Chapter Five

Natasha's Advice

*Jo's POV*

Bucky is true to his word and sits us both down on the couch, turning on Say Yes. I don't bother moving, instead just relaxing back against the side of the couch. Bucky and Natasha got me sweatpants and a tank top, so Bucky's arms in my lap aren't touching my skin and bothering me. Bucky also got me another one of his sweatshirts to wear. Secretly, I'm overjoyed. His other one was losing his metal and coffee smell that I enjoy so much.

"So, you're definitely not a princess ball-gown sort of gal, huh?" Tony continues as Wanda tries to help Vision cook in the kitchen. I shake my head.

"God, no," I say vehemently. "I'm more of a flowy kind of dress gal. Maybe something with a low cut back. You?" I shoot the question back at him and he answers instantly.

"I like something fitted on a woman. Your turn tin man." Bucky rolls his eyes.

"I'm going to get shit for this, but I like the vintage ones. Steve?" He asks Steve who has since sat down on the couch beside us.

"I'm a vintage kind of guy as well. What about you Natasha?" Steve passes the question to her like a baton.

"Fitted, cut back, flared out at the bottom." She names the details easily and I turn to look at her with a smile.

"Nice," I comment and take a tissue from the box on the floor beside me, wiping my nose and putting it in the trashcan beside it. Steve supplied both for me when I had a coughing fit a few minutes ago. "You know what I can't wait for?" I look between the men, knowing this'll make them groan. "When the Bachelor comes on." I grin as they all groan, turning to Natasha to revel in her smile a little.

"You're killing me Josie." Tony teases and I let go of the nickname for now, happy he's not calling me kid.

"Get the flu and we can talk about you dying. By the way, shouldn't you all not be near me?" Bucky scoffs and pats my leg.

"None of us get sick. Super abilities kind of cancel out sickness. Actually, I've been wondering why you can't just heal yourself?" He asks and I sigh, wishing I could.

"Doesn't work like that. It's like some universe balancing shit. I can only heal others, not myself. And when I absorb someone else's abilities that's only temporary. It fades after a day or two." I explain as my voice gets ever thicker and deeper from the snot in my nose.

"I'd actually like to test your mind mojo," Tony says, still fascinated after everything was explained to him. I laugh funnily, but end up coughing.

"Really? You'd let me into your head?" I ask. He gets up and leans his elbows on the back of the couch.

"I want to see if you can break into someone's mind that's trying to keep you out of it. You up for it?" He asks, extending his hand. I look at it apprehensively. Sharing minds with Steve is one thing, with Tony it's completely different. I glance at Steve to see what he thinks and find he's already looking at me. 

He shrugs slightly and inclines his head towards me. My choice. Damn. Choosing to risk it, I gently place my hand in his and shut my eyes. Tony's mind is another planet compared to Steve's. It's darker, a little sharper, and seems a bit less welcoming. I move around a bit without feeling any hindrance at all.

"If you're trying to block me, you suck at it," I tell him and taste the shock when he feels it.

"Are you talking in my head? Damn. This is some Lemony Snicket shit." He sasses and I laugh so hard my hand slips away from his. I open my eyes and see his riveted face turned to me. "That was amazing." He comments with wide eyes.

"My turn." Bucky wiggles in my lap and holds out his flesh hand. I take it without hesitation. I like Bucky's mind. His is colder than the others and has the aftertaste of self-loathing, but that just makes it feel homier to me. A little deeper in is warmer and has a soft glowing quality to it. It feels younger here as well and has a bit more of a cocky taste to it. I'm guessing these are his years he had with Steve.

"You have a nice mind, Bucky." I compliment him and feel him chuckle outside his mind.

"Thanks?" He responds hesitantly.

"I like your mind the best. Don't tell Steve, though. It just reminds me the most of mine." He chuckles again only louder, and my head aches a little at the outside noise.

"I promise not to tell the punk, but I'm not sure having a mind like mine is good." He swears as I continue floating around his brain. I find a metal door with a small window and go over to it, peeking through. I find a frozen Bucky inside and suddenly feel an extreme spike in fear and panic. I squeeze his hand and retreat quickly, going back to the golden part of his mind. "I'd stay away from that part of my mind too, if I could." He tells me and I taste a bit of melancholy on my tongue. 

I delve into the golden part and find a memory of he and Steve laughing at something. The sadness vanishes and is replaced by nostalgic happiness. "Actually, kid, I was wondering if you would show me what Steve saw. It really shook him up, so it must have taken a toll on you as well. I'm good at helping with trauma." He teases lightly, but I'm busy pulling out of his mind as quickly as possible before I have another episode like with Steve. Once I'm on the surface I pull my hand away. I take a moment to wipe my nose and collect myself, pushing down the emotions that reach up to choke me.

