It made no fucking sense. How did I miss that? Fuck, must have been more pissed than I thought.

"You twat," she turned around and shoved me in the chest. "What are you even aiming at?" She mocked what I'd said earlier with that British accent licking at her slurred words.

"Yeah alright," I dropped the cue on the floor and fell into the couch.

I missed of course and landed in a heap on the ground instead.

Ignoring the fact I was being laughed at, I crawled to the other end of the sofa and snatched a beer from the cooler.

For some reason I thought I had one opened already, but who knows where the fuck that went.

After I struggled with the cap for a while, it popped off and I lifted the bottle.

A drizzle hit my lips but the rest of it ran down the front of my throat and shirt and then the beer was gone from my hand and I was struggling to keep up with the series of events.

Mills stood in front of me and downed the drink I had just been cradling.

"That's a sure sign, you've had enough," she said, pointing at the mess on my shirt. "How about a water?"

I stood up and started pulling the white t shirt off. Damn it. White. It was going to look like someone had pissed on my chest.

Meh, I threw it at the corner of the room and stumbled towards the kitchenette.

Water didn't sound awful. It sounded like it might help me see a little straighter.

So while Mills was dancing on the sofa - not well, might I add - to a Diplo remix, I leaned on the small marble bench until I had finished about four glasses of water and eaten a couple of potato chips from the cupboard.

I walked back over to the couch and managed to land on it this time. Mills fell into the spot next to me.

"Better?"

"Sure," I ran a hand through my damp hair.

"How come you haven't asked me about Jorjia. Or made fun of me?"

She turned onto her side. "You said you didn't want to talk about it. Besides, I'm the last person that would want to talk about that daft cow. You know she irks the shit out of me."

"Yeah but since when did that matter?" I threw a hand behind my head. "You're always a dick to me."

She lightly back handed my bare chest. "I am not. We just give each other a bit of shit. Luc, I wouldn't use that against you. I know how much she hurt you."

Jorjia had always had far too much influence over me. I still didn't know what the fuck she was doing back.

Was she here for good? A visit? Ugh. Now I was thinking about her again. And not because I missed her. Not because I wanted her. But because I couldn't figure out how one girl had messed me up so damn bad.

"How's Max?" Mills said.

"He's good," I shifted so I wasn't so slouched. It was kind of hard to keep upright. "He's happy. I think. Talking to him tomorrow. How are you?"  I nudged her bare thigh with my fist. "About the whole thing? Miss him?"

"I'm genuinely fine. I'm not just saying that. I think the impression the lot of you got was that I was so in love with him I would die if we didn't end up together. It wasn't like that. I liked him. I just feel awful that he's going to lose his girlfriend. He loves her so much."

"Growth. I'm so proud. You're too beautiful for him anyway."

"That doesn't make a lot of sense, mate. You are his clone."

"He's my clone. Besides, you're too good for me too. You told me that once or twice."

She buried her face in her hands. "That had more to do with personalities. You know, because I did fancy you a bit. But I knew you were a little man whore and Max was the sort of person a girl should aim for."

I stared at her as she spoke. Not sure if I was hearing her correct. "You fancied me?"

"Don't let it get to your head," she warned. "You pissed me off so much. I hated that I liked that charming, stupid humor. Sometimes I wished you could have had Max's morals. Best of both. I hated that I liked you."

"Milly," I threw my hands up. "We could have smashed so long ago. Damn it. I used to put it out there all the fucking time."

She smacked me around the back of the head. "I knew that was all you wanted, tosser. I wasn't going to drop my panties just because you were on a quest to plow half of Texas. Plus, I don't fancy catching diseases."

"Fair point."

"I guess I did get a tad jealous when Amalia came along and suddenly you're this whole new person with decent qualities. Where was all of that chivalry back when I was interested?"

"I always had decent qualities," I said. "Who used to drive you and Abby around while you drank in the back seat. Paid for a hangover meal, made—"

"Made me grilled cheese when I slept over," she interrupted. "Defended me when Shane tried it on at the Halloween dance. Read all of my creative writing entries even if you hated the romantic themes."

"Those are good," I rolled my head to the side and smiled. "Pursue it. Write a book. You'll have a bestseller."

"You think?"

I nodded and watched her cheeks flush bright. If my thoughts were physical bubbles of words, they would be popping, morphing into one, creating an absolute mess of jumbled letters and incomplete paragraphs.

But she'd fancied me and I wondered what I would have done with that information if I had known at the time.

Knowing what I was like, I would have used it to my advantage. Would have played my cards right just to get a bit of action. Asshole. Now I knew I was capable of a different mind set, it sort of confused me.

During the time I had been internally churning, Mills had been watching me with her teeth sunk into her soft pale pink lip.

She inched closer and my lips parted. There was a reason I needed to move. I needed to put distance between us.

But knowing she was about to kiss me was all I could to focus on. I'd wanted this for so long.

She closed the distance between us and I felt her mouth on mine.

It started off soft. Sort of unsure but within a matter of moments, I'd moved into it. It felt so right. So good. She was an amazing kisser and I was losing my senses as I gripped her waist and pulled her over me.

Am I literally moving through time and space?

There was no hesitation on her part and there sure as hell wasn't on mine. Why hadn't we done this sooner?

Her hands were all over me. Travelling across my bare chest and torso, her nails lightly scratching as she went.

Her fingers wrapped themselves in my hair and tugged on it while I held on to her waist, pulling her closer against me.

I wrapped an arm around her back and threw her down so I was kneeling between her legs.

Her soft smooth silk legs. Fuck, I wanted this jumpsuit off of her. I didn't want a damn thing between us.

One arm kept me balanced, the other held on to her thigh which I gripped while she squeezed her legs tighter around my waist.

