"W-What?! W-Why? W-Where is h-he?!"

"I-I don't know! A guy just bumped into me a-and told me that Adam sent him a message. He thinks that he's depressed and it sounds like he's saying goodbye."

"We should stop him!"

"Then we have to go and find him! Now!"

"N-Nikki? Nikki? Hey! Are you alright?"

My lips are trembling. I can't move my feet. I can feel my legs turn into Jell-O. My body is frozen, cold, hard, and rigid. I feel numb.

I feel lost.

"Hey, hey. Nikki, look at me. Hey, it's okay." I felt Trev's warm and moist hands on both of my cheeks.

"We have to find Adam. You coming with us?"

When his name entered my ears, everything suddenly turned black and white, like someone's flickering the lights on and off.

"S-Shit! Guys! Help! She's having a panic attack!"

I can feel pairs of hands around me, but the flickering won't still stop. The immediate flashbacks of my memories with him didn't help either, because it just made my head throb and my heart break into millions of shards.

"Oh my God! Trevor! Do something! Nikki!"

"I'm trying, okay?! I'm not good at these things, I don't even know the proper thing to do!"

"Lay her down here!"

I felt getting laid down on something cold but hard. Then I suddenly felt something cold and soft on my forehead.

"Damn it! She's not dehydrated or anything! She didn't collapsed because of extreme heat or what so don't put that thing on her forehead! Can't you feel her? She's cold as ice!"

"Trevor, stop. He's just trying to help..."

"Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"For Pete's sake, yes I know! None of you knows!"

"What are you talking about?"

"W-What happened?"

"Adam. That f*cking guy happened! Did you know that that son of a b*tch and that best friend of yours, freaking Kaitlyn Jones, are in a f*cking relationship!? Huh?!"

"That f*cker confessed, freaking confessed to Nikki, and what? She went to his house and there she was, running to the f*cker and begged for a kiss and clinged herself to him like a leech!"

"I, was the one, who was there for her. None of you here f*cking knows anything so shut the hell up and f*ck off!"

Trev. Oh, Trev. I'm so sorry. Hearing you say those words breaks my heart. I know I've been a burden, but thank you. For everything. For being a friend. A best friend. A companion. A boyfriend, an unofficial one. A brother...

I tried fluttering my eyelids open, trying to see the light. I need to. I want to. Even if Adam had been a jerk, it's just not right that I would let him kill himself. Specially because I know that I'm the reason why.

"Guys... Guys! Nikki! She's awake!"

I felt heavy footsteps all around me, and when I successfully opened my eyes, six pairs of eyes are staring down at me.

"NIKKI!" They chorused, relief washing all over their face.

"You guys never told me that you're all in an acapella group. What? You guys now the new Barden Bellas?" I said as they helped me sit up. Trev kneeled down beside me and handed me a bottle of water. I took it, muttered thanks, and chugged it down.

"Uh, guys..."

We all looked at where Trish's finger is pointing at, and our gazes landed on...

"Kaitlyn."

She looks so messed up. Her clothes are in disarray. Her hair that is usually up in a messy bun is now messier than ever. There are some dark circles under her eyes, and her mascara's running down her cheeks, all because of her tears. She's holding a piece of paper. Just the very sight of her and her pitiful state already pinched my heart, but there's something pulling me back. Preventing me from going to her.

"Kaitlyn!" Bailey rushed to her and crushed her in a hug. Kaitlyn just nodded, and looked at me with sad eyes. I looked at her, but I have my mask on. She betrayed me once, I don't even know if I could trust her again.

Trev moved beside me and put an arm over my shoulder, pulling me for a side-hug. I smiled, even though he can't see it. I knew I could always count on him.

"Nikki."

I froze. It has been, what? Two days since she called me by my name, although we saw each other just this morning. The way my name rolls out of her lips...

"Look, you have to stop Adam. I know you think he's been a jerk to you and--"

"Think?!" I spat. "I 'think' he's been a jerk to me?! Goddammit! He'd been a jerk! I didn't just imagine it or what, because it really happened! You of all people should know that besides him, right?!" I told her, making sure that every word is venomous enough for her to get hurt even a tiny bit.

