Song is for the start of the chapter! 

Can I just say WOW? I have been #1 in the hospital theme for over a week now. I know it is all because of you guys. Thank you so much for voting and supporting me. It means the world!

Stay safe, wash your hands, and remember all the good things you have in your life still. 

DarlaH

I looked at myself in the mirror of the hospital bathroom with a frown. I didn't like what I saw. Staring back at me was a girl with bags under her eyes, thin, broken, and a bald head that was bandaged. It seemed like all the beauty that I once had was completely gone. I felt like a shell of what I once was.

I pulled some black old skating legging over my bare legs, carefully, finding not enough strength to pull them up with speed. I looked at my thigh gap in the mirror. I had never had a thigh gap before. I pulled on leggings that covered my thighs, seeing the loose fabric that wrinkled on my leg. After only 2 weeks in the hospital, I was already losing muscle mass. I shook my head. How could I jump without my strong legs?

I wanted to have a meltdown in the hospital bathroom, but people were waiting for me outside. After all, this should be a happy moment. I was being released. Today I was being set free after being awake for almost a week. Today started to recovery time at home and before long I would be back on the ice.

"Ellis! Come on! Do you want to get out of here? Right?" Paulo asked as he popped his head into the bathroom without even knocking. His smile slid down his face as he looked at me, reading my mind. He had gotten better at that recently.

I tugged on my shoes to make my feet slip into them then turned to face him. "Do you think I'm ugly?" I whispered in all seriousness as I carefully slipped on a gray beanie over my head.

Without missing a beat, he shook his head. "Never," he said firmly with conviction.

I sighed at him. That had to be a lie. I saw myself in the mirror. I was ugly. I didn't look like the same person I was just three weeks ago. Back then I wore confidence, and beauty as if it belonged to me. But now, I was scared, thin, zombie-like.

"Ellis, you're so beautiful. You always have been and always will be," Paulo said as he held my hands, looking into my eyes.

I knew where this conversation was going. Mom had told this same speech to us ever since we were young. "Don't say it's what inside that matters the most," I snapped at him. I didn't need that speech right now. I wanted something that held weight, that was unique to Paulo.

He chuckled as he shook his head at me. "No, I was going to say that you look better bald."

I took a step back from him like he just hit me. As much as I was grateful that he kept things light most of the time. At this moment, I didn't like it. That was a low blow. I didn't want to reminded that I had no hair.

He sighed, suddenly turning serious again. "Listen, El, you don't need hair to make you beautiful. Your hazel green eyes still shine in the light, your smile is just as bright as it used to be, your laugh is just as contagious. Things have changed, yes, you've seen a lot within the last month in a half but what I've noticed the most was that your strength has grown, it shines through and fills in where you are lacking. All of these things and more still make you beautiful," Paulo said as he pulled me into a hug.

I held onto him as I also clung unto his words. That was exactly what I needed to hear. "I love you, Paulo," I said into his torso.

He chuckled lightly as he rubbed my back with his large strong hands. "I love you too." He then pulled me out of the hug and said, "now come on. Let's get you out of here."

With a nod, I followed him out of the bathroom and out of the hospital room that I had called mine for the last 2 weeks. I looked back into it as if to say one last goodbye. A lot had happened there, some good, some bad, but I was ready to close the door to it and move on with my life.

From now on, I was going to be better. I was going to be better mentally, physically, and everything in between. I was ready to start a new chapter. A better chapter. I was Ellis the figure skater, but I was also more then that. I was me and I was a fighter.

"Ellis, come on!" mom called out to me from the elevator.

I nodded as I took a step forward. My limbs were awkward and hard to move. The elevator looked so far away from me. Maybe the nurse was right, I did need help. I forced myself to take another step forwards with much difficulty.

"Are you sure you don't need the wheelchair?" Paulo asked as he walked beside me.

I sighed, as much as I hated to admit it, that was exactly what I needed. "Can you get one please?" I practically begged him for aid.

He nodded and instantly ran off to get one. Within a minute he was back with one in his hands. He pushed it up to me and allowed me to get into it.

I sat in with some awkward difficultly but imminently felt grateful to sit down. I shifted in the seat, feeling helpless. How could I get back to the rink if I could barely walk? I was scared to think about it, but maybe my skating career was over. As much as I wanted to believe that I was more then just my skating, I couldn't shake that idea that I was less without my skating.

"I think it's snowing outside," mom said as she hit the elevator button.

I looked up at mom and smiled lightly. She was trying to cheer me up, but no amount of snow would make this better. I felt like crap physically and emotionally and it was apparent. At this moment I just wanted to lock myself away for days. I let out a sigh. I just wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible.

"Dad wanted to be here too, but he had to do some business in Seattle this weekend," mom said as we got into the elevator. She pushed the ground floor button as the doors closed.

I nodded. I knew that he couldn't get out of this. I remembered what he told me yesterday. He said it with such seriousness. He needed to go, China was having problems pumping the oil or something like that. They wanted a meeting to talk about it.

The elevator pinged and the doors opened to the ground floor. I was so close, I could almost taste it. This time, I wouldn't be coming back unless for physical therapy. Next time would be on my terms.

