January 12th, 2005.

       I specifically remember this day. This was the day that I had been sitting inside my mom's hot Toyota Corolla with my older brother, Cameron. The car was sitting immobile outside of our local grocery store. Mom said she would be in and out, but I swore my crayons were melting in my clammy 5-year-old hands.

      I remember fidgeting a lot, trying to rid myself from that pesky seat belt. "Quit it Rylan!" I also remembered annoying my 13-year-old brother tremendously at this age. I acted like I hated Cameron back then, but truly, I was his biggest fan. "Listen Cam-in!, This thing!-" I pulled on the black strap confining me to my car seat. "- is choking me, I dropped the red 'rayon, annnnd, I think I shi-"

      And then, I saw it. A small man sitting in front of the grocery store, but he wasn't what caught my eye. Beside him was a big box. Probably standing a little taller than me. That also was not what got my attention. On the box in bold black sharpie was one word I learned to read very quickly.

PUPPIES.

     "... Cam-in." I whispered, my eyes stayed locked on the small man, I had to make sure this wasn't any funny business. Cameron looked back at me slowly, shaking his head.

     "Rylan. Ry. Sit down."

     "Cam-IN." I tried a little louder.

     "Rylan. No. Mom will be back any minute and if you get up, she's gonna be furi-"

     My small hands ripped at the buckle keeping me from the furry creatures. "Mom can wait!" I exclaimed, jumping from my seat like a ninja. I remember jumping out the door faster than I ever have. Usually, I can't even push the car door open by myself, but at that moment, I was determined.

     I ran as fast as my 5-year-old legs would let me. Cameron stayed close behind, dodging cars that were seemed more cautious for me than him. Everything seemed slow motion as I neared the box. I could hear the wagging of their tails and their paws eagerly padding against the cardboard.

     "I'll take them all," I assured the small man who seemed startled, having watched the whole ordeal unfold. I was out of breath, and I'm pretty sure I dropped most of my crayons out of the car door, but I made it, it was all worth it. I grabbed onto the edge of the box, peering over slowly, ready to be welcomed with puppy kisses, and boy I was not disappointed.

     Four puppies pounced at me, littering licks along my face. I giggled and squeaked in euphoria, embracing the jittery pups the best I could. it didn't take long for Cameron to scoop me up, ruining it all. Before I had time to fight back, Mom was in front of us. I think the small man was more frightened than me and Cam. "Rylan Marie!"

January 12th, 2009.

     I specifically remember this day because it had been 4 years since mom gave in. Four years ago today, mom let me lean back over into that large cardboard box and pick who my new best friend was going to be. Pudge. He was the only brown one of the bunch. He was also the biggest, I could barely carry him back to mom's Toyota Corolla, but we did it.

     Now, four years later, Pudge and I are still best friends. Every day I take him for walks around my back yard. (Mom doesn't let me walk the neighbourhood alone). He loves everything I love. Naps, Suite Life Of Zac and Cody, Chocolate donuts, and school. I'm not allowed to take him into school, but sometimes mom lets him take the car ride there.

       Cameron is now 17, So sometimes I let Cam walk him around so Pudge doesn't get too pudgy. "Cameron!" I yelled, running up the staircase, Pudge following close behind me. We really did everything together. Cameron was now a little nicer to me, but I think it was only to get closer to Pudge. If you were mean to me, Pudge was mean to you.

      Cameron came from his room, squatting down quickly when he saw Pudge charging in his direction. "Hey, bud." I usually didn't like when he was too friendly with my dog, but mom says sharing is caring. "Me and Pudge wanna watch Zac and Cody, and your t.v is bigger, and me and Pudge would really reeallly appreciate it... ifwecoulduseyourtelevision." I rushed out the favor, lightly shoving Pudge, giving him the signal it was time to give the puppy dog eyes.

     Cameron gave me a look. He had a lot of looks that I knew pretty well. There was the "get out of my room, Maggie (his stupid girlfriend), is on the phone" look. There was also the "Just agree with what I'm saying, mom, is listening," Look. He also had the angry look and the "I have good news!" Look. That look usually meant chocolate donuts for me, Cameron and Pudge. This look was the "I am giving in, but don't let Pudge poop on my bed" Look.

