Hiya! Enjoy this chapter! The song for this chapter is Ellis' long program music.

I took a seat on the hard plastic bench in the locker room and shivered, thinking about how I had been so cold recently and couldn't warm myself up. I took out my jump rope and willed myself to stand up from the bench even though I lacked motivation to even move from the bench I was sitting on. Even with a full night's sleep and the competition hours away, I felt tired and worn out.

Breaking me from my thoughts was a voice that I knew too well. "Somehow I knew you would be in this locker room," Cami said with a smile as she rolled her skate suitcase behind her.

I smiled at Cami, who was already dressed in a blue bedazzled skating dress. Seeing her reminded me of her program from the night before. It could have been better, but it could have been a lot worse. "That was a good short program you did yesterday, Cami."

She sat next to me and said, "the program was a little shaky."

I knew that, but it wasn't like she fell or made any major mistakes. "But you're going to take that and learn from it. You're going to kick some ice for your long program today."

"Could you tell I was shaky?"

"I could tell. But you have to remember that I skate with you all the time. I know you better than any of those judges. You need to relax. You've done that program like a million times, so there's nothing to be afraid of."

She nodded, and for a moment, there was silence. "My dad isn't here," Cami said finally with despair in her voice. "He was too drunk the day we left to join us. And my mom isn't here to watch me today because she has some big meeting to go to."

I saw the pain in her eyes making me realize that just like me, she just wanted to be noted. She trained so hard and she wanted to be seen for that. But I saw her, I knew how it felt to be over look. Maybe not to the extent she went through, but at least I could relate just a little. I wrapped my arm around her and squeezed in silence. She didn't need to be told that everything was fine, she just wanted to feel important, and she was, to me.

"I'm so tired of being ignored, by everyone. I'm constantly being overlooked and I just want people to see me for me," Cami said with emotion as her eyes welled up with tears.

Most times, I couldn't quite understand her predicament. I had both parents present; I had a mother that would do anything for me. But I did feel like my brothers overshadowed me and with my dad often not around to help mom out, I just felt a little forgotten. I knew I was loved and that my parents would move mountains for me, but it was hard to grab attention when my parents were already so busy with their lives and Paulo's and Jaimie's. "I'm sorry. You know, I don't think my dad saw my short program, either. I'm not sure if he'll even come today."

Cami wiped her eyes and took a deep breath to cool herself down, knowing she had to pull herself together. She couldn't let others see her as weak, they would use that against her. We were in the open ocean here and there were sharks everywhere. "What would I do without you, El?"

I shrugged with a slight smile. "I don't know honestly." My phone buzzed, causing me to pull away from Cami to look at the time. Panic shot through me like lightning as I realized I had only 25 minutes to warm up. I thought I had more time, but I couldn't waste any more of it. "I got to go and warm up. Talk to you later."

"Of course. I'll be watching your program like a hawk. Remember, I'll be cheering the loudest," Cami said with a smile as I walked out of the locker room with a jump rope in hand.

I quickly found a silent place to jump rope and started off slow, jumping to a catchy song I had playing over my phone. Before long, I was jumping at a quick pace. After ten minutes, I knew I had enough time to stretch then get my skates on.

"Hey El, I forgot to say, good job on your short yesterday," Taylor said as she walked up to me with a slight frown.

I looked at her polished appearance from head to toe. Nothing, not even her hair, was out of place, confirming to me she was faking it a little too hard. She still wanted people to believe that she had this in the bag even though she placed 5th yesterday. "Thanks. You did a good job too," I lied.

Taylor shrugged as she leaned on the painted white brick wall. "Yeah, but we all know that I give the best long program. I have a new combination with an arm variation that I land all the time. It looks beautiful," she said, then looked at the time on her phone. "Anyhow, I already warmed up and I'm going to get my skates on. I'll see you out there," she waved me off, then walked away.

I shook my head as she walked away. She was trying so hard to get into my head, but she didn't know that I had two older brothers who taught me to have thick skin. They taught me first hand not to pay attention to mind games.

I stood up from the ground and felt slightly sick to my stomach as nerves got to me again. I pushed my terrible feelings to the back of my mind, convinced that after my long, I would be back to feeling like myself again.

With my jump rope in hand, I walked back to the locker room to get my skates on. I felt my phone buzz and without looking at who was calling, I answered it. "Hey El," Garret's voice rang out on the other end.

I smiled as if he could see it. "Hey."

"I wanted to wish you luck on your long program. I know you'll do well."

I walked into the locker room and got my skates out. "Thank you."

There was silence as I heard people talking to Garret in the background. He was with his friends and he wouldn't give me any more attention than this. "Hey, I got to go, my team's waiting on me for practice."

I nodded, even though I wished he would stay on longer to help distract me for a second. I was feeling sicker by the moment and I just wanted someone to remind me that everything was ok and that I could do this. "Talk to you later," I said with a frown as I hung up the phone.

A second later my phone rang again, causing me to chuckle, figuring that it was Garret again calling to remind me of something. For a second, I felt like I was the most popular girl in the world, since my phone normally never rang. I answered it with a hello.

"Hey Ellis," Callum's voice replied.

I smiled at the sound of his voice. The way he said my name sounded like a summer breeze, light, warm, and welcoming. Unlike most people, he didn't call me El. He didn't know me well enough to do that. So thus he referred me to Ellis, but I liked that.

