RETURNING TO L.A. felt like a mid-episode montage—something diverting and fun to release tension and bring viewers down from the high of whatever drama we'd entangled them in. Furthermore, Calabasas, in comparison to the persistent, windy buzz of Las Vegas, could be considered a well-deserved retreat. A place sequestered from the rest of civilization. A place to reflect, to unwind.

I had zero plans post-Vegas. My final moments were spent eating expensive hotel food, watching more episodes of Glen in Heels, and cuddling the boy I loved. I didn't want to leave our room, much less come back home to the watchful glare of lenses and people neck-deep in celebrity culture. I didn't want to return to the same room-kitchen-room routine. I had the strange urge to do something wild—book an impulsive flight to Monaco, then go with no suitcase or credit card, get married on a cruise ship en route to a Mediterranean island, skydive in a ball gown, heavy makeup, and six-inch strappy heels, you name it.

I'd sent some videos to Mark to play my role in the show, since I'd been absent for two days, but rather than the usual emails he sent in response to content like that, he'd texted me—just an I can't believe I missed you—and while I put together a response for him in my head, I saw Coco's text, telling me to come straight to her place from the airport.

Robin helped you pack some stuff. Mom will bring anything else you need. I miss you

I'd never felt wanted like that before. Plus, I wasn't quite mentally equipped to go back to my parents'. So I hopped on the invitation and filled Takoda in on my plans.

Now that I stood, nearly crushed in my sister's grip, I felt a shift in the weight that had been pushing down on my chest for a while. It was sweet relief, enough to make me break down right there in her arms. Regardless of the main character camera angled towards us from the end of the foyer.

"You won't believe how quiet L.A. was without you, Cleo," she mumbled as she squeezed me tighter, and despite the fact that it was getting quite uncomfortable, I couldn't remember the last time my sister hugged me like this, so I forced myself to find the warmth in it.

"She's never been away like this before, has she?" Behind me, Takoda sounded very amused, and I could visualize the look on his face, the sure tilt I knew had found one side of his lips by now, the twinkle in his eyes. God, I loved him.

"She hasn't. And now, no thanks to you, I'm wary about her eventually leaving for college."

"That's a little intense," I interjected, and she let out a loud, dramatic sigh, in the vein of a high school villain in an early 2000s teen flick, when she didn't get her way with the love interest.

Coco placed her hands on my shoulders, drawing my attention to the fact that she was shorter than I was with a few inches. I was average at best, so that meant she was leaning more towards petite. It was cute, and she was really beautiful. I wasn't sure if I was viewing everything with a loved-up glaze, but I was going to enjoy it while it lasted. "It felt like you guys went on honeymoon or something, which gross, by the way. No offense. And you're freaking glowing. How can a person glow like this?"

Takoda chuckled, before brushing past me with my bag in hand. I would've been a bashful mess if we'd done anything, but since we didn't, I couldn't place the so-called glow she was talking about. "I missed you too, by the way," he said as he walked around her and into her house. "Thanks for your honesty."

"The fact that you're glowing, too. You two are up to something but—" She raised her hands in surrender. "Welcome back."

"You can be really dramatic sometimes, Coco," I told her with a smile, still stuck in my spot outside her front door.

In response, she rolled her eyes and waved a hand at me, gesturing for me to follow her in as she spun quite elegantly on the balls of her feet. Even from here, I could smell lemon-themed air freshener, and the undertone of a home-cooked meal. She really was taking this cooking thing seriously.

I crashed into one of her big couches and let go of the plastic bag I was holding the moment I could. Then I drew in a breath that had all the knots in my back loosening. Regardless of how much I enjoyed being in Vegas, there was something magical and relieving about coming back home. Even though Takoda and I had to find our way from the airport alone because, apparently, for spending an extra day together, we didn't deserve to be picked up. Coco and my mom had been quick to inform us, and even Robin and May were somehow roped into it. Robin read all five of my texts but didn't respond, and May had been ignoring Takoda's phonecalls since the previous evening.

Apparently, Takoda and I also had some apologizing to do. But what the ladies didn't know was that we were very unbothered by any of it. I was usually anxious about this sort of thing, but maybe I was just too mentally relaxed to accommodate something as tasking as anxiety.