"Another time, maybe," I tell him aloud as he looks at me with concern, mirroring Steve's expression. "He kicked your ass, Tony." I look up at him and smirk. He huffs and walks away to check on Vision and Wanda's progress. Bucky's hands return to resting on top of my knees and I find the weight comforts me. Closing my eyes, I relax again and start feeling sleepy. I feel a hand land on my foot and can feel it's Steve without looking at him.

"Everything okay?" He asks as I float into his mind. A burst of damn affection rolls through me and I know Steve can feel it from the joy that rolls through him.

"Fine, Captain. Now, out of my mind, I want to eat dinner." I tell him and his hand leaves my foot. I see him grin before Bucky picks me up and takes me to the table. "You realize this is ridiculous right? I can limp with the best of them." I tell him as he sets me down tenderly at the table.

"I like it and it's good for you. Just let it happen." He tells me as he sits in his usual spot next to me.

"Next time you guys want to carry me around you're more than welcome to." Natasha teases and Tony scoffs.

"I'd love to if I didn't think you'd punch me if I tried." He quips and Nat smirks, knowing he's right.

"Alright, alright. Time for dinner, so please keep the bickering to a minimum." Wanda says and earns a lot of rolling eyes. I don't think not bickering is a possibility around these people.

"Wanda helped me to make this, so I assure you it is quite edible." Vision states and the corners of my mouth turn up. The two of them serve us something Wanda calls Paprikash and we all eat without throwing any plates at any one. I'd call it a success. After dinner, Bucky carries me to my room and lays me on my bed like a delicate princess. He earns an eye-roll for his trouble. Steve followed us, of course, so now the two super soldiers are standing on either side of my bed, staring at me awkwardly.

"You two are freaking me out. Either sit down on the bed or get out. Don't keep staring at me." I look up at them both with a frown. They teeter on their feet before I reach forward painfully and grab their hands, tugging them both down onto the bed with me. "Was that hard? Sissies." I grumble as the two men situate themselves beside me. 

Bucky lays halfway beside me and lays his metal arm over my shoulders, the weight and cold comforting me. I get ready to sneeze, but Bucky saves himself by opening the bottom drawer of the little thing beside the bed, grabbing a box of tissues and tossing it at me. I nod at him thankfully. Steve takes a bit longer to get comfortable, but he makes sure to grab a trashcan and put it beside him, putting my dirty tissues in it for me. 

He keeps moving around until I grab the back of his t-shirt and tug him back so he's sitting like Bucky is on my other side, only his hands go in his lap. When everyone is finally still I sigh and lean back on Bucky's arm peacefully. "You really want to see what Steve saw, Bucky?" I ask him with a sigh, my eyes closed and my head tilted up at the ceiling. He hesitates, and I can practically feel him glance at Steve.

"Yes." He responds with conviction, and now I open my eyes to look at Steve.

"What do you think, Steve?" I ask out of curiosity. His expression is apprehensive, and I can already tell he's at least partly against the idea. He opens his mouth, but I hold up a hand. "Sorry, nevermind." I turn back to Bucky. "I'm not going to show you. You've seen a lot of dark things, Bucky. I'm not going to add to it." I tell him quietly, unable to look him in the eye. After a minute of silence, I feel his lips ghost my forehead and I smile.

"You ain't too bad, kid." He tells me quietly. I slap his hip and roll my eyes.

"Gee thanks, Bucky." I quip sarcastically, and he squeezes my shoulder with his hand.

"You know, Buck. You should really see her drawings. She's better than me by a landslide." I look over at Steve in surprise and he smiles softly back at me. "May I?" He gestures to the desk still by the sliding door with my notebook on it. I wave a hand.

"It's not the most private thing you've seen from me." I give him the go ahead. He hops up and grabs the notebook, then returns to my side and hands it to me. "Show and tell time I guess," I mumble and receive soft laughter from the two men. I open the book to the back, where I last drew the skyline.

"Pretty good kid," Bucky comments and runs his fingers over the lines of the buildings. "Why don't you hang some around here? Your room is a bit bland." He points out and Steve frowns at him, but I laugh lightly.

"Maybe I will. Just not your ugly mug." I tease, but his face lights up at my words.

"You've drawn me?" He asks. I roll my eyes. Dammit.

"I've drawn everyone," I admit and Steve grins happily.

