Look out for the <>!

Callum wrapped his arm around me as I talked to Cami during lunch two weeks later. I leaned into him as Cami smiled at me. She may have not had an opinion of him before we started dating, but now that she knew him, she liked him and liked us together. Probably more than most of the boys I had dated before.

"So please, tell me, you two are coming to my concert tomorrow night," Callum said as he picked up his sandwich. He was excited. I could see his eyes glitter as he talked about it. He often wasn't excited, but when he was, it was clear. This band of his meant a lot to him. It was his passion, and I knew a thing or two about passions.

"Wouldn't miss it."

At that moment, Quinn, Tom, and the rest of the skaters came to the table. Callum looked at them uncomfortably for a second and suddenly, his chipper attitude changed into something more somber, hinting he wanted to leave. He had told me before that he didn't like the skating crowd, so he kept his distance when I was around them. But today was the first day he decided to have lunch with the rest of the skating group.

Thanksgiving passed in a blur and now Christmas decorations were everywhere, since Christmas was only about three weeks away which meant that Nationals was around the corner with it being the last week of January.

As time passed, Callum and I spent more time with each other. By now Paulo knew we were dating. He hated it, constantly warning me that Callum was dangerous and not to be trusted, but I didn't see that from him. Callum Weeks did have his secrets but he was kind and treated me with respect. He cared about me and I could see that every time I called his name.

"Callum right?" Tom asked as he sat down next to him. "I saw your concert a few weeks ago. That was probably the best concert I've been to in a while."

Callum smiled lightly. "Thank you."

Tom nodded. "So, I heard you are writing an episode like articles about my gurl," he said and looked at me. "They better be as good as your performances."

"They will be. After all, Ellis is probably the most gifted person I have ever interviewed," he said and kissed my temple.

I blushed as I melted under his touch. He made me happy. And after all the drama with me health, I needed him as a distraction. I probably relied on him a little too much, but I was reaching for anything that didn't remind me I had cancer.

"You guys are so cute! OMG, I'm going to vomit with the cuteness," Quinn exclaimed, then instantly covered her mouth, giving me a look of pity. "Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you."

I tried to look upset, knowing I had to keep my eating disorder act up. I was constantly having to cover why I was always at the hospital. It was just easier to say that therapy was forcing me to change my normal schedule since I didn't want to tell them about the thyroid cancer. I didn't need them to see me any differently than they already did and it was better to keep up the old lie I first made. "It's ok," I said as the bell rang.

I remembered the last hospital test I did a few days ago. Doctor Wells talked to my mother and father in the room's corner with hushed voices, carefully looking at me as if I would break. I didn't want my friends to look at me like that.

I yawned as I packed up the lunch that I barely touched. Between school, skating, and treatments at the hospital, it was taking a toll on me. I was a terrible juggler, always making the balls drop every time I threw one into the air. However, I tried my best to cover it. Blaming the bags under my eyes for studying too hard and the hard falls on the ice as not eating enough. I took with a smile, trying to convince everyone that I was fine. But behind closed doors, I found myself sleeping more and working less on practically everything.

Callum stood up instantly, already wanting to leave, showing that he hated this lunch experience. He looked at me and offered his hand and I took it, then together we walked out to the hall until our group of friends were far from us. In silence, he pulled me into a small deserted hall and looked into my eyes. He brushed some of my hair from my face and kissed me.

I kissed him back but then pulled out, knowing that I didn't want to be caught in a full-blown make-out session in the school hallway. He pulled me closer to him as his lips hovered over my neck, wanting me to distract him for whatever reason. "Why do you not like the skating group? I'm not mad, I just want to understand," I asked him.

He bit his lip as he mulled over what he wanted to say. "They're too fake. I can see through them. Like, Quinn, she said that vomit thing on purpose. She wanted to set you off. And Tom, he didn't see my concert. I'm the one that keeps the books. I would have seen his name on the list. Sometimes, all of them are too much to handle. But you know me and people."

I nodded with a small smile. I did know. Callum had very few friends for a number of reasons. His father was one reason. But another reason was that he couldn't stand keeping up appearances when he knew they were to leave him anyway.

