Warnings: Angst, profanity, self-deprecation/self-doubt

Word Count: 2344

Author's Note: You knew the angst was coming eventually :) Regardless, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

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"Carter!" you yelled from the kitchen.

"What?"

"Where the hell did you put the Doritos?"

"I ate them!"

"Carter!"

You went stomping up the stairs to Carter's bedroom and flung the door open. He was sitting on his bed and messing around on his guitar. Right next to him was the now empty bag of Doritos.

"I'm going to kill you!" you fumed. Unfortunately, house rules kept you from going past the doorway until he gave you permission.

His head pulled back in surprise, "Why?"

"I told you that Tyler was coming over today and that the Doritos were for us! Then you ate them!"

"Chill, Y/N, I'll run down to the 7-11 and grab some for you."

He set his guitar down against the wall and dusted some crumbs off of his shirt as he stood up. You were surprised that he was actually willing to correct his mistake.

"Oh, um, thanks, Car."

"No problem," he said, giving your shoulder a pat as he brushed past you.

You turned and walked back to your room where Tyler was waiting. He had stretched out a bit more on your bed, so you shoved his legs over a bit as you took a seat next to him.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"Carter ate the chips that I specifically asked him not to last night, but he offered to get us more. He should be back in like five minutes."

"Oh, cool," Tyler nodded.

You smiled. Today was the first day that you and Tyler had been able to hang out without either of you worrying about music or school, aside from when he had come over to play Mario Kart a few nights ago. Finals were only a week away, so you wanted to be able to have some stress-free time with him before you started studying.

"Want to play some video games?" you asked.

"Sure, why not?"

The two of you walked into the den. Tyler got comfortable on the couch while you turned on the Wii and loaded up Mario Kart. It was the only game that the two of you never seemed to get tired of, no matter how often you played.

"You're not going to cheat this time, are you?" Tyler laughed.

"I've never cheated," you answered as you sat down next to him.

You gave Tyler space for the sake of not making him feel awkward about sitting super close together. To your surprise, he adjusted his legs a little bit so that your knees were rested against one another. It took a lot of self-control to not start smiling, but you managed to play it cool.

"Are you going to use a bike?" he asked.

"Obviously," you scoffed. "They're the superior means of transportation."

"Agreed."

You tapped the Wii remote idly against your hand as you waited for Tyler to finish figuring out his bike setup.

"Hey, put your wrist strap on," he said before you started the race.

You simply laughed at his request, "What are we, twelve?"

"This game gets dangerous! And I don't think your brother would be very happy if you busted the TV."

"I'm not going to bust the TV. If anything, one of us is going to end up concussed because I get too worked up about winning."

"Don't worry, you won't have to worry about that much since you're playing with me."

"Oh, are we starting the trash talk already, Joseph?"

"Yes, now start the game."

"Whatever you say."

You and Tyler caught up about recent life events as you played the game, although there was the occasional bit of trash talk or taunts thrown in. Tyler talked about stuff he and Josh had been doing recently and you talked about school, mostly. It was nice that Tyler allowed you to ramble about the same stuff over and over, even if he didn't really understand what it meant.

Carter arrived home in the middle of one of your matches with a bag of Doritos in hand. Without a word, he tossed them towards you. You expertly deflected the bag of chips away from your face with one hand without losing your place in the race.

"Car!" you yelled. "I'm in the middle of something."

"Yeah, your welcome," he laughed.

"Thank you!"

He disappeared out of the doorway, presumably back to his room to practice more guitar. As soon as your Mario Kart match ended, you cracked open the Doritos and ate a handful.

"I have to stay fueled so that I can keep winning these races," you laughed as you grabbed another chip.

"In that case, give me some of those."

You took a quick Dorito break before returning to the set of races that you were in the middle of. It was a toss up between the two of you still, with you only having a few more wins than Tyler did.

"Ready?" you asked before unpausing the game.

"Ready."

Tension was high and your focus was on nothing else except the track in front of you as you hit the halfway point in the race. Tyler was close behind you, but he didn't have the necessary tools to overtake you... yet. If things went his way, you could be easily knocked out of first place.

You expertly rounded a corner and started on the straightaway that led to the finish line. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you shot a green shell out into the abyss in front of you, hoping that it wouldn't accidentally ricochet and hit you instead of one of your opponents. The finish line was right there...

And then your remote was snatched from your hands. It took you a second to register what had happened, but once everything clicked you turned to Tyler in a fit of frustration.

"Tyler!" you screeched, already reaching for the remote. "Give it back!"

He immediately held his arm out to the side as he attempted to drive with his free hand. You could tell the game was still running just based on the sounds. Your first place position was surely already gone, but you weren't so sure that Tyler had been able to secure it either.

"Fork it over, Joseph!" you said, leaning over a little further to try and get it.

All at once, you lost your balance and came crashing down on top of Tyler. You were laying on top of him with only your forearms as a barrier between you and him. He was looking at you with raised eyebrows, as if he hadn't entirely processed what was going on.

"Sorry," you muttered sheepishly, although you didn't move from your position.

Tyler simply flashed a devilish grin at you, "That's why you always wear the wristband."

