october 29th 2014

jongin had gazed out the window into the dark night, sliding on his sunglasses and his hoodie. grabbing his phone, he started dragging his feet across the dorm floor before being met with junmyeon's tired face.

"where are you going, jongin?" he asked the younger, turning his head to look at the clock that was hung on the wall. "it's midnight," he added, raising his eyebrow as he awaited a response.

jongin sighed, raising his hand to lower his sunglasses and remove his facemask. "i'm going to the hospital." junmyeon stood staring at him for a few moments before dropping his shoulders and nodding in understanding.

"you'll be met with a lot of cameras and might get mobbed on the way. at least take someone with you."

"then come with me, hyung," he said. junmyeon gave an immediate nod, leaving for a minute to get ready. jongin stood against the wall as he waited for him to come back.

he never had the urge to visit yuri late at night. seeing her like that made him sick to the stomach. he hated the feeling that he got every time that he was in that room; the feeling of time being wasted and his patience running out.

he knew there wasn't a chance of her waking up. he knew that even if she did, she wouldn't be normal. she wouldn't be the yuri he knew and loved.

yet he didn't leave. he promised her that he'd be there the moment she had opened her eyes.

all the thoughts he had ever gotten of her always frustrated him. he didn't want to be heartbroken all day, every day. even though his best friend was currently in the hospital and close to death itself, he wanted to enjoy the life he was given.

he wanted to smile without feeling guilty.

"are you ready to go?"  junmyeon asked from the door, fixing up his hair in the meanwhile. jongin responded with a nod of his head, following his steps out the building. on the way to the place he was most familiar with, jongin did not utter a word out of his mouth. junmyeon had tried to make some small talk, only to be given a response with a few nods or shakes of the head. he had then sighed, giving up and shutting his mouth as he continued to walk.

"exc-excuse me," a soft voice squeaked out, causing the two to turn their heads. a girl in her teen years stood amongst them, clutching onto what seemed to be a piece of paper. an older woman stood by her side, squeezing her shoulder as she nodded in approvement. the girl stared at jongin and junmyeon for a few seconds before turning to the woman and shaking her head.

"my daughter wanted to ask for a picture but it seems she's in shock," the woman explained.

"ah, nice to meet you. i'm guessing you're a fan?" junmyeon asked. the girl nodded her head in response. "i think we have time for a picture," he smiled. jongin turned to look at the hospital that overlooked them a couple feet away before opening his mouth.

"i think i'll head in first. thank you for supporting exo and i hope you stay with us through this long journey," he said, bowing down before walking away. he scrunched up his nose as he hit his forehead. he hoped the fan didn't get the idea that he didn't want to talk to her. because hell, he would've stayed if it was another situation.

jongin hurried past by security as he quickened his pace. he stopped by the desk, catching his breath as he stared at the lady behind it. in response, she looked at him and raised her eyebrows.

"i'm here to visit moon yuri in room 378," he softly spoke, causing the lady to laugh.

"no can do, sweetie. visiting hours were done nearly seven hours ago," she pointed at the clock behind her before throwing him a sarcastic smile.

"look, you don't understand. i am too busy to visit during the day and all i'm asking for is to visit her. i'll make sure to not cause any, uh, disruptions and attract attention," he explained, hoping to have the lady catch up and understand his problems.

"busy or not, i don't make the rules. i'm sorry but you'll have to come back tomorrow."

"i understand that but i have a schedule to follow and don't have any time to visit yuri these days. it would mean the world to see her before i go," he said, sighing at his words. the lady continued shaking her head, looking down at all he paperwork she still had to do.

"i'm going to have to call security," she whispered, picking up the nearest phone to her. before she could finish dialing, a hand touched hers and stopped her from doing so.

"it's alright, nurse hyejung. i gave him permission to come here along with her family." jongin and the nurse both had expressions of shock on their face as they noticed nurse nira standing amongst her, she then turned to jongin before smiling and  indicating for him to follow behind her. he nodded in response walking off with her near to the rooms. before he was out of hyejung's sight, he turned and waved before laughing to himself.