"You think she said that purposely?" I knew Quinn, and I had a rocky relationship, but I thought she was there for me in the long run.

Callum nodded. There was a surety in his eyes that made me want to believe him. "What I want to understand is why you or Cami never turned out like them?"

"I had my brothers to keep me in order. They would beat me until I started acting like myself again." I remembered when I was in middle school and for a period, I started to act like everyone else at the rink. "I also think it helped to move here and to have a fresh start."

"I thank God every day that your parents moved to the Portland area."

I smiled as I felt light-headed. I leaned back into the wall for support, breaking our connection as I felt my body ache.

Callum looked around to make sure the hall was empty. By now, he understood why I wanted to keep my health a secret. He understood it would be dangerous for me and my claim for Nationals. "How are treatments going?" he whispered.

I shrugged as I closed my eyes, not wanting to talk about how the treatments weren't working. I didn't want to talk about how they made me feel so sick or had zero energy.

The cold brick wall felt good on my hot cheek. As instantly as it came on, I felt like a ton of bricks hit me and now all I wanted to do was call it quits and sleep. But I couldn't, I still had classes then skating in the evening. With Nationals almost a month and a half away, I knew I didn't have time to stop and take a break.

"You're wearing yourself down," he stated as he cupped my cheek with his strong, rough, warm hand. I leaned into it, welcoming his touch.

As much as that was the truth, he knew I didn't have another option. My life had become a game of musical chairs, rushing to the next chair, only to sit and wait until the music turned on again. "I have little choice," I said as a teacher walked into the hall.

The teacher shot us a look as if we just messed up his day. "Hey, you two, get to your next class," He said, ruining our moment.

Saying nothing more, we both nodded, and with the best fake preference I could give, I took my book bag and walked to my next class.

The last periods of classes flew by and all too quickly, I found myself standing in the middle of the ice rink with skates tied to my tired feet. I looked at Kris and gave a nod, even though I couldn't remember what she said to me.

I took a deep breath as I tried to catch it after the long program I just completed. It was decent enough, but I wanted to run it again. She didn't want to though because she could see I was tired. Before all of these hospital trips, she used to make me run these programs back to back, pushing me until I wanted to vomit. But now I was the one pushing her. For the first time, I was the one that wanted to skate my programs back to back.

Kris looked hesitantly at me, not wanting to play it the second time.

But that look she gave me made me want to yell at her. How was I going to do well at Nationals if she would not push me? "Pucking play it, Kris," I shouted as I set up my opening position.

The whole rink stopped to look at us, but I didn't give heed to them. By now, they knew something between us was happening. Our relationship was deteriorating as fast as my health. Instead of acknowledging the truth, I pretended I didn't notice their staring eyes.

The music started, and I moved my feet to the music. I set up for the first jump and popped it. I frowned but didn't dwell on the fact, knowing I would get the next one. I set up for the next jump combination and pushed off the ice, but before I felt my skates touch the ice, my butt did first.

The music stopped, and I shot Kris a look. I wasn't done. I was going to get up and do the rest of the program like a true skater. Giving up wasn't in my nature, she knew that.

As if reading my mind Kris spoke up. "We're done. Get off the ice," her face said she wouldn't budge on this.

The time on the wall in big red digital numbers told me I had another 20 more minutes. I pushed myself off the ice and brushed my butt as I looked at her. I was standing my ground. I would not get off until I was done.

<>

"Hell, Ellis, get off the pucking ice," Kris shouted at me as she pointed at the lobby with a gloved hand. Her short brown hair pulled back into a ponytail was falling out as she shook her head.

All the skaters staring at me and by now we were making a scene. I rubbed my tired eyes. I was exhausted and still had a test to study for tomorrow. Maybe Kris was right. I had to get off the ice. Saying nothing, I turned myself to the door and skated off.

I stormed up to the plastic beat up benches where my things were and ripped off the wet gloves from my hands as if they were burning me. I hated the way Kris treated me. Before she showed no mercy, but now, that was all she could do. I was not a pity case. I was going to nationals still, I just had a bit more to work on.

