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***Sebastian's POV***

I wake with a tear stained pillow. So many dreams prance thru my mind on these meds. My life seems to be replaying, proving that I can't do this alone.

I move slowly. My head is throbbing from the tears that leaked from my closed eyes. I wince when I lift my head from the pillow. God, it feels like I was hit by a wrecking ball.

"You decided to open them beautiful blue eyes finally?" I hear the voice from my dreams.

I look and I can't take it. My whole body shakes in happiness. I reach out my fatigued arms and silently beckon my mom into my embrace.

Without further invitation, her warm arms surround me. She swaddles me in her loving cocoon. My heart cries out in joy.

"Let it out baby. Then you can explain." Mama wipes my forehead and I melt into her tender touch.

The tears seem never ending. The dam breaks. Every ache in my bones, every tug on my heart every moment of solitude crashes into me. I sob deeply, feeling the immense pressures that have built up from my secrets all these months.

My mom holds me steady and allows me to grieve for the toll this has taken on me. My every day life has been flipped and turned upside down. My future has become unstable. My world had darkened with every depressed thought. My mom's caress brings me back to reality and grounds me.

"I have cancer." I whisper.

"How long have you known?" Ma asks me. Her voice is steady. I admire her ability to have control where mine has all but vanished.

"About eight months. This is stage two of the treatment." I admit.

"I wanted to know sooner. I respect your choices. But, I'm your mama and I want to be here for you, baby. I love you so much. I don't want you alone through this." Ma explains her disappointment. It would be a lie if I said I didn't feel bad. I do. I was just trying to be strong. But, I know I need someone. I don't want to do this alone anymore.

"I'm sorry Mama. Thank you for being here. I love you." I drop my head against her shoulder and take in her scent. It brings comfort.

"So how long are we here for?" Ma asks.

"This is day nine so possible 51 more." I explain.

"Can you go home or do you need to stay?" Ma asks absently. She speaks as if either option is acceptable. I guess she just wants to talk.

"I'm admitted for now. Depending on how my body accepts the treatment, that can change." I nod my head as I listen to my own words.

"So, what else is new? Any men in your life?" Ma asks.

"I met someone but, I was starting this and didn't think I should pursue it." I justify my goodbye.

"So, you ran. Because you weren't willing to let someone see you at your weakest. That doesn't seem like the young man I raised." My mom smiles sternly at me.

"Precisely." I admit.

"Tell me about him. Everything. Let me decide if you made the mistake I know that you did." My mama smiles at me with a knowing look.

"His name is Mark Fletcher. He's 27. He's CRO of Parker, Inc. His hair is brown and he has the most gorgeous blue eyes. He's smart and sweet and I could have fallen in love with him."

"So, we're playing that card?" Ma quirks a brow my way.

"I haven't known him that long. We only got one weekend." I continue explaining.

"You only allowed yourself one weekend sweetie. I'm sure you thought you made the right decision. But, if he is as wonderful as you make him out to be, you robbed him and yourself. You aren't supposed to make one sided decisions. You should have been honest and gave him the opportunity to prove he was worth it." Ma chastises me carefully. I know what she is saying.

"I just didn't want to throw this in his lap." I quietly make excuses.

"In the end, what is meant to be will be. No amount of your meddling will stop that. However, your choices do effect certain aspects. You have postponed time you could be spending with him." Ma talks to me in a manner that has me questioning my motivation in the first place.

"You want to be honest with me? You want to tell me that you are falling in love with this man? Because I know the truth. I can see the light in your eyes. The glistening denim blues give you away. There is no hope that you will get thru this if you are waging a war against your heart. I suggest you come to terms with that thumper inside of your chest. It's time to be honest with not only me but, with yourself. If you're filling your days thinking of that boy, you may as well spend your time manifesting that seed that has already taken root and is threatening to bloom. Baby, let the man in. He will gladly be by your side. I will stay with you as well. But, I want to see you happy, healthy and flourishing. You can't hope to succeed in those three things if you are keeping the source of that happiness at arms length." My mama instills her infinite wisdom in me as she always has.

Her words take root and I find myself yearning to run to the man that captured my heart and couldn't possibly return it. She's right because she is always right.

"Mama. Thank you. I gotta get him." I whisper in acknowledgment that I have been a fool. Depriving myself of something I so clearly need was beyond a mistake. It's possibly the worst decision I have ever made.

"Don't worry baby, mama knows everything will work out. You just manifest the healthy side of your body and let fate nourish the need inside your soul." Mama coos at me while the twinkle in her eyes becomes so brilliant it is almost blinding.

