Hiya! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Also look out for the <>!

"El, I have to go," Jaimie said the next afternoon. I looked at his messy bed hair and wrinkled clothes. He hadn't gone home since he came to the hospital last night with me. He looked rough and tired with slight bags under his eyes. He didn't need to stay as long as he did, but he didn't want to leave even though our parents and Paulo came back early this morning.

And just like that, we were back to being as thick as thieves again. He would stay here all day if he could but he had to go to a study group. After all his test was two days away and he wanted to keep his grades up.

"For that study group, right?" I asked as I looked up from the food was I trying to force into my mouth. So far, the food was winning this battle. I had lost what little appetite I had since I came in here yesterday.

Jaimie nodded. "Yes, sadly, everyone's meeting at our place for that massive test we have."

"And who is coming?" I asked, trying to pull details out of him. Sometimes it was like pulling out toenails. He was the most sensitive in the family and because of that, he kept his group of friends secretive. I think he was a little embarrassed that Paulo would mess up their friendship, after all, he had done that before.

"Camila Lopez, Cynthia Thoman, Eric Rock, and Walt Li."

"Cami's in your class?" I asked him.

Jaimie nodded. "We got into the same class when the semester changed. You know her?"

I chuckled at him. Of course, he never realized that my best friend was Cami. She had been to our house countless times and practically drooled over Jaimie for years. But of course, he never saw her. He was so clueless, he had a good heart, but he was clueless. "Cami's my best friend from the rink."

His eyes widened in surprise. I could see him drawing the lines together. He wasn't Sherlock now was he? "Oh! That makes complete sense," he said as he thought.

I laughed at him, harder than I had in a while. "Goodness Jaimie," I said as I wiped a tear of laughter from my face.

He shrugged in silence as he thought about something.

I sighed as I mulled over my thoughts. Cami always wanted me to put in a good word for her with Jaimie, but I never thought it was smart because he didn't know her. But now, there was a little light in his eyes as he said her name. If I didn't know any better I would say he had a crush on her. "You know, she has a crush on you," I stated. Please don't hate me, Cami for saying that.

His eyes lit up slightly. I think he was falling for her if I didn't know him any better. "Really?"

I nodded with a chuckle. "For a long time," I said honestly. Actually forever, probably since we moved to Portland.

He was silent. He was interested in her but he didn't want to share.

I picked at the plate of food in front of me and took a bite of salad. I resisted the urge to gag. I didn't want to eat anymore. I couldn't.

Jaimie's phone buzzed and he frowned. "I'm going to be late," he said as he slipped on his green coat.

"Then go!" I said as I threw a raw carrot at him. One less bite of food to eat. Yay.

"I'll see you El. Love you," he chuckled as he left the room without another word and Paulo walked in.

In silence, Paulo strolled over to where Jaimie was sitting and smiled at me. I could see mischief in his eyes. He heard what I said to Jaimie. Oh Paulo, don't mess this up for Jaimie. Just leave him alone.

"If I didn't know any better I think Jaimie is in love with your friend," Paulo said.

I shrugged. I think Paulo was wanting a reaction, one that I wouldn't give. Honestly, I think they would make a good pair. "That doesn't bother me." As I looked at my meal, knowing Allyson would be very disappointed if I didn't eat at least half of it.

"Are you going to eat it?" Paulo asked as he looked at my food.

I chuckled at him, knowing that he just had lunch about an hour ago. Of course, he was hungry for a second lunch. He had a hollow leg that was for sure. I shook my head. "No."

"Can I?" he asked with eagerness.

I chuckled lightly. "It's all yours," I said as I pushed the tray towards him. Thank goodness someone was going to eat it.

He took my fork then started to eat the mashed potatoes on the tray. "You know, hospital food isn't that bad," he said with his mouth full, clearly happy with his new found meal.

"Paulo!" mom said as she walked into the room.

Paulo quickly swallowed the food in his mouth as his smile slid down his face. "El gave it to me." he said, defending himself.

Mom crosses her hands over her chest, not happy with either of us. She gave a tired sigh. She was too tired to fight this, knowing that this would end up in an argument. "Ok, Paulo, finish it and let's go. We have to get you to your game," she said as she pulled out her keys from her black pea coat.

