THE LAST TIME I was at Takoda's house, I'd enthusiastically brought over an entire bag of chew toys I'd bought for Lulu. I'd become so comfortable being in his private space that I'd started to prefer it to mine.

He never greeted me at the door, but he would always be waiting for me in the living room, leaned back in his couch with the TV off, his legs spread in a way that screamed at me to occupy the space between them.

"Is it obvious that I was waiting for you?" he'd asked me the first time I came over, his waves looking like it had been abandoned for days, sitting in a haphazard pile on his head. He'd called it his creative locks when I asked why he looked like he was jumped. I'd called it a bush and asked him to fix it. He'd quietly obeyed.

The last time I was here, though, something was off. I'd noticed the half open front door before I saw the SUV sitting on the driveway.

Today, there was a woman standing on the front stairs, hand placed over her eyes to shield them from the sun, and even though I hadn't seen her in a long time, my tired brain recognized her immediately.

May Ong was the only person who knew about Takoda and I. Once, we'd been so distracted with finding out how many chaste kisses we could give each other before we went all in, that we didn't notice the soles of her shoes clicking against the tiles until she was standing in the living room. While we struggled to right ourselves and pretend we weren't doing anything, she just stood there, nude lips in an intimidating straight line. My face rivaled the color of her outfit—a fiery red ensemble—and I'd been this close to dying from embarrassment when Takoda told me she was just his publicist.

With her pin-straight hair—dark as the night—cat-eye makeup, and designer heels, she gave confidence a smell. Made me want to level up. At first, I'd assumed she was just a straight-faced, no-nonsense PR manager who spent her free time reviewing contracts and explaining legal jargon to the boy I liked to kiss and do more with, but turns out she couldn't be any farther from it.

"I was worried you wouldn't come," she said to me the moment I stepped out of the car, her voice easily carrying across the quiet property.

I was feeling a little light-headed, so I held onto the door for a second to steady myself. "I didn't want to, but I changed my mind."

She smiled, big and bright, competing with the sunlight. "I just realized how much I missed you."

Lulu strutted out of the house behind her and bounded down the stairs towards Takoda and me when she noticed us. If she were any bigger than she was, she probably would've jumped into his arms and knocked him over or something. She was a ball of excitement, running around his legs, her tail wagging with insane speed, a huge smile on her face.

I watched their exchange for a nostalgic minute before Takoda picked her up and earned enthusiastic doggy kisses he reluctantly accepted. Then he turned around so her face was to me.

"Say hi to Cleo," he urged.

She didn't say hi, but her tail didn't stop wagging, so I said hi back. She yipped in response.

"As cute as all of this is, I have somewhere to be in an hour, so if you don't mind, you can come inside?" May said from her place on the stairs, her request sounding like a question.

I slammed the passenger door shut so I could move to her, but stopped after taking one step. For some reason, I felt like a sudden gust of breeze would pick me up and take me wherever it wanted. I was always weak after an attack, but it had never felt like this. I could at least walk before.

Takoda looked back at me after noticing that I wasn't following behind him, then his eyes fell to my hand on the hood of the car.

Before I could tell him I was okay, he'd put Lulu down and was halfway to me.

I hated this.

"Do you wanna just sit here for a while?" he asked, stopping in front of me and lowering his head to block the sun out of my eyes. I wasn't sure if it was just a coincidence or something he did in response to the way I squinted.

"I'm sure it's colder inside," I told him.

"Did you have anything to eat this morning?"

I shook my head no, and we just stood there in silence while Lulu sniffed my feet. It was even quieter in Hidden Hills than it was in Calabasas, and I was pretty sure I would hear if a feather dropped.

I was hot beneath my hoodie, but I wasn't putting on anything other than a sports bra beneath it, so I didn't suggest taking it off. We remained there for God knows how long, looking at each other, clueless about what to say.

"Do you need help?" he finally asked.

In response, I turned away and leaned my lower half against the car. "Just give me a minute, Takoda. Go inside."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

But he didn't leave. He told May to give us a moment and stood outside with me for the entire five minutes it took me to convince myself that I could move. I didn't have the energy to fight him on it, so I let him stay. On the other side of the car, he remained quiet, and despite me not wanting to be, I was painfully aware of him. When I spared him a look over my shoulder, I saw him continuously nudging Lulu's nose with the toe of his right sneaker. I was pretty sure if someone intently did that to me, I'd snap, but the corgi sat in front of him with happy eyes, trying desperately to get his shoe in her mouth.

She succeeded in nipping the sole, and he laughed.

I felt sick all over again.

"I'm good now," I announced, leaning away from the car and standing upright. "We can go inside."

Lulu came up to me and stared at me for a long moment, then she turned around and started towards the house in her signature strut.

Takoda chuckled as he met my confused gaze. "She wants you to follow her."

I hesitated for a beat. "Just like that?"

"When she's happy, you can never tell."

"You two are getting along great."

I knew that statement would require a response before it was completely out of my mouth, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't deny that I was still curious about him.

