Look out for the <>

DarlaH

I looked at the test in front of me and took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Panic filled me as I drew a blank on almost every question, even though I studied for hours last night. I filled the half blank test with words, although I didn't know if they were right as I pressed against my head to ease the migraine.

"You have 10 minutes left," the teacher said to the class.

My heart raced as I looked at my nearly empty test, knowing I would fail, and I never failed any test in my life. I filled out the rest of the rest and I didn't care if they were right, I just had to put something down.

"Ok, time," she said, and I put down my pencil. "Please pass the tests upfront."

I wiped my sweating brow as I looked at the test in front of me. This whole thing got me too stressed. I passed my test forward and looked at the time that was on display on the wall behind the teacher. Thank goodness this was the last period of the day. All I wanted to skate my heart out, knowing that skating would help ease my stress.

The bell rang, causing me to shoot out of my seat and grabbed my bag just as Callum walked over to me. "Hey, I made the rough draft of the article. I want it published by Wednesday. Do you want to look at it?" he asked calmly as if the test wasn't the worst thing in the world.

I nodded. Of course I wanted to, but I didn't want to look now. Reading anything would make my head pound more than it already was, and I didn't have enough mental power for that today. "Yes. But I really have to go. Can you email it to me?"

He looked at his brand new white sneakers then said, "how about we set another date."

I stopped to figure out his angle. It had been five days since Garret took me to the ball game, but since then; we talked non-stop. Many people at school knew that we were dating, but I had a feeling that it would be official soon enough, so I didn't want to jeopardize that. "I don't know. I'm pretty busy with skating. How about you swing by my place tonight? Maybe around eight? Does that work for you?" I asked, trying to make it sound as casual as I could.

Callum's lips twitched downward for a second, showing that he didn't like my response. He chewed on the side of his cheek as he mulled over my words for a second, then sighed. "No, but I can make it work," he said as he swung his backpack over his thin but defined shoulders. "I'll see you tonight." He gave a small smile, then walked out of the room.

I smiled lightly as I watched him leave. Paulo said he was trouble, but every time I talked to him, I got another vibe. He seemed kind but guarded, using his cool personality to hide whatever secrets he held, like armor.

Distracting me, I shivered, feeling freezing in this room. I put my icy hand on my forehead as it felt hot against my hand. I had to get out of this room, convinced that the room was too hot and I was overheating in here. The questions on the test swirled around in my mind like a flushing toilet, knowing I got most of them wrong. I think I was having a panic attack. I pushed my way out of the room until I could finally breathe outside the room.

<>

"Hey there," Garret said as he walked across the hall to greet me.

I smiled at him as he closed the gap between us. "Hey you. What are you doing here?" I asked, knowing that he normally left earlier on this day to get to the rink.

"I wanted to take you to the rink today," he said and pulled out his keys to his car. "I already called your mom. She's ok with it."

"You're kissing up to her big time," I smirked as I kissed him.

He smiled as he pulled me closer to him. "That's kind of the point," he whispered into my ear.

I blushed as I could feel eyes on us from passing students, but I didn't care because he made my head spin and I liked it.

He let me go and grabbed his backpack. "Ok, ready?"

"I just have to get my skates in my locker," I said, then ran down the hall to get my bag. I got to my locker and picked up the lock and squinted at the unclear numbers as if that would help. It didn't.

"Hey El," Cami said as she walked up to me.

I turned to face her with a forced smile. "Hey. Can you unlock this for me? I'm struggling," I said as I stepped out of the way.

She nodded and entered the code that she knew from memory. "Are you feeling ok? You don't look so hot."

I forced a smile. "I'm fine, just bombed a test and I'm high key stressing about that."

"El, if you don't have a perfect 4.0, it's not the end of the world."

I nodded as I thought about my goals. I strived for perfection and if I couldn't have a 4.0; I felt like a failure. "But I want that."

"To prove what? It's not like you want to go to an ivy league school," Cami pointed out as she got the skates out of my locker and handed them to me.

I shrugged as her words hit me like bricks, hard, rough, and heavy. She had a point. If I didn't want to go to an Ivy league school, then why was I trying this hard? "I don't know."