"what brings you here late at night?" nurse nira spoke up, curiosity filling up her mind. jongin hung his head low, thinking of an answer to give her.

"i don't know, really. i guess it's just the thought of me missing her made me want to come and see her," he replied, sticking both hands in his pockets.

"well, i'm glad you finally decided to. it's been awhile since you came. i was so used to seeing you here. the room seems empty without you visiting," she stated, opening the door to room 378.

"wait, what did you mean by i came along with her family?" he asked.

"her mother is here to talk to the doctor but you should head in to see yuri while the room is still empty." jongin nodded his head as she bid him a goodbye.

jongin slowly turned to look at yuri's lifeless body that lay on the hospital bed. gulping, he took a few steps before sitting down on the nearest chair.

he looked at her face before looking away and looking at all the needles connected to her body.

his heart shattered.

"hi, yuri. i — i missed you," he stuttered, hesitating to reach her hand. he took a few moments to look at her hand before deciding to do so. "i know i visited only a few times recently and i want to apologize. i'm sorry, yuyu. forgive me?" he chuckled, raising his free hand to wipe the one tear that threatened to fall from his eye.

"life has been so hard these past few months. losing two important people in my life. what are we going to do without them? our fans are cheering us on and promising to stick by us no matter what happens. they said, and i quote, 'we'll be here, down to the last member of exo'. and gosh yuri, i don't think i've ever felt this way. the fans love us. they really do," he choked, giving himself a moment.

"exo is broken at the moment. but, we'll move on. we'll go on being exo and making the crowds cheer. we'll continue making music and doing what we love. even if we have lost luhan and kris, we have no choice but to continue without them. but imagine when i lose you. will i have to move on? will i have to learn to let go? i don't think i can do that."

he stopped talking, brushing his hair out of his eyes. a buzz from his phone made him flinch, quick to dig for it from his pocket. he unlocked his phone and read his new message.

from: suho hyung 💗
to: kai 💀💀
i just arrived at the hospital. i'll meet up with you at the hospital cafeteria. but take your time with yuri. there's no rush ((: ♡

jongin tugged his lips back to form a smile before letting go of yuri's hand in order to type a message back to junmyeon.

to: suho hyung 💗
from: kai 💀💀
i'll be right there! save me some coffee and a piece of cake (;

before he got the chance to put it back into his pocket, his phone buzzed again.

from: suho hyung 💗
to: kai 💀💀
are you sure? you only had a few minutes with yuri

to: suho hyung 💗
from: kai 💀💀
i'll come back to her room after some food. you're coming with me tho, hyung

jongin laughed to himself before plopping himself from the chair and making his way across the room to the exit. "i'll be back, yuri. rest peacefully while i'm gone, okay? i — i love you."

he dragged his feet across the floor as he started to walk towards the cafeteria.

"mrs. moon, there is one more thing i'd like to discuss with you," a voice murmured in the distance. jongin stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of yuri's surname. he cocked an eyebrow, turning to look at the nearest door. it had a slight crack, making it easier for him to eavesdrop.

"your daughter, yuri, is a strong girl. but there have been some problems lately. she tends to cut out her breathing for a few seconds recently. everytime this occurs, the seconds become longer than the last," the doctor explained.

"yuri is having breathing problems?" jongin muttered, sighing as he continued to listen.

"wh—what are you suggesting?" roma asked, holding her head with her two hands in order to feel less dizzy. although it did not really help.

"i had a meeting with the director yesterday and he ordered that we made more space for upcoming patients. he said that patients that have taken up a room for a period of time that exceeds two years need to be gone, at least that's what he thinks. and i admit, this is very wrong. but i think it is time that you do something about yuri. it has been over three years, which makes it an appropriate time to take her off of life support."

jongin gasped, immediately covering his mouth with his hand.

"are you asking me to give you permission to kill my own daughter?!" roma yelled, standing up so that she'd be face to face with the doctor. she then broke out in sobs, despite wanting to look strong.

