Hey guys! Hii.. How are you all? I hope everyone is fine. First I would like to thank each of you who is reading this. Thank you for showing your trust on me. This means a lot.

On a serious note,I feel this chapter was very difficult for me to write.  I wrote it for 2-3 times,deleted it and finally I came up with this chapter.

This chapter is very raw and emotional. I'm warning you from now grab your tissues. Don't complain later.

Chapter-29
**I Love You Jaani**

Sanskar's POV:

It fucking hurt.

I knew that I was a selfish bastard who didn't deserve her but what I did to her was very wrong.

I wronged her.

I always felt peace near her. She calmed the demons in my mind.

But what I did yesterday was erroneous. 

I broke her.

I broke the only girl I loved.

I broke my wife.

I was a fucking coward who didn't deserve her.

The night when she gave herself to me was the most peaceful night of my life. I wanted more but my fucking life hated me.

Ever since the day we both decided to give this marriage a chance, everything was going great until a few days ago. I fell in love with her but my love for her was twisted. My life was twisted. 

Few days ago, I started feeling sick. My upper abdomen started paining. I started vomiting very often. I went to a hospital and did some tests. And when the results came, my life took a sudden turn. I felt the world swim around me. My heart began to sink. I felt like my world had been turned upside down.

The words that were etched in the report broke something inside me.

I had liver cancer and it was the last stage.

The doctor told me that I barely had 6-7 months left in my life. I was going to die leaving my Jaani alone.

But what about those dreams that I had seen with Swara? What about those promises I had made to her? How could I break those promises? How could I die leaving her alone? Why God?  Why were you so cruel? Were we never meant to be?

The entire drive back home was tense. How was I going to face her? Fate had a cunning way to play with my life. I couldn't have her now. When I reached home, she was sleeping peacefully on the bed. As I moved closer to her, I took her hand in mine. They were warm. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. I heard her soft rhythmic breathing clearly as her chest lifted up slowly. 

"I love you," I whispered near her ears and a teardrop fell from my eyes.

I loved her yet I couldn't live with her.

Just as I was about to turn, my hand hit the nightstand and she woke up due to the sound. Mumbling an apology I dashed into the washroom.  When I came back, I expected her to be asleep again but there she was, awake and waiting for me. I lied on the bed and immediately she placed her head on my chest and my hands went to her waist. She started to play with the buttons of my shirt. It was her favorite thing to do. My mind was continuously screaming at me to break the news to her.

"Swara," I called her name softly.

"Hmm," she was still playing with the buttons.

"I..." I stammered not knowing what to say. Her head immediately snapped towards me and she looked at me with love glistening in her eyes.

"What if I die? Can you live without me?" I closed my eyes not wanting to see her reaction.

"Shut up," she lightly smacked my chest. "I will break without you. I don't know how to live without you. You are the light of my life. I can't function without you. I can live my entire life hating you but I can't live without you. If you'll die, I'll die too," she said.

"Sleep, Jaani," I said, tightening my hold on her waist.

That was it. The decision was made. I would make her hate me and go away from her life. I wanted her to live her life happily without any complications and hence the truth needed to be hidden from her. I wanted Swara to live happily so that I could die in peace, knowing that she was happy in her life.

I planned to leave her the day after our anniversary. On the day of our anniversary, I woke up before her and placed a light kiss on her forehead wishing her happy anniversary. She stirred a bit in her sleep. I only had one day left to spend with her. I wanted to spend my entire time with her on that day within the span of which I planned to live my entire life.. I didn't want to leave her but I could no longer be selfish every time. The whole day I kept thinking about her. I knew that she had planned a surprise for me and even I knew what the surprise was; she was going to take the marriage to the next level.

My Jaani was very predictable.

A part of me wanted to tell her the truth and hold her hand till I would die, but another part wanted me to let her go so that she could lead her life happily.

I was stunned to see the decorations when I reached home.

