 fighting to survive

Joanne Diaz loved her family . . . they raised her, and shaped her into the person she is today. Her brother and his son always held a special place in her heart, and god, she would die for her sisters. She loved her parents with her entire heart . . . but god, having a good majority of her family in her little two bedroom apartment just might be the death of her.

Her father and her brother were at each other's throats for most of the time, and other times they were just passive aggressive with one another. Her mother - god bless her heart - attempted to keep her boys from fighting the entire time, because they were meant to be there for Joanne. Plus, if her father wasn't arguing with Edmundo, he was trying to persuade Jo into a safer career after the accident.

Joanne hated all the arguing - especially around Christopher, he was so young and he didn't deserve to be in the middle of a family war zone again.

"Why don't you come home, and you can go back to business school?" Ramon brought it up again, for the third time that day. "Your mother and I will pay for your tuition."

"No!" Joanne sighed, and dropped her head. "You always told me that I was put on this earth for a reason. This is my damn reason! I'm here to save people."

Her mom put her hand on Ramon's bicep, attempting to bring him down, to ground him again. Ramon was frustrated, and getting tired of his children's hardheaded and stubborn personalities.

"You can help people in other careers," he argued.

"Dad," Eddie eased himself into the conversation. "Joanne's safe, she's here and she's healthy. If she wants to return to firefighting, then let her. She knows how to do the job."

Ramon pointed at his son, "Of course you would take her side! She got you into the same job!"

"This is pointless." Jo muttered, and she left the conversation, joining her sister in the kitchen. It didn't help the situation, and there was nothing separating the kitchen and her living room, but it gave her some relief that she wasn't right there with her father.

Silence filled her apartment for a minute, other than the laughter of her nephew in her bedroom. He mentioned wanting to call Buck - one of his favorite people - and Joanne would attest that Buck was a good man, and loved Christopher so much; like Chris was his own child.

Helena spoke up, "Mija, I think your father just wants you safe. You are his baby."

"Mama, I'm not a baby anymore. I am thirty four years old, I am my own damn woman." Jo did her best to keep her voice even and calm, but everyone knew, she was about tired of her father. "I understand that you and daddy want me safe, but the explosion was an accident. It wasn't supposed to happen. Okay?"

Helena stepped forward, and leaned against the counter island, facing her eldest daughter. "Do you understand that you could have died?"

Joanne huffed, "I think about that every damn day, mama." Tears welled in her eyes, but she fought to keep them away. "They were my family, mama. It shouldn't have happened, and every day I wish it had been me instead of them. Every waking moment I am fighting to survive here, so please, give me some grace here."

Adriana took her place next to her elder sister, and gently placed her hand on Jo's good shoulder. "She's right. I don't mean to start an argument, but it's only been four weeks. She's grieving, and trying to heal, and hearing you guys say the same thing for twenty years isn't easy, I'm sure she's tired of hearing it. She knows the job, and she's an adult. Joanne can do her own thing."

Helena sighed, and casted a glance over her shoulder at her husband. Ramon softened his gaze slightly. He was at such odds; at least his children had a good relationship that they would & could defend another, but at the same time, he wanted his point across. He wanted his children safe, and it was hard enough with one child as a first responder, let alone two - and in two different states at that.

"We just want you safe, mija. We never know if you or Edmundo are injured until it's too late." Ramon was defeated.

Joanne shared a glance with her brother, and then she looked back to her father. "You believe in god, then have faith that He's protecting me. Just let me have some grace for a little awhile. Please."

author's note → welcome back!! not my favorite chapter, but it kinda sets up the first season of Lone Star, and brings tension in already! but a huge thank you to everyone who was so patient and I appreciate it so much ❤️ I miss Jo so much, so I plan to write most of season one really really soon!