Other fun fact, this is a local band from my hometown. Anyhow, song if for the start of the chapter! 

I opened my eyes and looked around my room. All the emotions that I have felt the past few days seemed to dissolve as I remembered what day it was today. It was Christmas. My favorite holiday of them all. There was no time to be sad today. And with all the drama that had happened, I was so glad that the ice rink was closed for the next three days. I needed to separate myself from that life for a second.

I got out of my bed and shuffled my feet over to my oversized slightly wrinkled sweater with a yawn as I woke up. I walked over to the corner of the room and picked up a pair of black leggings. I sniffed them checking to see if I could wear them again. They smelt fresh so I put them on.

Now it was time to wake up the rest of the family. I went to Paulo's room first, finding him asleep, curled up in a ball on his bed. His bed was the only thing in his room clean, clothes and socks thrown around like a tornado found a home here. Leftover plates and cups from snacks he brought up but never finished laid on his nightstand. The room smelt musty and I remembered why I didn't often go in here.

"Paulo," I said as I hovered over him.

He wiggled in his sleep. He was always a sound sleeper. Both of my brothers were, but Paulo loved bed a little more than Jaimie.

"Paulo," I said louder.

Suddenly he jolted awake. He looked around the room with panic. His eyes then fell on me with a disapproving look. "What?" he asked, clearly not happy that I woke him.

"It's Christmas," I said with a smile.

"I know, El," he said as he laid back down on his bed. He pulled his large down comforter around his body and closed his eyes again. A slight smile was apparent on his face as he snuggled into his cozy spot.

He wanted to go back to sleep. But not on my watch. There was a reason why I went to his room first. He was the hardest to wake. He probably stayed up until 2 AM or later last night so waking up at 9 was rough. But I wasn't going to give up since mom and dad wouldn't let me open presents until everyone was up. "No, not today Paulo," I said and climbed into his bed.

He cracked his eyes open as I snuggled close to him. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Making you uncomfortable," I said with a smirk as I scooched closer.

He shook his head as he wiggled away from me. "Ok you win. Stop El," Paulo said, waking up as he got out of bed with a smile.

I smiled at him. I won. "Yay! Let's wake up Jaimie," I said and winced as I felt my neck burn from my sudden move and excitement.

"El, are you ok?" Paulo asked as he sat down beside me, ready to move mountains if needed for me. Ever since the article was posted, Paulo was by my side, refusing to let me be alone. He was doing everything for me including being my support.

I never thought Paulo would change his personality so much when I first passed out. But I liked it. I liked this side of him and I wanted him to never change. I just Jaimie changed for the better, but he was still avoiding me like the plague even when he knew what Callum did to me. He refused to talk about it, brushing it off as if it was no big deal. But what Callum did was a big deal. It was a big enough deal that I had to turn off my phone because the whole rink kept texting me. 

I was waiting for the nationals committee to get in touch with us but so far it had been silent. I was just hoping it would stay silent. Maybe they didn't care. Maybe they didn't see the article. For now, I didn't care the reason, all I cared was that I was safe. I was still going to nationals.

I nodded as I carefully placed a hand on the gauze. "I just need some painkiller." I said as I got up from the bed carefully, in fears that any move would cause pain to my wound. 

Paulo nodded as he helped me up from the bed. He yawned as he sniffed a shirt from the floor. He made a face as he dropped it back to where he found it. "How about you wake him up." He said as he slipped on a clean sweater.

I eyed him. "You aren't going back to sleep, are you?"

He shook his head with a laugh. "I can't. You won't let me."

I smiled. "That's right, I won't," I said then walked into Jaimie's room. There, he was hunched over a desk reading some thick textbook. I wondered how long he had been up for. I was hurt that he didn't come into my room or at least Paulo's room. He should've heard us. "Happy Christmas Jaimie!" I said to him excitedly. I wrapped my arms around him but he quickly moved out of my grasp.

Jaimie stood up from his chair then looked at me with a nod. He was stiff and uncomfortable. "Happy Christmas."

I held back a frown, feeling rejected by my own brother. Jaimie was the one out of my two brothers that liked physical affection from me the most. But now, he never wanted to be near me. In fact, he had kept a healthy distance from all of us. "Let's go downstairs?" I asked, hiding the hurt from my voice.

He nodded. "Ok." He said and took the lead to walk out of his room.

