Happy Monday! Look out for the <>!

"The treatments aren't working on El's cancer. That being said, we need to remove it surgically," Doctor Wells said to my parents and me in a small hospital room a few days later.

Mom gasped as dad held her, his face stoic. But me, I had braced myself for this for days. I suspected it would come down to this when I heard them whispering in the halls. Things weren't going to plan and I could feel it in my bones.

Surgery. It was a daunting word, but yet I held myself together, since I was only thinking about one thing. "How long is the recovery time?" I asked, knowing I couldn't take much time off. Nationals was so close and I needed to keep training.

She gave a dry sigh. Everyone said that Wells was brilliant and I should be lucky to have her as a doctor, but I didn't feel that way. I didn't like her and she didn't like me either. I was too stubborn for my age, too eager to fight if needed. If she spoke now, it would be another one of those fights she didn't want to have with a 16-year-old. "If you're talking about skating, I would like you to take two weeks off."

I couldn't do that. "Not possible," I stated, as if there could be no discussion about it.

By now, she was too tired of me pushing the envelope. "Ellis, this shouldn't be a discussion. You have already pushed yourself too much."

I shook my head, knowing everything could be a discussion if I wanted it to be. I was a figure skater; I was bound to push things; it was in my blood. It wasn't natural to wear blades on your feet and throw yourself off the ice, expecting to land on one leg. I pushed the laws of nature every time I stepped on that ice. "You know nationals is only six weeks away. That's two weeks shy of a month. There's no time to take breaks. Can we reschedule this surgery for after nationals?"

She puckered her face as if she swallowed a lemon. "No, we can't risk it."

I chewed on her words in silence. I could see that this would be a losing battle. "Fine," I spat as I stood up from my seat. I needed air from this room that was closing in around me.

"Ellis," dad sighed. He didn't want to deal with any of this, either. He should have been on a flight to Saudi Arabia today, but he rescheduled. He said he wanted to be here for me, but his mind was distant. We were all tiring of these hospital trips that were only filled with problems.

"You can talk about the details to Doctor Wells. Tell me what you decide. After all, you guys are the ones that decide everything anyhow," I said with spite, then left the small hospital room, closing the door behind me as if that would shut out their conversation. But it was like duct taping a worn out boot, it would only help for so long.

After all the doctor's appointments, I had realized that I had no real control over these decisions. At the end of the day, my parents were the ones moving the strings. I was their puppet, as much as I wanted to deny it, I couldn't.

I hurried to a bench in the hallway and sat down as I pulled out my phone and quickly texted Callum. I waited as he didn't respond instantly, like he normally did. He had been so hard to get a hold of these last few days. It made me worried. I made me think he was moving on.

He had all those girls at the concert. They could give him time and keep up with him. But me, I was barely keeping up with myself. I was worried that he was getting bored with me.

I looked down the hall and watched as people passed me. As much as I had gone here, I still didn't know anyone of these people wearing bright colored scrubs. I didn't want to know them. After this little drama in my life was over, I would be able to forget all of it and move on with my life. Because of this, I focused on not remembering anything about this place.

I looked out the window and saw the snow starting to fall from the sky. For being the middle of December, it was already so cold. The rest of our winter was going to be long and freezing. Lately, I had hated that cold feeling that I felt it everywhere. I was cold at home, at school, and at the rink. There was no escape from it until I reached my warm bed.

I pulled my sweater closer to me as if it would help me warm up.

"Ellis," mom's voice rang out.

I turned to see her walking up to me. Her face was blotchy and red from crying. What ever it was had to not be good. "So what did you decide?" I asked her.

"It's scheduled for next Thursday," dad said as he walked out of the room.

It was Friday. Quickly I did the mental math in my head. "That's only days away."

Mom nodded. "We know. But it's also right before Christmas, the rink will be closed for the holiday anyhow. It'll be the best time for you to recover."

I smiled lightly at her. Fast thinking mom. I think she wanted me to skate nationals more than dad did. At least she saw my dreams. She knew more than anyone in this family what I had to do to get to where I was. After all, she was the one that spent the most time at the rink watching me fall over and over again, striving for perfection.

