Pony's P.o.V.

I walked out of the hospital room, crying. I didn't want to do that to Johnny...I never wanted to. But if I loved him then I had to. He couldn't fight my battles forever.

I bumped into Sodapop almost as soon as I exited the room. He held me tightly as I cried into his shirt. "D-did you hear us?"

He nodded. "Yeah...you didn't have to do that, you know? But...I understand why you did."

"I did have to do that Soda. I'd rather him be alive and not mine over dead...because of me." I wiped my eyes hurriedly and looked up at him.

"I know baby...I know.." he sighed. "I just don't know how good of an idea that was. Pony, before you and Johnny were together, do you remember how far gone you were? You almost killed yourself. You self harmed, couldn't eat, hated your own existence...it was Johnny who changed all of that. He loves you so much, and you know how he is. He does anything for the people he loves. I don't think that breaking up with him is gonna stop that."

Soda had a small point, but I was holding my ground. "He's in the hospital, because he was trying to protect me. Steve's in the hospital with a gun shot wound!"

"And that ain't any one of the gangs fault!" Soda snapped. "Not you, not Johnny, not anybody. All we can blame is Paul. Ponyboy, Johnny was allowing himself to get beat for you. Did you ever even acknowledge that?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but he began talking again. "Because all I've ever heard you do is complain about why he shouldn't be doing that. It's as if you don't recognize how much he loves you. Who was there for you when you were going through everything? When you're anxiety was so bad you couldn't even smile? It...I-it wasn't me...I didn't even know...until Johnny told me."

Tears brimmed my eyes as I stared up at him. I wasn't sure what to say, because he was right. About everything. I glanced back at Johnny's hospital door, regretting everything. I wanted to go back, and crawl in bed with him; tell him I was sorry, and that I was stupid.

I began crying hard. "What do I do now Soda?"

He gave me a frown. "I don't know baby...I don't know." I felt like sinking to the ground. Sodapop always knew what to do, and now he couldn't help me.

"Sir you can't be out of your bed!" A nurse from behind me yelled.

I turned around a saw Johnny struggling against her. "I-I feel fine, I just--"

"Johnny?" I ran over to him. "What are you going?"

"I had to talk to you!" Tears were still streaming down his face.

"Go get back in bed, i'll come in there."

The nurse looked relieved as he nodded and went back to the room. I followed him in there and closed the door.

"I'm sorry!" He blurted out. "I-I'll do what you said. I'll try to start thinking for myself, and I'll quit worrying about you. "I'll do anything so we can be together..."

I started crying harder. "I was wrong..." I whispered. "That was dumb of me to do, and I already regret it. I'm sorry. Soda talked to me and made me realize how much you've done, and I barely even said thank you..."

"Pony no," he sat up and wiped away my tears. "Please don't say that. You were right, I never use my head. I--"

"I wasn't right." I grabbed both of his hands. "Gosh Johnny...you're so perfect. You've never gotten mad at me while we've been together. And I've been an asshole to you so many times. I'm sorry Johnny. I really, really am."

He frowned lightly and looked down. "A-are we...still...you know, broken up?"

I bit my lip. "It doesn't seem fair for me to make that decision. So you tell me."

"Well, do you want to still be with me?"

I nodded quickly. "Of course Johnny."

"Then...I still want to be with you too, I love you Ponyboy." He opened his arms for a hug, and I quickly dove into them, burying my face in his neck.

I had almost ruined everything, but once again...Johnny fixed it. He always fixes everything. I kissed his cheek and told him I would be back to see him tomorrow when he got out of the hospital.

When I laid in bed that night there was only one thing on my mind.

Do I really deserve Johnny Cade?