"Your parents will still be proud of you, even if you don't get the same grades as Jaimie. You can't out beat both of your brothers at the same time. I think you're stretching yourself too thin."

She wasn't wrong. I was getting worn out, but I couldn't stop. I was a runaway train, with only one destination in mind, wanting to be as good as both of them, as sporty as Paulo and as smart as Jaimie, so I could keep up with them.

"You're riding with me, right?" she asked as she pulled her keys from her backpack.

"Actually, Garret asked to take me. Is that fine?"

Cami winked at me. "Of course it is. Say no more, girl, I'll see you there." With that, she left me to get back to Garret.

I smiled as Cami walked away. She was seriously my best friend and I wouldn't know what I would do without her.

"Ready?" Garret said behind me.

I turned to face him with a nod, wondering if he overheard the conversation with Cami. However, his cologne that smelt like cedarwood distracted all my thoughts. I breathed him in, knowing that in a matter of an hour, his fresh scent would soon change when he put his hockey gear on. "Yeah, let's go."

With that, he grabbed my hand, and together we walked down the hall and out to his red jeep that was older than me.

We rode to the rink as the music blasted, and Garret talked about the big hockey game coming up. He was so committed to the team like I was to skating. In this aspect, we understood each other. He asked me about skating and sectionals. I tried to dive into details, only to get cut off with other thoughts Garret had.

By time we made it to the rink parking lot, I felt a little frustrated that he didn't give me more time to talk. Silently, I undid my seat belt with numb fingers. "Thanks for the ride," I said as I got out of the car and grabbed my skates.

"Anytime," he said and hurried out of the car, grabbing his things to catch up to me. He grabbed my hand and smiled as we walked into the rink for all to see. He was making a statement to everyone here that we were dating. There was no going back now that I was heading deep into this relationship.

People watched us as Garret sat next to me on the bench. Until this point, Garret and I had been quiet about being together at the rink, but today, everyone knew that El and Garret were an item. "I'll see you later," Garret said as he kissed my cheek, then walked off to join his team.

I smiled as I watched him walk off.

"Oh El, you're falling hard," Cami said as she walked up to me, putting her brown, shoulder-length curly hair into a ponytail with a grin.

I turned to her with blush on my cheeks. "Maybe a little."

"Whoa, El Gurl..... Was that Garret Thomen?" Tom asked with shock, walking up to me with his standard hips swaying more than normal today. He didn't see this coming, but honestly, neither did I.

I nodded. "Yeah, it is."

"Sweetheart, I'm obsessed with his friend, Robby, on the team. If you get his number for me, I would love you forever," Tom said as he winked at the hockey players.

I smiled at him. As much as I would be ok with doing that, I knew it would carry more weight if he did it himself. "You should ask him yourself."

His normal confident smirk faded and, for a second, he looked terrified. "Oh no, I couldn't do that."

"I'm sure you could, Tom. Believe me, most guys may not even be gay, but watch you as you pass. You're handsome, fit, and smell great like 100% of the time. He would be honored if you asked him out," I said, patting him on his shoulder.

He sighed as he thought about it, although he was doubting himself. He didn't want to push himself out of his comfort zone. Honestly, though, no one wanting to leave their comfort of their bubble, but a little pushing was good for people, otherwise nothing would happen in this world.

Finally, I sighed, knowing that he wouldn't go on his own. "Fine, I'll ask for you."

"You El, you are amazing. Thank you," he beamed as he hugged me tightly.

I pulled out of the hug with a nod. "Of course. But don't you ever say I did nothing for you," I said as I grabbed my jump rope for warm-up.

I went into the rink area then jumped a steady rhythm as I watched as the Zamboni passed back a forth, smoothing the ice. Already there was a flock of little girls waiting to get on the ice, giggling as they looked at me. I smiled at them, reminding myself this was why I spent little time in the afternoon skating since all the younger levels crowded the rink, getting in my way. It was annoying.

"Ellis, now that you are dating Garret, do you think you can work out some deals with the hockey players?" one girl asked as she started to jump rope next to me.

"Maybe. That would be great, wouldn't it?" I asked with a smile.

"Finally our rink could be unified," she said as she looked out at the rink in front of her.

