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My life is feeling blank without him it's my first day, I m trying my best to avoid missing him. I m keeping myself busy mom had asked me to help her in managing Om's old room.

"Gauri, actually I don't remember what things I left here in this old Om's room but there are some important one's so I want to shift them in yours or in mine" mom said while she takes out photo album.

I couldn't help and take it from her and open it, if I m not wrong it's Om's photo album full of childhood pictures. 

"Mom is he Om?" I asked while showing picture to mom.

It was a picture of baby dressed in girl clothes with baby clips in hair, he is looking so much girly that I hardly recognized my own husband.

"Yeah Gauri, it's him. I just love his this picture. Your dad always wanted to have a daughter so he has bought some clothes hoping we will have girl. One day I just thought to try this one on Om, he looked so adorable, so cute as a girl" mom said smiling.

"He actually looks like a girl in this picture and he is cute as always" 

We both spent a little more time than needed in watching his pictures mom explained me stories behind every picture.

Om called me while we were going through his pictures and we ended doing video call, he was looking happy while we both kept teasing him.

After seeing his girly look I want a cute daughter just like him.

Not like him otherwise baby will be she and will has feelings of he.

Stupid!

"By the way, Gauri I was thinking you should go to Bangalore and surprise him" mom said me while we were checking drawers.

"Hmm, I wanted to go with him but.. maybe I feel he doesn't want me to come there" I said with small voice.

"Did he say that?" Mom asked.

"Not actually but we talked on this topic he asked me whether I want to come or not" I replied

"What you answered him?"

"I said I want to come only if he wants to take me"

"Oh I see, you both are idiots. I thought you are smart but you are just like him, yesterday we talked about him that how he feels and thinks about others first. He was thinking that you want to come for him and that will cause unnecessary problem for you, that's why he must have thought that you are more safe here with us" she said and that moment I realized she is absolutely right.

Om was thinking about me, my safety, my happiness nothing for himself. At that moment I was feeling hurt that he doesn't want me, but he never told me that he doesn't want me come with him, he was just more worried about me.

"Sorry mom, I thought he doesn't want me" I said feeling upset.

"Nonsense, there won't be a single day when he will not want you, you are more important than anything for him" she hugged me.

I felt relaxed and happy. There was a content happiness in my heart.

"Mom will it be a good idea surprising him there?" I asked feeling nervous

"Of course, you know it's about you and there is no doubt he will love the surprise which will involve you" she said and pressed my hand little.

Mom got a call and went out of room to talk that time I opened a drawer there was some old file I kept it aside something fall down that time, I thought I will get it later and I go through other drawers.

"Gauri, I have little work we will do this work later. You go your room and rest" she said with smile and moved out of room.

She just came to say this!

I took the file and kept it inside again in the same drawer, then I remembered something fall that time so I looked down and picked it up.

I thought to keep it without seeing what it is but It's a picture so I turned it around and it was a old picture, it was Om looking thin and sick, he was bald in picture and looking fragile.

I m sure it's something serious, I pulled out file from the drawer and looked inside and kept reading all reports, doctor writings.

It was a big file with lots of reports it must be long procedure of treatment. 

Acute lymphoblastic leukemia

My whole world stop with this report, I checked the date it was done on 3rd march 2008. It was on the name of Omkara Tej Deewan.

I went through all the reports some were done in Mumbai but most treatment was done in London. I tried to control my over fast heartbeats. With sane mind I checked every single report. There was a phase where Om stopped reacting to treatment. There was something return by doctor I tried to read it, it was little tough to read because of handwriting and it's a very old paper.

Stupid doctor!

Shh I m going to be a doctor.

Before my subconscious could say anything I add

And I will write in readable writing.

It's very stressed moment I came to know about my husband's health condition. But my subconscious mind is still alive.

The word I could read was 'willing, not reacting, need to react for that need a very strong will power'

So it means Om has lost his willpower to live, it must be because of hard procedure of treatment. I don't know much about this disease but I will do research on it.

You should know you are Half  doctor!

I know somewhat, but I need to know all.

Without thinking much I took that file and that photo with me to my room.

That photo gives me direct pain in my heart, I touched his face trying to feel his pain. At that same time my phone rings.

"Hello" I said trying to control my tears.

"Gishi, is anything wrong?" I heard Om's very concerned voice.

"No, just.... it's hard to be away from you" I said feeling pain that I wasn't that time with him. He must be needing support of friend, a partner.

"Same baby, I miss you so much" he said making soooo a little longer to convey his feelings.

"I miss you soooo much too" I said and a tear escape from my eyes.

"Gishi don't be sad ot hurt, you don't have idea how much it hurts me" he said with pain.

"Sorry Om, how was your day? Did you handle meeting fine?" I asked while wiping my tears.

"That's the reason I called you, I wanted to say that I m happy for your believe and support, I did fine in meeting. Client was happy with my presentation" he said with happiness making me a little more proud on my hubby.

"I want to see you, Gishi" he demanded from nowhere.

I m not in good condition to saw him, my eyes are red with tears.

"Will do later" I said

"Why? I want to see you now" he demanded like child.

My favourite side of Om!

Childish

"Om I have Little work with mom" I reasoned him.

"You was all day with mom, don't make her your priority it's me" he said last part pouting.

I wish I can see his pout and kiss it away.

"My hubby is my priority, if you don't remember than mark my words for next time" I said with determination.

"I was kidding Gishi, I m glad you are bonding well with mom. I m happy that she is taking care of you the way you deserve, And I know how much you care about all" he said with proud in his voice.

"What you want Om? What should I do?" I asked feeling so much desperate to make him happy.

"Be happy always" he said without even thinking.

"With me" it was a little late add on his statement and his voice sounded low.

"I can't be happy without you, my happiness starts with you, it lies in you" I said feeling every word.

"We will have video call later don't make any other excuse that time" he sounded like boss.

"Yes boss" I said feeling so happy.

He can make me alive and happy just with his presence.

He laughed "take care my beautiful wifey"

"Take care my handsome"

The moment call ended I was 100% sure that I need to know every single thing about this disease and his journey. All his pain I want to feel it and make sure they never come back.

I went to mom's room I knocked on the door.

"Come in" I heard her voice from inside.

"Mom"

"Gishi, come here I was getting bore with this stupid shows" she said while getting up from bed to reach me.

She hold my hands and we walked towards bed together.

"Mom, I went through a file in Om's old room" I said feeling little nervous.

I can see tension in her eyes she must know what I m about to say. Her eyes shows pain.

"It was a file regarding Om's treatment of leukemia" I said.

Her eyes widen with my reference of disease.

"Gauri, you must be having so much doubt and questions about his treatment. It was the most bad phase of my life as for my family it was living hell. I don't like to talk about it. But I understand your need to know it I will tell you all" she said looking so much serious.

I have never seen her this much serious ever, it must be most difficult moments a mother could had witness with her only child.

"He was weak, and he never felt hungry. I used to make him eat with lots of efforts. I thought he is baby with tantrum. But later he started getting sick. We took him to doctor done lot's of test but we wasn't able to understand the reason. But his health was getting worse. After two months we finally got know that he was suffering from cancer" she started to cry as she mentioned the name of disease, I don't know how to console her when my own situation was not any good. I hugged her and cried silently.

I wish all this was happened with me rather than my Om.

Very emotional chapter for me to write, I don't know did I done any justice to characters. But I tried my best.

I will try my best to update asap.

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