     "We're in!" I announced, running past Cameron, racing my puppy to the bed. All day we stayed snuggled up together. We took turns being each other's pillows. We finished every episode of Suite Life of Zac and Cody, so we eventually moved on to Suite Life on Deck. It took a few hours until we got bored of the twins boat adventures and me and Pudge decided it was enough.

     "Come on buddy." I climbed off of the edge of Cameron's bed and shut off his t.v. "Something smells... funny." I covered my nose, looking over to Pudge. He gave me the guilty look. "Pudge, Pudge no! Cam is gonna kill me!"I groaned, shooing him off the bed. I looked around quickly and decided I wasn't going to pick it up with anything of Cameron's that would just upset him more. trust me, I've learned. So instead I covered it up with his pillow... Surprise?

     Pudge and I went on with the rest of our day, eating dinner, brushing our teeth, and I changed into pjs. Everything had gone so smoothly so far, I had almost forgotten. Until I hear Cameron's voice echo through the house. "Rylan Marie!"

March 30th, 2015.

     I specifically remember this day because Pudge had an appointment today. It was time for his shots and annual check up. Pudge usually was pretty excited about check ups. The veterinarian was always nice. He would always give him treats at the beginning, middle, and end of the visit. Everyone in the clinic would rave about how good of a dog he was and compliment our relationship. We did have a great relationship, arguably better than half the ones that circled through my high school.

      Cameron was now 24, so he drove us. Today, Pudge wasn't very excited about this visit. His head wasn't hanging out the window like it usually did, tongue waving hello to all the passing cars. No.. today his head sat in my lap and he napped. "Cameron, maybe it's too cold for him, turn up the heat." The heat soon warmed up the car, but it didn't seem to brighten Pudge's mood. 

     We arrived at the vet and Pudge and I went in, his head hanging. We got weird looks from the workers. This was foreign to them. He usually would greet everyone with such enthusiasm, it would leave their whole day brightened. We waited until the vet called for us to come back, and still nothing. When Dr. Ramone presented him with a treat, he accepted, which gave me some hope.

     This checkup went pretty quick. It didn't take long for Dr. Ramone to realize something was wrong with Pudge.

     "Rylan.."

     I sort of felt me chest cave in. I didn't know exactly why, or what was going to be said, but my body did. tears sprung from my eyes and my knees wobbled like a blade of grass in the wind.

     "No."

     "Rylan. Sweetie. Pudge is sick."

     "No." I looked to Pudge, waiting for him to tell me it wasn't true. That the veterinarian was wrong.

     "He has something in his lungs. A cotton substance."

     I didn't interject this time. Not because I was accepting this because my jaw felt locked.

     "Usually dogs don't last very long with this, but, but, Pudge, he's a fighter! I think with the right antibiotics, he can last a while-"

     Now I decided was the time for me to speak. "He is not a can of soup! He can't just have an expiration date! This is my best friend!"

     That day Cameron had chipped in $500 for antibiotics for Pudge. He also carried my limp 15-year-old body from the back of the clinic to the car. Slowly, so Pudge could keep up.

      For months I fed my best friend antibiotics. I began to blend his dry food and extra mush his wet food. He barely ate either. I sat with him in the backyard every day, whether the grass was wet or dry. Everything that use to be face paced with Pudge was now slow. Slow and dragged out. Just like his ending.

October 2nd, 2016.

      I specifically remember this day, because this day I lost my best friend. I sat with Pudge the whole time. I continued to pet his still youthful brown fur as he closed his eyes and I closed mine. I couldn't bare to watch anymore. I didn't want to watch my best friend expire, just like that. Like a bad chocolate donut. Or a crayon that had been baking too long in the interior of a car.

     Cameron held me through it all, letting me use his shirt as a tear catcher whenever reality was hitting me too hard.

      Once it was all over, I sat and cried for a little too long in Cameron's arms, only able to muster a few word in between my sobbing.

      "P-pudge."

      "Cam-in."

and

      "Best friend."

      Not of it made sense, but to me, neither did this. My best friend was gone forever. I was without Pudge and Pudge was without me.