My heart devours my worry and replaces it with hope.

Fucking hope!

I need that. I need mama. I need Mark.

Now, how will fate do it's job?

"Quit analyzing things that you are not in control of. It's me and you against the Universe, boy. Let's not meddle where we are unnecessary. Now, time for me to meet this doctor and get caught up to speed. I got a baby to get healed. Jesus knows, he isn't allowed to remove you from my world. I'm not burying my son. That's not my job." Mama pats my hand and leans down. Her warm lips indent onto my forehead, filling me, soothing me and comforting me.

I nod in assurance that I want Mama to take over. She is the wisest person I know. I freely give her the reins. I'm in excellent hands.

Mama walks out of the room. My body informs me that the heavy conversation was both physically and emotionally draining. My eyes rest on their own accord and I don't fight the weight of my lids as they close softly. My eye lashes mingle with each other and I breathe slower. A relaxing aura washes over me and I feel lighter than I have in weeks.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<

When I wake for the next round of meds, I'm met with the heart warming eyes of my ma. I can't help the smile that seeps onto my face. She sits watching mindfully in the dimly lit hospital room. Coffee sits beside her and a crossword puzzle is being filled in by her dainty hands.

"They should be bringing dinner soon. I eighty-sixed the hospital menu. Instead we will be eating from the bistro down the street. Alex is coming back to bring the meals I ordered. I have been doing research while you rested sweetie. Nutrition is a major portion of recovery. Me and that doctor of yours got along with conversation and we are going to tweak your regimen a hair. I think he is a great attribute by the way. I looked him up and it seems my son inherited some of my wisdom. The man is scholar in his field. Seriously, he's among the best. Good job baby." Mama praises me. Any child would relish in the compliments from a parent. I'm no exception.

I know Dr. Reins is the best. Alex and I worked tirelessly to get in on his patient list. The cost is far outweighed by his expertise in the AML field . His trials have proven merciless in the eradication of AML in plenty of test subjects. He's actually treating me with a newly approved treatment regimen. When this succeeds I will be among his most promising cases.

As if his name beckoned him, Alex appears right on time. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ecstatic at the prospect of food. My belly echoed my mind when the plate was set in front of me with a smoothie. I love healthy food as much as a greasy burger. The salad that is presented to me truly makes my mouth water.

I pour the raspberry vinaigrette over the the mixed spring greens, walnuts, strawberries, tomatoes and cucumbers. The first bite is absolutely divine. I may have moaned when the flavors burst across my tongue.

I quickly devour the delicious salad. The plate is removed and a steaming dish of seared salmon, grilled asparagus and charred Brussel sprouts replaces it. I quickly dig in, alternating between each selection and sipping cold water in between. I swear my body cries in triumph with each bite that passes my lips.

"Good?" Alex asks with a kind smile.

"Delicious. Thank you, Alex." I whisper. I wipe my mouth with the napkin before setting my fork to the side. I finished the majority of the food.

My mama eats her replicated meal and she looks equally as sated from the dish. I smile at both of my caretakers. I silently that God for their presence in my life. I couldn't keep doing this without their help.

"So, Ma says we are lifting the gag order. It's going to hit media by morning that you are in a facility, receiving treatment for a life threatening illness. We are going to give an update saying that you are reacting well to the treatment and expected to fully recover in time." Alex informs me.

I'm not exactly shocked. My mama always has a plan. I trust her so I make no motion to halt the idea. I know this will bring attention to me. However, it exposes my whereabouts in case a certain man seeks me out again.

A slow burning fire takes place inside of my soul at the prospect of Mark finding me. I excitedly feed the flames.

"I'm okay with that." I confirm.

"Good damn thing, seeing as I already gave the green light." Mama giggles and I smile sweetly at my favorite woman.

"I also got in contact with the private investigator that was searching your location. I gave him a heads up so that he could inform his client. Call me cupid, if you must. But, I'm excited to meet the man that has your eyes alight with both hope and joy." Alex winks my way. I roll my eyes.

"You need me to pat your back too? Or, do you think you have that handled?" I laugh playfully at my friend. His ego doesn't need even one more stroke.

"I will keep you in mind for the next time. We both know there will be a next time. For now, I have done a pretty decent job on congratulating myself." Alex chuckles and raises his hand to high five my mama.

I jokingly groan and roll my face into the pillow on my bed. I quickly take my face back out when I realize that it's hot as hell with my own breath consuming the small amount of space between my airways and the cotton pillow case.

"Don't smother yourself. I will behave." Alex laughs.

"No you won't!" Both me and mama say in unison.