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Chapter 15: Haven't Felt For A While

Hello again! It turns out that I have been writing like a mad woman (Maybe because I have a lot of free time in the evenings now). Anyhow, the ideas just keep coming to me. So celebrate, I decided to post more often, 2-3 times a week or as many times as I have time for. 

Keep out for the <> to know when you listen to the song! Enjoy!

"Can you stand?" Callum asked as he offered his hand to me.

From the cold ice, I looked at him with fuzzy eyes. "I don't think so." I looked at my fawn legs as I tried to push up from the ice, but I didn't move. My words slur together in my mouth sounding like running water as I felt my body slow down.

He nodded in silence as dad ran up to us, almost falling as he tried to stop.

"Dad, I'm sorry," I said as tears came to my eyes, knowing I messed up. I shouldn't have been out this long and I shouldn't have run away. How stupid was I? I might have caused more damage, and that thought scared the hell out of me. "I didn't mean to."

Dad held my cheeks with worry in his eyes as he looked at me from head to toe, quickly assessing any damage then said, "Shhh, El." He picked me up from the ice then carried me to the car with strength that I never knew he had.

"I just wanted to take something back," I said to him, wanting him to know why I did it. Then maybe if he did, he wouldn't be as mad.

He nodded as he placed me in the back seat of the car. "You're so cold. I think you're getting hypothermia," dad said, mainly to himself, as he jumped into the front seat of the car to start it up.

Quietly, Callum slid in right beside me and wrapped his arm around me as if it didn't belong anywhere else. We did not invite him to come, but he didn't need to be invited. He found me and deserved a trip to see me through. Silently, he rubbed my arm as if that would help me warm up.

I leaned into Callum as I let hot tears roll down my face. My limbs were on fire as I sat in the warmish car. "I'm so sorry," I said again, realizing now that what I did was stupid. I wasn't thinking, and I wanted to take it back. Why did I leave?

"Ellis, ssshhh, it's ok," dad said as he drove away. "Weeks, there are blankets in the back, put them over her."

Callum nodded, then put a stack of blankets over me as I snuggled into him and closed my eyes. I just wanted all of this to be a dream. Running off wasn't like me. I was the angle in the family. I was the one that always listened, that followed commands. Running off was something that Paulo would do, but not me. I made everyone worry when they already had so much to worry about and that was selfish.

When I finally opened my eyes, I saw Callum watching over me with eyes that were tired but alert. I looked around and saw that I was in the hospital room before I went on my little adventure and, for a second; I wondered if what happened at the rink was a dream.

By the time Callum found me, it became all fuzzy. I barely remembered what I said to him so maybe it didn't happen. If so, I was grateful because I feared I said a little too much to him. I didn't know him, so I had to be careful. Paulo told me to be careful.

My eyes drifted to his fur-lined coat draped over the edge of my bed as if he tossed it there hastily. I remembered him putting that over me at the rink. I remembered him and I looking at the stars that shined over us in the night sky and how we talked. He was terrified of the ice; he didn't want to come to get me, but he did. I was worth more than his fear of ice and that brought some comfort to me.

And like a snap of the fingers, it all came back to me. I did say too much to him. I shared more then I wanted him to hear and now he knew so much. The thought caused me to gasp in panic. What was I thinking?

"Hey," Callum said softly as he inched closer to the bed. "Your parents went to get some coffee. They'll be back soon." His normally slicked back hair was messy and laying all over his head and some pieces were tucked behind his ear. He looked tired but happy to be here at the same time. I wondered how long he had been here.

I looked out the window and saw that it was still dark, causing me to wonder how long I was actually outside. I thought I was out there all night long, but maybe I was wrong. By the looks of it, it had to be early morning now. But one thing was for sure, visiting hours were over, so I didn't understand how he was here. "How are you here still?" I asked in a soft but rough voice.

He gave me a sly smile. "I bribed my way in."

And I believed him. I did not know Callum Weeks well, but what I did know thus far was that he was smooth, knowing how to handle people and he was good at reading situations and playing them to his advantage. He had more street smarts than most people in Portland, that was for sure. So when he said he bribed his way in, I was sure he did, I just didn't know what he gave to stay.

<>

There was silence for a second as I thought about what happened between us. What he saw and heard at the rink, he needed to block from his memory. That was not me. I was not together, confident, or brave. At that moment, I was scared, irrational, and emotional and I didn't want him to think of me like that. Most importantly, I didn't want him sharing my emotional meltdown with others. "Callum?"

His green eyes sparkled as I said his name. "Yes?" He inched even closer to the bed, waiting for me to speak.