His eyes softened beneath the morning sun, and the latter hit them just right, bringing out the golden rings around his pupils that liked to make an appearance when I was least expecting them. Nearly everything about him now was new, but his eyes hadn't changed. Apart from seeming wiser than they were months ago, they were pretty much the same. Still soft, still him.

"Well, she's a great friend."

I watched him for a long moment, long enough to notice the underlying emotion in those pools. "Are you okay?" came tumbling past my lips before I could stop it.

"What?"

"Generally," I expanded. "Are you doing fine?"

Silence.

It stretched out for many seconds, wrapping around me like an itchy blanket, and I considered telling him to forget I asked.

You know I never know how to respond to that, I could almost hear him reminding me.

We held each other's gazes from either side of the hood for a while longer before his lips parted.

"I am, I guess," he told me. "Right now, at least."

I nodded as my throat weirdly closed up, not expecting him to say anything else.

But then he asked, "How about you?" and I felt like I could finally understand why he didn't like being asked that question.

Sometimes it caught you off guard. Sometimes you just didn't know how you were doing.

"I'm tired, but what's new, right?"

He cracked a smile—the first I was seeing from him today—but there was nothing amusing about it. It was an emotionless but reflective smile, one that caused his eyes to impossibly grow softer than they already were. It almost looked like a magic trick.

Barking from behind him cut into the moment, and I looked away from him to see Lulu standing at the bottom of the stairs, head tilted towards us. She barked again, and I couldn't help but smile.

Before I moved to her, I caught Takoda's eyes again. He was still looking at me, and, as usual, it was as if he was trying to find something.

May stretched across the black marble countertop with feline grace and placed a glass of ice-cold water in front of me, while Takoda took some stuff out of the refrigerator. In the quietness of his house, it was nearly easy to forget that the sun was out. Everything was calm, the sound of our movements bouncing off the walls and ceiling and coming back to us. And it was cold—refreshingly so.

He'd once told me about how overwhelming it was for a guy his age—nineteen at the time—to handle so much. His dad had left him a fortune, and while it had its benefits, it gave him the weight of responsibility. He was now in charge of all that wealth. It was mind-boggling to think about. I was nineteen now, and I couldn't do anything that singled me out in the crowd.

I pulled on a loose thread in the left sleeve of my hoodie when I realized I was watching him, adjusting my weight on the stool.

I tried not to focus on the fact that he was all I could smell in here. There were no safe zones in his house. Initially, I'd loved it, but now I could only struggle to hold down my nausea.

May clicked away on the laptop in front of her for a few seconds, her chrome acrylics gleaming beneath the lights, before angling it towards me. She'd pulled up an article on the Glam Online website, AKA Coco's least favorite place to be on the internet. It was a little dramatic, but one of the site's writers was her ex-best friend from high school, and she'd covered quite a few controversial stories about her over the years.

Today's article was titled, What Really Went Down with Takoda Calebs' Relationships. Original.

"You can read that while we wait for Takoda," May said as she folded her hands and placed them on the countertop, looking a little too expectant.

I had a bad feeling about it, but with her watching me like that, I couldn't escape it, so I pulled the laptop closer to me and read.

Admit it. When you turned 21, you were too busy basking in the realization that you could now legally purchase alcohol. Maybe you even called your friend Becky to go wine shopping with you. And then you threw a wild party with the secured alcoholic drinks. Or perhaps you were simply a loner who bought a bottle of vodka from the corner store and drank it alone in your room. Or it probably marked the beginning of your quarter life crisis.

Either way, we're pretty sure boy wonder Takoda Calebs can't relate.

Yes, you read that right. Our favorite Calebson is now 21. We all watched him blow out the candles on his 10th birthday cake, like, last week, but it's okay. We're fine. After a particularly long, unannounced hiatus—which he hasn't made any official comments about—Calebs returned to social media and impregnated 99.99% of the ladies on Instagram with the dizzying beauty of his voice. Paired with an emotional video, he announced that he has an EP in the works.

Since then, Instagram Reels using his demo (which you can listen to here) have popped up around the Internet, with some remixes on TikTok. But that's not the only thing his fans are talking about. On Tuesday night, we found out that Takoda, who's usually pretty private about his life outside music, is also a phenomenal kisser.

Hold up, you say. Okay. We'll break it down for you. You don't need Becky's assistance with this one.

I scrolled past all the parts talking about Coco Says and its growth since 2011 and the role Takoda played in it now, not stopping until I reached the part that promised to "break down" his relationships.

Alexandra (Xandra) Novak: 2018 - We're not quite sure but 2020?

My throat unbearably tight, I scrolled further down.

No one knows why the power couple seperated, but after many months of being spotted alone, unlike what we were used to, Xandra took to Instagram in the spring of 2021 to announce: "This is how you know you're single." Her post included a photo of her on the beach, staring out at the ocean with a bowl of ice cream in hand.

Check it out here.

Fans of the couple were outraged, expressing their disbelief on social media, but some of them were still skeptical.