"I'd like to see that." Steve requests gently. I flip through the big pages until I reach the first pages where I started drawing them. Bucky laughs at Steve's concerned eyebrows and Steve admits it looks pretty accurate. Steve points out the detailing in Bucky's arm and the three of us go on like that. They tell me what drawings they think I should hang and I give them shit about it. Eventually, my eyes get heavier and heavier, then finally close.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

I jump and wake up with a gasp, my eyes flashing open instantly. I'm drenched in sweat and immediately start coughing from my sudden intake of breath. The boys are still in bed beside me, but seem to have already been awake. Bucky hands me a tissue and I continue coughing into it as Steve runs a gentle hand over my sharp shoulder blades.

"I'm sorry." I pause to say, then blow my nose. I sigh and shut my eyes, exhausted from the nightmares. "Didn't mean to wake you." I continue as Steve uses his other hand to throw away my dirty tissue. I've shuffled a little in my sleep, so my feet are thrown over Bucky's lap and my head was on Steve's chest. Now, I'm leaning forward with my head in my hands as Steve rubs my back and Bucky wipes sweat off my forehead.

"Wasn't your fault, Jo. That was one hell of a dream." Steve says gently. I turn and look at him from under the curtain of my hair. He looks at me apologetically. "Your cheek was on my arm." He explains.

"Of course, it fucking was." I murmur and catch Steve's frown before I try to shimmy out of bed. Both men stop me with gentle hands.

"Where do you think you're going, kiddo?" Bucky asks. "Shouldn't we talk about this?" He continues with soft eyes. I roll mine and push their hands off.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Do both of you want to come?" I ask sarcastically and finally get up and hobble to the bathroom. I shut the door and walk to the bathtub, sitting on the edge. I lift a hand to my eyes and rub them. My parent's deaths are recent visitors to my nightmares, so I'm not too surprised. But I didn't want Steve and Bucky to see that. Now, whenever they look at me they'll see a little hurt girl, not the damn warrior queen that I am. 

I stand and glance at the mirror, tracing the scar on my face with a finger. Sighing, I flush the toilet to keep up the pretense and wet my hands under the faucet before heading out. I glance at the two men, then shake my head and head towards the door. "Stay." I request forcefully and walk out the door. I continue to shuffle down the hallway, wondering what time it is, until I reach Natasha's door. I knock on it lightly. "Natasha?" My voice echoes slightly in the empty hallway as I wait. 

The door opens to reveal Nat in a big, baggy shirt, beautifully messy red curls, and perfect makeup. Figures. "Could we talk for a couple of minutes?" I ask quietly. In an instant, Nat has tugged me into her room and sat me down in a nice leather chair beside her bed. She walks over to a little bar in the corner of her room and starts clinking around.

"Want some coffee?" She asks, and I sigh happily.

"God, yes. A spoon of sugar and a splash of milk, please." I request and somehow, she's done in an instant and walks back, handing me a black mug with a red Black Widow symbol on it. I raise an eyebrow at it, but take a sip without saying a word. She drinks hers silently as well, but her eyes are steady on me. 

I hold the warm cup close to me, trying to absorb its warmth as I try to settle on what to say. "I'm sure you already know what happened to my parents." I start, relatively confident I know her well enough to infer. She purses her lips to keep from smiling and nods. "Well, I dream about it a lot. Tonight, since dumb and dumber won't leave me alone they saw everything. I was touching them while I was asleep. And really, I don't give a shit that they know. But." I hesitate and take a sip of my coffee to release some of my nerves.

"But you don't want them to look at you like you're a victim, instead of a survivor." She finishes for me and after the surprise wears off, I nod.

"Exactly." She smiles when I confirm and sets her coffee down on the bedside table.

"Jo, I've known these guys for a while. One a bit longer than the other, but one thing I'm positive about is that the past isn't something they're going to judge you for. Now, about the worried looks they give you, I can't help that. But, I'll give you a little bit of advice." I lean in slightly to listen more closely as she takes a deep, tired breath in. 

"A lot of men throughout your life are going to look at you like you're made of less than you are, simply because you're female. Even more so because you have a bad history, I get that. The thing is, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. If it really bothers you that much, then show them what you're really made of. Draw blood from them until you feel better. Anyway, others thinking you're innocent and weak may come as an advantage for you later in life. Others will serve you if you phrase things right. As for the men in this tower? I think you're more capable than you think. Ponder on your abilities. Make your best move. And believe in yourself. That's my advice." She searches my face for my reaction and I smile. I stand and gently wrap my arms around her when she stands as well.

"That was perfect. Thank you." I tell her genuinely. We release each other, and I point to her coffee corner. "Could I grab another cup before I leave? I'm sure the boys are getting antsy." I ask. She holds out a hand to say yes and I pour myself another cup, then sidle out the room with one last look at the young woman on her bed. I go back to my room and slide through the doors. Both men instantly look to me with concern on their faces. I sigh, putting a hand on my hip. "So, who's going to cook the poor, injured girl breakfast?"