You took a moment to admire his face from such a close angle. His brown eyes were shining in the bit of sunlight that was pouring in from the window. They were framed so nicely by his eyelashes. How had you never noticed that before? For a moment, you swore his gaze wandered down to your lips, but you couldn't be sure.

After all, Tyler didn't share your feelings.

You wondered if Tyler could feel how hard your heart was beating in your chest as you looked down at him. Why hadn't either of you moved? You should move. And yet, something in the back of your mind was telling you not to. Tyler was still looking straight into your eyes; his gaze was shifting around ever so slightly.

His eyes squeezed shut for a brief moment and his head rolled slightly to the side. When they opened again, he was no longer looking at you. He simply handed you your remote and all but pushed you off of him. You were taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor.

"Here," he said as he pushed the remote into your hand.

You sat back on the couch - now a considerable distance farther from Tyler - and turned back to the screen. The two of you were now in eleventh and twelfth place as a result of your antics. Without another word to one another, you crossed the finish line. You were last.

"I guess that didn't work out so well, did it?" he said, followed by a petty excuse for a laugh.

"Nope, not really."

The next race started, but you simply shut the console off and walked to your room. You were no longer in the mood for video games, or being around Tyler for that matter. One minute you thought you understood him, and then the next he went and did something like that. All you wanted was to believe him about his feelings, but the way he had looked at you... there was nothing platonic about it.

You collapsed down onto your bed with your back to the door. Tyler would come looking for you instantly, which meant that you only had a short amount of time to get the tears out of your eyes. If only you could talk to Carter right now. That would help things.

"Y/N?" Tyler said. His voice was gentle.

You turned to look at him. Your lip was already between your teeth, throbbing slightly from you nervously chewing on it. Tyler was leaned in the doorway with his arms crossed. He was looking at you now.

"What?"

"Can I come in?"

"Sure," you shrugged before turning back to the window.

The bed dipped with his weight as he sat next to you, so you scooted farther away to avoid sinking into the dip that had been formed. You wiped a tear away with your thumb before meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

"For?"

"Everything."

You rolled your eyes, "Do you even know why I'm upset?"

He paused, bit his lip for a moment, then answered. "No."

You rubbed your hands along your face before brushing them through your hair.

"I need an answer, Ty. A real, honest answer. Not the same bullshit excuse that you always give me."

"You want to know about my feelings."

"Yes."

"I-," he stopped almost as quick as he started. His eyes squeezed shut again. "I don't feel that way about you, Y/N."

"Then why do you keep doing this?"

"Keep doing what?"

You stood up and began to pace the room. There was too much adrenaline in your body for you to sit still.

"The flirting! It's like... you tell me all these things about caring about me and thinking I'm pretty and spending time with me but for what? Do you think this is some kind of game? I've been in love with you for years and every time you do something like this, you just pull me in further. Do you know what that's like? How hard I've tried to get over you?"

"I didn't realize that it was having such an effect on you."

"Sure you didn't, Ty. Because why would my feelings matter if you just got to play around and have fun flirting with no consequences?"

"Y/N, I promise you that's not what I was trying to do. At all."

"Then what was it, Ty? Because you've offered no other explanation."

"I guess, um..."

You stared at him with crossed arms, waiting for whatever answer he decided to give you this time. It would probably sting just as much as his default answer, but at least it would feel genuine.

"Just spit it out, Tyler. There's no point in stalling."

"I guess I flirted with you because I felt bad that you liked me so much. I don't know."

"So you pity-flirted with me?" you said. The lump in your throat was so big that it hurt to talk.

"Yeah."

"I can't believe you. I already had to admit that I had this huge crush on you in front of all our friends and you decided to spend the next four years flirting with me because you felt bad that you didn't feel the same? Really? All you did was make things harder for me. God, Tyler, I never needed your stupid pity."

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I thought I was helping-"

"Shut up," you said. Your head was shaking so fast your vision was starting to blur. "Just shut up. I don't want to hear whatever you have to say."

You couldn't even look at him. All the time that you thought he might have even an inkling of feelings for you was just because he wanted to indulge you a little. It had never meant anything, and now you had wasted all this time chasing after something that never existed.

"I should go," he said.

"You should."

You stared at the ground while Tyler got up and left the room. He shut your bedroom door behind him, and you didn't dare to move from where you were standing until you heard his car pull away outside. Once you were sure he was gone, you went running to Carter's room and pounded on the door.

"What the hell do you want now?" he called from the other side.

"Please, Car," you said. Your voice cracked on the last syllable.

He opened the door right away once he realized something was wrong. You practically crashed into him and wrapped your arms around his torso.

"Y/N," he said quietly. "Come here."

Carter led you to the bed and sat you down, still allowing you to cry into his shoulder.

"What happened?" he asked while he gently rubbed your back. It was one of the things he always did when you were upset to help you calm down.

"I'm so stupid," you sobbed. "So so so stupid."

"Shh, you're not stupid."

You were and you knew it. No matter what Carter would try to tell you or what Tyler would eventually say when you decided to clear all this up, it would always be the same in your head.

You were stupid for ever believing a boy like Tyler Joseph could love you.