"I smell juicy steak," I said as I buried my face in my elbow and closed my eyes. "Why do I smell juicy steak?"

"Maybe because I cooked it?" The pride in Coco's voice was downplayed by her playful kick to my right leg barely a second later, and I let my body remain limp because I honestly didn't want to move. "It's this kind of fancy dinner recipe I came across online."

"It's two-thirty in the afternoon, Colette."

"Shut up, Takoda. It's called dinner for lunch."

"I think the right term is 'breakfast for dinner'," I interjected as Takoda informed her with a laugh in his voice, "There's no such thing."

Coco paused, long enough for curiosity to nip at me, and I took my arm off my face just in time to watch her point an index finger back and forth between the both of us. Unlike me, Takoda was seated regally in her armchair, his dark hair flopped over his forehead like that of the long-anticipated fictional villain in a dark fantasy series. Beneath the lights, the edges of his jawline mirrored something carved from fine stone, and his eyes clung to mischief.

"I don't like either of you," was the only thing Coco could manage, and it had Takoda releasing a quiet chuckle.

"I thought you were going on that vegetarian diet thing, by the way."

"Leave me alone. Cleo, grab some snacks with me?"

Takoda was laughing long before she was done talking, and even though my sister tried her best to look serious, I still saw the smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth. I didn't think anyone but me could afford to be truly mad at Takoda. One look at his face, and they'd find themselves melting as though under the influence of a spell. I'd built resistance, and even though it failed me most of the time, I'd still built resistance.

I wanted to admire him and his hot villain aura again, but Coco grabbed me by my arms and tugged my limp body off the couch, and I had no choice but to go along with her. Before I could shrug my jacket off and rush after her, she was talking again.

"I got an entire box of Oreos the last time I went shopping, and what I wanna do tonight is eat at least five, and drink apple cider, while dancing to Halsey's Without Me."

"That's quite aggressive breakup energy. Are you okay?"

"I mourn my ex every day, so probably not."

I looked over at Takoda and caught him smoothing hair away from his face, and we both shared a quiet smile before Coco and I disappeared into the hallway.

I grabbed a bottle of almond milk for Takoda, several bottles of water for myself, and one of those disgusting pulpy orange juice things Coco liked so much. The taste of it had been burned into my tongue, even though the last time I had it was over two years ago, and the last thing I wanted to do was relive the trauma. Coco filled her arms with as many cans of Pringles and as many packs of soda crackers as she could, added a small tub of ice cream—with the ice cream scoop she was going to eat it with—all while recounting the most mundane errands she'd run recently. The best I could do was give her a listening ear and try not to get overwhelmed by it.

We ate and drank and talked and laughed for about an hour, the three of us making it to the floor at some point and huddling for a selfie Coco prompted. Then we made our way to the patio for Coco's spicy dinner-lunch—which turned out to be the best meal I'd had in a long time.

Then it was time for Takoda to leave.

We stood in the foyer for a moment, just staring at each other with what I believed were matching smiles on our faces. I didn't want him to leave, and I could imagine he didn't feel like leaving either. Coco peeked at us twice before I gave in with a nervous laugh and took his hand.

"Drive safe," I told him.

"I will. And make sure you have fun, okay? You deserve it."

"I'd probably just sleep the next fifteen hours off if I get the chance."

He chuckled as he took a step closer and maneuvered our hands so he was the one holding me. "Just try to." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead, then on the tip of my nose. Then a small one on my lips that had me tittering like a schoolgirl. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

We still lingered near each other for several heartbeats, hands still joined. I kept my eyes closed and breathed him in, wanting to memorize his smell so it stayed with me long after he left.

Finally, with a lot of willpower, he stepped away from me, and I opened my eyes.

"I'll see you soon, okay? The moment I get free time, I'm all yours."

"Sure. I'm looking forward to it."

He flashed me one last smile before he pulled the door open and stepped out. The moment the door shut behind him, this overwhelming wave of . . . something washed over me, and it was so inescapable that I could only bring myself to lean against the wall. My chest was actually aching, and I didn't know what to do with it.

"He's not dying, you know."

