"Once you can't feel love, you die.... even if your body still walks."
{unknown}

//

"UMM, I'M AFRAID I can't tell you how to cry, Lexie. Just eat your food." The Nurse replied in an awkward manner and walked out of my room, closing and locking the door behind her.

All of the doors in our rooms are locked, so we can't escape. There is another door, though, and it is unlocked. It leads to JJ's room. He's my only friend in this place. I guess it's because he's different, just like me. I quickly ate my food, which wouldn't please Dr. Shetland. He told me to eat slow, or else my stomach would hurt.

I'm breaking a lot of rules lately.

I walked into JJ's room, and when I entered he looked up and smiled at me. "What's up, Lex?"

Lex was my nickname for him. The only person who's called me Lex besides JJ is my mom. So, it made me sad when he called me Lex. I glanced at him and frowned. "Please don't call me Lex."

He pouted. "Why not? I like the nickname."

"Because it reminds me of my mom."

I sat in front of him on the floor. Why is he on the floor? Why is he not on the bed? Wouldn't that be much comfier? I guess not. "Lex!" He waved his hand in front of my face.

I shook my head. "Oops, sorry. I must've been thinking to myself again."

He laughed slightly. "Yeah, you always do that. What were you thinking about?"

"Why you're sitting on the floor and not the bed."

He shrugged. "I like the floor. It's much comfier than that rock of a bed."

The beds are hard. I guess I can understand that.

"So, Lex, I have the best idea ever."

I cocked my head to the side. "What is it?"

"We're going to escape."

I knitted my eyebrows in confusion. "If we escape, we'd get in trouble, and that's not good. Dr. Shetland would be angry with us."

He rolled his eyes at the mention of Dr. Shetland's name. "Forget him." He didn't say forget, he said the F word, but I don't cuss a lot.

"Cuss words aren't nice, JJ." I pointed out, making him grin at me while laughing.

"Oh, Lex. You're too much of an innocent girl for this tormenting place. You don't belong here."

"I know, I keep telling Dr. Shetland that I don't belong here. He just doesn't listen." I shook my head.

He grabbed my hands, capturing my attention. "I need you to concentrate, Lex. We are going to break out of this hell hole, okay? And I need your help. You're way smarter than me."

I nodded slowly, but I kept going back to the thought of getting in trouble. If we got caught, we'd probably be here for eternity.

"We're going to make an escape plan." JJ had a devilish smirk that I didn't like.

"JJ, Dr. Shetland told you to not get me into trouble. He told me you were a bad influence. I see that now."

He had his hand to his chest, like he was hurt. I gasped. "Are you okay, JJ?"

He started giggling. "You take things way too literal, Lex."

He handed me a piece of paper and a pen. "Write down your ideas here."

"I can't have ideas, unless I make a list." I simply replied. He knows the only way I usually do something is by writing lists.

He nodded. "Alright, make a list of all the ideas you have."

I started writing my list of ways to break out, even though I didn't like the thought of breaking out and getting in trouble. Once I finished, JJ examined the list and pulled me into a tight hug. I couldn't breathe.

"Lex, you're a genius!"

"So, when are we doing this thing that's going to get us in trouble?" I asked.

"Tomorrow. Try not to act suspicious around, Dr. Shetland. Alright?"

I huffed. "I'll try."

He ruffled my hair. "Good girl. I'll come get you when the plan is going into action."

//

I WAS LAYING in my bed, afraid to go to sleep. I keep having this same reoccurring nightmare of that night. I haven't told Dr. Shetland I've been having them, but that's because I want to get out of this.. asylum? The only reason I'm here is because my father told them I was nuts.

They believed the bastard of course.

So, now I'm here. The Mental House is what it's called, which makes it even worse. The nurses here are rude, Dr. Shetland can be rude sometimes, and all of the kids are mean to me. They said I'm different from them and I never have fun.

I disagree with that. I always have fun by writing my lists.

I started to become weary and gently closed my eyes, thinking of the lists of things that could go wrong by breaking out tomorrow.

//

"SO, LEXIE, DO you think you've improved?" Dr. Shetland questioned as I lay down on the red sofa in his office.

"Dr. Shetland, I really do not like your sofa." I exclaimed while feeling the soft, red fabric.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Why not?"

"Because it's red."

"Lexie, you have to get over that color. You're going to see it everywhere." He exasperated, writing more notes.

"Have you been writing your lists?"

I nodded. "I write my lists all the time. It's the only thing that calms me down."

"So, Lexie," he started, "tell me what you don't like about your disorder."

I thought for a minute. "Well, I don't like that people get it confused with OCD. It's not Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, it's OCPD. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. And, it makes me think more about things, and that makes kids make fun of me."

He listened intently and wrote down more things in his notebook. "The kids here make fun of you?"

I nodded silently as he frowned. "Well, what about JJ? Are you two still friends?"

Him talking about JJ made me think of us escaping tonight and I started getting nervous. Don't tell Dr. Shetland.

"Yeah, we're still friends." I replied nervously.

"Alright, well here's your pills." He handed me the bottle and before I took it, I glanced up at him. "How do these help me?"

"All they do is help with your depression." He answered.

"Depression? I'm not depressed!" I started getting upset. I am NOT depressed. I'm just a little sad. Believe it or not, but to me, that's two different things.

"Lexie," he warned, "calm down."

I took the two big red pills and got escorted to my room by the Nurse. She hates me, I don't know why. Once I got in the room, I grabbed my notebook and started writing a list of the things I hate about this place. It's not a positive list, but I don't care.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT THIS PLACE

- The Nurses
- The medicine
- The kids (besides JJ)
- Dr. Shetland telling me how I feel
- The ugly red sofa
-My ugly red walls

I decided that I'm going to leave this list on my bed once I leave, so when they come in and find me missing, they'll see the list of things I hate about this place, including them.

"Lexie, you ready?" JJ asked while leaning in the doorway.

"You know what? I am." I replied confidently.

I grabbed my backpack and took one more look at the room. I saw the list I left for them and smiled.

I'm leaving this place for good.

//

me

GET READY FOR THE GANG NEXT CHAPTER WHOO!!