Song is for the start of the chapter!

I laid in an a strange bed as someone pushed me through the halls of the hospital. I shrunk deeper into the bed the more we traveled, deeper into the building, far away from my family, and anything that was familiar to me. 

I felt so uncomfortable with the whole moment. I just wanted to close my eyes and pretend that this wasn't happening. I didn't want to go through this. I didn't want to have cancer. I wanted to be at school.

I remembered how I waved to my parents one last time before they took me away. I felt completely alone even though my parents and brothers were waiting for me. But I was the only one going under the knife. I was the only one with messed up genes. I was completely and utterly alone and there would be no way that they would understand me.

I was pushed through a set of doors into a room with blue-tiled floors and walls. It was plain and simple except for the medical equipment that scattered the room. I felt my eyes well up with tears as fear took hold. There was no going back now. I have arrived. "Ellis da Souza?" One of the doctors asked in a deep voice with his mouth covered.

I nodded as I looked at the figure looming over me. He intermediated me as his dark eyes stared at me. "Yes," I said, unable to force anything else out of my mouth.

He nodded as he turned to one of the other doctors. He whispered something to them and they nodded back. The one he was talking to walked up to me and looked at the white band around my thin wrist. "Everything will be ok dear. Just count back from 100," she said kindly.

I nodded as I started to count backwards. I closed my eyes as they became heavy. 99, 98, 97... and I was out.

Instantly, there was darkness and silence. It was as if I was in a long night's sleep. I have no idea how long I slept for but slowly after I have no idea how long, I felt my sleep starting to fade. The first thing I was aware of was the sound of crying. I heard Paulo crying. He sounded so distraught.

"Oh El, I've been holding this in for so long. I'm so tired of suppressing it and keeping it a secret," he said to me. I felt him grabbed my hand. He squeezed it. His soft warm hands seemed to wrap my cold hand in a hug.

I wanted to squeeze back but my hand wouldn't allow for it. With sleep still having a stronghold on me, I couldn't move. But I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to hold him and tell him that I was listening and that I loved him. I hardly ever heard Paulo get emotional or cry about anything. In fact, I think it only happened a hand full of times within the last 5 years, one of which I was the cause of, but I didn't want to get into those details now.

He gave a pained and tired sigh. I heard his foot tap on the floor as he always did when he was nervous or thinking about something in great detail. "El, I think I'm bisexual," he whispered, fearing other people would hear. "I've known for years but I can't tell this to mom and dad, I think they would be disappointed in me. I don't know how long I can hold onto this secret. It is eating into me." I could hear such concern in his voice.

Pulling a word right out of Kris' handbook, I had to. Puck... I didn't see this coming. However, regardless of this information, I loved him. I would always love him. In fact, I think I loved him more now knowing this than I did yesterday. 

For the first time ever, I saw Paulo as more then just a big brother. I understood him in ways that I never thought I would see. I saw angles to him that I didn't know ever existed. Now it made sense with some of his actions leading up to this point. Like a puzzle, everything was coming together in my drugged hazy mind.

There was so much I wanted to say to him. I wanted to hug him and tell him that I loved him no matter what. That this wasn't something to be ashamed of, that this was what made him, him. I wanted him to know that I was proud of him for sharing this, with me. But Instead, I was stuck in this in-between sleep like stupor, forced only to listen.

Minutes ticked by until I was able to open my eyes and looked at him. Finally, I could let him know I was here for him. I reached for him, barely able to move my arm. I wanted him to know that he was enough. 

As I looked at this broken but open Paulo in front of me, I was completely enamored that he told me this secret. He trusted me, out of everyone. He trusted me and loved me enough to share. I knew that Paulo loved me, and over the past few months I felt his love more. But as I looked at him right now, it was clear that Paulo cared so much about me, more then I even knew. 

He grabbed my hand as I attempted a second time to reached up to wipe a tear from his face. He looked at me with concern. I wasn't sure if he actually wanted me to hear what he told me. "You can't talk yet."

I nodded slightly, although that move made my neck burn. I knew I couldn't do anything right now. I had to wait a few more hours. But I felt so helpless. I wanted to say so much to him.

As if reading my mind, he brought out his phone from his dark wash skinny jeans so I could write my responses. I took it and typed, "I love you." Out of everything that I could have said, I wanted him to know this. I think that was the most important thing he could have known.

