So at first I was going to do a birthday scene since it's my birthday, and I wanted to do one for holidays, but I realized I already did one! So I decided to do this scene because of the competition I'm running. This is a what-if ending to Property of a Gordon. So it fits right into the story and replaces Chapter Forty Two. I hope you guys enjoy, and are happy I love you guys enough for this to only be an alternate ending ;)

The air was frozen, as if in shock too. It sat limp around us, unsure what to do. It didn't play, laugh, or whisper and it didn't scream, rage, or wail. Any of those would've been better than it remaining quiet for once, and saying nothing to us.

The grass was vibrant, but it only seemed false. It seemed as if it had changed its hue into a brighter one to hide its tears, to hide its withered brown colored that was truly there. It seemed as if the grass was trying to be strong.

It was hidden by the shadows the large trees casted, their branches hovering out as if to catch something. Perhaps they were all looking at me with worry, wondering if I would fall to the ground at any given moment. It was certainly possible.

The sun was the worst. It was overly bright, its rays stretching out towards us as if to mock us. It was as if the sun was attempting to remind me that I was the one who was alive when I shouldn't be. It was as if the sun thought I needed a reminder of what happened, as if the coffin staring me straight in the face wasn't enough.

There wasn't a large mass of people, as I'd been told that there was for the ceremony being held for the guards. However, there was a sufficient amount, all of whom had respected him greatly as a person, and a friend. There were even several guard here, silently saluting the man whom they had guarded. It was touching enough that I couldn't look at them for a long time.

Everyone was dressed in black, and all of them had the decency to wear formal attire. I suppose they knew better than to show up at his funereal dressed poorly. I was dressed in a black dress myself, one that I had worn when we first began acting on our feelings for one another.

I knew without raising my eyes that his family was standing next to his closed coffin. They all stood there, and none of them had broken down yet. His mother's knuckles were white from holding too tightly onto her bag while his father's hand rested on her shoulder, his eyes holding a lost look in them. His siblings were as quiet, neither of them seeming to know what to do at such an occasion.

I had wanted to go closer to his coffin, but I knew it was testing it. I had barely been allowed to his funereal, as his parents blamed me. His brother had been my savior, and the only reason I was here. For that, I was grateful enough not to cause drama at his funereal.

There were a few other people here, but I didn't recognize them. They were probably client of his, based on how they were dressed. I wondered whether they were here out of respect, or to gain possible power through this. I couldn't help but think it was the latter.

I hated the coffin more than anything, and wanted to rip him out of it. I was sure it was expensive, although money wasn't a problem with his family. It was smooth and black, yet it shined at us, reflecting our faces. I hated being able to see myself on it, to see how much pain everyone was in because of me. Because I hadn't done my job.

Everyone started to leave, passing by and lightly touching the coffin before making their way back to their normal lives. No matter how much I wanted to turn, I couldn't. My feet wouldn't allow me to move, they couldn't find the energy to leave his side.

"Snowflake, everyone has left."

My eyes flickered in the direction of the voice and I found myself staring into a pair of green eyes. I looked away, and noticed that everyone had in fact left, and I was standing alone. It had also began to sprinkle, the drops sliding off the coffin slowly.

"Just a few more minutes," I said before I began moving closer to the coffin. The moment I was within reach of the coffin, my legs collapsed underneath me and the air was knocked out of me. I suddenly couldn't remember how to breathe, or how to do anything.

I could feel arms reaching around me as I sat there, my tears mixing with the rain that feel onto my face, trying to disguise my feelings. But even the rain couldn't hide my pain.

"It is okay. He is not gone Snowflake, he is still here," Cayne whispered into my ear, holding me tightly as if I would run off.

"He's gone! He's dead!" I snapped back, refusing to see his reasoning. He wasn't going to give me a speech and expect it to make everything better. His speech wasn't going to bring him back to life.

"He is all around you Snowflake. He is within you. He is hidden within your memories, and he is within your heart. As long as you live, he is not gone," He whispered back fiercely, however, it still did nothing.