"But, tonight, don't think you will get out of talking about recovery. When Callum takes you back home, we'll talk about it," he said sternly.

I thought I won the conversation. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I wanted them to give me what I wanted, ice time. I wanted to break down and throw a fit but I couldn't here. Instead, I would fight them behind closed doors where no one would see. "Sure."

Mom hugged me tightly then dad hugged both of us, turning it into one big group hug. "Everything will turn out fine," dad said as he hugged us.

I nodded, although I didn't believe him fully. If I had to take time off of skating, I would lose my edge. Then I really wouldn't be prepared for nationals. If that happened, everything would not be fine.

Finally, they both pulled out of the embrace. "Callum is picking you up then?" mom asked, confirming with me.

I nodded, although I wasn't sure if I wanted him to pick me up anymore. I wanted peace with my thoughts, alone. "Yeah."

She forced a smile then kissed my cheek. "We'll see you later then." She gave one last look at me, to make sure I was ok then turned and walked off hand and hand with dad.

I sighed as I looked back at the sky. I took out my phone to look at the time. If Callum actually came, he wouldn't be for another 30 minutes. I shook my head. I felt like I was going to vomit if I stayed here any longer. I needed to get out. Without wasting another minute, I zipped my coat and pulled it closer to my body as I started to make my way to the lobby of the hospital.

<>

Minutes later, I found myself looking up at the gray-colored sky from the out door ice area I was sitting on. The same one that Callum found me on over a month ago. A lot had happened since that moment. There, the night sky seemed so daunting but looking back at it, I could see that it was nothing. This gray sky in front of me what more daunting than that night.

I shivered again. I had been here for only minutes but I was already freezing. I was just glad that the city bus was willing to stop on the side of the road to drop me off here so I didn't have to walk in the cold again. I sat down onto the cold ice and rubbed my hand against it. It felt so smooth.

"Ellis," I heard Callum call out to me.

I looked over at him from the boards, and just like that one time not too long ago, he stared at me with a straight face. For a second, I wondered if he was actually there. I seemed to be seeing things that didn't belong recently and maybe this was one of those imaginations.

He looked uncomfortable as he pulled his fur-lined coat closer to him. The way he looked at the ice with fear seemed so real, that just confirmed that he was actually here. I still didn't understand why he was so afraid of the ice. I didn't understand a lot about him. We had been dating for weeks but he was still a mystery to me.

"I went to the hospital only to find out you weren't there," he explained with hurt in his voice.

"I got out early, decided to make my way here," I said. I wanted to avoid the hospital as much as possible. I felt my eyes well up with tears as I thought about the appointment again. I didn't have to tell him about the rough news, he could read it on my face. He was always good a reading me.

"El, get off that ice," he sighed as he opened the door to the rink. "I want to take you somewhere."

His eyes told me to trust him, and I did, with my whole heart. Paulo said that Callum was dangerous but I knew Callum wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I knew that he cared about me. And just like that, I got up from the ice and shuffled my Ugg boot feet to the edge where Callum was.

"There we go," he said as I stepped off the ice. Instantly, he pulled me into a hug as if he knew that was exactly what I needed.

I hung onto him as I felt my eyes well up with tears. I just needed him to hold me, forever.

"It's ok, El, it'll be ok," he cooed to me softly as he stroked my dark blonde hair. He pulled out of the embrace then whipped the tears from my face. He kissed me on my cheek and pulled me towards his car. "Let's go somewhere." He said.

I followed his lead and got into his car. He turned it on and started to speed away from the resort. He took back roads and slowly, the roads got bumpier and snow got deeper. We were reaching higher elevation. I watched as the thick trees turned into evergreens and leafless Aspens. We did not say a word to each other as Callum drove deeper into the woods. He didn't need to, we were both too stuck in our thoughts to have a real conversation.

Finally, Callum pulled off to the side of the road and turned off the car. I looked at the empty small parking lot. I wondered how popular this place was when the weather was good.