It was just another reminder that he was different. He treated me differently than all the other people I surrounded myself with. I wasn't a huge fan of the name Ellis. That was why I went by El, but the way he said it, he made me want my name. "Hey."

"You're competing today, right?"

"Yes," I said as I took out my skates from my bag, putting him on speakerphone as I got myself ready.

"Great. And you skated yesterday?"

"Yup."

"How did it go? I want to hear all about it," he said with a smooth voice that could make any girl swoon.

I smiled. I didn't know Callum well, but one thing I knew was that he was a good listener. As a writer, he had to be, but when I talked to him, I felt like I was the only thing that mattered. Sadness soared within me because as much as I wanted to talk to him, I couldn't. With only minutes left to get ready, I had to focus on my long program. "Callum, I can't really talk. I need to get ready for my next skate," I said with a frown.

"Of course. I get that. We'll talk later. Good luck. But I have a feeling that you don't need it."

I smirked as I laced my skates. "Talk to you then," I said, disappointment hanging on my voice as I ended the call, upset that I was saying goodbye to him. I let out a breath and shook my hands, that felt slightly numb. I had to focus.

Quickly I finished tying my skates, then stood up, feeling the world turn slightly as I did so. I was too nervous, and it was getting to me. I had to keep it together; I had come so far only to choke now. I hugged the wall until my balance returned, then walked out of the locker room to get to the rink.

I was shaking by time I got to the rink with all the other skaters. I shook my hands as if that would help but it didn't. I walked up to Kris with fake confidence that I knew all the other skaters were using. I rubbed my eyes, not able to see clearly. Fear sunk in as I realized that this was not just nerves. Something was wrong with me.

Kris turned to face me with a slight frown. "You're a bit late. The Zamboni's about to get off the ice then it's time for your warm-up."

"Great." Of course, I was late. Tying my skates took longer than expected since it felt like I couldn't get them as tight as I normally did. As I bounced on my boots, I feared that maybe they still weren't as tight as I wanted them to be.

I walked to the boards and gripped onto them as if it would help me to not fall over. I needed to pull myself together. I just needed to skate one more program. Then I could throw up and sleep for a year.

The doors opened, and I stepped on the ice with 10 other girls to warm up. I knew what to do, I planned a five-minute warm-up with Kris, but as I stood on the ice, all my prepared ideas flew from my head. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision as I let out a breath. I needed to relax.

"Ellis, pucking warm-up!" Kris yelled at me.

I looked over at her and nodded. "Got it," I called out to her, then set up for a single axle, landing it easily. I needed to keep on practicing. I looked around me at the skaters who looked like they had it all together. I needed to look like them. I set up for a double flip and landed it with a smile as my vision cleared. Maybe it was just nerves.

Quickly, I fell back into my normal self as I set up for my combination jump, landing it with shaky legs. I was getting too worked up, and it didn't help that I was the first one to take the ice after this warm up either.

Just as I was able to redo the jump, the buzzer went off, showing that our five minutes were up. I stepped off the ice with a frown, feeling as if I didn't do all that I wanted.

Kris draped a coat around my shoulders, then rubbed my arms. "Take a deep breath," she said as she rubbed my arm. "You can do this."

I nodded, knowing I could. I had trained for almost a full year on this program alone. I could do this since I knew the program like the back of my hand. I knew I could land everything, I knew all my spins were good, and my footwork was easy. I just needed to relax.

"Representing the skating club of Portland Oregon, Ellis da Souza!" the announcer said over the speaker.

I took the coat off my shoulders and got back onto the ice, waving to the crowd as I saw my family. My smile grew as I saw dad sitting next to mom, cheering for me. Finally, he was going to see me skate, and this was for him. I had to give it my all.

<>

I set up for my program and waited for the music to start. Within seconds, my song played, making me move my body gracefully as I set up for a double axle triple loop combination. I landed it and I heard the crowd cheer. I smiled as I set up for a sit spin combination.

As I pulled out of the spin, the sound of the crowd and music were gone, replaced with ringing. I was skating in silence. Fear took hold, knowing I couldn't stop. I only had one chance at this and I knew this program well enough to skate without music. I moved my feet forward, around, and backwards, and I completed the footwork section of the program.

By now I was shaking again. It was deep in my body, making me feel jittery. I just needed to keep it together for two more minutes since I had half of the program left. I set up for a triple loop, but at the last minute made it a double. I landed it, upset that I didn't try harder. I could still hear nothing.

I looked around myself as my vision blurred. I needed to keep it together. I had to finish this program. I just needed to do one more jump and one more spin. I set up for a flying camel and transitioned into a layback.

One more jump.

I pulled out of the spin and skated backwards, although my legs weren't going as fast as I wanted them to. I set up for my last combo, a double lutz double toe loop, and landed it.

I smiled, knowing that I finished. I stopped and ended my program, hoping that I stopped at the right time. I looked around at the crowd as no sound came from them. Convinced I was loosing my mind, I held my ending position for five seconds then dropped my arms.

I was done, and all I wanted to do was get off this ice. I looked around myself but only saw globs of color in the arena. Panic shot through me as my vision got worse by the second. Crisp images were molding into lumpy shapes. I shook my head to clear my vision, but it didn't work.

I just had to catch my breath. If I could sit down, everything would be better. I took a step forward and tripped on my toe pick, feeling knee hit the ice with force, causing me to cringe as pain radiated up my body. I heard the crowd gasp, then suddenly, all I saw was blackness.