Song for the start of the chapter!

I woke up startled. Silently, I looked around the clinical room as I worried that this wasn't my hotel room. Panic took hold when I realized I was in a hospital room instead. I had been to enough of these to know, however; I had never been the one in the bed since it was always Paulo.

Questions floated around my head like clouds as I wondered how I got here. I thought back to my long program. Something wasn't right about it and in the end, I was about to get off... and then... I must have passed out in front of everyone. All eyes would have seen me and that thought caused me to worry even more.

After avoiding being the gossip for so long, but it finally caught up to me as I finally would be the gossip. I needed to get out of here. I needed to get back to the rink to do damage control and make those people believe I was fine because I was. All I did was passed out and there could have been several reasons for that.

I looked at the IV in my arm, finding that this was all an overreaction since I was fine. As I reached for it, wanting to take it out, but a voice stopped me.

"El?" I looked over and saw Kris standing at the door with a face full of concern. I had never seen her look so worried before and it added concern to me, fearing she knew something that I didn't.

"Some finish, hu?" I asked, referring to the skate, trying to lighten the mood. Paulo was always so good at joking about serious things and it was times like this when I wish I was like Paulo.

Kris nodded but did not smile as she walked over and sat down in an empty chair beside my bed. "You qualified for Nationals."

I raised my eyebrows in amazement as a smile played across my face. After that hell of a long program? My short must have helped. Excitement filled me as her words sank in. I actually did it. After all that hard work, my dreams were finally starting to come true. I pushed myself up into a sitting position as if that would make me more alert, but it made me feel sick. "What? Really? We need to prepare," I said to her with eagerness, fighting the sick feeling away.

She sighed in silence, and that silence was deafening. There was a heaviness that she carried into this room that set me on edge. "We'll talk about that later," she finally said, but that was enough of an answer for me.

Something happened to me out there on the ice. They were afraid for me. And now not only did I have to do damage control at the rink, I would have to do it in my own home. I felt my eyes well up with tears. With no solid answers, I could only imagine the worse ideas.

Breaking me from my thoughts was the sound of mom's voice. "Oh my goodness, El." Mom said as she walked into the room. Her hair was a mess, and it looked like she had been crying. But this scared me the most, since she never cried. She was the one calmest in situations like this.

My breath caught in my throat. Seeing mom like this really set me on edge confirming that something was truly wrong. "Hi mom," I said to her, unsure what else to say.

Without wasting a moment, she ran out into the hall and called, "Rafa, Rafa, she's up."

I rested my head against the lumpy pillow as I tried to come up with something positive to think about. My mind quickly went back to the words of Kris. Nationals. I was going to Nationals. And dad saw my performance. I just hoped that he was proud. "So dad did come. I wasn't crazy."

Mom nodded as she sat in another empty chair. "Just in time to see your long program."

But that wasn't the truth since I saw him during my practice the day before. I talked to him. He told me to skate. He was there. Why was he lying to mom? Instead of bringing that up, I changed the topic. "So, that was one heck of a performance."

She nodded, but didn't smile at my joke. Out of all the times my brothers made a trip here, she was always the one that kept it together. She laughed at Paulo's jokes as he got stitches or got a cast, but me, she was silent. She was the rock and handled all the trips with ease, but she looked like she was falling to pieces right now. "Do you remember what happened?" 

At that moment, dad walked in, looking sleep deprived but aware at the same time. "El," he said to me.

I smiled at him, just happy that he was here. "I missed you," I said, thinking that I last saw him over two weeks ago.

He sat down at the foot of the bed. "I missed you too," he said and brushed some of my frizzy skating hair behind my ear. "How do you feel? You scared all of us a good one."

I was about to speak until my brothers walked in, both sipping on sodas, drawing attention to them instead of me. But this time, I was grateful for the shift in attention. They stopped and looked at me in silence, allowing room for me to say something and once again, attention shifted back towards me. "I feel good. When can I leave?" I asked, already wanting to get out of here.

"I swear, that was my favorite performance you gave thus far, El," Paulo said with a small chuckle.

Mom threw him a look, but I laughed. At least someone was making jokes here. "Right? I was going to a big bang, something that the judges wouldn't forget about."

"You surely got that," Paulo said and burped. He wiped his mouth, then tossed his bottle into the trash can across the room in one fluid throw.

"You're so gross," I said as I rolled my eyes at him, then shifted my gaze towards Jaimie, who was quietly staring my way. We met eyes, but he didn't look away as he continued to stare, trying to read my mind. He was worried, but he tried not to show it. He was always the more serious one out of the family. "Come on Jaimie, I am fine. Don't worry like that."

He nodded but still his face remained the same, not believing me.

"We can get you out of here today. They want you to be moved to your home hospital for some more tests. We already have appointments set up for tomorrow," dad said to me.

I had other plans for tomorrow, but I guess I didn't have a say in this. "Sure."