"This was my mom's favorite hike. She would come here regardless of the weather," Callum said as he got out of the car. I followed his lead and looked at the snow-covered trail that led into the woods.

His mother, this was the first time he was talking about her. I get a thrill of excitement as I realized that he was opening up to me. This is what I had been waiting for.

Callum walked to the back of his car and pulled out my snow pants. He handed them to me.

I smiled as I took them. He had thought about this before hand. Thank goodness because I wasn't prepared. I put them on and instantly felt warmer. "You don't talk about your mom."

He nodded as he put on his own snow pants. I saw pain in his eyes. "The thing is, my fear of ice has to do with losing her."

I looked at him with eagerness, waiting for him to continue his story. For a second, all of his walls were down. He wasn't reflecting light like a normal diamond, he was taking it in and letting everyone see.

"My mom, to her, I was always her baby, a surprise that she didn't realize she was missing. She always gave me the most attention between my brother and I. But it worked out because my dad always preferred my brother anyhow," he said with a shrug as he slipped on some mittens and handed some to me.

I took them and stood in silence as I waited for him to continue his story.

"She took me out one night, because of some good grades on my report card. She wanted to celebrate my achievement. She always did. And dad, he was too busy with work, he didn't come. It was just me and her, like it normally was," he said as he started to push forward into the trail.

The snow was at least thigh deep on both sides of us. But the path had been groomed by snowshoes hikers, allowing us to follow in their trail. I looked at Callum's backside and wished that he would stop and just look at me. I wanted to read his face.

"It had been raining all day long and when the night came the rain turned into ice. We didn't know that the roads turned slick and as we drove home, we spun out," he said as he ducked past a low hanging tree branch, causing the snow on it to fall off it to the ground.

I followed his lead and pulled my puffer coat closer to my body to keep me warm. I reached for his hand, but couldn't grab it as he moved it into his pockets. He looked so hesitant as he shared, but I just wanted to let him know that I appreciated his honesty.

"We fell on a frozen lake and before we could think, the thin ice broke," he said and shook his head at the memory. He stopped to look at me as he sniffled. His brick wall that protected him from so many things was crumbling like the Berlin wall. "Mom, she always complained to me about not wearing a seatbelt, well, this time, that saved me. I was able to get out quickly as the car filled up with freezing water."

His eyes were glossy with tears that wanted to come but he prevented it. I cupped my hands to his cheeks and pulled him close. I just wanted him to feel complete because, at this moment, he looked so broken.

"When I swam to the shore, I realized that mom wasn't with me. I tried to get back into the water to save her, but I passed out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital, alone. Both my dad and brother were too hurt to be with me. I had to find out the hard way that I was the only one that survived." His voice cracked as he wiped his nose. "Things changed for all of us that night. My dad became a dick, he tried so hard not to let anyone in, and my brother started working too much, shutting his feelings away."

As his words sunk in, I was speechless. I couldn't imagine what he went through. I wish I could do more, relate more, say more, but there was nothing I could say to this. I couldn't relate. But at least I could be here, with him. "I'm so sorry Callum."

He nodded as he let out a shaky breath as he tried to pull himself together. "At that moment, I not only lost my mother, but I lost what family I had." He said as he turned his face from me. He started to walk deeper into the woods again.

"Losing someone, it's hard to fill the gap that they leave," I said as I thought about my uncle that died a few years ago. I remembered my dad stating that it was like a black hole, sucking everything into it, it could overtake someone if they weren't careful. I didn't quite understand it, and I still didn't, but I could see that something took over Callum's family after his mother died.

He nodded. "I miss her even though she died three years ago today, it feels like she just left yesterday."

And suddenly it made sense why he had been so distant. He had been hurting and I didn't even notice. I felt terrible. I should have seen that something was bothering him.

He had never told me something so personal before. I clung to his words as if they would vanish into the air, never to return. Almost instantly, I felt like I understood another side to his diamond self. This was another reason why he didn't keep anyone close. I understood that he used his cool personality to keep people at arm's length. For one of the first times I think I actually saw Callum Weeks.