Because of the Corona Virus, I get to work from home for the next few weeks.

To celebrate, here is a chapter! Also, look out for the <>! Enjoy!

Darla H

As Cami drove me home, all I could think about was what Kris told me. The word 'train wreck' played on repeat. Her intention wasn't to hurt me, but it felt like a knife was getting plunged repeatedly into my stomach.

Cami and I didn't talk during the drive and I was glad about that. I was fuming so much about Kris that I wouldn't have been able to have a solid conversation. I was so sure Kris and I had a bond that couldn't be broken, but I was wrong. She lost my trust and the relationship we had was over. There was no coming back from this. I would never want to work with Kris again.

As much damage as Kris made, one thing I was glad for was that she didn't do was call my parents that I passed out. At least I had some of my dignity around my shoulders.

Cami pulled into my driveway and sighed. "Don't be too hard on them. They're all worried about you," Cami said softly.

I didn't want to have this conversation with her. I was so tired of hearing that everyone was 'worried' about me. If they were, couldn't they see that I was falling apart mentally? Didn't they care about that? 

"See you later Cami," I said as I got out of her car with my skate bag in hand. I walked through the front door of the house and quickly closed the door behind myself. "I'm home!" I called out into the house as I pulled off my shoes.

Instantly mom walked down the stairs as she put on some gold pearl earrings. "El, we're leaving to do that college tour with Paulo," mom said as she slipped on her coat. She was in a hurry that meant they were heading out the door.

I nodded. I remembered Paulo talking about this on the way to the rink this morning. I was just hoping that I would miss them by time I came home. 

They were going to see all of the schools that Paulo got a sports scholarship for. They didn't need to do this for Jaimie, because unlike his brother, Jaimie actually had an idea of what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Often Paulo focused too in the moment. For him, it worked, but for school, my parents needed to push him. "How long will you be gone again?" I asked, even though I knew how long they would be gone for.

"Five days," she said as she looked down the hall, trying to find something. Her mind was distracted.

Ok. That gave me five days to train, five days closer to nationals. With them gone, I could skate as much as I wanted without them throwing disapproving looks at me or putting their foot down about the matter. This time allowed me to call the National's committee and put my name back on the list. Five days meant there was still hope.

"Eliza, we have to get out of here in the next 10 minutes if we want to get to the hotel at a decent hour," dad said to mom as he dragged some large luggage bags down the stairs.

I was sure he was the one that called the committee. He went behind my back. My own family let me down. I had to talk to them to get all of this off my chest. This conversation would be messy but I needed to do it now. "We need to talk about nationals," I said to them.

Dad stopped in mid-walk whereas mom frowned at me. They didn't think I would find out so soon.

I felt my eyes well up with tears. This just showed that they purposely went behind my back. They weren't planning on telling me about this. But the thing was, how would I have not found out about it? There was no way to hide this secret for long. Kris was bound to spill. Right now she was the most honest person that I was surrounded by and even she went behind my back. "How dare you do this to me."

"Ellis," dad sighed. "We all knew this was coming. We need to focus on your health."

<>

"Are you serious? Really? Puck, I didn't see this coming. You didn't think that I could focus on both," I said, trying my hardest to keep my voice from rising. Mom put my hand on my shoulder but I shook it off. I was furious and I didn't need them to talk me down. "What pisses me off the most is, you didn't even talk about this with me. You took away my voice," I said as tears started to fall down my face.

Dad put down the bags. He looked tired. He didn't want to talk about this, not now or ever. "You didn't give us a choice. With you, there's no compromise. Either you skate or don't. There's no middle ground. And we all knew what you would be pulling for."

"Of course I would. Someone needs to be on my side! Someone needs to defend me!" I shouted at them. I held back a sob. The universe was fighting against me. I had one dream. Only one and they wanted to take that away from me.

"Don't you see, we're on your side?" mom said as she started to get emotional.

I shook my head. They weren't on my side at all. No one was.

"After that story from the Weeks came out. The Nationals committee contacted us, asking if you were capable of competing. We reached out to Kris and asked her opinion. After thinking about it for days, she didn't believe that you had it in yourself to give it your all. If you went, it would be rough. You would be pushing yourself too much. You're already pushing yourself too much."

My lip quivered. Did they really love me? Did they really understand me? No, it was clear that they didn't. I was attacked. They didn't know what this competition meant to me. They didn't get it. I would sacrifice anything to get there. They didn't care about my dreams. They didn't understand me. 

"This is not all of Kris' fault," mom stated.

I scoffed. "Of course it isn't. All of you are pucking to blame. But Kris, she sees me as a failure. She only wants winners to go to nationals. She does have Cami now. At least she's still going to nationals," I snapped. Kris and I were over. I needed to find a new coach. Suddenly I wished Cami never made it to nationals. If she hadn't, maybe this would be a different story.