Immediately Paulo started to shovel the food into his mouth at lightning speeds. He was a vacuum and within a minute, he had eaten the rest of the food on my plate.

"That was impressive," I stated in amazement.

He burped then smiled at me. "I'm full of impressive skills," he said with a chuckle then stood up from his seat.

I shifted in my bed as they started to get ready. I didn't like the idea that they were leaving without me.

"Remember, dad will be here in probably 30 minutes," mom said.

I nodded. At least he was coming.

Paulo and mom gave one last look at me before they headed off. I sighed as I looked around the empty room. And then there was one.

This wasn't the first time I had been alone in the hospital, but this time it felt different. There was a heaviness in the air that everyone felt but no one wanted to address. There was fear, unspoken words, hurt, and disappointment. All of these things were clear to anyone that stepped foot in this room.

As I sat in my bed, there was no hope like there was last time. Anything that involved the brain was no laughing matter. Surgery was to be expected however no one had told me this information directly. I heard it through whispers and hushed voices. Knowing this, there was no grand ideas that I would skate at Nationals. It was just me and the tumor in this lonely room. 

I looked at my phone with a frown. I debated about telling Cami about what happened last night. She was my friend and she had a right to know. A part of me wanted to share, but another part was scared for a reason that I didn't quite know. "Hey, Cami, what is up?" I quickly texted her and waited for a response.

"What are you up to?" dad asked as he walked into the room.

I looked up from my phone and smiled. This gave me a chance to think more about what to tell Cami. "Nothing," I said as I put my phone down.

He smiled lightly as he walked into the room. "Let's hear it then."

He was so good at reading into my lies. I was about to break into details when Doctor Wells walked in with a face that was stone cold along with another doctor that I didn't know. They both looked tired. "Hey El, how are you?" doctor Wells asked with a small smile.

I shrugged. I didn't know how to answer that question. I was here, wasn't I? That should be enough of an answer.

She nodded as if that was enough of an answer. "As you know, we will be pursuing with surgery. We have gone over the schedule and the best time to do this will be tomorrow."

I swallowed what felt like lemons in my mouth. I gripped into the blanket around me as I tried to keep my emotions at bay. Tomorrow, never did that word hold so much weight. That was so soon. I was hoping that I would have some more time to prepare for this. 

Either unwilling to notice my shift in emotions or not caring, Doctor Wells continued, "this is Doctor Beaumont, he'll be the one leading your surgery tomorrow."

"Hello, El," he said a bit too dryly. "We wanted to talk to you a little about the surgery. It'll probably last 3-4 hours. The tumor looks like it's placed on the right side of the skull, close to your ear. We will make an incision about 5-6 inches long starting at your ear to around the nape of your skull. We're hoping to remove all of the tumor tomorrow."

"How dangerous is this?" I asked, barely able to force the words out as a whisper. I needed to brace myself for what would happen.

Doctor Beaumont forced a small that was too fake. "We were lucky to find it when we did because, in multiple endocrine neoplasia, this is a more rare tumor that can happen."

I shook my head at him. He didn't answer my question. "But how dangerous is it?"

He was silent for a moment. He didn't want to answer my question. "Now all surgeries carry risk. There is about a 20% chance that this can cause death."

I nodded as I tried to be stoic. Suddenly I started to see that pushing to skate was stupid all along. I should have been focusing on my health and living my life to its fullest. But instead, I carried onward like nothing was wrong. 'Digging myself into a shallow grave' as Callum put it. I wasted so much time. There was so much I wanted to do still.

"We'll try to remove everything with surgery but if not we'll have you do some rounds of radiation. Based on what I saw from the MRI, I'm hopeful that there'll be no major complications."

"How long is the recovery time?" It was clear that I would be in no condition to skate, but I wanted to know when I would be healthy again. I was tired of being here. I was ready to close this chapter in my life.

"It depends on person to person. However, after surgery, you'll have to do a few intense rounds of physical therapy. It might take a month or more for you to get back to some normality."

I nodded. I was willing to do anything it took to get back to normal.

"Do you have any other questions?"

"What time is the surgery?" dad asked as he held onto me like his life depended on it.

"10 AM."

I would be ready for it. But for now, I wasn't. Now, I want to have a meltdown. I wanted to run away. I wanted to scream and cry and yell. But the hospital didn't provide the privacy that was needed for that.