"You betrayed me, your best friend! Your sister! Huh, you even shipped us together! Is that all just a show, huh?"

"Please, Nikki. You gotta listen." She begged, dropping to her knees. "Please let me explain!"

"For what, Kaitlyn? For your peace of mind?!"

"No, please--"

"For what exactly, Jones!?"

"ADAM'S MY COUSIN!"

I froze. Literally froze. My world seemed to have stopped revolving. My breathing stopped. My heart stopped pumping. Even time stopped.

"Adam's my third cousin and we just discovered that last week! Remember when I told you guys over the phone, last week, if we could have a sleepover? That's because my mom kicked me out of our house! My dad can't do anything at that time, but he gave me an address and told me to message him when I get there. I went there, and to my shock, Adam was the one who opened the door. I thought I was at the wrong place but my dad called, and he told me to pass the phone to whoever's in the house, so I gave it to him. To my surprise, he invited me in, and explained everything. His father was my dad's second cousin. Then after that, we started to communicate, like really communicate."

"Then there came the time when he started asking a lot about you. I answered some of his questions, and when I finally asked him about it, he gave in. I would've told you that he likes you, too, but he begged me not to, because I didn't tell him that you like him. I became his bridge to you, his passageway. Remember when he took you to the beach and got you your favorite frappé? I was the one who told him that you liked it. I'm the one who encouraged him to man up and confess, but that same night, too, I went to the mall because my dad called, told me he added a few dollars in my bank account. I picked out dresses, garments, almost everything. But when I was about to pay, the cashier lady told me that my bank account was blocked, was put in a freeze, by who, you ask? My goddamn of a mother, that's who!"

I feel guilty. I feel mad. I feel so stupid. How could I even think of Kaitlyn that way?

"I was embarrassed! Whoo! So embarrassed, and they even kicked me out of the store! I was humiliated, nonetheless by my mother! But then when I was about to call Adam, I remembered that that specific day was the day that he'll confess, and so to not bother him, I let myself be dragged to the closest bar."

She wiped her tear-stained cheeks with the back of her hand. I don't even know what to feel. Guilt, anger, sadness, pity. It's too much.

"I got wasted. Ordered the strongest drinks in the house, did wine pong, danced with disgusting jerks in the dance floor, I literally let go. I might've accidentally sent a message to my dad's secretary, but it was supposed to be sent to Adam. His secretary immediately called me, and I begged for her not to tell my dad. Even if she hates lying to my dad, she still agreed, but sent off one of dad's guards to come and get me. All I could remember was that I fell asleep on the couch of the Evans' living room, and everything else is a blur. Imagine my surprise when the next day, Adam was all over me, spitting curses at me and calling me names. Even if I had a hangover, he still won't stop bickering."

She fell silent, but she's still silently whimpering. I badly want to go to her, comfort her, and tell her that we'll go find Adam, but something's pulling me back. Maybe it's the guilt I'm feeling. Yes, maybe it is the guilt. I hate myself for jumping into conclusions quickly without a solid and valid proof. I hate myself for accusing Kait as the traitor, but she never was in the first place. I should've asked her first, should've let Adam explain. Then maybe things aren't like this anymore...

"You gotta stop him."

My head snapped up to the source of sound, and I saw Kaitlyn walking towards me, a paper clutched in her hands. "Now. Before it's too late. It's not yet too late to swallow your pride, but if not now, then when? We don't know what's going on with him, we don't know what he's thinking. The only clue that we have is this letter."

She handed me the paper, and the mere touch of the thin material to my fingers immediately brought tears to my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand uncrumpled the paper, letting my hands and fingers feel the creases and the embossed parts of the paper because of his handwriting.

I opened the letter, which is folded before into two, and when I saw my name written in his handwriting, the tears spilled.