At the moment, all I could see was the Pain. Pain was what I had stumbled over, and what had taken the air from me. It was Pain that controlled me, that had pierced through my heart and caused my tears. It was pain that had me clutching onto Cayne as if he was a life support. It was Pain that would remain with me for the rest of my life, never letting me forget.

We sat like that for hours, him holding me while whispering words, me holding him back and leaving a trail of tears on his suit. It wasn't until later that I realized he had picked me up and taken me back inside the palace.

I stiffened, but he was quick to open the door and I realized we were now in his room, a room that wouldn't hold anyone anymore.

"Cayne," I started, my voice barely audible. I wanted out of the room, away from here. I didn't need a reminder of him, of what had happened.

He quickly set me on the bed, and stared me straight in the eyes. "You cannot let this be the end Snowflake. Look around, do you not see the importance you hold within his life. There are several pictures of you on the walls, and I believe I see your clothes over there as well. This room is a representation of his life.

He was without many friends, yet the ones he had held a great part of his life. You held the largest part, and you cannot let it go to waste, do you understand me? I will not sit back and watch as you do so."

Cayne's words meant nothing that day. They didn't mean anything the day after, or the next one. They certainly didn't mean anything the next month, or when the months turned into a year. But looking back, I realized what he meant.

Kendall's land and palace was given to Cayne, being the eldest in the family. He allowed me to stay, despite his parent's anger at him when doing so. I had tried at first, but ended up leaving. It was too much, being surrounded by things that constantly reminded me of him. So I set off, skipping from town to town until I eventually returned back.

Lex had been declared okay, and he and Raelynn married. I was thrilled for them, but a small part of me hated seeing their happiness when I couldn't have my own. It was that part that had snapped at them one day, almost ruining my friendship with them. Raelynn had made Lex see through my eyes, and they had forgiven me. However, it wasn't the same without Kendall. It seemed as if a part of everyone had died with him.

His parents were pushing for Protectors to all be males, never a female such as myself. Instead of them decreasing, they were growing in use. I was being labeled as a mistake, a disgrace. But it hadn't stopped Cayne from declaring me as his Protector, despite my unwillingness.

I had fought him hard on it, but he wouldn't listen to my reasoning. So I spent my days by his side, or by Kendall's when I could escape outside long enough. I would chat with him, sometimes breaking into tears when I only hear silence in return. I tried to remind myself it wasn't his fault, but on most days it was difficult. Whether I left angry or not, I always left an Amaryllis at his grave.

Nolan had been sentenced to death. But to everyone's surprise, the day he was to die, all the found were broken shackles. When they told me, I couldn't find it within myself to grow angry, or to be surprised. Nolan hadn't lived so long in hiding by being stupid. He was smart enough to get himself out of situations, and this one was no different.

I had tried finding peace after Kendall's death, I truly had. Cayne and I had a brief romance, but it was one that I had to cut off when I realized I couldn't give my heart to anyone else. It was hard being with him when he was so much like the man that I couldn't protect. I wasn't going to allow myself to care for someone so much again only to lose them. After that, I seemed to forget romance entirely.

Through this, I realized it is our losses that make us or break us. Its Loss that had made Cayne into a ruler who would be remember throughout history, and known for keeping his brother's memory alive. It is Loss that made Calyx become a ruler himself, attempting to actually learn the ways of one.

It was Loss that brought Lex and Raelynn closer than ever. It was Loss that gave their son the name Kendall. It was Loss that created that small family.

It was also Loss that had broken me. It was Loss that reminded me I wouldn't ever see those amusing blue eyes again. It was Loss that reminded me I wouldn't ever be called 'love' again, or hear him telling me that he loved me.

Loss was the reason I would never feel his lips against mine, soft yet demanding. Loss was the reason I wouldn't ever feel those arms around me again, or know what it felt like to feel so at home with someone again. Loss was the reason I would never eat with him again, or be able to feel him nip my ear affectionately. Loss was the reason his ears would never get to hear me tell him I loved him too, no matter how loud I screamed it.

It was because of Loss that I found myself crying in his room sometimes, curled in his shirts that had long ago lost his scent. It was because of Loss that I would never feel love again, or be able to love again. Loss was the reason my heart was buried six feet under the ground.