He smiled and squeezed my hand again. His slightly sleep-deprived brown eyes looked relieved. "I love you too, so much, El," he said to me.

I scratched my nose, the feeling of the tubes up them was irritating.

"Please don't tell mom and dad," Paulo begged quietly as if they would appear at any moment.

I typed quickly, "It's not mine to share. But I would recommend you share. I think they'll be supportive of you still. They love you."

He nodded but looked scared. "You're too wise sometimes." He took my hand and kissed it. "Goodness, Ellis, I love you. I know I don't say it enough, but I'm so glad that you're my sister."

I smirked slightly. I felt the same about him. We hadn't been close in years, but this moment made up for everything. Our bond grew ten times. I saw him and he saw me as we were. There were no walls, not motes, or castles to climb, just us with all of our baggage.

The beauty in being human was that we were breakable, we were moldable, we were rebuildable. We go though life constantly being torn down and built back up again. All of our life experiences make us who we are, imperfect perfections.

"I'm glad I have you as a brother," I typed to him.

He smiled lightly as he cupped my cheek and for a moment, we were quiet.

Finally, after minutes ticked by, seeing this opportunity of privacy, I took the phone and quickly typed another message. "Do you remember when I passed out at sectionals?" I showed it to him and he nodded.

"How could I not forget?" he asked with a slight chuckle.

I smiled lightly. "You were not scared, but everyone else was terrified. Why?"

He leaned back into his chair as he thought. "Because you're strong. You to get back up when things push you down. And skating, it has taught you strong will. You jump off that ice with such speed and know that there's a chance that you'll fall, get bruises, break bones, but yet you do it anyhow. I wasn't scared because you're a pro at getting back up after crashes..."

I felt my eyes well up with tears. Even if I could speak I would still be speechless.

"Oh, El, don't get so emotional," Paulo said with a smirk. With his free hand, he wiped the stray tears that ran down my cheeks. "I think you already knew this deep down."

At that second, our tender moment was killed when Jaimie and my parents walked into the room.

"Paulo! You said that you would text me when she woke," mom said as she rushed in beside me, clearly upset at him.

"She just woke up," Paulo said and pointed to me, defending himself against her wrath.

I nodded ever so slightly, covering his lie. I would keep this tender moment to the grave. I wouldn't change for the world. Honestly, I was glad that they were gone so I had this time with him.

She sighed then smiled at me, knowing it wasn't worth getting mad at. "It's so good to see you up, El."

I quickly wiped my eyes then stared at Jaimie. After the restaurant on Sunday, we hadn't talked. There was awkwardness in the air between us. He betrayed my trust. I waited for him to make it right, but he hadn't made any attempts and I wasn't sure when we ever would sort it out. 

Jaimie shifted on his feet uncomfortably. He didn't want to be here and I didn't want him here either.

"Doctor Wells said you handled it like a champ," dad said with a smile. He put his hands in his dress slack pockets then nudged Jaimie.

Jaimie looked at me then quickly looked away like I was something terrible to see. Behind his back, he pulled out a white board. He practically tossed it onto me like it was lava. "I thought you could use this."

I picked up the whiteboard and smiled lightly. I wondered if it was actually his idea or something that the parents put him up too. Regardless, I never liked texting much anyhow. "Halleluiah. Thank you for this," I wrote in my terrible handwriting.

"Hey, at least you'll practice your handwriting," Paulo joked.

Mom shot him a look, not approving of his comment. But I smiled. Thank goodness he was joking around. Someone should at least. "I should be a champ by the end of this," I wrote.

He laughed at me. It was as if the emotional moment we shared was only a distant memory. His personality was back to being light and airy again.

Mom and dad quickly found a seat as Paulo turned on the TV, making themselves comfortable. They were here for the long haul. I yawned as I felt sleep ready to pull me under again. I snuggled down into the bed and closed my eyes.

By the time I woke up, the room was dark and my family was now gone. I felt my neck burn like someone lit a fire on it. I yelled out in pain but it came out as a whisper.

Almost instantly a nurse came into my room with a needle in her hands. "It's ok. This will make you feel better," he said as he put something into my IV.

Quickly I felt the pain fade away. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

"That feels good, right?" he asked with a small smile.

"Thank you," I said with a hoarse voice as I sunk into the bed and closed my eyes. I felt like I hadn't felt in days.