"What you saw at the rink and what we talked about... can we just forget about all of it?" I wanted him to blank out the last few hours.

He frowned and for a moment he looked torn as silence filled the room, setting me on edge. "I'm going to say no," he finally said.

I frowned back at him, not liking the response. I knew I said too much to him. I knew I should have listened to Paulo. He was going to write about me and publish the article next; I was sure of it.

He held up his finger, stopping my thought. "Because." He continued, "the time we shared was special. I don't want to forget it because, at that moment, we shared this raw bond that I haven't felt in a long time. For a moment, it was real, emotional. It made me feel alive and those moments I crave."

I couldn't deny that. At that rink, there was something special about it. "But please don't talk about what we talked about. I can't let anyone know what I'm dealing with."

"Of course. I promise I won't say a word. Those aren't my secrets to share," he replied as if it was a fact. He pulled his phone out and shook his head, not liking what it said. "I have to go." He stood up from his chair with a heavy sigh.

I nodded, although I wanted him to stay, so I wasn't alone in this dark, strange room. "Ok," I said with longing in my rough voice. I wondered where he had to go to at this early hour in the morning and who was texting him. Something told me not to ask because he wouldn't answer me. It was clear Callum was full of secrets and those secrets he kept hidden from the world. I don't think I would even know them.

He slipped on his fur-lined coat and zipped it. "I'll see you around, Ellis," he said coolly, then walked out of the room without another room.

Minutes later, my parents came into the room with tired looks on their faces and cups of coffee in their hands. They looked like they hadn't slept all night. Dad wore the longest face out of both of them.

I had seen that look before from him but never directed at me. There would be some kind of lecture, but I don't think I would be ready for it. What I did was not like me. It was stupid and reckless; I knew that but I couldn't explain fully why I did it, it just happened. But what was done was done, and all we could do now was move on. At least that was what I wanted to be done.

Dad put his coffee on a side table and looked at me as he mulled over his words. I braced myself, waiting for the storm that would follow. "What the hell were you thinking, Ellis?" dad said, too tired to have any force behind his words. "It was a miracle that we found you. Without the Weeks' kid, we wouldn't have found you in the time we did."

I didn't like the way my dad talked about Callum. It was like he didn't approve of him. He made Callum sound like a stranger, but the thing was, he was the one that found me first. He knew me enough to go there, no one else but him. "He does have a name," I said.

"Who?" dad asked and stopped to think.

"The Weeks' kid. His name's Callum."

He nodded then sighed. His body relaxed as he looked at me. "El, what you did was irresponsible."

I knew that, and I was sorry.

Dad paced the room again, finding more energy behind his words. "And I thought I only had to deal with stunts like that from your brothers. Doing that is not like you," dad said as he went back to scolding me.

I shirked into the bed I was laying in. I couldn't remember the last time dad scolded me on anything. He was right; that wasn't like me. But right now, I didn't feel like myself. I felt like a by-standard in this story and someone else was calling the shots. "I'm sorry." And I actually meant it.

His worry replaced with anger as his eyes bore into my soul. He was furious at me. "What went through your mind that made you think it was smart to walk miles in the cold to the nearest ice rink? Hu?"

I felt my eyes well up with tears again, not liking to see him like this. But he was right, what was I thinking. "It was selfish. But I just wanted to get back to the rink."

"Maldit, it was more than just selfish," dad swore in Portuguese, but he never swore. This showed he was more than just furious at me.

"Rafa, enough," mom said as she looked at me. "I think she got the clue."

I wiped my eyes to clear the tears in silence. I was a disappointment. I didn't know what else to say; I don't think there was anything else left to say. I was sorry for doing it and I wouldn't want to do something like that again. Couldn't they see that? I think mom could, but dad, I wasn't sure.

Mom leaned back in her chair, yawning, and for a second, we were all quiet. Dad sat down in another chair as he looked out the window in thought. They both looked too tired to stay awake any longer. "El, we're going to go home now. We need to sleep at least a little before we come back. We expect you to stay in this room. Can we trust you?" mom asked softly.

I nodded. "Yes. I'll stay." I had enough drama for the day. As much as I hated being here, I rather not bring more drama into my parent's lives.

"Ok." She stood up from her chair and kissed my forehead softly. "I love you, Ellis."

"I know. I love you too."

Dad looked upset about the whole situation, but he was probably more upset at himself than anything. He knew he said too much to me and he regretted it. "We were just so worried about you."

"I know."

"Ok, we'll see you in a few hours," mom said as she waved to me.

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