We walked down the stairs in silence until we made it into the family room. There, under the tree were gifts and the stockings on the fireplace were filled. It was magical. But to be honest, this wasn't why I liked Christmas. The reason why this season rang so dear to my heart was because we were all together. The day would be full of food, games, and smiles. I knew that we needed this now more than ever.

"Merry Christmas!" mom said with a smile as she sipped some kind of hot drink from a mug. She looked comfy in her red PJ's and fur-lined slippers.

I heard the toilet flush and coming out of the bathroom was dad. He smiled at us. "I see El, forced you two up," he said with a chuckle.

Paulo and Jaimie nodded.

"Some things will never change will they?" Dad asked as he sat down next to mom. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. He nuzzled her neck and she smiled.

The relationship that my parents had was something of a romance novel. It was something that I wanted when I grew up. After 23 years of marriage, they were still completely and utterly in-love with one another.

"Before we open anything, we need a Christmas photo."

All three of us sighed loudly. This happened every year and by now we should be used to it. I looked at my wrinkled clothes, bed hair, and gauze around my neck. There was no time to look nice. She wanted this photo now. I was sure she wanted to see all of us at our worse or just our real selves. 

"Ok, guys, sit together," mom said as she got out her phone.

I chuckled lightly as I put my hands around my brothers. I sat down in front of the Christmas tree and forced my brothers to sit down next to me. The quicker we all cooperated, the quicker this would be over. I smiled at the camera.

"Come on Paulo and Jamison, Ellis is smiling, take her lead," mom said begged them.

I poked them quickly and instantly they smiled at the camera.

"Oh, this is a keeper. It's going in our photo yearbook for sure," mom said as she looked at her phone after she took the photo.

Paulo sighed, "these photos always go in your photo books."

I hit his head lightly. "Just humor her," I said with a sigh.

"Thank you, Ellis. This is exactly why I make photo books. Because I don't want to forget a minute."

"Ok, yay! Time for stocking!" I cheered excitedly.

"Someone's in a great mood," Paulo said as he yawned again, still trying to wake up fully.

I shot him a look. "Stop being so sour. You're raining on my parade."

"Ok, El go ahead and open your stocking," dad spoke up.

I quickly took the stocking off the mantle and dumped the contents on the floor. Sweets, makeup, and fruit littered the floor from the large sock. I quickly picked up a chocolate bonbon and popped it in my mouth.

"Ellis, did you take your Synthroid pill?" mom asked as she watched me start to eat.

She knew me too well. Honestly, I didn't really forget to take it, I just was too lazy to get the pills from the kitchen, then I would have to take another hour to eat anything. Nah, I rather pass on that today. "I forgot," I lied.

She shook her head. "You know you need to take that every day."

"Yeah, I know, every day for the rest of my life." I didn't want to be reminded that I was now completely dependent on a small pill to help regulate my body.

She frowned, not liking my response.

"Listen, it's too late, I already ate some chocolate," I said as I put my hands on my hips.

"Fine." She said finally. "But I expect you to eat your way through this Christmas."

If someone knew me 5 months ago, I would be able to eat anything at any time. I had just as much as a hollow leg as Paulo did. Sometimes I could even out-eat him. But now, I was grazing, eating as little as possible because nothing spoke to me. As much as I wanted to eat my way through Christmas this year, I knew that it probably wouldn't be as grand as it was last year. "Sounds good."

By the time we made it to dinner, I was about to be sick with all the food I had eaten even though it wasn't much. We sat down and looked at the roast that mom cooked. It looked beautiful, but I couldn't find it in me to have another meal today.

I looked out the window at the dark sky outside. Christmas day was almost over, but I didn't want it to end. Tomorrow meant our lives would return as they were. For me, that meant being sick and friendless.

I looked at my phone again. I turned on my phone today, hoping to get something besides questions. But I did not receive a single Christmas message. Not even from Cami. She hated me, I broke her trust, friendship, and heart. I was sure of it and I wasn't sure if she would ever forgive me for it. 

"So I heard that you skipped gym again," dad said to Jaimie as he cut the meat.

Jaimie had a habit of skipping the most pointless period. He hated it and he hated that it was required. "Yeah, well, El got a C in her last chem test," Jaimie spoke up, trying to direct the conversation elsewhere.