Nikki,

Or to anyone who's reading this. I know that she won't be the first one who'll read this--hell, I don't even know if she'll ever get to read this but dammit, I just don't give a fuck. So to whoever's reading this, please make sure that she's safe... And happy.

I don't know where to start. Maybe because there's nothing to start with. We would've been something, Nikki, but because I was a jerk, that didn't happen. I could've explained it to you, told you why she's there, why she's with me, but I didn't. I was too scared. Fear got into me first. I was scared that even if I'll explain everything, you won't believe me, and that you'll push me away, until I can't reach you anymore. I already reached you, after months of hiding, but when you're finally within my grasp, you slipped away from my grab, and I didn't do anything to save you from falling.

I was so angry. Angry with myself, Kaitlyn, you, and to the world. I should've tried better, tried reaching you better, but instead, I gave up. Kaitlyn should've been responsible enough to know the right thing to do and take care of herself, but I couldn't bring myself to blame her, either.

You. You should've let me explain, instead of jumping to conclusions, believing the theories you thought were true. You should've stayed and asked me why. You should've tried to look from my perspective, from my position. But you didn't. And I can't bring myself to hate you too or blame you for what happened. I love you so much that I think nothing would make my love for you to lessen. Fuck. I'm so sappy.

I hate the world. I fucking hate the world for always pulling us away from each other, for keeping us apart. I know in myself that I was destined to be with you, and you are to me, but why is the world making things so difficult?! Is this a sign that I should give up? That I should let you go?

I love you, so fucking much. It sounds sappy, but I don't give a shit. You stole my heart, and now you're responsible for it. It sounds impossible that I already love you, that maybe I'm just confused. No, no. I'm sure. I'm not stupid. I can still clearly distinguish infatuation from love.

Whenever you're sad, just look up, and whisper everything you want to say to me, and I'll listen. Whenever you're angry, go to the mountains, and once you're on top, shout and let out everything that caused your wrath. Don't let it consume you from the inside. Let it out. Whenever you feel like crying, just go out of your house and into your balcony. Spread your arms wide and close your eyes, feel the wind. Let the wind envelop you and dry your tears away, for that'll be me, kissing and shooing your salt tears away from your beautiful face. Whenever you're happy, just smile and whisper my name. That's enough for me to feel your love and know that you still remember me, even if I'm not the cause of your happiness.

I love you so fucking much, Nikki, and I don't expect you to say it back. I just want to tell you that I'm sorry, for everything. I know a simple sorry isn't enough, but it's okay. I can still make it up to you a million times, even if you can't see me anymore and even if it takes me forever.

Be happy with Trev, and tell him I say thanks. Thanks for being there with you through the bad times that I put you, and for taking care of you when I can't.

Goodbye, but I know that we'll still see each other someday.

I love you,

Adam

"D-Do you know where h-he is?" I said as I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. She shook her head

"All I know is that they already locked all of the gates, so there's a huge possibility that he's still here inside campus."

I stood up. "I'll go find him."

"We'll come with you." Trev said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We're here. You don't have to do this alone. Specially because we don't know what had happened to him."

I nodded, unable to respond. I have a lot of things in my mind right now, but that can wait. Right now, I don't care about my pride. My ego. I can live without it. But regretting not looking for him and going after him? That'll haunt me for life. Right now, I don't care about what other people would say. I don't give a damn. Adam is more important than anything at the moment. Even if he'd been a jerk, I still love him. People make mistakes, and so does he.

"Where should we look first?"

"I think we should split up. So we can easily find him. We don't have much time." Trev said

"That's a good idea. We'll split into three groups. Trish, Justin, and Phia, you guys take the center hall. Bailey, Kyle, and I will take the left wing. Trev and Nikki will take the right." Kaitlyn instructed, pointing at each of us as she gave her instructions.

"We'll meet outside, by the garden after twenty. Got it?" We all nodded

"He's gonna be okay, Nikki. He's not that weak." Phia said, running circles around my back

"I just hope so. I did some things that might've hurt him a lot and it might've triggered him to..." I stopped, not wanting to say that word. I think she knows what I'm talking about because she just bit her lip.