When I opened my eyes again the sun was pouring in. Without waiting for a second, another nurse came into my room. Her brown hair and dark eyes were apparent against her dark milk chocolate skin. She was the same one that saw me in the hall when I ran away last month. I recognized her instantly and wondered if she did the same for me. "Hi dear, are you feeling ok?"

I nodded in silence, hoping she didn't know who I was.

A smile became apparent as she looked at me. "You're that girl that escaped the hospital in November," she said with amusement.

And just like that, my cover was blown. I shrunk in the bed, hoping that she wouldn't judge me too hard. I wasn't myself at that moment. I hadn't felt like myself for a lot of moments recently, but that one was the start of it all. I didn't want her to think I was always like that, an emotional rampage of a girl.

"I've never seen someone actually get out of here unnoticed. I'm amazed. You have talent," she said with a small smile as she looked at my charts.

"Thank you?" I asked with a grave voice. I looked up at her badge and saw the name Weeks. immediately it clicked, this was how Callum knew I was missing at the hospital. His sister-in-law told him. This was how he knew a lot of things. He was connected. "You're Allyson Weeks, Parker's husband, right?" I asked, though my voice was still rough and light.

She nodded as she put my chart by the foot of my bed again. "You're a smart girl."

The first thought that came to my head was Callum. "How's Callum?" I asked, begging for an answer. We had only been broken up for a little more than a day, but it felt much longer. I was dying for some kind of information about him. I missed him, more than I thought possible. I just wanted to know if he was missing me too.

She frowned as if she didn't want to tell me the whole story. "He's hurting," she said although she didn't want to tell me all the nit and gritty facts.

"Because of me," I stated as if it was a fact.

She nodded. "He really cares about you. And I haven't seen him care about anything in a very long time. He's crushed. Since he came home yesterday, he has locked himself in his room, shutting everyone out."

I felt my eyes well up with tears as I thought about him. I didn't want to think that I was the one that caused all of this pain. "I want to make this better. I wasn't myself then. I don't know how to make things right though."

"Start by telling him you're sorry. Tell him what you just told me."

She was right. Silence wouldn't help anything. If I wanted to fix this, I had to start somewhere. I picked up my phone and frowned as it didn't turn on. "My phone's dead. Can you just tell him I'm sorry?" Hoping to get out of the hard text that I would have to send.

She shook her head at me. "No. This is something you have to do on your own," she said then left the room. Disappointment took over. That conversation did not end the way I wanted it to. She was a little more difficult than I thought she would be. Callum spoke so highly of her. Next to his niece, she was his favorite person.

A second later she came back with a charger in her hand. "But I can at least help you charge your phone."

I smiled as she took my phone and plugged it into the wall. "Thank you."

She nodded at me. "My advice, make it up quickly. He loves you, Ellis. Don't make this end in tragedy," she said then walked out of the room again.

She was right, I needed to text him quickly. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to let him know what I wasn't myself. What I said was not me. I didn't want us to be over. I waited patiently as my phone turned on. Finally, what felt like hours ticked by, the screen lit up.

I looked at the screen saver and saw Callum and I smiling into the camera. This photo was another reminder that I had to get a hold of him. I mulled over my thoughts as I slowly worked up the courage to send him a text. My heart was racing out of my chest as I sent the small message to his number. "Hi Callum." I texted, waiting for him to respond.

There was silence as I waited for minutes. What was I thinking? He deserved more than a 'hi'. This was my fault, I couldn't run him through the dirt  and just expect a hi back. "You deserve more than just a hi. There's a lot that I want to talk about with you. Can we please talk about it?" I texted him.

There was silence.

Minutes ticked by and soon it was an hour later. I felt my eyes well up with tears, knowing that I really screwed it up. He was pissed at me. We were done.

Breaking me from my emotional breakdown was mom. "Hey El, dear," mom said as she walked into the room. She had a box in her hands and a smile on her face. Her polished look showed that she either had a meeting or was going to one.

I looked at the time and knew it was a little too early for a meeting. She had to be going to one.

"Is that food?" I asked as I wiped the tears from my face, trying to pull myself together for her.

She nodded as her smile dropped off her face. "El, what's wrong?"

I felt my eyes well up even more as I thought about it. "I miss him. I miss Callum."