Her little moans and sounds of approval made me pulsate as I fumbled with the zip on the front of her playsuit.

All the while her tongue moved like magic. Her teeth gnawed on my lip, sucking it between her lips.

Her finger nails dug into the flesh on my back as she arched her hips upward. The sound of my name on her ragged breaths was unreal.

I was being rough, but she didn't seem to mind as I finally pulled the zip down and started ripping the straps off of her shoulders.

Her red lace bra appeared, pushing her cleavage together and I moved the kisses down from her jaw to her neck, nipping, biting and sucking until I could feel the mounds of her chest underneath my mouth.

Her gasps pierced the air around us. Almost to the extent that I didn't hear the sound of someone clearing their throat behind the couch.

I stopped. Milly stopped. She stilled beneath me.

I looked over at the door where Jorjia was standing. It was like a cold bucket of water had been thrown at me.

A bucket full of ice, realization and regret. Jorjia. She was back. She'd propositioned me and I had said no. Because of—

"Amalia?" Milly whispered with panic.

I shook my head and sat on the couch beside her, my head hung, a fucking huge boner in my pants.

What have I done?

Milly pulled her clothes back on while she was still laid down. When she did stand up, she smoothed her hair and I noticed a tear slipping down her cheek.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured, swiping at her wet cheeks. "Amalia, she— I'm sorry."

"Mills," I reached out to grab her hand but she turned around and made for the door.

She didn't even stop and give Jorjia shit. She hated Jorjia. There was never a time in the past when she hadn't been baited enough to degrade my ex - thing - with comments on her lack of self respect or jokes about being a disturbed satanist.

The fact she left without picking a fight, made me feel terrible. Because that wasn't Mills and that was my fault.

Jorjia shut the rec room door behind her and smiled.

"I can see how well that one woman thing is working out," she walked forward and sat on the edge of the sofa. "Abby filled me in. Not a lot has changed after all."

"Fuck off, Jorjia."

"Ya know," she sighed with boredom and threw her long hair over her shoulder. "If you'd just explained you were seeing someone in the first place, I wouldn't have come on to you. I'm not out to ruin your relationship. I just thought having a little fun like the old times would have been harmless.

"But I'm not some horrible bitch. I wouldn't ruin your relationship on purpose. I mean, I would fuck you. Right now. Girlfriend or not. Because I don't know her. And I don't care about her. But I care about and respect you."

That didn't surprise me. If you had her respect then you had her respect. It came with perks. If not, there was no point getting upset about the things she said or did. She wasn't going to feel bad about it regardless.

"It kind of surprised me to find out about this Amalia girl in the first place," she continued, and my stomach turned at the sound of her name. "Commitment was never something we'd do."

"Don't say we," I snapped, standing up. "I'm nothing like you."

"You are exactly like me. We both know how much beauty is out there to experience, Lou."

She stood up as well, planting herself in front of me as I picked a beer out of the cooler and opened it.

"Amalia isn't the only gorgeous girl in the world," she said. "We have appreciation for all of the potential out there. What's the use in getting tied down to one person when there's so many more to experience. That's the entire reason we're capable of appreciating more than one person. We don't mate for life, because we're not meant to. You always understood that."

That was how I used to feel. It was what I came to believe after she'd disappeared, taking my heart with her and leaving me to find out for myself just how much easier it was not to fall in love. Did I still feel like that?

"That's the entire reason you're not interested in me now," she said and stepped forward. "Because you've had me. You haven't had Milly. She's new. If we weren't meant to be with more than one person, we wouldn't feel that attraction to the unknown. Tell me, Lou, how does this feel?"

She wrapped her hand around the back of my neck and pushed our mouths together. She tasted the same. She smelled the same. Like incense and pine. Her piercing rolled against my tongue.

But it wasn't there. That desire. The need to rip her clothes off and devour her was gone. I shoved her backward and she grinned.

"See," she wiped her lip with her thumb. "That's what happens. One day you'll feel the same about Amalia. And she's the one that will end up hurt because you promised her something you can't give her."

"I can commit to her," I said. But even I heard how unsure I sounded.

"That's not who we are, Lou," she said. "I'll see you around. Yeah?"

She backed up, still smiling. I was confused. I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do. The door clicked shut behind Jorjia and I fell down on the seat beside the bar, running a hand through my hair.

I'd done exactly what I didn't want to do. I'd ruined it. I'd been with another girl. Well, two now thanks to gothic fucking barbie.

I'd gone back on the promise I made to Amalia. Jorjia was wrong. I felt for Amalia. Something strong. But how could I feel what I was feeling for Mills?

"Fuck," I stood up and threw the beer at the sink, shattering the glass and splashing liquid all over the countertop and floor.

"Milly," I murmured, finding my phone. I sent her a text.

How dud. Yuk get home? You better not have wslked

She replied.

I'm in bed. Night.

Well at least she was safe.

After Jorjia broke my stupid fucking heart, I decided her outlook on relationships was the way to go.

That meant I couldn't get hurt again. That meant I wouldn't have to feel like an idiot when I let a girl in and she screwed me over.

And I should've kept with it. Telling Amalia how I felt had been so hard for that exact reason. Fear of rejection.

But I'd done it because I'd healed and I found a girl that was worth a little risk. What a fucking mistake that was. Now I was the one hurting her and I fucking hated myself for it. I should never have told her how I felt. I shouldn't have been selfish.

____

I know some of you will be really upset. But I decided that the 'fuckboy becoming a good boy in an instant trope' is one that I've done too many times. I'm keeping it a bit more real.

I also read an article about how a man's mind works. Especially when they're younger. They don't multi-think the way that woman do. They're very one track minded. Of course it's worse when they're drunk. But once they're mind is focused on something, it's hard for them to derail. Ever noticed how terrible men are at listening when they're on their phones ? Haha.