"Happy anniversary," she wished me.

"So, you do remember?" I asked her while raising one of my eyebrows.

I was, in fact, teasing her. I knew that she had been planning for so many days to surprise me. But what my innocent wife didn't know was that I was going to give her a surprise, a surprise that would change the course of our lives forever.

"You are the worst husband ever," she said, hitting my chest. I just chuckled and nozzled my face in her neck.

"Get ready. We are going somewhere," I told her and kissed her forehead.

"You are the best husband ever," I smiled at her antics.

My wife surely has weird mood swings.

I took her on a cruise and I proposed to her there. Every word I said to her was true, except for spending my entire life with her. That night when we made love to each other, I was being selfish. I should not have done that. But I did that so that I could keep those memories with myself till I die. The image of our bodies clung to each other would be etched in my heart for a lifetime. The moment when she confessed her love to me, everything else seemed inconsequential in that moment.

It was a moment that I would treasure all my life.

"You know that you won't ever be happy with the decision you're making. So, why are you doing this to yourself?" Kabir was trying to convince me to drop this plan.

I had called Kabir and told him everything. The first thing he did was cry while hugging me. It was the first time I saw him crying. Kabir was more than my brother. Before Swara came to my life, he was the light of my life.

"Kabir, please understand that we can't be together. I am doing this for her happiness," I said to him.

The plan was simple. I photoshopped some images to make it look like Swara was cheating on me with Sahil. I would humiliate her by questioning her character. I would say very bad words to her and I knew how much she valued her self-respect. In turn, she would hate me for doubting her and walk away from my life.

"Promise me something," I said.

Kabir looked at me with a quizzical expression.

"Promise me that you will be her best brother and always take care of her. And please even after I die, don't inform her about my death," I said to him.

He just nodded and left.

There are some things we don't want to acknowledge but we have to accept them anyway. There are people who we can't live without but we have to sometimes let them go. My love was not my weakness, rather it was my strength and this strength, this love itself would give me the power to walk away from the only woman I ever loved.

Love is what brings two people together but sometimes it's the very same thing that drives two people away from each other.

I heard Kabir and Swara's voices and it looked like Kabir had already started to put the plan in action. Now it was my turn. I walked towards the room but my foot remained rooted to the ground. I was unable to take another step.

But I had to do this for my Swara.

I entered the room and my eyes fell on the photos scattered on the floor. My heart twisted in pain. I felt like someone stabbed me. I was unable to look into her broken eyes.

"What the hell is this?" I growled.

"I am sorry, Swara," a part of me whispered.

"Sanskar, please trust me. These photos are fake," she said.

I know, Jaani.

"You are such a disgusting slut. I thought you were different from other girls but no, you are the same. You are a whore, a whore who spreads her legs for everyone," I spat.

Darn you, Sanskar! I felt like someone stabbed my heart and it hurt there.

She fell on the floor crying. I was not able to see her crying. I felt weak. I wanted to console her and embrace her in a hug. Not being able to control myself more, I stormed out of the room.

I was sitting in our room, crying over my fate, when Kavita walked in. It was Kavita whom I asked to edit those photos because neither Kabir nor I had the strength to do so to our Swara. Kavita came and sat on my lap. She started grinding her body on mine. It was anything but arousing for me.

Swara's face was enough to arouse me.

Kavita started to open the buttons of my shirt and my mind drifted to how Swara loved to play with those buttons.

"Sanskar baby, I missed you. I thought you loved Swara. But thank god you don't love her. This morning, when you called me up and asked me to morph those photos, I was sure that you don't love her," Kavita said, irritating me.

Just as I was about to push her off my lap and tell her to fuck off, I noticed Swara standing at the door.

Shit! She listened to everything. Now she would come to know that I was the one behind those photos. But wait a second. It was good. Now she would hate me more. Suddenly, a plan popped up in my mind. Now I would make her think that I never loved her and I was just pretending to love her.

