I feel like things in the USA have only escalated expediently. People are stressed and isolated. It seems like there isn't much escape from these feelings. I know that this is just a small contribution, but during this time of uncertainty my goal is to finish posting this book by the end of the week. At least I could provide some kind of entertainment at this time.

Stay safe and don't forget to wash your hands.

DarlaH

I wasn't alone long after Callum left. Within 30 minutes or so, Allyson walked in to check my charts. She wore a heavy face as she looked at me. She knew what today held for me.

"You told him," I said to her. She was the only one that could tell him this information.

She nodded, bracing herself for a fight from me. "I couldn't just sit back and watch. Callum would have shattered if he didn't know what was going to happen today. He loves you. He always had."

I should have been mad, I was so sure that what we had couldn't be rebuilt. He burnt bridges, but I had to. However, seeing him made me realize that I was still in love with him. He still cared about me. "Thank you," I said to her.

She looked up from the cart she was reading and smiled lightly at me. She wasn't expecting that reaction from me.

"You knew all this time that he didn't publish that article?" I asked her.

She nodded as she put the chart back. She leaned against the wall as she made herself comfortable. "Yeah, I knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged as if the answer was easy. "Because you wouldn't have listened. You were crushed and I knew the only person that to clear his name was the culprit himself," she said as she looked at the time on her watch.

"You're too good for that family," I stated.

She smiled at me. "That's what Parker tells me every day."

Breaking us from our moment was a cough at the door. I turned to see my family standing at the doorway, staring at me. I let out a breath as they walked into my room. They all wore somber faces that set me on edge. I didn't want them to be so serious. I didn't want this to be the last memory if it came down to that.

"I'll get you when we're ready for you," Allyson said as she squeezed my hand, knowing that my family wanted some privacy. With that, Allyson left the room, leaving me to be with my family.

I nodded as I looked at the time on the wall. I had about an hour still but I wasn't sure an hour was enough for what I wanted to tell them. I looked around them and their quietness. I looked at Paulo to help, he was always one to joke but today he wore a frown.

I sighed, knowing what to do next. "I would like to talk to each one of you before I go through with this," I stated. Talking with Callum made me realize that I had somethings to get off my chest and I knew it would best to do it in a private one-on-one setting.

They looked at each other hesitantly, as if they weren't sure it was a smart idea.

I frowned at them. They could at least give me this. I wasn't asking for much. "Come on, give me just this," I said to them, too tired to argue with them. I pointed at Paulo. "I would like to start with Paulo."

Paulo looked at me. He looked nervous as if he didn't want to talk to me. "Why me?" he asked.

I shrugged with a small smile, trying to make it light. "Because I felt like it." But in reality, I wanted to speak to him before my thoughts got clouded with other conversations.

Without saying anything more my parents and Jaimie left the room, closing the door behind them, allowing full privacy with Paulo.

Paulo stuffed his hands in his pockets as he sat down next to the bed. He looked around the room and let out a breath, bracing himself for anything that I was about to tell him. He looked sad, and that didn't happen often.

"I love you, you know that right?" I asked.

He looked at me and nodded in silence.

"Then trust me when I say this, what you told me a few weeks ago, about being bi, don't waste any more time. Tell mom and dad. I know they'll love you still. In fact, I'm sure that their love will grow for you like mine did."

"I'm so scared though," he whispered as he rubbed his sweaty hands on his thighs.

"Because you're fear is holding you back. Think, you don't want to live with this secret forever. You will be freer if you get it off your chest. After all, I know a thing or two about keeping secrets," I said to him as I held his hand.

He nodded and for a minute he was silent as he thought about my words. "Ok. Maybe you're right."

I chuckled at him. "Maybe?" I asked as I raised my eyebrows at him. I knew that I was right, there was no maybe in that.

He laughed. "Oh El, I love you," he said as he held onto me.

I nodded into his strong shoulder. I had grown so much closer to Paulo. It was obvious that I didn't have a favorite brother anymore. I loved both equally. I felt Paulo hold back a sob as he tried to keep himself together. "I love you too. Listen everything's going to be ok. After tomorrow, I'll be up to torment you again," I said with a smirk as I pulled out of his embrace.

He nodded with silence as he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. "I only expect as much."

There was more silence as I thought about what to say next. I was almost sure that he wouldn't let me say this last bit but I could at least try. "If I don't wake up...."

Paulo shook his head. "Nope. I'm not taking that. You will. I know you will," Paulo said as he got up from his chair. Just like me, he was good at walking away from a conversation he didn't like. I think we got this from dad.

I sighed, knowing that I wouldn't be able to get through to him. He wouldn't listen to that scenario and that was ok. I knew Jaimie would. I just need to talk to one of them about it. "Can you send in Jaimie next?"

Paulo nodded then kissed my cheek. "I love you El. I'll see you tomorrow," he said then left the room to get Jaimie.

A second later Jaimie walked in with a face as hard as marble. I sighed. He looked so in pain. There was so much I wanted to say to him but he was scared. He might not be able to have the heart for what I wanted to say to him. After all, he always wore his heart on his sleeve. "Jamison."

He sat next to me, where Paulo was just a minute ago. "Ellis," he said simply. I could tell he was trying to keep himself together.

<>

"I think out of everyone, we were the ones more out of sink. For a while, I was hurt that you pushed me away. We used to be so close and suddenly we weren't. But I realized that this was just your time to cope."

He frowned. "I'm sorry."

I shrugged. Whatever happened was in the past and now all we could do was move on. "It's ok. Like I have said before, I'll always forgive you. I love you like a brother," I said with a small smile, trying to make him smile as well.

He chuckled lightly. Job completed. "I am your brother."