"He's strong. Just believe." She said then walked away with the others

"Let's go. We don't have much time." I nodded to Trev and let him drag me. We made it to the right wing in two minutes, but even so, we still don't have much time. Adam's alone right now and he's capable of doing anything.

After ten minutes of searching for him in every room, I was close to tears again. We still haven't found him yet, and every time we'll enter a room, my heart sinks. The possibility of finding him is getting lower and lower.

"F*ck, he's not here either. Can you check the janitor's closet?" Trev said as he opened the door to our nth room that we searched for. I walked to the janitor's closet, peeked, but it's empty, hence the mops, brooms, and trash bins in there.

"Nope. Empty." Was all I said. I'm already having a hard time pulling my shit together, and talking about him still not found is not helping.

"Come. Let's try the cafeteria and the Science lab."

"Trev."

He stopped, turned to me, and walked towards me. "I know this is hard for you, Nikki. I know, because this is hard for me, too. Adam's my best friend, even if he'd been a jerk to you. But we gotta get going. You and I both know what he's capable of. And that's the last thing that we want to happen right now."

"It's just that, I-I can't help but feel guilty. We wouldn't have to look for him if I didn't jump into conclusions that easily. I should've trusted him! Stayed and demanded for an explanation, like what the other girls do! He wouldn't have to feel what he's feeling right now if I just tried to look deeper into everything!"

"I f*cking hurt him, and now that he's still hurting, he might kill himself. And I don't want that! I love him! I f*cking love him! He might hate me right now, that's fine. I don't care! I would fix him, pick up his pieces and build him up until he's okay again, even if he'll push me over and over because I love him! I would do anything and everything for him, protect him. Even if it kills me."

He just hugged me, and then I was okay. Thank God He gave me someone like Trevor. God knows how thankful I am for having someone like him in my life.

We continued searching, but after half an hour, we still haven't found him yet. I was becoming hopeless, more hopeless every step I take as we walk to our meeting place.

"Nikki!" Bailey threw her arms around me, hugging me. I hugged her back, feeling grateful for the heat of her hug. I feel cold. I feel frozen. Stuck.

"You guys had any luck at the right wing?" Kyle asked. Trev shook his head slowly. Kyle just clicked his tongue as a response

"Don't lose hope. We can still find him. Let's split out ag--"

"Stop."

They all turned to me. "What did you say?" Kaitlyn asked

I pulled away from Bailey and faced them. "Let's stop this."

"Are you out of your mind?! Adam's depressed! And now that no one knows where the hell he is, he can do anything, ANYTHING! What if he tries to kill himself?! He's hurting! He's emotionally depressed!" Kaitlyn yelled at me, but I didn't budge.

"For f*ck's sake, Nikki! Is he just a past time for you?!"

I slapped her right cheek, putting all my emotions to my hand and letting it do the right thing to do. It hurts. It f*cking hurts. She doesn't know anything. She doesn't know how much I'm hurting right now. She might be hurting, too, but not as much as I am.

"Nikki, stop!"

"OHMYGOD!"

"What the hell is he doing up there?!"

We followed the noise and screams, and when we arrived there, everyone's yelling and screaming.

"What the hell's going on here?" Justin asked from a random person, shouting over the noise. The guy pointed at something on top of the building.

"The Evans guy. It looks like he's going to jump."

We all looked at where he's pointing at, and there he is, on the edge of the rooftop, his eyes closed.

"Adam!"

×××

Not yet the last chappy hahaha ;)

What do you think of this chapter? I don't have anything to say, but I hope you guys liked this!

Sorry for not updating for two weeks? Yeah, two weeks. I just have a lot of things on my plate right now, like exams, grade completions, projects, speech choir practices, seminars, journalism contests, and other extra-curricular activities, and because I really prioritize my studies, I decided to not update for a while. Please understand! And for those who understand, thank you so much!

Vote, comment, share, and recommend! Wattys 2015!

Always,

Nikki