"your daughter is a very strong girl, mrs. moon, and it would take a miracle for her to wake up. but i want you to think of your choices. if she does wake up, there'd be a small chance she'd have her normal life once again. she could get some major disabilities and be very, very unhealthy. but, once again, it'd take a miracle for her to be normal," the doctor said, patting her back in order to comfort her.

the room became quiet, only the sobs that came out of her mouth were heard.

jongin stood, processing all of the words that were spoken. did that mean she was going to die? the thought haunted him.

he always had a feeling inside of him that the day would come. the day that he'd be told that she was gone, never to come back. he always thought of what he'd do if the situation ever occurred. he didnt know what to do. all he did was hope for roma not to agree.

"i love my baby girl. but i want what is best for her. i can't bear the pain that she gives me and her brother, jimin. and jongin. poor jongin. what am i going to tell him?" she asked herself, holding her head. "w—when will you unplug her?" she softly asked.

"the latest would be on her next birthday," the doctor replied.

"i need a few moments, if you don't mind," roma said, causing the doctor to nod his head. he left through the back door and into his office.

the dark haired woman sat herself back down so that she'd have an easier time to think over everything. she hung her head low, looking down at her trembling hands as she let a few more tears fall down her cheeks and onto her fingers. "shouldn't she be the one to go to my funeral? why should i be the one to go to hers? she was supposed to grow old and fulfill her dreams. she was supposed to find the one she'd love. she was supposed to start a family! why is life so unfair?!" she screamed to no one in particular. "she's going to end up like her father. my poor, sweet girl. what have i ever one to deserve this? i swear, i'll do anything. please," she whispered the last part, praying to the ceiling. at this time, she was on the ground and on her knees.

"i'll do anything," she choked.

jongin continued to stare. he wanted to go in and comfort her. he wanted to tell her everything was going to be alright. but he had already said the same thing on the first day. he promised her that.

that'd be the first promise he'd break that day.

before roma could say anything else, the doctor had made his way into the room with a couple of documents in hand.

"are you ready, mrs. moon?" he asked, taking out a pen.

"no, i'm not ready," she hissed, slowly getting her frail body up from her position.

roma had lost a huge amount of weight recently. the wrinkles on her face had become more visible. her hair had started to fall out more frequently because of stress.

and that's when jongin straightened himself up. she was about to lose her fucking daughter and he was complaining about losing yuri. he didn't mean to nag about everything. after all, he could survive without her. at least that's what he wanted to be convinced about.

before leaving, he took one last peak and noticed her mom hold the pen in her hand before signing her name.

she signed the contract. yuri would be gone in a matter of months.

he took a few steps back and started to quicken his pace as he walked towards her room once again. in the distance, he heard roma yell and cry.

she was broken. she lost two people and now she had only her one son.

he opened the door and looked at yuri. there she was, in the same position she was for the past couple of years.

"you're leave me for sure, aren't you? gosh, yuri. i'm so selfish. but i can't live without you. i'm telling myself that i can but i'm a liar! don't leave your mother. she's gonna do something to herself if you do. don't leave your older brother. he loves you. don't leave me."

he stood, feeling that smoke was coming out of his ears. he was fuming. he couldn't take it anymore. he rushed over to the top drawer and took out the journal and pen.

"dear yuri," he whispered as he trembled while writing. he hesitated a few times as he wrote. while doing so, he stopped and looked at yuri one last time.

"i can't believe i'm going to do this," he whispered. he tightened his grip on the pen, slowly causing it to break. "fucking hell, you're never going to read this. what's the point?" he exclaimed, tossing the journal into the trash. he looked down at the mess he made with the pen ink. he grabbed a paper towel and cleaned up.

after a few minutes, he decided to sit by the window where he could look out the city of seoul. it was a beautiful night outside. but inside the hospital, it was hectic. despite the reputation the hospital had of itself, it was a fact that many died and struggled inside of it. he didn't want yuri to be one of them.

he couldn't take it anymore. he picked up his jacket and looked down at yuri before placing a kiss on her cheek. he was going to do it.

he was going to break his promise.

author's note ;;

almost three thousand words wow. i hope you enjoyed this chapter as i feel that it is lacking a lot.

a couple more chapters until the end. look forward to it please!! ily ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ﾉ

— nehal