From across the lobby, Jaimie smiled at us as he looked up from his phone. He stood up from his seat and waved at us. In his hand was a balloon that had a sun on it.

I chuckled lightly as Paulo pushed me towards him.

"Ellis, what are you doing?" Allyson's voice rang out.

Paulo stopped in mid-walk, causing the chair I was sitting on to immediately stop, almost forcing me to fall off. Paulo was terrified of Allyson and I couldn't blame him, she could be intimidating. My blood ran ice cold. I knew it was too good to be true. I wasn't actually getting out of here today. She was going to force me back into the room again. I turned my head to see her but instead of her looking mad, she wore a smile on her face.

"You forgot to say goodbye to me. An take this," she said and gave me a card with my name on it. "It's an invite to my baby shower. Parker's throwing it for me."

I smiled at her. "Thank you!"

She nodded as she hugged me. "No problem. I'll see you soon," she said as she pulled out of the hug.

I smiled again. "See you later then."

She nodded then walked off.

"Ok, let's get out of here," Jaimie said as he pointed towards the front door.

I nodded at him. I couldn't agree more.

Instantly Paulo started to push me forward again. He opened the door and pushed me out into the cold snowy world.

I smiled as I pulled my coat closer to me. Finally, I was free.

"I'm freezing, Paulo, come on, you're pushing her too slowly," Jaimie said as he pushed ahead of us. "El, tell him to speed up."

I shook my head. I thought the opposite actually. Yes, I was cold, but I needed this. For the first time in days, I could breathe freely. The cold made me feel live. It made me realize that I was out of that hospital, that I was going home.

I knew there would be challenges ahead for me, but I was ready for them. After all, I was a figure skater. I knew a true challenge. This was a setback, and it was enough to cry about, but crying wouldn't change the fact that it happened. All I had to do was move on and face the challenges head-on just like I did with my double Axel.

With some help I was able to get into the shotgun seat of mom's SUV than with that, we sped off. Paulo plugged in some poppy music and started to sing to it the whole way home. Jaimie plugged his ears, knowing that if he said something now, it would cause a fight.

When mom pulled into our driveway Jaimie let out a sigh of relief. "Finally!" he cheered as he got out of the car.

I opened the door to the car and looked out at the snowy driveway. I wasn't sure if I could get out of the car by myself. I shook my head. For a second I felt completely pathetic.

"Let me help, El," Jaimie said as he wrapped his arm around me. With his help, I stepped out of the car and took a step forward. My world spun as I hung onto him. I felt this pressure in my head that was annoying and constant. The pain medication was starting to wear off.

I took another step. Getting to the family room would be a challenge in itself. I sighed as I took another step. My legs shook under me. I didn't know how many more steps I could take.

Without saying anything, Paulo wrapped his arm around my other side and with my two brothers helping me, I was able to walk into the front door of the house. I smiled as I looked around the foyer. With its grand entrance, normally stuffed with shoes and my skate bag, for the first time, was clean.

"We cleaned up a little before you came home." Mom said to me as she took off her coat.

I nodded at her. As much as I enjoyed a clean house, I missed the messiness of it. At least then it made it feel more like home, like nothing had changed. Plus she was covering for the fact that for the past almost two weeks now, no one had really lived here, thus no one messed up the house. But regardless of the facts, it was still home. This place was mine and I missed it.

"Boys, can you help her to the family room?" mom asked as she walked in behind us.

Without missing a beat, Paulo and Jaimie practically lifted me into their arms and took me to the large L shaped couch in the family room.

I sank into one of the gray cushions and sighed. The smell of home filled my nose. I finally felt like I could breathe fully. This was where I belonged. Here. With the people I cared about around me. I pulled a red blanket off the back of the couch and rested it over me.

Paulo pulled out his phone and smiled at me. "YEAH YEAH. Daddy's got game," he said loudly as he stood up from the chair he sat on.

"What?" I asked edger for any details he would give me.

He winked at me. "I'll tell you later?" he asked with a grin.

I nodded as he walked out of the room, to get more privacy.

For the past few days, I was used to machines beeping and noses from all around me, but here, there was silence. I forgot what silence felt like. I sat there for a minute as I listened to the peace it gave. I looked at Jaimie who was glued to his phone. His almost black caterpillar eyebrows knitted together as he thought with a hint of a smile on his face. I couldn't stand the silence any longer. I needed someone to talk to me.

"Did you see Cami skate today?" I asked, knowing that he would have seen it. I missed it because I slept through it this morning, but I was sure it was good. 

He nodded as he looked up at me from his phone.

"And how was it?"

"She got 16th in her short program. She fell twice and popped a jump," Jaimie said.

I frowned at his words. There were only 18 people skating at nationals. I thought Cami would do better. I knew she would do better. She must have let the nerves get to her. That was such a shame. I thought she would be ready for it.

"She's crushed but she said next year she would be back," Jaimie added with confidence.

I nodded at him. There was always next year.

"She said that she expected you to be there with her too."

Now that would be a dream. But as of right now I could barely walk to the bathroom. I wasn't sure if I could skate again. I wanted to. That was the goal, but I knew I had to be realistic at the same time. I nodded at him. "Let's plan on that."