My eyes slowly opened and I looked at the off puke green ceiling that was no where near the word attractive. My body was sore as I slowly turned my head and looked at the wall lined with book shelves, and the small white desk in the corner with the lamped left on without a second thought. Papers were scattered on the desk and on the floor in piles while books laid opened everywhere there was an available spot. The floor was an peach color white the chair and couch was made of soft black leather that smelled to me like smoke. The arm of the couch was firm under my neck and a thin white blanket had been draped over me to keep me warm. Where was I? I had no idea, and that being the case I needed to get out of here before someone found me. I wasn't used to being the venerable one, and I didn't plan to make a habit of it. I slowly rose my hand to keep that top of the couch and pulled myself into a sitting position, biting my lip to hold in a shout because of the sharp pain in my lungs.

I needed to heal myself, and I needed to do it fast before someone found me in such a vulnerable state. I haven't felt this helpless since what happened to my family so long ago and I didn't plan to feel this way when those bastards still needed to pay. It is their fault... all of this was their fault, and I was going to be sure to make them set uneasy in their graves by taking the only thing they value more than money. "Their lives," I hissed to myself and lightly closed my eyes to try and focus on my beating heart and not the pain that was stabbing me in my chest. I slowly opened my eyes when I heard a door open and looked over my shoulder with my heart skipping beats. His black hair was down and damp from a shower, he smelled like his cologne and body wash, and he wore nothing but a pair of black night pants that hugged his hips. I looked away quickly to hide the burning in my face, I never have been very good in these kinds of situation.

Courting was when two families agreed to let their children spend time together for a day before the wedding to see if by chance they were compatible. You start courting at fourteen and you need to be married by the age of eighteen, but for some it is harder than others. I was always clumsy in romantic situations so I spent my days in books and knowledge to avoid relying on other people. I never found any of the girls my parents chose attractive for a number of reasons, but it didn't make sense to me because I found people like Leorio attractive. "Kurapika!," he rushed over and tried to grab my shoulders but I pulled away sharply to avoid contact, and he took a step back with his hands in the air. "You need to lie down and rest, you've been through a lot," he said simply before looking down to avoid eye contact with me as I slowly looked over at him with a glisten in my eyes. Me and him didn't end on the best terms, and now here he was in pajama pants in front of me without his glasses on so he couldn't see anything.

I opened my mouth to speak but slowly closed it because the tension between us became the air and my heart hurt as it slowly began to beat hard in my chest. He mumbled under his breath some inaudible words making me raise my head because I was shocked he said anything at all. He rose his head and my heart stopped as I watched a thin line of tears slowly drip off of his chin and run down his cheeks. The light in the back ground made his eyes glisten almost as bright as his eyes as he stared into my eyes for a moment. He opened his mouth but slowly closed it before slowly getting on his knees so that he was able to face me. "Why...," he whispered and I opened my mouth to speak but he shook his head to make me slowly close it. "Why didn't you pick up the phone?," he whispered and my heart tightened as I remembered all the times I pressed the ignore button or put my phone on silent. I even blocked his number so he wouldn't be able to leave messages because I couldn't stand to listen to them any longer.

I looked down, for once I had nothing to say to the older male in front of me. No smart comment, concern, or even an answer because it was far to complicated to even figure out in my head. The longer he spent time with me the more of a target he could become and then I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to him. I closed my eyes, I guess I was trying to protect him but at the same time I was hoping he wouldn't want to talk to me. People like me couldn't have close friends, good friends, or even past an acquaintance because then they become targets. If anything happened to him I wouldn't be able to forgive myself, because I actually care about the moron in front of me. "I...I didn't think-," I was interrupted by two hands being put at either side of my face and I closed my eyes as I felt his hot breath on my face. My heart skipped beats as I slowly opened my eyes and looked into pure brown eyes that were sharp enough to cut through anything, except for maybe the awkward tension.

"Don't give me that BS!," he yelled even though he was two inches from myself, I slowly pushed myself back further into the couch after that realization. "I've been worried sick about you and now I have a good reason to be," he said before grabbing my wrist making me wince but not enough to bring any concern to the older males face. He knew that was the one thing I liked was pain, it was sick and unusual but it brought me pleasure to feel hurt. The only problem was I didn't know I was hurt unless I bled and that was when I started,-"This. What is this?," he demanded as he slowly pulled down my sleeve and I looked away to avoid looking at the deep gashes on my wrists. "Look at it god damn it!," he yelled and I looked through the corner of my eye with a small challenging glisten in my eyes as I looked at the deep scabs. I could always lie, that would be the best thing to do with Leorio in such a state, but it would be shameful to lean on deceit. "Why? Just tell me why," he said after a moment of silence but I didn't meet his eyes because I couldn't bring myself to look at the older male.