I felt the rope hit my ankle and stopped instantly. She messed up my groove. I winced from the sharp string the rope gave me. That's it, I'm done warming up. "I'll see you out there," I said to her with a friendly tone.

She nodded as I walked back to where my skates were.

I sat down next to Cami and Tom and started lacing my skates in silence. News about Garret and I was spreading around the rink like a tornado. I didn't mind this information spinning around though, but my concern was what other information about me could be spread quickly.

"I'm so nervous for sectionals," Tom said as he tied his skates. "We're leaving on Wednesday to do a few practice skates before the competition. Cami's coming with me. Are you sure you don't want to come with us El?"

I shook my head. Mom loved taking me to all the competitions herself. It was a tradition and I think it was my good luck charm. "Nah, but thanks for the invite. My mom's taking me with my brothers."

"Speaking about your brothers, are you sure Paulo's not gay?" Tom asked as he laced up his black leather skates.

I chuckled. "As far as I know, he is not gay." I wanted to say that I knew this as a fact but the truth was, Paulo held a lot of secrets from even his family. Honestly, both of my brothers did but I had more of a connection with Jaimie so I could force the information at least out of him.

"I'm just saying, my gaydar goes off when I see him," Tom said as he held his hands up in the air.

Cami poked him with a smile. "Yeah, but you also said once that Garret was gay and now Garret is dating El, so that was wrong."

Tom sighed with a pout. "Ok, maybe I'm not right all the time," he said as he stood up from the bench he sat on. "I'll see you two ladies out there." And with that, he walked out to the rink.

Cami followed his lead and stood up from the bench, then bounced on her knees to loosen up her skates. She stopped to look at me with a smile. "Wow, I beat the great Ellis da Souza in tying skates. This is a first," Cami chuckled.

I looked at my skates and noticed that I was still on my first foot. "I guess you did," I said with a small chuckle, although inside I was frowning. I could have sworn that I already tied both of my skates. "I'll see you out there."

She nodded, then walked out to join the rest of the skaters in the rink.

I hurried up, tying my skates, but it felt like my fingers did not want to move as quickly as my mind wanted them to go. Finally, I tied my other skate and stood up from the bench. I looked at the time; I was only two minutes late. I grabbed my coat and gloves and went out to the rink.

I took off my skate guards and stepped on the ice. I looked at the boards and saw that I wasn't the only one late to the ice. Kris was too. I skated around the rink once or twice, trying to buy time, until I heard her voice ring out to me. She was by the doors with Doctor Rodgers. "Come here, El," she said again, calling me over.

I didn't waste a second as I skated over to them. "What is it?" I asked as I looked at Doctor Rodgers. I hadn't seen him at the rink in a while. He used to be here once a month to see clients and sharpen his skates, but he hadn't come in months.

"I got your blood panel back," he said with a stone cold face.

He was rubbing me the wrong way, and I wanted him to spit it out already.

"I believe that you have Hashimoto thyroiditis."

I frowned. I had never heard of such a thing. It sounded so unusual that I was pretty sure he was making it up.

"To be sure, I need you to come in and have another panel done."

I felt my heart sink. More blood and more needles. This wasn't my day. He spoke with such seriousness, but yet I couldn't take him seriously. I felt light-headed, and I leaned against the boards for support. "So when will that happen because Sectionals is next weekend."

"I know, and I don't have another opening for another week. We'll have to address this when you get back."

I nodded. "Ok."

"I think that was why you feel so tired. Once we get your levels back in order, you'll be ready to take on whatever comes your way. This isn't the end of the world." he said, trying to console me enough though I wasn't getting worked up yet.

By now, people were watching me talk to him. They knew something was going on. I had to wrap this up before rumors started. "Ok." I looked at Kris, who was looking at me like I was broken. It set me on edge. "Ok, I'm going to skate my warm-up then we can run my program," I said to her, eager to leave this conversation.

She sighed. "Ok. I'll be watching. You have five minutes," she said, although her tone was softer. She was worried about me.

I turned around and skated away, wiping a tear from my eye as I let out a breath. I shook my head as I thought about the conversation, not knowing what this would mean for my skating. I had spent years working for where I was now, I couldn't stop and I wouldn't let anything let me.