Just as I was about to speak, she barged in the room, pushing Kavita out of my lap and slapped me.

I deserved the slap. Slap me more, Jaani.

"You liar. You were accusing me of cheating when you were the one who morphed the photos. Why the hell did you do this?" she asked, grabbing my collar.

"Seriously, Swara. You are so naive. I used you for my own pleasure," I let out a humourless chuckle.

"Why? Was my love not enough for you?" she spat.

"Love? Who said I love you? You are so stupid, Swara. I never loved you," I said.

Lie. I love you, Jaani.

"You said that you love me. We made love to each other last night. Please don't do this, Sanskar," she was begging me.

I will always treasure last night's memories throughout my life.

"I fucked you, Swara. I never loved you. I was just fooling you. I wanted you in my bed and I knew that you wouldn't give yourself to me without being in love with me, so I pretended to be in love with you. I fucked you twice and now I don't want you anymore. That's why I asked kavita to morph those photos to make Kabir believe that you cheated on me," I said while tracing my fingers on her cheek.

My fingers itched to wipe her tears.

"I hate you, Sanskar. I hate you more than I love you. I'm so disgusted with myself for falling in love with you. I hate you with every nerve of my body. Just like you snatched my happiness, your happiness will also be snatched away from you. Mark my words Mr. Sanskar Maheswari you'll regret this," she said.

I was already regretting this. My happiness was already snatched away from me. You were my real happiness, Swara.

"If your drama is over, just get lost and never show me your face again," I walked out of the room with Kavita.

"Baby," Kavita encircled her arms around my neck.

"Just get lost before I throw you out of my house," I roared and went to my mother's room.

That was the place which always gave me peace.

"Why can't my life be normal, Maa? Why does my life hate me so much? Why does everyone leave me? First you and now Swara is gone from my life. Why can't I live happily? Why, Maa?" I questioned looking at my mother's portrait.

Tum na huey mere toh kya
Hmm.. Tum na huey mere toh kya
Main tumhara, main tumhara, main tumhara raha
Mere chanda main tumhara sitaara raha
Rishta raha bas rait ka
Aye samandar main tumhara kinaara raha
Main tumhara, main tumhara, tumhara raha
Tum na huey mere toh kya

I looked towards the window and saw Swara sitting in Kabir's car. She was wiping the tears that were continuously flowing from her eyes.

Tu hi pehli guzarish, hasrat bhi tu aakhiri
Maahi mere naseeb marzi bata kya teri
Main tumhara, main tumhara, main tumhara raha
Mere chanda main tumhara sitaara raha
Main yaadon ke mahine ki tarah
Aur tum ho Pashmine ki tarah
Main deewaron ki tarah hoon
Tum jaise ho dareecha
Main bageecha jo tumne seencha

It made me feel worse about myself. I promised her to never let her cry but here she was, crying because of me. But I had to let her go. The thought of her hating me, depressed me to the core. I turned into a puddle of emotions and was hanging on a thin thread trying to figure out when I actually fell for her and what she really meant to me.

Tum na huey mere toh kya
Hmm.. Tum na huey mere toh kya
Main tumhara, main tumhara, main tumhara raha
Mere chanda main tumhara sitaara raha
Rishta raha bas rait ka
Aye samandar main tumhara kinaara raha
Main tumhara, main tumhara, tumhara raha
Tum na huey mere toh kya..

"I love you, Jaani".

Those were the unspoken words that I wanted to tell her but never got the chance to.

Ufff.. finally I finished writing this after trying so many times. This is the longest chapter of the entire book.

I know many of you started hating Sanskar after the last chapter and I hoped in this chapter Sanskar justified himself. Don't hate him, please, he is about to die.

Do give your feedback about this chapter. And silent readers, it's high time to acknowledge your presence.

Happy Independence Day all my Pakistani friends.

Thank You!
Take Care!
See You Next Time!
Love You All Forever!