"That's not true. She cares about you. She worried about you," mom said to me.

I shook my head. I was so tired of that word. Worry. I wanted to scream. Right now no one cared about me. "You guys just want to take my dreams away from me."

"That's not true," mom said as her eyes welled up with tears. Maybe she believed in me still. She knew what this meant to me. Unlike dad, she understood what I had to sacrifice to get to where I am now. She woke up early to get me to the rink. She was the one that hugged me when I fell too hard. She knew this was crushing me and she understood why. But if she understood then why did she let her husband make the rules?

"What's done is done, Ellis," dad said firmly, standing by his choice.

I wasn't going to take that as an answer. I shook my head at him. "Not good enough. This was going to be my year," I said as I started to walk up the stairs, away from this conversation. If I stayed with them any longer I would start yelling.

"Maldit, Ellis, we aren't done here," dad shouted at me.

I turned to face him. He was the one that pushed the withdrawal the most. I could see it in his eyes. He didn't think that this was a big deal. He thought I was being dramatic "But I am." and with that, I stormed into my room.

I plopped onto my bed with tears streaming down my face. This was my year. This was going to set me up for the world stage next year. I had big plans and it was all relaying on this start. They were taking all of that away from me. I was nothing with skating. 

A minute later there was a knock on my door. Whoever it was, I wanted them gone. I didn't answer but the door still opened.

There standing at the mouth of my shag-carpeted room was mom, dressed to leave. Good riddance. I could use a breath of fresh air that they were stifling. "Ellis." She sighed.

I looked away from her. I had nothing left to say to her and there was nothing I wanted to hear from her either.

"I don't want to leave without smoothing out some things," she said as she leaned against the white door frame.

I shook my head. There was nothing left to smooth out. There was nothing that they could do to make this better. They went behind my back before even talking about it with me. I was betrayed. Now it was up to me to mop up the mess they made.

"El, don't do this," mom said with a sigh.

I wasn't doing anything.

"Mom! Dad is in the car waiting for you!" Paulo called up to her from somewhere in the house.

She bit her lip as she sorted her feelings. She had to go but she had more to say. "We'll talk when we get back."

I nodded. Although I didn't plan on talking about it. We couldn't patch this up. "Sure."

"I love you, Ellis," mom said and kissed my forehead. With that, she left my room in silence.

Thank you. I needed them to leave so I could have some fresh air.

I laid back in bed and looked at the ceiling. I wiped the angry tears from my face and let out a breath. I needed to calm down if I wanted to call the nationals committee.

My parents made it clear that they were the enemy in my story. They weren't here to help me. They never were. I rubbed my neck lightly. It was burning. I needed more pain killers.

I reached for the yellow pill bottle on the nightstand and popped a small pill into my mouth. I let out another breath as I pulled out my phone. I knew the number I had to call. They were off-hours but I could at least leave a message.

I dialed the number of the Nationals committee then heard the phone ring and ring until the voice machine came on. "Hello you have reached the Nationals committee, we're not available but if you leave your name and number we will call you back as soon as we can."

"Hello, this is Ellis da Souza. I'm here to talk about my place for nationals. My parents did not talk about it with me before they called you. I wanted to let you know that I'm well enough to skate. Please call me back to let me know what I need to do next to reinstate my name. You can reach me at 957-245-2892. Thank you," I said and hung up the phone.

"El, what are you doing?" a voice sighed.

I shot straight up in bed as I looked at Callum in front of me. I shot him a look. How did he get here? I was sure this was all Jaimie's doing, just to torment me.

"You're killing yourself," he said as he paced around the room. He looked disappointed and concerned all at once. But he didn't have a right to be disappointed in me because I was disappointed in him.

He was the monster in this story. If that article wasn't published, I wouldn't be in this mess. "Like you know?" I retorted with venom.

He stopped and threw me a disapproving look. He was hurt. "I do. After all, I dated you. I wrote about you. I was with you on that rink that first time. I have seen you at your lows. I know you."

I shrunk back in my bed. I didn't like him scolding me. "Get out," I said as I pointed towards my door.

He put his hands in his dark washed jean pants. He looked down at the ground as he thought about his next move. "No."

"What did you say?" I asked him.

"You heard me," he said as he challenged me. "I'm not going until you hear me. And I mean, actually hear me."

I stood up, putting my hands on my hips as I waited for his next move.

"You need to stop. Take a breath. You need to recover because you're digging yourself into a shallow grave."

How dare he talk to me like that. We weren't together, he shouldn't even be here. I walked up to him and slapped him. He stumbled back as he held his face. Instantly he faded into nothing.

I looked around the empty room. He was never here, to begin with. But I was so sure he was. He seemed so real. I was seeing things. I ran my hands through my hair and started to shake slightly. Maybe he was right. I was digging myself into a shallow grave.