Takoda only confirmed the breakup weeks later in an interview with The Vinyl, claiming that: "It's just one of those moments when you realize you've been doing it all wrong for a while. I still care about her [Xandra] a lot, but that's how it is. At some point in life, you just have to let some people go."

The couple refused to talk about their breakup any further but were quick to debunk rumors about a fight. They've been spotted being friendly to each other on several occasions.

I spared a glance at May over the lid of her laptop. She was fondly watching Takoda, who I now realized was making sandwiches. Then I continued with the article.

Coco Lavigne - Early winter 2022

Shortly after the breakup with her DJ boyfriend, Liano, talented songstress Colette Lavigne, popularly known as Coco, was rumored to be in—

I stopped reading again, realizing that I was stalling. My name was down there somewhere and I knew it, but I wasn't sure I was ready to see what happened in words. That would make all of this real, and I was pretty sure I was still in some state of denial.

But checking out the entire article was inevitable, so I pulled in a long breath and scrolled past all the stuff I already knew. I didn't stop until I saw my name.

Cleo Lavigne - Summer 2022

Takoda's fans expressed outrage on Twitter after the first episode of the most anticipated season of Coco Says revealed that his rumored relationship with Coco was just that. A rumor. After a night spent celebrating the release of their collaborative album in West Hollywood, Takoda was caught sharing a passionate kiss with ice queen, Cleo Lavigne. Coco's younger sister.

We'll give you a moment to digest the above information.

Prior to the new season of the show, Cleo had managed to evade drama, so fans are naturally shocked at the new development. Till the time this article was published, nothing has officially been said about it.

How long has Takoda and his secret sweetheart been at it? Are recent developments true or false? We all know it's not false anyway but for the sake of formality.

We'll be right here, waiting for updates on this match made in celebrity heaven, but in the meantime, let's all watch Calebs' emotional Reel 2.5 million more times and gawk at how we let ourselves blink and miss him reach god levels. We're also obliged to tell you to follow him on Instagram @takodac, where the magnificence of his locks, weekly Spotify playlists, and love for his corgi are sure to make you jealous.

I blinked. Took in the breath I released earlier. That was it. It was all out there. I was Takoda's secret, ice queen sweetheart, and in ten years, when someone googled him, this result would likely come up. Then they'd want to know what happened to me, if I'm still alive.

"There are plenty more," May said, forcing my eyes off the screen. "Some morning gossip shows have tried dissecting all the moments the both of you were together in the episode to, you know, wrap their heads around everything that happened. Then the other sites that chose to cover the story. But this is so far the most popular."

I looked at Takoda for some reason. His back was to us now, muscles rippling with movement beneath his hoodie. Lulu followed him around as he moved, probably hoping he'd give some of what he was making to her. As if he could read my mind, he reached up to the top cabinet and pulled it open to take out a box of her food. Then he placed it next to her and nodded in our direction.

"Go on." She stared at him for a moment without doing anything, her ears twitching, and he took out her food bowl next. That seemed to get her attention, as she took it in her mouth and strutted to May, then placed it by her stool and went for the box next.

As she dragged it over, May said, "I understand that this is a little disorienting for the both of you. Takoda filled me in on things, and I agree that things are bound to get messy if the situation isn't taken care of."

I wasn't sure I knew where she was going with this. I had a pretty wild guess, but I was too stubborn to accept it as a possibility.

A way out, Takoda had called it yesterday.

She leaned over to pour some pellets into Lulu's bowl, and the corgi's tail wagged happily at the sight of food.

"So," she said as her gaze reconnected with mine, and Takoda finally turned to us with a small tray of perfectly sliced sandwiches, "the best course of action is for the both of you to take care of it."

I blinked at her once, faking a smile to hide my nervousness. "I'm not sure I'm following."

"What she's saying"—Takoda took the spot next to me after placing the sandwich tray between May and I, his arm briefly brushing against mine and causing me to lean away from him—"is that she wants us to contribute to the rumors."

My heart performed a strange, ricocheting action in my chest, and a feeling of dread went to settle at the bottom of my tender stomach. "The rumors," I said, dumbly.

"The dating ones," he confirmed, not meeting my eyes, and I quietly drew in a breath.

"No one but the both of you has to know," May said, a little too casually, as she reached for a sandwich, and a disgusting concoction of heat and cold hit me.

I took a moment to process the information so far before speaking again. "So you want us to . . ."

"It's called a PR relationship and, like I said, no one but the both of you has to know about it. It's effective, short-term, and it'll prevent media animals from digging into your lives and contacting the wrong people."

At the mention of "wrong people," a face came to my head, and before I could think too much about it, or ask any more questions, I felt something crawling up my throat with dizzying speed.

I was out of the stool and on my way to a bathroom before I threw up on the kitchen tiles.

this marks the end of part one! next we'll have our second preamble chapter before moving on to a new era (what i can't believe this!)!

if you had to describe any character from this book so far, who would it be, and what would you say about them?