When I turned back to the rest of the house, I saw Coco standing there, a sad smile on her face. I laughed, a little embarrassed at being caught in this state by both her and a camera. I wiped a hand beneath my nose. "Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, my chest just hurts."

"You love him that much, huh?" The gentleness in her voice threw me off guard, and I stared. For a long time, I stared without knowing what to say. Then she stretched a hand in my direction. "Come on, let's go upstairs."

True to her word, Coco had us eating Oreos and dramatically dancing to Halsey, and we were like that for hours. Before I knew it, the crew had left, it was midnight, and her laugh was bouncing off the walls of her bedroom. I was thankful her closest neighbor was several feet away, else we would've been at serious risk of prompting a noise complaint.

She accidentally elbowed me as she dropped like a bag of coals next to me, and I moved a few inches to give her more room. "I feel intoxicated, Cleo."

"You're not," I assured even though there was no need for it.

"The last time I was drunk was at Night Shift. I've been sober as a Labrador since then."

"Same here. Though I'm not sure why I would compare my soberness to that of a Labrador."

Coco chuckled. "You were drunker than all of us combined, Cleo. I thought you'd blacked out or something. You really let yourself go that night."

I let out an unladylike snort. "Yeah." I stared at her ceiling a moment, recalling how much things had changed since then. "I was just . . . dealing."

"In a public bathroom?"

In the corner of my eye, I saw her turn to look at me with a smile on her face. "Not my proudest moment."

She let herself laugh, a deep, heartfelt sound that stirred in my stomach. "Takoda was the only one patient enough to handle you that night."

"He's the only one patient enough to handle me anytime," I informed her, and there was silence between us for a handful of seconds.

When she spoke again, her voice was quieter, something resigned in it. "I think that's just what you need. If anyone is patient enough with you, loving you is impossible." She let her words sit for a moment before she added, "You're actually really lovable."

It was my turn to laugh. "Yeah, right. I'm not. Trust me."

"Takoda fell for you. That has to mean a lot." Despite the mock in my voice, hers remained calm and calculated. "We're all just busy—too busy sometimes—to pay attention to you. Mom expresses guilt about that all the time. She always feels like she failed you somewhere, says you don't seem very happy." She turned away to face the ceiling then. "I see it, too. All the time. It's like you have all these walls up, and no one truly gets past them."

"Everyone has walls, Coco. They're just higher for some than others. And some people learn to build a door they can get in through." I sighed, and it was only then that I realized how tired I was. "Takoda did that. He didn't force himself in, just took the time needed to build that door."

"You really do love him, don't you?"

I smiled. "More than I like to admit." I thought back to our time in the hotel, and the words he'd used to describe me, how apt they were for him, too, in the grand scheme of things. "He's everything. God, love hurts."

"What happened to the high-strung butterflies in your tummy?"

"They have their moments. But most times, it just hurts. In an indescribable way. When you miss them, when they hurt you, or you hurt them, when things don't work out. Hell, even when you're together. You look at them, and it just . . . aches. You know?"

She chuckled. "I won't lie to you—I don't." She tilted her entire body to face me, an arm beneath her head. "I thought I did, but anytime I see mom and dad, you and Takoda, I realize I don't."

"You've seen me and Takoda together a total of three times."

"I knew he had a thing for you for the longest time, Cleo." The softness in her voice then threw me off, and, reluctantly, I angled my body towards her, too. "I don't think you noticed. I don't think he noticed, to be fair, but you'd walk into a room, and I'd quite literally see his brain trip over itself. The way he looked at you . . . Takoda has been in love with you for the longest time. I never asked, though."

"This is wild."

"I almost kissed him at his birthday party."

For a couple of heartbeats, I wasn't sure what I heard. I just remained still, and so did Coco. It felt somewhat like dreaming, that same initial hazy nothingness, then a burst of color.

"Oh," was all I could bring myself to say, because what else was there to say?

"I'd had a lot of champagne, the house was starting to empty, and throughout the party, during my speech, I just felt this . . . appreciation for him. It had me all choked up, and while we took a breather after everyone had left, I just sort of looked at him, and the thought just kinda popped into my mind." She choked out a laugh, a laugh that said everything she couldn't. "It was scary as hell. For the first time, I looked at Takoda, and there was this shift. I didn't know if to attribute it to the champagne or just me, but I stared at him for what felt like ages, both of us seated there, backs against the walls. I think he felt that something was off, because he looked at me, saw that I was staring, and with the softest smile, elbowed me and asked what was up.