"Ellis?" a voice rang out.

I looked up at Garret and held my tongue. It was not a good time to talk to me since I was not in the mood to deal with his crap. But it had been a while since I saw him. He had been avoiding me. And honestly, I had been avoiding him too. I think that was the best option for us.

"Hey," he said simply, as if we talked all the time.

I was already in a poor mood. I wasn't about to start a conversation like we were friends.

"So, Christmas is coming up, and I wanted to give you this before I went out of town with my parents." He handed me a little wrapped gift.

I took it with slight confusion as my tension instantly eased slightly like a piano cord right after it was played, numbing my anger with its radiating sounds.

Suddenly Garret's name was called out. We both looked at his team who were waiting for him to join them, wanting him to leave me. The hockey players were over making a bond, just like Garret and I.

He shot them a look, then sighed as if he had more to say without his team looking over us. "Merry Christmas, El." He then ran off to join his team.

I looked at the box in my hand and shook it lightly. Whatever was in it rattled. Why would Garret give me a gift? We hadn't talked in weeks; we weren't dating. So what purpose did he have in giving something to me?

"Was that Garret?" Cami asked as she sat down beside me, taking off her gloves to show her red cracked dry hands. Winter was always rough on the skin, but skating made it worse. Even with lotion, we all had cracked hands from the laces we tied and the ice we touched. She shook her hands slightly then sat on them to warm them up.

"He gave me this." I showed her the box.

"He gave you a gift?" she asked in amazement.

I nodded. I was just as confused as she was.

"Well, open it, let's see."

I opened it and pulled out an ice skate Christmas ornament. I smiled slightly as it sparkled in the bright lights of the rink. When I first moved here to Portland, Garret and I were best friends. In a short time, he knew everything about me. He even knew I had an obsession with ornaments. He hadn't forgotten.

"That's beautiful," Cami said with little emotion as she took off her skates, clearly disappointed with it.

But I wasn't. I was amazed that he went out of his way to do this. I wondered if he really wanted to be friends, if so maybe this was a peace offering. But what he did to me, I don't think I was ready to forgive.

"I can take you home today if you want and then to the concert tomorrow," Cami asked as she put her skates in her bag. She wiggled her eyebrows with a smile. "It's about dang time I get to use my license for something fun."

I laughed as I finished taking off my skates with as much energy as I could muster. I was running on empty, but there was still so much to do today.

"El, are you ok?" she asked with concern as she put her hand over mine.

I nodded with a small forced smile, brushing off her worry like the ice stuck to my blades. "I'm way ok." As I reached for my small hand towel to dry off my blades, I sliced my thumb with my blade instead. I looked at the blood that oozed from my finger. By now, I was used to blood. Needles were becoming something normal.

"Don't worry! I'll get you a band-aid El, just don't look at it." Cami quickly rummaged through her bag to get a Band-Aid and pulled it out but stopped as she looked at me. "Did you conquer your fear of blood recently?"

I gave a small nod, not sure how I could cover this. "I'm working on it," I said and took the band-aid from her and slapped it on my thumb, then quickly put my skates in the bag.

Cami nodded and together we walked out of the rink and to her small car that was at one point, her mothers. In the process, we ran into Kris, who smiled at Cami but looked at me as if she was assessing my body. I shifted my weight in silence, feeling uncomfortable with the way she looked at me.

As we got into the car Cami turned to me and asked, "what is going on between you and Kris?"

I knew this question was bond to come up, but I didn't want to talk about it. If Cami knew what was going on between us, she would know that I wasn't battling an eating disorder but another beast altogether. "She's worried I'm pushing myself too hard."

"I think you are," she stated as she turned the car on.

Her honesty hurt like a slap to the face. I thought I held myself together well enough to hide it.

"Kris has a right to be worried. You've been looking like a shell of yourself recently. I've been worried too."

I forced a smile at her to calm her nerves. "I'm ok Cami. Promise. I've been working hard to break this disorder."

She nodded as she left the parking lot.