Happy with the conversation, he smiled lightly, then stood up from the end of the bed and turned to mom. "Eliza, let's sign the paperwork."

She cupped my cheek, kissing my forehead like I was a child. "I'll be back." She then left the room with my father.

Kris sighed as she stood up from her chair, tapping her fingers on her thigh as she looked at me. She wanted to say more, but something was holding her back. "I have to get going, too. I will see you back in Portland."

"See you there. And, wait, Kris, please, don't talk about this with anyone," I begged her, knowing that I needed to appear well if I was going to nationals. No one needed to know the details about why I passed out. Honestly, I didn't even want to know the details and I rather stay that way since it was easier to be blissfully unaware.

She nodded as she threw on small smile my way then said, "of course. Great skate again, I'm proud of you." And with that, she left the room.

As soon as Kris was out of sight, Paulo sat down in her spot and handed me my phone. "Here you go. It's been blowing up." He said as he leaned back in the chair and put his snow boot covered feet on my bed.

I eyed him, trying to read him, finding that he was the only person here taking this whole thing casually. I found it refreshing, but odd at the same time. It caused me to wonder why he wasn't nervous when everyone else was.

I took my phone and saw that I had at least ten messages from Cami. She probably saw that ending I gave, and it caused me to frown since I didn't know what to say to her. As I sorted through the texts, I noticed that there was one text from Garret asking about the place I got in my long. I gave a sigh, knowing I could start with that, so I quickly responded with a quick answer and put my phone down.

"Paulo, take your shoes off that bed," Jaimie said in a tone that demanded authority.

Paulo eyed him, not enjoying being bossed around by his family, especially not Jaimie. Instantly his lofty attitude tensed and shifted towards a posture that said, 'fight me'.

I sighed at them. They always fought because they had such unique personalities, but right now, they were acting more childlike than normal. "Jaimie, it's not a big deal," I said to him to get him to back down before they threw verbal punches in this room.

Jaimie frowned at me in silence, although his eyes told me that I would snap in a second.

I turned my head from him, not willing to look at him any longer. "Stop looking at me like that," I mumbled as my eyes welled up with tears.

"You didn't see yourself on that ice. But I did. I'm worried about you," he said.

Yes, but Paulo saw the same thing, and he wasn't acting like this. I looked at Jaimie again. "What did you see?"

His frown deepened as he thought about it. "You did that last jump, but you were completely white. I have seen you skate time and time again and I knew something wasn't right. When you fell on the ice. The crowd cried out, but you stayed still. Kris jumped onto the ice and tried to shake you awake but you didn't move. Mom was horrified. She's normally so fast when things like this happen, but for you, she froze for a minute."

I nodded as I listened to his words.

"She finally moved down to the ice with dad on her heels. She was crying out to you, but nothing happened. By the time the ambulance came, the color returned to your face, but you were still out. We're still trying to understand why it happened."

But the thing was, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know why it happened. It was easier to brush it off than address it. "I think I was a little too stressed and tired. Maybe I didn't eat enough today."

He nodded but his eyes said otherwise.

I gave a tired sigh. "I'm ok, Jaimie, look at me, I'm ok." I reached out to his hand and gave it a squeeze. He held onto it as if I might fade at any second. "I'm fine," I said as I tried to convince myself of the same thing.

He nodded.

At that moment, my phone rang. I looked to see that it was Garret. I frowned, not ready to talk to anyone outside this room just yet. But he would be waiting for me to answer. "Hiya," I said into the phone as I answered it. I tried to sound as normal as I could but I knew I sounded different.

"Hey, El! How was it?" Garret's voice rang out on the phone.

I thought about the day I had. "It was eventful."

"That's how competitions should be, right? They're always eventful. Anyhow, how did you place?"

"I'm going to nationals," I said with less excitement than I wanted to have.

"Wow. El, dang, I wish I could have been here to see it."

I'm glad he wasn't. I was glad he had a hockey tournament this same weekend. "Yeah, that would have been great," I said as my voice dropped.

There was silence as I thought about what else to say to him, since my mind was drawing a blank. "But you had that big game. How was that?" I asked, hoping to talk about anything besides myself for the first time in a while.

He gave a tired sigh. "Ah, well, we lost, but you know, we will get them next time."

"There you go! That's the way to look at it," I said with a smirk.

"So when are you coming back to Portland? I miss you."

I felt my cheeks blush at his words. "Tomorrow. But I'll let you know when we can hang out."

"Great. See you then."

Breaking us from our conversation was when my parents walked back in with tired faces. "Hey Garret, I have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" I said to him.

"Say no more! Go celebrate. When you get back, we can celebrate together."

I nodded. If only he knew. But he would never. No one would. Why I fainted would not leave the hospital. As much as the world was concerned, I was fine. I had to be. "Can't wait. See you later." I said to him then hung up the phone, turning my attention to my parents with a smile. "So, are we ready?"

"Yeah, we need to get you back home."