"I told him I thought I'd had a little too much to drink, he asked if I'd spend the night, and just like that, the thought was gone. I thought about that moment several times after that night, wanted to get to the bottom of it. The next time I saw him, there was a hum, and I just knew." Coco took my hand. For some reason, she took my hand. Hers was a little clammy and warm, a sign that she was nervous. "I'm not in love with him. I love him, yes, but I'm not in love with him. When the thing about the both of you came out, I don't know what happened to me. I was just stupidly jealous that—" She let out a big sigh into my face. "That I couldn't love him that way. That I couldn't have that type of bond with the one person that really knows me. I've just dated jerks and assholes and prayed for something to change, and I had this great guy right there in front of me the whole time that I couldn't fall in love with.

"At the party, I guess I was just filled with these memories, of how much he'd showed up for me and understood me and held me, and I kinda just wished we were in love. I thought about how easy and great things would've been. I'm just really glad that I didn't do anything stupid. There wouldn't have been any coming back from that."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a minute to gather my thoughts. I think in a way, everyone wondered the same thing she did—why two people with great chemistry stayed friends. It was the same reason her and Takoda's fans went crazy whenever they did anything together. They had this undiluted hope that one day, they'd realize there were some emotions there all along. But I was learning that not every chemistry was supposed to be romantic. You could meet a guy on a night out, connect deeply, trade numbers, and end up becoming his best friend. Opposite gender best friends could have meet-cutes and share healthy, intimate moments, and have healthy boundaries like couples, and that was okay. That was beautiful, in fact.

When I thought about it, I didn't think I'd be able to stay just friends with Takoda if we weren't together. Not because I thought I'd stop loving him, but because I'd love him a little too much, the wrong way. We were together now, and we were best friends, too, but if we took out one from the mix, it wouldn't work the same way. Same thing would apply to my sister, and no one deserved that. She'd fall into that stage old couples reach after several years of marriage, where the romance has shriveled up a bit but companionship thrives, and she'd fall into that stage fast. She wouldn't love him like a girlfriend would love a boyfriend, wouldn't experience that crazy, hormonal honeymoon phase, and the resentment would start to build. At the end of the day, she'd end up losing her best friend because she tried to love him in a way she couldn't, in a way he didn't need from her. So she did the right thing.

I told her all of that, from a very honest place, and she nodded several times, releasing her hand to wipe beneath her nose. Then I asked, "Was that really why you were mad?"

"I was jealous that you could have him like that, which is extremely petty, and mad because you didn't tell me. Mad at the both of you. I felt betrayed. Basically, I was looking for every reason to be pissed."

I grabbed her other hand, interlocked her fingers with mine, and placed them both beneath my head. "I'm sorry. Things were just . . . complicated." Guilt burned behind my sternum, bright and hot, and I had to stop myself from sounding choked the next time I spoke. "How do you explain something you don't even understand?"

"I was being unfair, honestly. It was all just really unnecessary."

I gave her a smile. "It's okay, Coco. We're fine."

"I'm also sorry about the gap year comment. That was out of line."

"Coco."

"I know how touchy the subject is for you, Cleo, and I just said that. I was being an asshole."

I took her phone from behind her, which was still connected to her Bluetooth speaker. "You know what? Sleepover secret time is over. Let's dance to more music." I unlocked her phone and scrolled through her playlist for a bit, before tapping on Wildflower by 5 Seconds of Summer and getting up on my feet, keeping up with the dramatics from before we took a break.

Behind me, Coco laughed at my swinging hips. "Let me set my phone up first. I have to record this."

I let her, and in a moment, she was on her feet, and we gyrated together in our shorts and patterned socks, our laughter expanding the room. About once or twice, I wondered if I made a mistake by not telling her the real truth behind Takoda and I when I had the chance, wondered how long before she found out from someone other than me, how long before this whole thing blew up in my face.

But I didn't stop dancing.