Wow, I thought we were above throwing people under the bus. I shot him a look. That was supposed to remain our secret. I told him because I thought I could trust him. I thought telling him would help rebuild the relationship we were lacking. But I was wrong.

He looked away from me. He wanted to sabotage me. This was his plan all along. I shook my head. Once again, someone went and stabbed me in the back. I kicked his shin from under the table.

"Ouch," Jaimie said as he quickly rubbed his shin. He threw daggers' with his eyes at me, knowing that I did that but remained silent.

"Is this true Ellis?" dad asked. I could see disappointment in his eyes.

My frown fell deeper on my face. I couldn't cover it up. I did get a C. I didn't have enough energy to study for the test after skating, instead, I went to bed and slept for 13 hours. "Yes."

"Why? You used to have perfect grades."

I nodded, although I didn't need to be reminded. It wasn't like I wanted to get a C.

"That isn't the first C she had gotten either," Jaimie said, dragging me through the mud even more.

I wanted to hit him.

"El, after dinner, I want to see your report card," dad said sternly.

I nodded. I didn't have another choice. He was going to disappointed. I knew my grades were slipping but I was trying so hard to keep that a secret. I shot Jaimie a look again.

As I turned back to eat my meal, the chipper mood I had, dissolved almost instantly. I remained quiet as I ate, convinced that there was nothing to say that would make this better. In fact, everyone's mood seemed to dissolve as we ate in silence. Good job Jaimie, way to ruin the last hours of Christmas. I shot him a look. This was his fault.

I took a few more bites of food but frowned when I lost the rest of the motivation to eat. "Can I be excused?" I asked as I pushed the plate away from me.

Mom nodded. "Of course." 

I smiled lightly and got up to put my plate away. I walked to the sink and held onto the counter as I felt the world spin. I let out a breath and closed my eyes, hoping it would go away.

"El, sit down," dad said, seeing that I was struggling to put my dishes in the dishwasher.

I nodded. "Ok," I said as I opened my eyes. My vision blurred the faces of my family. I couldn't let go of the counter, holding me in place. If I did, I would topple over.

Without waiting a beat, Paulo got out of his chair. "I'll help you," Paulo said as he walked up to me. He wrapped his arm around me and carefully guided me to the family room where a fire was blazing. He sat me down on the couch and put a blanket over me. Slowly my vision came back as Paulo smiled lightly at me. I could see pity in his eyes. "Everything will be alright," he said and with that, he left me alone in the grand family room.

I sighed as I looked at the dark of night through the large windows. I was falling apart, and as the day came to a close, it just cemented the idea that Christmas was a distraction, my life wasn't cheery like this. I was a shell of what I used to be.

I had broken a lot of hearts and so many people had broken mine. I thought about the conversation I had. Jaimie was breaking my heart. He wanted to tell mom and dad about my grades, he just waited until we were all together. I was starting to believe I couldn't trust anyone around me.

I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and looked into the fire. I felt like just two months ago, I had that fire in my eyes. But recently that fire had faded, turning into embers. I felt like I was fading into something unrecognizable. I wanted to go back to that me.

I shook my head as I stood up from the couch. I reached for my backpack and opened it. In there were essays, homework, and grades. Dad would want to see these things, but I didn't want to share them. I wanted them to be destroyed as if they didn't exist. If there was no proof then it wasn't happening, right? Callum was right, I was crumbling. Without thinking about it further, I took the things out of my bag and threw them into the fire.

The fire gobbled them up. It was freeing to see them dissolve into ember, turning into nothing but a distant memory. I wanted to get rid of all of my memories of poor grades, school, and anything else I could get my hands on. I didn't waste any time as I dumped my backpack into the fire.

The fire roared to life, happy with this new found Christmas meal. It sparked and flickered at me as if to say thank you.

"What the Hell Ellis?" dad said as he walked into the room.

I turned to face him then looked at the fire again. I stayed my ground. What did it look like I was doing? Getting rid of the evidence.

"What were you thinking? Your textbooks were in there."

I shook my head. They weren't, knowing I took them out the night before to study. "They're upstairs," I said as I felt my legs shake under me. I clasped on the ground and looked at the fire.

"Ok, I think you are done for the night. I want you to go to your room and think about what you have done and what you have been doing," dad said to me as he pointed towards upstairs. He was frustrated with me, he had been for a while now.

I nodded. Merry Christmas to me.