"And that's the point," I said with a smile. He smiled lightly. "There we go! We got a smile here," I said as I poked him.

He moved to the edge of his chair so I couldn't reach him. He always hated poking. "If you keep on poking me I'll l stop smiling," he threatened.

I stopped instantly. I looked at the time. I only had 30 minutes left and I still needed to talk to mom and dad. I had to wrap this up but there was still so much I wanted to say to him. "You should date, Jaimie," I said finally. "Some girl would be so lucky to have you."

He shrugged. "I'll get to that at some point."

I thought about Cami. It was clear that he was interested in her. Just because she was my best friend didn't mean they shouldn't date. In fact, I would love to have Cami officially in the family. "Listen, if you're interested, date Cami. I want you to fall in love. I'm not saying you'll fall in love with her. But you have to start somewhere. If I die, I want you to live your life. Go to med school, then be the best damn doctor there is. The world needs more people with such a big heart. But don't forget about Paulo, mom, and dad. If you are hurting, don't shut them out."

His eyes welled up with tears as he nodded.

I gripped his hand and squeezed it. "I know you get annoyed with Paulo, but trying to understand him. I think if you two focused less on what you don't have in common, you would realize that you two aren't so different."

He looked away from me as he tried to pull himself together. He sniffled as he wiped his face. "I can't imagine a world without you," he whispered.

I smiled lightly. "I can't imagine a world without you. Be strong for them. I know you can be."

He nodded as he stood up from his seat. He couldn't stay here any longer. He was going to lose it if he did and so was I. I didn't think this would be as painful as it was. I let out a shaky breath and smiled lightly at him. Just don't forget me, Jaimie. "Can you send in dad next?"

He nodded without a word and left the room.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had to keep myself together. I didn't want them to know that I was melting down inside. I didn't want them to know that I was terrified or that I didn't want to go through with this. But instead, I had to be strong, for them and me.

Within a minute dad came in. He walked towards the window and stopped to look out it then his gaze shifted to me. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't expecting any of this. He was always the man with a plan but with this, it had made him planless.

"I want to say that I'm sorry," I said, knowing that I had been impossible to deal with since I was diagnosed. I had been moody and causing fights. I had been the true monster.

He shook his head as his eyes welled up with tears. "There's nothing to be sorry for." He said as he sat on the side of my bed. "All of us handled this not perfectly."

I nodded. He had a point but he didn't at the same time. "After all we had dealt with it in our own ways. After everything that has happened, I'm glad that it has come to this," I stated to him.

He looked confused for a moment before I continued.

"Because of this, I became closer to both of my brothers. Jaimie decided what he was really meant to do. Paulo told me some of his deepest secrets. I realized a deeper love that you and mom have for me. I don't think I fully understood how much you loved me, and honestly, I still don't think I do. But I'm getting it. I think I finally understood what really matters in life, and it isn't skating," I added with a chuckled that was cynical.

"Ellis..." he said and pulled me into a hug.

"I've been a nightmare to deal with. I was complete trouble and all you guys wanted to do was keep me safe, alive, and well. I was the one not seeing the big picture and I took it all out on you. But no matter how much of a demon I was, you still loved me."

"We'll always love you."

I nodded. I knew that now more than ever. "When this is all over, can you stick around the house more often? I think we call need you around more."

He nodded in silence.

I smiled lightly. "Good, because I want to torment you more often."

He chuckled lightly. "This is going to be ok. You're going to be ok," he said confidently.

I nodded although I didn't know that and neither did he. There was a lot that could happen with this surgery. No one wanted to talk about it but I knew that everyone was thinking the same things. I felt my eyes well up with tears. I didn't want to go through with this anymore. "Can I just run away again?" I half-joked with him.

He shook his head. "That wouldn't solve the problem." He was right. "But I wish the same thing," he added.

No one actually wanted me to go through with this but there was no other choice. I sighed, "Can you send in mom?"

He nodded and left the room without another word. A second later, mom walked in, her face already splotchy from crying. I quickly wiped my eyes as I pulled myself together for the last person.

I looked at mom in silence. She was the one that didn't change. She was the one that remained perfect through this. I had nothing important to say to her because she already knew everything. "I love you."

Mom covered her mouth to hold back a quiet sob. She pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. "Oh, El, I love you so much."

I pulled out of the hug with a nod. I only had minutes left, I had to wrap all of this up. "Can you please tell Kris that I'm sorry?" I begged mom. I handed her a letter with Kris's name on it. "And give her this."

She shook her head. "No," she said simply.

I felt my eyes well up with tears. "Why?" I wasn't asking for much. Just this one thing. I just wanted her to have this letter. I didn't understand why she wouldn't deliver it for me.

"Because I expect you to tell her yourself when you wake up." She said but took the letter from me still. "I'll keep it safe for now."

She said her words with such commitment, such surety. Like she knew it would happen. She didn't know what would happen and neither did I. "Thank you," I said to mom as Allyson walked in again.

"Are you ready?" she asked me.

I nodded. I couldn't wait any longer. It was my time to go in. "Yes, I'm ready," I said to her.

She nodded as she walked to my bed and unlocked the wheels under it. "Let's get this going then," she said as she started to push me out of the room.

As I was wheeled out of the room, dad came up to the bed and held my hand as he walked by me. "Remember, we'll be here when you wake up," dad said. I squeeze his hand tightly. He didn't want to let go and I didn't either.

I smiled lightly. Allyson was a saint for putting up with my family and my drama. "I'll see you guys tomorrow, right??" I asked them.

"Of course. We'll be here."

"Good," I said with a nod. "I won't want to wake up to an empty room anyhow," I said with a small smile as dad let go and the elevator doors closed my family out.