"I can't answer that Leorio," I whispered after a moment before pulling my wrist out of grip but stopped before looking away. His hot breath left my cold face leaving me frozen and I could feel his eyes running down me making my cheeks heat up. He didn't understand boundaries and it really irritated me, but it was nice to be this close to someone in a way. "Kurapika," he whispered and I shook my head lightly before closing my eyes to try and hide the thoughts in my head. "I need to leave Leorio. Me being here isn't safe for you and you know as well as I do that it would be best for us to cut off all contact from here on out," I said and his grip tightened on the blanket on my lap. I could feel his nails digging at the edges of my thigh as he looked at the wall while biting his lip to avoid saying something he was going to regret. "I need you to watch Gon and Killua for me and make sure that they don't get hurt. I know that sounds kind of weird but I have realized that we are all that they have Leorio,... You are all that they have I mean."

"Just shut up," he whispered before standing up to look down at me before running his fingers through his hair. "You know there is no way in hell we are letting you go Pika and you are just going to have to get used to the fact we care. Gon needs you, Killua needs you, and Even I need you more than I can possibly describe," he said in a low voice before looking away to avoid meeting my eyes as I slowly looked up to meet his eyes. 'Pika', I thought to myself before slowly shaking my head to ignore the burning in my cheeks. He really needed to stop using that nickname because it was insulting in a way that he thought he had the room to call me anything but my real name. I opened my mouth to speak for my opinion but I slowly closed it because I couldn't bring myself to say a word... I kind of liked the none serious sound of the name. My name means the gift of god, and it turns out that I would be the only one to ever know that fact. Nicknames were not popular in my village so I found it alluring, it was a sin but then again why should I care about something as simple as that?

"Leorio don't," I said in a harsh tone because I didn't have the energy to deal with his nonesense ranting, but then again he looked as ready to fight as I was to walk. His skin was pale and bags still lingered but he did seem to be slightly more refreshed than the last time I saw him. I sighed, I would kill to be able to strip down and take a hot bath but I couldn't even move let alone actually bath myself. I blushed at the thougth of him helping me there was no way in hell that, that was going to happen anytime this lifetime and the next. "Don't ever do this again," he said while looking at my wrist that I hadn't even noticed began to turn a red color because of his grip not long before. "Please... You have to promise me Kurapika. Not just with your word but with everything that you have left you have to promise on you staying safe," he bit his lip as he looked away because I closed my eyes to try and silence my racing heart. "I may not act like it sometimes but I do give a shit about it. About Gon, Killua, and even you even thought you're a stubborn asshole who shouldn't even be worth my time-."

"Leorio I never asked for you to care about me, That was never my intention," I said in a harsh tone because I knew what he said was true and I didn't want for him to care about me. People like me couldn't have close friends and by the way he talks he acts like I was a major thing in his life even though we haven't talked in months. I ignored him for so long that I thought I would be able to keep him out of my mind but he wondered in and out whenever he pleased. I wondered if he ever thought about me and now I know the answer far to well, and a part wished that I didn't so I could move on. "It is hard not to care about you when you fill my head every single silent movement I have," he stated hard and my eyes rose to meet his but he looked away hard to avoid my eyes, Was he afraid to see my emotions? I cringed, People like me didn't have emotions, only normal people would ever be allowed to live their lives. I didn't live but I was in fact alive and it was a painful truth that I woke up to every morning with the question of why on my lips.

I guess I lied to myself, I was used to feeling vulnerable because I had to cry every morning to act through the rest of the day like I didn't care. In a way I didn't because I could care less what happened to me, but there are a few people I couldn't stand to lose. I couldn't afford to have emotions because people could use them and then I wouldn't be able to protect the ones I have grown to... to care about greatly. "You will be staying here in till you recover, you can't even use nein so I think I should be able to take you if you get any ideas about running away," he said in a little light humor to try and relieve the tension between us. I opened my mouth to argue but stopped as I felt a pain in my chest and I squeezed my eyes tight as my nails dug in the fabric. Leorio must have noticed because he slowly laid my head down with a worried look in his eyes but a smile on his lips. His lips weren't chapped for once, I realized as he hovered above me with reassurance on his lips but no words came out.

Here, with Leorio, I smiled a little at the thought but I wouldn't be able to enjoy this for long. I wouldn't be able to give him what he wanted.... and that hurt worse than the open wound that was in my chest, and the scars on my wrist.