"Ok, if there aren't any other questions, we'll see you tomorrow," doctor Wells said kindly and with that, the two of them left my room.

I looked at dad in silence. He was thinking the same thing. We were terrified. There was risk with this. There was a chance I wouldn't make it. This was serious.

"Things will work out," he said confidently after a few minutes went by.

I nodded. I wish I knew that was the truth. I ran my hand through my messy hair. It was time to say goodbye to it. "I'm going to see if Allyson is here. Maybe she could chop off my hair." I said without any emotion as I got up from the bed.

Dad nodded in silence as I walked out of the room to the nurse's station.

<>

I pulled on my oversized sweater as I walked down the hall. My grippy socks stuck to the floor, not allowing me to shuffle my feet to where I wanted to go. "Is Allyson Weeks in yet?" I asked one of the nurses who was typing away on something.

The nurse looked up at me and was about to say something when I heard Allyson's voice from behind me. "Yeah, I'm here," Allyson said.

I turned to her as I tried to swallow more lemons stuck in my throat. I opened my mouth but no one came out. I couldn't force them out. I wasn't sure if I could tell her what was happening.

She looked at me from head to toe in silence. "Ellis," she said as her gears turned. Without wasting a moment, she brought me into her arms and held me.

I nodded into her shoulder. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I didn't have to say anything to her. She already knew. "Could you shave my head?" I asked her, finally able to force the words out of my mouth.

She hung into my tighter for a moment as if not wanting to let me go. Finally she pulled out of the hug and frowned. She could but she didn't want to. "Ok," she said finally.

 "Ok," I said then walked back to my room as I waited for her to come. I pushed myself onto the bed and sat in silence as I waited.

Minutes ticked by and finally Allyson came into my room with clippers in her hand. She wore a heavy face as she set up a chair for me to sit in. It was clear that she wished that this wasn't happening. "El," she sighed. She didn't know what else to say, but neither did I. She couldn't make this any better with any words she was going to tell me.

"Can we just do this quickly?" I begged her as I sat down in the chair that she provided.

She nodded as she plugged in the clippers. "Are you ready El?" Allyson asked me carefully. 

I nodded in silence. I didn't have another choice. My hair was coming off one way or another. At least here, I decided who took it off. And honestly, I rather have her do it than some doctor that was a stranger to me. 

A second later, I felt the cold metal of the clipper press again my skull and slowly, chucks of my dark blond hair started to fall to the ground. I felt my eye well up with tears as the gravity of this situation hit me. This was really happening.

Finally, I heard the clippers turn off. "Ok, you are good to go," Allyson said with pain in her voice. She put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze as if to tell me everything would be ok. 

It wouldn't. Nothing about this was ok.

"Thank you," I said and looked at my dad who was trying to keep it together. He had a look to his eye that was hard to read. It was something along the lines of pain and pity. I turned my head, I couldn't look at him. Instead, I rubbed my bald head as I tried to hold back the sob. It was gone and so was my future.

I watched as Allyson quickly cleaned up my hair from the ground then left the room without another word.

I let out a breath as I held myself. I got up from the chair and looked at the hollow bald girl starting at me from the mirror. The dark bags were apparent under her eyes and her cheekbones were a little too sharp on her face. I let out a small whimper as I turned my head away, unable to look at the girl any longer. 

I walked back to my bed and sat down. I rubbed my head again. It was gone, all of it. Like a thief in the night, they took it all. 

Breaking me from my thoughts was my father. "El, do you know why I named you Ellis?" dad asked, bringing the attention to him.

I looked at him and wiped my eyes then nodded. He had told me the story before. "It was the first thing you saw when you came to the USA."

He nodded. "But there is more to that story. I named you Ellis because when I saw that statue of liberty, standing tall. At that moment, it meant more to me than just freedom. It stood for power, confidence, promises, and willingness to stand through the hardest moments of its life. For centuries, it has stood tall, showing the world that she is America, that she's the light to the world. So yes, it was the first thing I saw, and it spoke to me, but it spoke to me in more ways than I had ever shared with you."

I felt my eyes well up with tears even more.

"And that is why I named you Ellis, my baby girl, I knew as soon as you were born that you were all of those things that Ellis isle stood for me. And because of that, I know you will be ok. We'll all be ok," he said and pulled me into a hug.