Warnings: Angst, swearing

Word Count: 1366

July 6th, 2017

You were sitting at your desk, trying and failing to finish another chapter of your book. The longer you sat there, the more frustrated you became. It had been hard to focus over the last few days.

A tapping sound on the window distracted you. Curiosity overcame you, and in a matter of seconds you were on the other side of the room looking out the window. In the grass below, Tyler was standing with a handful of rocks and shielding his eyes with his free hand. You shook your head and carefully pushed open the window.

"What in the world are you doing? Just because we're adults now doesn't mean that my mom is going to be any less angry if you break the window," you sighed.

"I just wanted it to be like we were in high school again when I was too lazy to walk up to the door."

"It's like two steps! It takes more effort to walk through the yard!" you said, gesturing towards the front door.

Tyler shrugged, "I like to practice my aim."

"I'll be down there in a second," you said, closing the window once again and sliding out into the hallway. By the time you got down to the front door, Tyler was standing on the other side, smiling widely. "Oh, so you're not too lazy to come to the door now? I thought I was going to have to come out there and carry you across the yard."

"Well, when I compared it to the fact that you had to walk out of your room and down the stairs, a quick trip across the yard didn't seem too bad," he joked.

"You're a pain in my ass, Joseph," you said, opening the door wider so that he could come inside.

He kicked his shoes off next to the door and the two of you autonomously walked to the backyard. Fergus was already in the backyard sunbathing, but he perked up when he heard you and Tyler walk outside.

"Where's your mom?" Tyler asked as he took a seat in the grass.

"Work. Fridays are the only days where both of us are off work at the same time for a whole day."

Tyler nodded. Fergus ran over and rolled onto his back next to you, prompting you to rub his stomach.

You and Tyler talked for quite some time, but you found yourself holding your tongue most of the time. There were still a lot of things that you wanted to talk to him about that you were harboring resentment about. Tyler didn't really seem to notice.

"So have you been seeing anyone?" he asked.

You shrugged, "I've been on a few dates here and there, but nothing really lasts. The options here are limited and most guys get annoyed by my lack of free time." Tyler nodded. "What about you?" you asked, immediately becoming conscious of your growing eagerness to hear his answer.

"I dated a girl for a year or two, but that's the most serious relationship I've had. My music has been my primary focus since I left. Not to mention that you set a pretty high bar, Y/N."

Tyler turned to look at you, a slight smirk on his face. You knew your face was bright red, and there really wasn't a point in hiding it.

"Did you know I had the biggest crush on you in high school?" you asked.

Tyler's eyes went wide, "You did?"

"It wasn't obvious?" you asked.

"Not at all. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were my best friend! I wasn't about to ruin that."

"You wouldn't have, because I liked you too."

"No way!"

"I just thought you didn't feel the same, so I never did anything."

"Do you think things would have worked out differently if we had been dating?"

"Definitely, but we can't change the past."

"I wish we could."

"Me too."

The energy around the two of you had undeniably changed. Something about it was electric now, and there was no doubt that the two of you were thinking about the exact same thing. Tyler began to lean forward, and without realizing it you were doing the same.

The doubts at the back of your mind were waving red flags and screaming, telling you that this was a bad idea. You pushed them aside, telling them that it was fine and this was what you had wanted for so many years.

Your faces were centimeters apart, so close that you could feel the heat from his breath. You closed your eyes and for a moment you were sixteen again, sitting in the backyard with your best friend and the only thing you had to worry about was the math test you had next week. The feeling was short lived as everything that had happened in the past ten years came rushing back.

He left when you needed him the most, you thought. Are you really going to so easily forgive that?

You stopped and leaned back slightly. "I can't do this," you said, so quiet that you could hardly hear yourself. "Not yet."

When you opened your eyes, Tyler had already leaned back and gone bright red in the face. His eyes were fixated on the ground, "Why not?"

"Ty, you left when I needed you the most. My dad had just gotten sick, my plans were ruined, and I was in the lowest spot that I've ever been. Rather than having my back, you left and wouldn't even return my calls."

"Y/N, I-"

"I'm not done," you said. You didn't want to cut him off, but you knew that if you didn't lay it out on the table now, you never would. "My mom was broken. I was broken. And you know who I had to fall back on? Nobody. Because you left and I was alone. Then things only got more difficult when my dad died. I had to go from a kid who had just graduated high school to an adult who was working just to make ends meet in a matter of weeks, and that's how I've been stuck for the past ten years. You leaving almost ruined me, and I can't just let you walk in here and act like none of it happened and we're fine again. It isn't fair to me."

"I totally understand."

"Tyler, I love you and you mean the world to me, but I can't just throw myself into a relationship without knowing that I can trust you."

"I know, Y/N. I just want you to know that I'm willing to do whatever I need to in order to make things right. Moving away from home made me realize just how rare a person like you is, and I don't want to lose that because of a dumb mistake I made when I was young."

"Thank you."

The two of you sat quietly, unsure of where the conversation should go after the outburst you had just had. You were embarrassed, to say the least, and your mind was continuing to swirl with anxieties and doubts. A small part of you was relieved, however, because you finally felt like you had said everything that needed to be said and the air was clear.

"Tyler, do you mind leaving? I need some time to think."

"Yeah, no problem," he said, pushing himself up from the ground.

You blinked back tears as you walked Tyler back out to the front door. He pulled you into a hug and held onto you tightly. Your face was buried in his chest and you never wanted to let go, even though you knew giving yourself time to think right now was the best thing for you.

"I'll keep in touch. That's a promise."

"I believe you," you mumbled into his chest.

He let you go and walked out the front door, only turning around and giving you a wave once he was on the far side of his car. You stood in the doorway and watched him drive off. For the first time in a long time, you felt like things might turn out ok.